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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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July Reflections of a parent
  • replies: 6

I gave you life ,but I cannot live it for you. I can give you direction, but I cannot be there to lead you. I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe . I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you. I can buy you ... View more

I gave you life ,but I cannot live it for you. I can give you direction, but I cannot be there to lead you. I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe . I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you. I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside. I can offer advice, but I cannot accept it for you. I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you. I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish. I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honour. I can advise you about your friends, but I cannot choose them for you . I can tell you about alcohol and drugs, but I cannot say "No" for you. I can teach you about kindness, but I can't force you to be gracious. I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God. I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life. I can love you with unconditional love, all of my life........ and I will.

Smithsons Confused about my relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm a 20 year old guy and I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 years now. I've known for quite some time that I was bi, but I never told her, because I stupidly pretended that that part of me wasn't real and I was just completely straight. ... View more

Hi, I'm a 20 year old guy and I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 years now. I've known for quite some time that I was bi, but I never told her, because I stupidly pretended that that part of me wasn't real and I was just completely straight. I also never told her because I felt like if I did, I'd blow what we had, and what we had was amazing. She was my best friend and my girlfriend. We spoke and videoed every single day and night, enjoyed every minute of it. When I kissed her it felt like magic, when I hugged her a strange warm feeling would seize my heart. The guilt of her not knowing I was bi eventually got to me. Every time I saw her, that's what was on my mind - and a huge surge of guilt would overtake me, and I'd feel so anxious that sometimes I'd need to escape to the bathroom to avoid having a panic attack. I wanted her to know me down to my core, and she was the first person to ever find out. When I told her, she was perfect, she told me she didn't care and it doesn't define who I am and that she even likes that I'm bi. The first time I saw her after coming out to her, the same sort of guilt that used to hit me when I saw her still got to me. This panicked me. Why wasn't I happy to see her? Things have just not been the same since I told her. I feel nervous about seeing her and doing stuff I used to love doing with her. It just feels like it's not working anymore. Honestly, I've even questioned whether I still love this girl? There have been moments that've brought me to almost breaking up with her, but each time, I just sobbed uncontrollably, so I know that's not what I want. She went through depression last year. Then, she tried breaking up 5 times. Each time she told me it wasn't working and she wasn't happy with me anymore and she wasn't sure if she loved me. Once she got over her depression we became happier than ever. She now tells me I'm going through the same thing. She thinks I've fallen into depression because for the first time in my whole life I'm having to become accepting of this part of me, when I've spent my whole life suppressing it and thinking it was a huge deal and something to be ashamed of. There have been moments with this girl, since I've been depressed, where things have been magic, just like old times, and it's just clicked. But these times only last about 20 mins to half an hour, after that I just feel okay around her. And other times I feel really bad around her. I don't know what to do? Is this normal?

rainbow111 Feeling worthless and alone
  • replies: 3

I feel like I am worth nothing, that I am just a doormat to everyone. My boyfriend won't have sex with me saying he is too tired all the time. I stood in front of him with my best lingerie and he didnt even say how beautiful I was he just stayed on h... View more

I feel like I am worth nothing, that I am just a doormat to everyone. My boyfriend won't have sex with me saying he is too tired all the time. I stood in front of him with my best lingerie and he didnt even say how beautiful I was he just stayed on his phone. How am I meant to feel beautiful if my boyfriend wont even acknowledge me! I may be in a relationship but I feel lonelier than ever. I cry myself to sleep at night, I feel like its all my fault that im the issue. Am i not attractive anymore? Have a put on too much weight? Is he cheating on me? Is that why he doesnt want sex from me he is getting it somewhere else! All this bounces off my head at night and I struggle to sleep. I go to work and feel exhausted and try and put on a brave face but inside i feel worthless and alone. Is he just with me because its easier?

Hannah2015 Anxiety and infidelity
  • replies: 8

My husband recently took a three week business trip. Halfway through he started acting very strangely and stopped contacting me. He also told me some pretty hurtful things about how he was feeling about our marriage (of less than two years). I found ... View more

My husband recently took a three week business trip. Halfway through he started acting very strangely and stopped contacting me. He also told me some pretty hurtful things about how he was feeling about our marriage (of less than two years). I found out later that he had spent over 10000 that trip and had hired the services of a 'professional' for what I can only assume to be more than once given the amount of money he had spent. Finances were a stressor for him and I felt like he was sweeping things under the carpet. He didn't listen to me in the several times when I suggested we get some support or that we ought to be prepared for his tax bill. Since he has been back I have felt very insecure. I have been looking up phone records and generally driving myself batty with suspicion. He agreed to counselling but I felt like the counsellor didn't hear my voice at all. He has also used some of the labels she gave my argument style (passive aggressive) against me. He says he's worried about my mental health. The infidelity happened 3 months ago but I am still super anxious. Last week the professional did a tour of our home town. Two days prior he had me do his manscaping. He then booked a haircut and disappeared for hours. I feel like he lied to me about where he was but I don't know for sure. Throughout this I have made contact with a great counsellor who unfortunately is away at the moment. I spent a sleepless night last night as he stayed in town at a friends place. I didn't sleep at all last night. I checked the phone records.The poor guy clearly needs help and space and I need to be treated respectfully. Any advice? Any advice?

