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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Arato Trouble coping in long distance relationship
  • replies: 4

Let me start by saying I don't think I've had depression before, so this is all new to me. I recently (6 weeks ago) moved to overseas for work and am now in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 5 years who is back in Australia. Let me s... View more

Let me start by saying I don't think I've had depression before, so this is all new to me. I recently (6 weeks ago) moved to overseas for work and am now in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend of 5 years who is back in Australia. Let me start from the begin: Both my girlfriend and myself are from Sydney. In 2013 we moved down to Victoria for both our jobs. Although we were down here, it was not possible to live together, but that was no issue as 1) we were living at our respective parents places back in Sydney and 2) the nature of my work from before the move meant that I was interstate for a week or two every 4-6 weeks. I was really unhappy with my job, so in late 2014 I planned on quitting and starting work with my father in the family business in the Philippines - the plan was to start in Feb 2015, but in reality the move didn't happen until Aug 2015. As luck would have it, my girlfriend got stationed closer to Melbourne in Nov 2014 so we could live together and we did for close to 10 months. I don't think I was ever as happy as I was when living with her and I know she felt the same way. So I moved. I knew it would be hard and it hit me harder than I expected, but I knew she was coming to visit 3 weeks after the move for a week so it was manageable. While she was over things were better, but she went home just over week ago and now I'm feeling far worse than I've ever felt before. I've plans to go back at the start of Nov for a couple of weeks, but my biggest fear is that after this trip I won't see her until late Jan as it's not possible for either her to come here or I to go there until then. I'm scared it's going to be worse, as currently I'm feeling unmotivated at work, sad and hopeless. My appetite has dropped dramatically and what food I do eat no longer brings me the enjoyment I it once was. My chest and back always aches and it seems I've always got a headache. When I speak with her on the phone I feel infinitely better, but as soon as I hang up I feel like I've fallen off a cliff. I try to tell myself this is a short term arrangement (I plan on being in this long distance phase no longer than 18 months) and that I'll look back on this one day as a tough, but necessary time, but I'm finding it harder and harder to get by each day. To top it off I'm feeling like I'm expressing my unhappiness too much to her and I'm afraid she'll grow to resent me because I'm constantly talking about how sad I am and how I hate where I am.

Florrie_Jo Found strength to open up and now Im separated from husband
  • replies: 8

Hi all Well i finally got the strength, through the sobs, to tell my husband Im not coping and Im not sure how to move forward. He rsponded by saying he feels the same then launched into his story of how unhappy he is. Then he revealed he had been un... View more

Hi all Well i finally got the strength, through the sobs, to tell my husband Im not coping and Im not sure how to move forward. He rsponded by saying he feels the same then launched into his story of how unhappy he is. Then he revealed he had been unfaithfully previously..randoms I think...i dont really want to know. At that point i had a moment of clarity that this marriage is over and my girls and I deserve to be number 1 and happy. He is not a bad person, in fact we've had many happy times. He is however selfish. My girls and my worthiness has been measured by how neat and tidy we keep things. Our needs were an inconvenience. He pays the bills so that exempts him from participating. Fishing is his number 1 love...his obsession along with keeping everyhting in a neat, tidy well placed box. We have been together 19 years and now I think about it, i have lost my authentic self trying to be someone Im not - for him and his family tradition. I have no doubt that this has been a huge part of my depression. Even though I am sad, a little scared and feel incredibly sick in the stomach I do seem to have a spriritual feeling that itll be okay and I can be happy again. Im riding the wave and break down every couple of hours ( it only happen 3 days ago), i guess my biggest fear is not coping emotionally and stuffing it up for my two little girls (12 and 10). I'm listening to guided meditation when i feel like i need to shut up the mind chatter. Im on anti-depressants and got the script filled so there's no mucking that up. Ill book a counselling session Tuesday...i just need to get through the moments of saddness and grief- i know it cant be avoided, just would like to skip ahead 6 months in the emotions. Im sure Ill be back on the forum to get some advice and to feel understood. Blessings to all who are going thru a tough time Jodie.

