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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bart10 Anxiety about my wife
  • replies: 5

My wife cheated on me years ago and I tried to forgive her and give her a second chance but I never really learnt to let go and didn't end up giving her a proper second chance. Recently we split up mainly because I had never learnt to let go. As soon... View more

My wife cheated on me years ago and I tried to forgive her and give her a second chance but I never really learnt to let go and didn't end up giving her a proper second chance. Recently we split up mainly because I had never learnt to let go. As soon as we split she went back to the guy she cheated on me with but someone sent me The messages she wrote to him. I wasn't so upset that she was flirting with him as we had split up but she said she loved him the whole time she was with me And basically disrespected our whole relationship. After reading the messages I wasn't angry with him or upset with her but frustrated at myself for not letting go the first time and giving her a proper chance to move on and I decided I want to be with her and actually give her a chance this time she says she wants to make it work too is am going to a councillor soon but at the moment I struggle every time I'm not near her my whole world is broken and every time she leaves the house I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack

MisterM My sister reported me to the police
  • replies: 28

I can't forgive her, I can't forget it, I feel so angry about it. She thought I was going to hit her was her motivation for going to a police station to report me, I've not once in my life done so and never threatened to. It was all because I was at ... View more

I can't forgive her, I can't forget it, I feel so angry about it. She thought I was going to hit her was her motivation for going to a police station to report me, I've not once in my life done so and never threatened to. It was all because I was at her house to support my brother in law who was in a bad place mentally after the two of them had some marital problems. She wasn't home at the time. This happened a number of months ago, I am angry at her for doing such a thing and cannot wipe it from my memory. Me and my sister have been estranged for a number of years and have not spoken.

cazz79 Don't want to be alone anymore
  • replies: 2

I have 3 amazing kids so I'm never truly alone, it's not that type of loneliness. It's feeling like I have no one by my side to help me when my days are long and dreary. My x husband made me feel like I was disgusting he never showed any affection to... View more

I have 3 amazing kids so I'm never truly alone, it's not that type of loneliness. It's feeling like I have no one by my side to help me when my days are long and dreary. My x husband made me feel like I was disgusting he never showed any affection towards me except in the privacy of our bedroom. Since the divorce I had gotten myself together again and was happy, for the first time in over 8 years. I then met another guy, he had no kids, so when he moved in it must have been full on for him to step up and be the dad. And then I found out I was pregnant and from there it went down hill. I started to realise I would now have 3 kids and my partners attitude to my other 2 kids started to get mentally abbusive I let it go on too long and finally told him to leave. But I'm scared, I'm a single mum and suffer from major depression and who would want someone like me. I can't even stand me. I've put so much weight on, I am tired constantly I hardly sleep through the nights and my kids and my house are suffering. Just wish there was a miracle cure cos I want to be happy again and to be the person I know is hidden in me somewhere

PurplePolkaDots Turbulent Marriage - not sure what to do to make it better?
  • replies: 3

My hubby & I have been together 9yrs, married 5yrs; we have a beautiful dd (2 3/4yrs old) and I'm 30ish weeks pregnant with our 2nd dd. I have a history of depression, anxiety, low self esteem, etc - not a great childhood, mental/emotional abuse & ph... View more

My hubby & I have been together 9yrs, married 5yrs; we have a beautiful dd (2 3/4yrs old) and I'm 30ish weeks pregnant with our 2nd dd. I have a history of depression, anxiety, low self esteem, etc - not a great childhood, mental/emotional abuse & physical abuse from an alcoholic father.Some of the Issues we currently have:- I am a work at home mum; our dd is with me all the time so I have to do most of my business work when hubby gets home. Hubby looks after dd well sort of, of course she comes to see me thats ok but i expect hubby to come and get her and entice her to stay with him however it doesnt happen and i end up with a toddler trying to get my attention and i have to stop my work - I get annoyed at him that he hasn't come to get her. His solution is that i have to shut the door - this makes me feel uneasy and locked away, which makes my creative work hard to do.- I feel like hubby wont discuss plans to get everything we need done with me. He'll just spring on me he's going to mow the lawn, I not against him mowing the lawn - i get upset that he hasn't discussed it, hasn't taken in consideration what else needs to get done (especially my business) and that its on his timeline and I have to drop whatever i am doing/need to do to look after our dd. To me this feels like everything is how he wants it, and what i want/need doesn't matter- this one is a big one. Minimal Sex - we will go months without it. I want a healthy sex life, but I do think we have a discrepancy in our libidos - I'd be more than happy with once a fortnight/month, he on the otherhand it feels like even twice a week wouldn't be enough (but this part i think we could work out). I'm struggling to have interest (breastfeeding dd for 2.5yrs & being pregnant doesn't help), but my concerns are I dont feel like he is interested in me except sexually - if i talk about anything, as quick as he can he will change the subject wont participate in the conversation with me, doesnt make any effort to spend time with me, its always his friends, our dd, his rest time, etc.. . So sex feels like its me giving more, when i dont receive much - plus the way he acts with it, kinda like its his right as my husband the actual act feels like its more about him than us.. and I hate the way I feel about it/him..there are other issues here, we have seen councilors but nothing gets better, it doesnt get really bad well not yet - but I feel really alone in my marriage