K-90 New, a little lost & a lot lonely...
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, for along time I have felt down & alone, I don't know where to start so, I guess I'll forget the past and go with the right now. My partner has been drunk since Christmas Day & hasn't come home, my kids have seen me cry and I hate that, ... View more

Hi everyone, for along time I have felt down & alone, I don't know where to start so, I guess I'll forget the past and go with the right now. My partner has been drunk since Christmas Day & hasn't come home, my kids have seen me cry and I hate that, my mum abused me because she's up on holidays and knows my partner is out drunk and to be honest I feel so alone that i had to search online to try find some support and that it's a stranger that will speak to me... I tell my partner I'm so sad and I can't snap out of it - which he is a big part of making me feel this way but he won't acknowledge that I need someone to carry me for a while I just keep trying to push forward... I tried to call him and he wouldn't answer, I messaged him and said I felt down and just needed someone - no answer back... I don't cry wolf or say I need him very often so, I'm hurt that he couldn't see if I was ok.. So I want to say I'm depressed and have been for a long time but to be honest I'm to scared to go to the dr and see if I am... The thought of relying on a pill to make me balance my emotions scares me. Right now I would just love to be hugged and felt cared about... I want my partner to come home and say sorry and not blame me for once.. I want some family time, but most of all I don't want to feel this way anymore... So anxious, sad and lonely... Not just when he's doing the wrong thing but all the time feeling like this is exhausting. I'm just rambling here, it's so hard to make sense of something your not even sure of yourself... Thank you for reading.. Hope it makes sense

Indigo1981 Pregnant and alone - feels even worse than Juno ( as that was hilarious )
  • replies: 1

So I am already a single mum of a six year old ( had a failed marriage - so obviously not my forte ) . Met a man - who was a little bit of an introvert, extremely intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian and we fell in love so quickly. As he smokes p... View more

So I am already a single mum of a six year old ( had a failed marriage - so obviously not my forte ) . Met a man - who was a little bit of an introvert, extremely intelligent, compassionate, humanitarian and we fell in love so quickly. As he smokes pot a lot ( he is prone to over thinking things and locking himself and smoking as a coping mechanism). Anyway - so we were dating for three months and he would always bring up " doubts " we would need to discuss these in great detail eg - he in future would want to live on a farm- I have an apartment near the beach - and he couldn't see me as a farm type person . So we would discuss how we could combat this " possible issue" in our relationship ( for me - I don't think nearly as much as I should - I go with being happy in the moment - so we are opposites ). so as he had these doubts - he's a bohemian and values his freedom and I am the definition of someone who is settled - and then I got pregnant ( was on the pill) - so of course - his response " I was already doubting the practical aspects of us - this is huge" - he then didn't talk to me much for a week . We met up and I said to him " I'm seriously considering keeping it - I'm 34 - it may not happen again but I don't expect anything from you" . Two days later - after he went into his black hole and smoked his body weight in pot - he broke up with me. He loves me and cares for me " isn't feeling it - it doesn't feel right, he's not sure if this his path ). Obviously broke my heart and now I am pregnant and alone. We do love and care for each other deeply - and I feel lost , being a single mum from the start isn't that appealing but I also feel like it's meant to be. He is also in a dark place - he is not surfing, obviously has guilt for breaking up with me and also is petrified of his freedom being taken away. so my questions or asking for advise is 1) how do I get through this - I miss him so much and then the decision I have to make is weighing on me - 2) I also feel terrible for him - as I know if I have the baby he will feel trapped and I do not want that for him ! I know we probably won't get back together ( although I have hope as I adore him) but I want him happy - and aware my decision can impact this . I have a great support network but feel so alone - he has left me to make the choice as it is my body - but it's so hard when it impacts him too . Any advise would be so helpful xxxxx

pipsy frustrated/furious.
  • replies: 38

Hi Pipsy here. Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family. Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart. All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it,... View more

Hi Pipsy here. Fed up to the back teeth with hubby and his PRECIOUS family. Had to go to Centrelink today to sort out for Newstart. All sorts of hassles with Centrelink, took ages to 'log on', then they asked for permanent address, when I entered it, it wasn't accepted. I asked for help, was told I was being too aggressive, then told to leave. Hubby with PRECIOUS mummy/daddy as usual, an hours drive away. Rang him, told him what was happening. Was told he won't be home till 'later'. Why can't he for once tell THEM he needs to go home, I'm more important than them. Bottom line, I'm not, never will be. They say 'jump', he says 'how high'. Hubby wants me to go to the movie with him and some of his friends Thursday night, he should take daddy. Know how childish that sounded, but this situation has been going on for years. M/D are late 80's in age, they've driven such a huge wedge between us by abusing me. I've had no contact with them for over a year, hubby rings them so much, it's pathetic. He's so emotionally immature, he's just turned 63, wish he'd 'grow up'. Thought several times about leaving him, but no family of my own, no money. I thought we'd have a great life together, how wrong I was. This is going to sound dreadful, but I can't help it, wish they were dead. I've never wished anyone dead in my life. My own parents were control freaks and nasty, but they never treated our friends bad. They were shocking to us, but they would never expect us to put them over our own respective families. We were always taught your spouses are more important than parents. My folks were actually extremely independent. My dad walked away from his family in favour of my mum. Why can't my hubby do the same. Anyway, I've 'vented'. thanks BB for letting me.

