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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Wallabee I just don't know what to do
  • replies: 10

Wife came back from family visitation and she is clearly ignoring me. i think we are it, I think she decided it was over in her mind and on top of that I think she is having an affair or preparing the ground for another man....

Wife came back from family visitation and she is clearly ignoring me. i think we are it, I think she decided it was over in her mind and on top of that I think she is having an affair or preparing the ground for another man....

smartgirl63 I am torn between feeling miserable and feeling selfish
  • replies: 8

I am in my 40s and have been with my partner for over 20 years. We have two teenage children and a mortgage. I have been unhappy for the last few years. I originally wanted to get married all those years ago but my partner didn't. We separated when w... View more

I am in my 40s and have been with my partner for over 20 years. We have two teenage children and a mortgage. I have been unhappy for the last few years. I originally wanted to get married all those years ago but my partner didn't. We separated when we were in out 20s for about 3 months and after we got back together I developed a compulsive gambling problem and he had an affair. Somehow we worked through this and about 6 months after all of this came out I became pregnant with our first child. Having children, getting our first mortgage, having a tenant that ripped us off as well as my partner being stuck in a terrible work situation kept us busy, distracted and united for so many years. I would be lying if I said I didn't love him but I can truly say that in the past few years I have completely fallen out of love with him. When we first got together and after he had the affair he said many times that he didn't think humans were meant to be monogamous and that it was natural to be sexually interested in other people. He even suggested that if I needed satisfaction elsewhere that would be ok if it meant we could stay together. I found this threatening to me and I would be very jealous but recently I have found myself uninterested in him sexually and wanting to feel that with someone else. Now after 20 years I did sleep with someone else. It was meant to be simply a sexual experience and he is much younger than I am so I was pretty sure he wouldn't want anything more. The problem is that we have become very good friends and the sex I had with him was the best I have ever had. The end result is that I know I'm no longer interested in being in this relationship, but I don't want to break up my family. No one has done anything wrong or different except for me. I feel so much conflict all the time and feel like I am faking my life. I can be cheerful and happy in front of people or at work but when I get stuck in my head about the way I feel, or when I hang around with my younger friends (one of whom is the guy I slept with), these are the only times I feel like I'm actually being myself. I have genuine fun with my younger friends and people make fun of my for it, like I'm just a deluded mid-life-crisis victim. When I'm stuck in my head with my thoughts this is genuine too but very distressing. I am seeing a psychiatrist and have been diagnosed depressed and am on medication. I just don't know what to do. I can't afford to move out.

mt1984 Partner's online relationship, what do I do?<object type="cosymantecnisbfw" cotype="cs" id="SILOBFWOBJECTID" style="width: 0px; height: 0px; display: block;"></object>
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, after some thoughts, advice or anything else that can be offered.Without going into too much detail I have recently (accidentally) discovered that my long term partner has been carrying on an online relationship/fantasy life with a friend of... View more

Hi guys, after some thoughts, advice or anything else that can be offered.Without going into too much detail I have recently (accidentally) discovered that my long term partner has been carrying on an online relationship/fantasy life with a friend of hers who lives overseas. It appears she has plans to end things, quit her job and move to be with him (I'm not sure if I should treat this seriously or if it is just a fantasy?).Things haven't been good in the relationship for some time and this has just served to bring matters to a head. Our sex life is non existent (her choice not mine) and getting her to make any kind of commitment to the relationship is like pulling teeth (yet despite these issues she has been talking about wanting kids for the last year or so).I am financially stable, work in a relatively high paying job in a growth industry and bought my own house young (she couldn't be part of it at the time because she was still a student). I take financial responsibility for the house and everything else is shared but for the last 3 years or so I have suggested that we take shared responsibility for the payments and I make her a legal owner. When this failed I suggested selling and buying a place of our own, she seemed more interested but has never really followed through.Sex is a rarity and hasn't happened for over a year now, I tried to initiate for a long time but being constantly rejected wasn't good for my self esteem and it became easier to just not try. Hugs, kisses, hand holding and general romance is lacking too. I wouldn't consider myself a romantic person but I like to feel loved.We have spoken about this in the past and she says she is either tired or doesn't feel comfortable with her body (she has put on around 20kg since we started dating). I have suggested exercise might help and try to get her involved in cycling, walking or rowing (all of which are very convenient in our location) but instead she starts fad diets and joins the gym, neither of which last.Full disclosure, when I was most down about the lack of sex and intimacy I sought and found a mistress. The relationship was only sexual and she was aware of my situation and did not expect me to leave it. I felt terrible and couldn't handle the sneaking around and double life and ended it. I still speak to this woman occasionally and she tries to offer suggestions to help sort out my relationship.