Jellybabies How do I let his cheating go and move forward
  • replies: 8

Oh wow this is so hard, I'm shaking even typing this, but I have to get it out! I have had a pretty traumatic 6 months, the anxiety has always been there but I've usually maintained myself well, in May I found out that my husband was having an affair... View more

Oh wow this is so hard, I'm shaking even typing this, but I have to get it out! I have had a pretty traumatic 6 months, the anxiety has always been there but I've usually maintained myself well, in May I found out that my husband was having an affair of sorts with my half sister, they had been sending each other thousands of text messages, I knew about that (approximately 3000 per month) I didn't even really worry or think anything of it as my sister does that, and had done that to me but because of my lack of response to her, she had begun texting my husband as he responded to her, I didn't worry because I trusted my husband more than words could express, but what I didn't realise was that they were also sending each other intimate pictures and videos of themselves, and I only found out by accident as a picture of her naked top half came through while I was there via Snapchat and I clicked on his snapchap and saw it, he denied it saying it was obviously an accident and she said that she accidentally clicked his name that it was meant for someone else, but after finally getting my hands on a bill 2 days earlier and quirying him on video messages he had sent her at 2am along with literally hundreds of text messages with in the same time period, I put 2 and 2 together, he had told me the videos were nothing, they were just silly things like tv shows as they both couldn't sleep and we're bored. He was working away at the time on a 2 and 2 roster so this was happening while he was away from home, I did however find out that it had also been happening whilst he was home, she was sending him pictures all the time, even while I was sitting next to him, he would not come to bed and it carried on whilst I slept. They both say it never got physical, we had stayed in her home many times and I always went to bed first leaving her and my husband alone, he swears black and blue that nothing ever happened in person that it was always via text but how can I believe that, seriously HOW!! I haven't told a single soul, the only people who know are myself, my husband, my 'sister' and then her mother knows and my father and my other half sister, I've had zero support, I've had to continue pretending my sister and I are fine and friendly, and I'm trying hard to save my marriage, I couldn't tell my mum or my brothers and their wives because I knew it would tear their relationship with my dad to shreds, and it's taken many years to build a relationship with him.

cherish Hi Iam new to this site and Not coping with seperation from my husband and still do not know what to believe is truth or lies
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been separated for approx. 12 weeks we have been together 6 years and married 3 this year , I am not coping very well and have just made an appointment this morning to see a doctor to get help and try to understand some reasonin... View more

My husband and I have been separated for approx. 12 weeks we have been together 6 years and married 3 this year , I am not coping very well and have just made an appointment this morning to see a doctor to get help and try to understand some reasoning's to why my husband hurt me the way he did and still is ,We both work very hard at our jobs and they can be stressful at times and shift workers but we had a pretty good balance with home and work or so I thought , things started to go wrong when I hit that dreadful time in a women's life (Menopause) and we where working through it together he was so caring and supportive he even came with me to my doctors appointments so he could understand what I was going through, Anyway go back 12 weeks ago that's when things finally came crashing down around me he left his computer on and he went to bed I was sitting watching the end of a movie when I heard a pinging noise so I thought I would see what it was and it was his computer and a message on Facebook messenger believe me I was not prepared for what I saw it was a work college who only 4 weeks prior I met at his work place and she was very nice to me and joking with him in front of me and I said to him she is a nice person when did she start working there his reply oh only a about two months ago she is good at her job glad I hired her I replied that's good she can take away some of the stress you deal with then "yep sure does " Now the penny dropped as to why he started working earlier and later and going in at the drop of a hat on weekends and sometimes having to go back to work later at night as something had happened and so on. then I got our phone bills which I didn't take any real notice of before but was even more shocked to see all these texts. So I confronted him about everything and the stories started I don't didn't know what to believe and I still don't he moved out and now lives closer to his work and joined a dating site so he can make friends to go and have coffee with and movies and someone to talk too but he say still loves me and wants us to see each other still I am sorry but I really have a problem in understanding this and why, he is going to a councillor now as I have been to much for him to handle and he cannot deal with the fighting and the why I cannot understand and he needs to fix him self before we can fix us Can someone please help me understand or even just talk with me I am really not coping at all Cherish

pipsy Still having IL issues.
  • replies: 3

My name is Pipsy. Most of you writing will no doubt remember me. My biggest problem is dealing with an insensitive husband. His parents treated me appallingly last year, to the point where I ceased all contact. He never supported me over them, is una... View more

My name is Pipsy. Most of you writing will no doubt remember me. My biggest problem is dealing with an insensitive husband. His parents treated me appallingly last year, to the point where I ceased all contact. He never supported me over them, is unable to. I've accepted that. The fact that he still sees them regularly makes me feel taunted. I can't talk to him about this as he simply doesn't understand. If my parents (both deceased) had treated him as bad, I'd have walked away. Whenever he contacts them (2 or 3 times a week), I feel very hurt. I do have other interests, I have a voluntary job, so I'm not home as much. I arranged to meet him for lunch the other day after work. First he agreed, 2 hours later, he reneged, saying he'd 'forgotten' he was visiting them. I've decided no more lunch dates. He says he wants to continue meeting, I feel, no dice. He seems to want to meet when it's convenient for him. I only ask once a week. If he can't even manage that, no deal. Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face. We've been married 25 years, how we managed that is a miracle. This is going to sound dreadful, but I wish they would disappear. In-laws, who needs them?