Sunny_Dayz Hurt and confused and not sure what is going on
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone. I already posted a thread in another section but I wanted to get some advice for other things. Firstly I am on the younger side, married and have 2 toddlers. My husband and I have been together since we were kids. Lately something has ch... View more

Hi everyone. I already posted a thread in another section but I wanted to get some advice for other things. Firstly I am on the younger side, married and have 2 toddlers. My husband and I have been together since we were kids. Lately something has changed in him. He is angry all the time and is saying things like "I don't know what I want" "I need space" "I feel numb" "I feel guilty". A few weeks ago he just snapped and changed, he has criticised everything about me from my personality to my house wife skills to my parenting and I am trying really very hard to be supportive because at the end of the day he is still the person I want to spend my life with but at the same time he isn't himself , he is a completely different person, although I still have no intentions of leaving. But I am finding it hard to be supportive because he also says things like "I don't want this anymore" "I can't do this anymore" "I need space from you" "there is no spark between us anymore" and then he will turn around and tell me "I love you" "there is something wrong with me not you". He seems to have no emotion in him, the other day I broke down and cried and he just sat there and stared at me like I was disgusting when once upon a time he would have got up and held me. He refuses to do marriage counselling with me (I want to just to help him communicate with me which he hasn't been). All of his actions and behaviours make me feel like he doesn't love me anymore but he always takes it back when he says he doesn't want us anymore and he won't leave. I just have no idea what's going on. I keep swapping between trying to be supportive to being absolutely hurt and feeling broken. He works extremely long hours (4am to 8pm sometimes) 6 days a week but insists he loves his job. I feel so insecure and hurt because of the things he has been saying to me and I'm not sure what to do because I love him with everything I have. I also suffer from depression and anxiety as it is which makes things even harder for me I think. Just any thoughts or opinions or anything that anyone has would be appreciated or if I ahoud have put this in a different section, I don't know. I'm just at such a loss right now and I am so so confused and hurt. I just want my husband back to who he used to be.

Charlie10 Wife had 1 night stand and pregnant. What to Do
  • replies: 1

Hi, My wife has been in a weird depression for around the last 8 months. She has had depression since we had our first son (5). 6 months ago she had a melt down and tried to commit suicide but luckily didn't follow through. They gave her anti psychot... View more

Hi, My wife has been in a weird depression for around the last 8 months. She has had depression since we had our first son (5). 6 months ago she had a melt down and tried to commit suicide but luckily didn't follow through. They gave her anti psychotic medication and it changed her completely. She left me but the she did start to come out of her depression and things were going great. 1 month ago I was away with work and was receiving txts saying she resents me and the kids and hates us etc. This is so unlike her as she is a great Mum and loves her boys. I came home from work and she told me it was over but wanted us all to be friends for the kids and share the same house. Few days after this I asked her if we could try anything to help our marriage as I thought it was going great and quite confused. I received a txt later that day saying she stopped her medication and gave up on me and the kids and had a one night stand and now she is pregnant! She has had no contact with this guy since but she cannot abort it. There is a small chance it is mine as we had sex a few times in the last month (see the confusion ?) but i highly doubt it as we have had a lot of unprotected sex in the last year or so with no luck. She says no one can get past this and our marriage was over before she did this etc etc. But I know deep down she is truly ashamed and says she doesn't know who she is anymore and we are all better off without her etc. I love my wife but is makes me sick to see her pregnant with , most probably, someone else child. She is getting a dan test done and I know it was a once off and she is unlucky to fall pregnant like this but i don't know if I can watch this happen, but i don't know if I can walk away from her either. Any suggestions?

onedge confused
  • replies: 3

Hi all need advice been in a relationship for 2 years now sparks flew straight away we both have kids from previous relationships we get on good with each others kids to the point I've done everything to make her feel loved but the other day she said... View more

Hi all need advice been in a relationship for 2 years now sparks flew straight away we both have kids from previous relationships we get on good with each others kids to the point I've done everything to make her feel loved but the other day she said she needed a break from the kids she wanted to have a couple of drinks with her friends I said OK I'll watch the kids at her house and she said she might not be back home till morning etc we had a little argument she dropped me home she picks me up from work and pulls up at her place and says I can take the car I said no just drop me home didn't she flip no call for 2 days then she come around to drop my wallet off I asked for a lift to work and as she was taking me to work she says I don't think its working out its not u It mite be me this hit me hard its new years night to so she's out drinking and all these things are running through my mind she doesn't answer my call or text she know I treat her like a queen but flowers etc I can't live without her and its making me feel like crap a lot of bad stuff running through my head