Stephen_P Loss of fiencee
  • replies: 2

I moved into a flat complex and after a few months met a really nice lady of 32 (I was 43) We really got on well and had great connection, but we did have communication issues. I also had Anxiety and meltdowns where I'd snap at her about something, t... View more

I moved into a flat complex and after a few months met a really nice lady of 32 (I was 43) We really got on well and had great connection, but we did have communication issues. I also had Anxiety and meltdowns where I'd snap at her about something, then feel like everything had collapsed, I was a monster and it was all over. Id go offline for days. At the time, I was doing 3x 15 hour days in a row due to TAFE. We got engaged as part of the inertia of our relationship. We were both virgins. I had more and more anxiety about the reception, and eventually blew up at Fiancée even though it wasn’t anything to do with her. Put a 'trial breakup in' her family closed up and even though we got back together after a few days as usual, I felt I was on the outer. I got more and more negative until Fiancée said 'well I think the wedding should be cancelled' I went into shock and started cancelling stuff. I was in Grief shock and couldn’t talk properly to her, but wanted to contact her so I was split both ways. There was then a lot of stuff going on where I tried to get back, and she would rebuff, then she may have tried to get back and I panicked and ran away. I also moved out of the flat which probably wasn’t a good sign for her, but I couldn’t handle her presence, even the sound of her opening her garage. All this settled down to 4 years of me scenarioising about what she was doing and hoping I could get back to her. Without contacting her. I cannot release from this!!! Last Weekend I contacted mother because I wanted to try to ‘catch up’, who told me she has a boyfriend since early this year, they are having sex, is living with the guy and that the mother doesn't see her much. This really hurts because obviously she was not comfortable with me, but is with this person. She is in a Comfortable and Powerful relationship. I'm the last dog in the shop. I am REALLY grieving *again* for the loss of my life partner – due to me, and that she has moved on, but not me. I am scared because I only met this person by good fortune when I moved in I won’t have that opportunity to meet someone again as I’m not social. I don’t want to live a single life! I want to be loved, and to love, but it feels impossible. I am taking Anxiety meds, but history doesn't change.

travelsoul confused and divided
  • replies: 9

Well i have a girlfriend of 3 years and my family who she sees them using me and i see as our close family ties my parents live in a granny flat on my land so im linked to my brother and sister visiting often my girlfriend thinks im be used . When i ... View more

Well i have a girlfriend of 3 years and my family who she sees them using me and i see as our close family ties my parents live in a granny flat on my land so im linked to my brother and sister visiting often my girlfriend thinks im be used . When i like my family visiting . My parents pay a rent and are very helpfull to me with my yard as im away a lot as a truckdriver. I understand my girlfriend but she cant see how close our family are and i understand her point but i love her as well. Thankyou

Posie Replacing adult children with animals
  • replies: 1

Hi, new to all this do here goes. I have adult children and grandies that mean the world to me, however my children can be quite critical of me and my hoarding and my habit of getting more and more pets. I have told one that at least the animals love... View more

Hi, new to all this do here goes. I have adult children and grandies that mean the world to me, however my children can be quite critical of me and my hoarding and my habit of getting more and more pets. I have told one that at least the animals love me unconditionally and love cuddles, hugs and don't back answer . Have been told off that I spend too much and will never own my own house . I enjoy although have to push myself to do craft work and have the habit of wanting to run before I crawl. Funnily enough at moment I have issues with both of my knees which have crushed my hopes of work and voluntary things I am used of doing. Even driving has been an issue in the past, no real support and bedroom antics are minimal due to pain and loss of interest. At moment looking after friends chickens and another's dog to go with the three that I already have. Not yo mention my own menagerie of chickens and geese and cats. Sorry this is muddled. Too much going on in my brain.

glimmer_of_light Hatred by daughter
  • replies: 21

Not sure whether or not my daughter has taken drugs or still on drugs, but her personality and behaviour has dramactically changed. My husband and I have bent over backwards to encourage her, support her (especially financially wise the past year). S... View more

Not sure whether or not my daughter has taken drugs or still on drugs, but her personality and behaviour has dramactically changed. My husband and I have bent over backwards to encourage her, support her (especially financially wise the past year). She is 18, has just recently moved in with boyfriend whom we don't know very well at all. Tried to avoid the situation at all costs but unfortunately the law was outta our hands. One month ago after paying for and organising her 18 she suddenly has wiped me (mother), father and sister totally from her life. Does not want to see us, talk to us and has blocked my number. Leading up to this she has been saying things that were very paranoia in nature. I know for a fact that the students she hung around with were on drugs. She has portrayed some signs perhaps of either drug use (presumed no evidence) or mental health illness or both. Rumors in school grounds were circulated. For three months approx this year her skin on her face got really bad and nothing seemed to clear it. Eventually went on antibiotic/skin solution regime for approx 3 months. She always has bruising up both legs, and has distance herself from all of her friends. Didn't really seem to have many anyway. Now she says the most hurtful things without any remorse or reasoning. Is there any one out there that has any personal experience on the level whereby could shed some light. ? Ice- some of the traits kinda lead to this drug. Although was still maintaining studies at VCE level, and going to work. I'm beside myself as I think she is at risk- unfortunately nothing I can do over 18.