Rachel170 I feel like I've lost my husband
  • replies: 4

Hello, my husband had a motorbike accident 5 months ago now. He was very lucky to make it out and recover from the accident. He has been through so much trauma and had to have an operation on his head which was very stressful for all of his family in... View more

Hello, my husband had a motorbike accident 5 months ago now. He was very lucky to make it out and recover from the accident. He has been through so much trauma and had to have an operation on his head which was very stressful for all of his family including me his wife.He was on a get back to work plan and was aiming to return to work on a Tuesday and the Sunday before he had a turn and ended back in hospital witch he then had to have another emergency operation on his head again. This was a very stressful time for everyone, he is very lucky to have a loving and caring family but they have now completely taken over. There was nothing we could have changed or done so he didn't end up back in hospital he received a bacterial infection and you can't prevent this. I am getting the blame for everything now from his parents. They have taken him under their wing and completely pushed me out. In the whole 5 months I have been next to him supporting him through all of this but he can't seem to see that, he's turned on me and thinks his mother and father are the only ones there for him because his wife "isn't around" Everyone deals with hard situations Differently and my way of dealing with this situation was to get out for 24 hours. I didn't come home I stayed at my parents house because I had to much. I feel so uncomfortable living at his parents house, I don't have my own space. His mother use to walk in to the bedroom at 6am to check up on him, she would shower him and make sure all his medications were taken. There is no room for me. When I bought this up with my husband he said his parents think I am incapable of looking after him. They are blaming me for all the bad things that have happened. on top of all of this he needs to have another operation in March and hopefully all going to plan this will be the end of it, in the mean time my mother in law is talking to everyone including my husband saying I am hopeless and she doesn't want me around anymore. I have told my husband we need to move out of their place and he just doesn't want to go. I feel really stuck and can't possibly go back to his parents house. It's very uncomfortable and knowing she thinks so little of me makes it 100 times worse. She is way to involved in our marriage. And not taking into consideration we are even married. I tried talking to her a few days ago and just broke down crying, she wasn't supportive at all then, and now she is talking behind my back and making things worse.

Em_thatisme I'm angry.
  • replies: 1

Hello All,So I have anxiety. I have two small children, they are hard work and beautiful. I have a great husband. I have two lovely parents and my Dad is not well. I am larger now than I have been my adult life. I don't fit into most of my clothes an... View more

Hello All,So I have anxiety. I have two small children, they are hard work and beautiful. I have a great husband. I have two lovely parents and my Dad is not well. I am larger now than I have been my adult life. I don't fit into most of my clothes and I can't afford any new ones.I know and I have known for a long time that my day to day life will be better with exercise, less junk food and meditation.I continue not to do it.There is one thing after another. Yes, there was a falling out with my sister in-laws and other in-laws thanks to the rollercoaster of a relationship between my borderline personality disorder sister in-law and myself. Then at the beginning of this year we thought my Dad had a terminal illness and was in and out of hospital after that. Then my young son got diagnosed with Asperger's. Those things feel like one thing after another. But before those things there was one thing after another.This weekend I felt a bit better regarding my Dad and my son and I found myself going to visit my mother-in-law to see how she was. The break in the family was discussed (and I knew it would be at least touched on) and for the last few days I have been preoccupied with feeling annoyed. I'm annoyed:1. Annoyed that a group of people are against me because of the story they have been spun by my sister-in-laws illness and looking at every action of mine through judging eyes. Annoyed that those same group of people have years of in fighting but no it is me, absolutely I am the problem. Annoyed that those people are currently feeling closer together and acting closer together because they have a common enemy at the moment- me.2. Confused and annoyed because I don't know how to deal with it positively in the future. My husband is still in contact with his sister and they will see each other when she is in town. I feel anxious when I know she will be in town soon. I feel anxious when she is in town feeling kind of trapped in my house that she can arrive on my doorstep at any time. Then feeling so self conscious when she is or the other family members are there because I know every action that can be negatively interpreted will be.3. annoyed because I knew these feelings would be stirred up when I decided to visit my mother-in-law but part of me was hungry for it. I mean what the hell is that??

_emily_1 great day turned nightmare
  • replies: 3

Need to vent. Just had one of the worst days. My mother and i (25 yrs) went to melbourne for a holiday. Mum had a reunion with old work friends so i went off for a couple glorious hours and sid my own thing. I had such an amazing time, hadn't been th... View more

Need to vent. Just had one of the worst days. My mother and i (25 yrs) went to melbourne for a holiday. Mum had a reunion with old work friends so i went off for a couple glorious hours and sid my own thing. I had such an amazing time, hadn't been that relaxed in ages. I met her outside the reunion at 4.30 and she was off her face drunk. Barely able to stand. Her douche bag friends leave her with me in the middle of a city that im not very familiar with and she can barely walk. I had to take her to the nearest park, watch her struggle to smoke because of how wasted she was then lean her head on my shoulder and let her sleep on a park bench for an hour. I then have to loop my arm around her and walk through the cbd with her struggling to stay up right while she goes through mood swings from finding it funny, to being pissed off with me, to massively depressed where she would break down in hysterical sobs and yell out thats she's an aweful mother. With all the crying and stops we have to take for her to sit and cry we finally make the 15 min walk in about 50mins. When we get back to the hotel to collect our things (we stay at relatives tonight) she trys to change her pants in the locker storage room, i suspect because she wet herself. Then i somehow get her out of the hotel whilst carrying 2 suitcases and a bag then sitting outside subway forcing her to eat and drink a litre of water whilst she periodically breaks down crying whilst crowds of footy fans walk by. At about 7.30 we slowly make the walk 2 blocks down to flinders station and eventually catch the train to the suburbs. Never before have i been so lost. I didn't know what to do. Who to call. Now i have to listen to her go on about how she embarrassed herself. How shes an aweful person. How shes ashamed and hates herself. And she's gonna be really uncomfortable to be around cause she'll feel guilty. I then get to spend the next couple days trying to make her feel better It's only just hit emotionally. I can't believe she did this. I had been doing so well. The last couple years i had improved so much. Not so many lows, less mood swings, more optimistic and i stopped self harming. Now i feel aweful. I just want to go home. I know its selfish but its not fair! How could she do this to me!

Clare1 Time heals so many things
  • replies: 2

How many times do we feel so disheartened at the thought that bad things are forever? That it will never improve, that this is as good as it gets? I came out from my transgendered closet a few years ago, fully expecting that the consequences would be... View more

How many times do we feel so disheartened at the thought that bad things are forever? That it will never improve, that this is as good as it gets? I came out from my transgendered closet a few years ago, fully expecting that the consequences would be terrible, that I was about to lose my relationship, my children, my job, maybe my life. I felt so ashamed, so selfish. I was risking so much for the sake of my own happiness. At the time, I was perfectly ready to believe that my life was at an end. And yet here I am, not only surviving, but so deeply happy and blessed that I feel like a dog with two tails! I asked for and was given approval from my managers to transition in my workplace, and have been shown the most amazing kindness and support by the 8000-odd people I work with (I sometimes feel like the class project, everybody wants to participate somehow) Six out of my seven kids are cool with it (the one who is still uncomfortable is quite possible either gay or trans, scared stiff at the prospect of having to join me)...my 16-year-old daughter asks me to come clothes shopping, my first grandson was born and I get to hold him when I want...I have lost nothing and gained the best life! And it is my belief that most of my success in becoming my real self is the simple fact that I decided to expect that I would do it with ease and grace...that I would come out proud and strong and have nothing but love and forgiveness for those who gave me a hard time. And so far, I have been abused only once in all that time... If I was asked what makes the difference, it's mostly just the passage of time....just be true to yourself, wait patiently, and watch the universe unfold as it should. Clare

AlwaysGeorgeeee Relationship Anxiety "Do I really love him?"
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, Over the past couple of weeks I've been suffering with what seems to be called relationship anxiety. I have been in a loving, amazing relationship for 2 years now. It has been going perfectly until I started asking myself "do I really love h... View more

Hi guys, Over the past couple of weeks I've been suffering with what seems to be called relationship anxiety. I have been in a loving, amazing relationship for 2 years now. It has been going perfectly until I started asking myself "do I really love him?". When I feel like myself, I love him more than anything and want to spend the rest of my life with this person. I have history of anxiety and depression throughout my whole childhood and adultolescence. I would just like to read about other people's experiences with this issue and how they dealt with it. I do not want to leave my partner. I just want to be able to be true to myself and be able to love him completely without being anxious and double guessing myself. Any comments are greatly appreciated.