Downgirl Husband leaving me because of depression/alcohol
  • replies: 3

I really don't know where to start so I will just ramble on! I think I have had low level depression/anxiety for a long time, it started when I was about 15 (I am now much older!). I had terrible body/image issues in my teenage years. My grades suffe... View more

I really don't know where to start so I will just ramble on! I think I have had low level depression/anxiety for a long time, it started when I was about 15 (I am now much older!). I had terrible body/image issues in my teenage years. My grades suffered in high school so I took an office job and left home early. This was because I have an overbearing and controlling mother. She has put me down all her life, never wanted children (tells me constantly), criticises everything I do and say and is never in my corner about anything. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life, failed relationships, dead end jobs. I make bad choices. I have been married for 13 years with two gorgeous children who are the light(s) of my life but the bottle has become my enemy. My husband told me six months ago he wanted to leave the marriage. He didn't actually blame the alcohol, he just said I haven't been there for him (he lost his father two years ago) and that we have nothing in common. I have also been made redundant at the same time as all of this. The thought of bringing up two children under 12, one of whom is only just started school, alone is terrifying to me. I am not on anti-depressants. I should be, I don't take them because my mother has been a pill addict for 40 years but this is probably better than drink. Anyhow, the bottom line is I am middle aged, two small children, no job and husband wants out. Yes he will have to support me financially but that is not the issue. His rejection has done nothing to help my depression and booze issues, it makes me want to drink more. The drinking is causing mood swings, aggressive behaviour and irrational actions. I have seen a counsellor. She asked me to ask my husband if he would support me while I got counselling. His response was 'no, it's your problem and I don't want to enable you'. Is this his own grief or did I make a serious mistake marrying him? We are both in a state of angst and depression and making each other worse. This is very bad for the children. We have tried counselling so I guess we are done. Anyway, thanks for listening to my waffle, it does help to write it down.

lookingforsomelight Trying desperately to keep no contact with a Narsissist
  • replies: 3

Hi all Feeling very low, degraded, foolish, stupid, used, abused and so much more it embarrasses me to admit. I have joined Beyond Blue to reach out at night or day as i am dealing with a heartless soulless man that i have foolishly gone back to over... View more

Hi all Feeling very low, degraded, foolish, stupid, used, abused and so much more it embarrasses me to admit. I have joined Beyond Blue to reach out at night or day as i am dealing with a heartless soulless man that i have foolishly gone back to over and over again for almost four years. Without getting inyo Every detail. If even one person say...spat on me i would never speak to them again i would walk away. But i have let this man do the unthinkable. I had a dvo out on him then dropped it when we were in court making a complete fool of myself and those who supported me. Now i have nothing and noone. Really it is my own fault. Even my daughter who thought she had the toughest best mum in the world, she is now 19 looks and treats me like i am a pushover. I am empathic and this man lost his child ten years ago and straight away i felt sorry for him. He has a ego bigger than a football field and is the rudest nastiest man i have ever met in my life. I could go on and on but i must stop wasting my life on his nastiness. Tonight he texted me (yes he is on block but it goes to blocked msgs which i must stop reading) to let me know i gave him a STD from the man i slept with 6 years ago. Work that out.his text read something like..you old slapper just found out my kidneys hurt because your all poxed up slut you have given me the clap. Delightful! Yes i know you must be saying just stay away from him. Well that is why i am here. I am hoping with all the reading and research and realisation this place will be a safe place for me to come and spill my guts so to speak. Maybe i will meet some people that understand and can help or give me some advice or encouragement. I do know NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT. Anyway love and light to all. The next couple of weeks are going to be tough. Hanging in there and still looking for some light. ♡

saturnzoon Very uncomfortable and feeling of embarrassemental with family, you
  • replies: 5

I find this very uncomfortable and embarrassing to talk about and keep wondering if I have caused the situation in any way. I live in Adelaide with my 21yrs son and 9yr son, split up with ex partner last year not married to him. I have a very bad mem... View more

I find this very uncomfortable and embarrassing to talk about and keep wondering if I have caused the situation in any way. I live in Adelaide with my 21yrs son and 9yr son, split up with ex partner last year not married to him. I have a very bad memory, major depression, social anxiety DBT and shy, have no friends only my children. My mother, 2 brothers and their family all live in Sydney, so I got visit them try every 2 yes, but this time my mum wanted to stay and live with her and my younger brother , his wife and 2 girls, my 9yr old son has come with me, but his dad will not let him live here, so can only stay till just before school goes back in SA, but after what's been happening i wish I never came, I just don't understand what's going on and really can't believe it, so taking tablets to block it out and get through this, it involves my brother but cannot tell anyone, not my mum as she has trouble coping with life without my dad and does not want to be here anymore, his wife, no idea, I cannot tear the family apart and then no one may believe me as I still don't understand what's happening, I feel scared, ashamed, feel that maybe I've come across wrong and it's my fault, all my support workers, club 84 and Dr Sujeeve my physiatrist are all in Salisbury SA, so I thought maybe talking on here might help me a bit, I really want to go back to Blakeview home now but can't without them wanting to know why and can't tell them, I can't cope with conflict or cannot communicate properly,it's hard enough already as my mum has no patience and always grumpy, my brother 48 is always grumpy, shouts at everyone and treats my mum like crap, they both clash and you keep out the way when either one starts, I'm not a strong person and can't tell my sons in adelaide what's happening either,