Amanda 1956 So called friend betrayed a trust
  • replies: 5

Need some advice....a "friend" has betrayed my trust by trying to break my partner and me up.She has bad mouthed me to him saying I was using him for sex and that I was killing him. She ruined a holiday by wanting all his attention and pushing me int... View more

Need some advice....a "friend" has betrayed my trust by trying to break my partner and me up.She has bad mouthed me to him saying I was using him for sex and that I was killing him. She ruined a holiday by wanting all his attention and pushing me into the background. She desperately wants me to leave him so she can have him. My partner said I am imaging things and that she only wants to be friends. But her constant ringing him late at night for over 3hours at a time ,her lies about me which I'm glad to say he doesn't believe speak volumes Any advice please thanks

Gseek Separating with an expected Narcissistic partner
  • replies: 9

Hi, i have just gone through a separation with my partner (of 2 years) and i have now started to realise that there was a lot of Narcissistic behaviour. Throughout the relationship she would constantly turn any negative or criticisms back onto myself... View more

Hi, i have just gone through a separation with my partner (of 2 years) and i have now started to realise that there was a lot of Narcissistic behaviour. Throughout the relationship she would constantly turn any negative or criticisms back onto myself and needed to be continually provided with many material things such as clothes new cars etc. Looking back she would not acknowledge my feelings and continually left me feeling like i had done everything wrong. I was constantly apologising for things i had not done. During the relationship she was very protective and insistent that i didn't tell anyone i had purchased her a new car and she told many people she purchased the new car and also still told a lot of people she was a single mother where she thought that would provide her with a financial advantage. During the breakup and still to this day she has been telling a lot of lies and lying to myself about things her son and parents have said etc to try to gain more financial advantage through guilt.I have been blaming myself for all the things that went wrong and was trying to do anything i could to get back together. The problem i now have is that we have a significant difference in what she is entitled too post the relationship. (we were not living together long enough to be defacto and to be able to go through court). Not that i would want the emotional stress. My question is how do i approach her about her potential Narcissistic Personality disorder and if i should approach her about this? I would appreciate hearing from anyone in a similar experience and if anyone see's anything other than NPD My reason for this is because she has hurt a large amount of her family who do not understand her beliefs of entitlement (Which is know is fed by the Narcissism) and also caused a lot of hurt and distress for myself. I am on my way back from the lowest points now however i can see this continuing as she still tries to contact myself to "supply" her Narcissistic needs. I have read just about every online resource about her behaviour and NPD describes her behaviour exactly.

KDAWGS When to tell the kids we are splitting for good.
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for 19yrs. A very rocky relationship and I feel it has been maintained by 1 side (me).. My husband has depression and a lot going on with his parents (mum going into care for Alzheimers and dad diagnosed with mesoth... View more

My husband and I have been married for 19yrs. A very rocky relationship and I feel it has been maintained by 1 side (me).. My husband has depression and a lot going on with his parents (mum going into care for Alzheimers and dad diagnosed with mesothelioma) I have been there every step of the way supporting him through his depression, trying to keep things happy at home and really trying in our relationship. We have NO sex life and I have recently found out he has been confiding in a woman he met through his work as a handyman. Essentially this is the 4th time he has found another woman to turn to during these times rather than his partner. He told me "I find it difficult to talk to you" which I don't get at all. So, needless to say things have been very tense in our house of late he is moving out and has asked for me to give him till mid march (after he goes away for a week to play golf) and then he'll move out. I told him last night he can have till end of Feb.... I also asked when we will tell the kids (15 & 16y.o), he said when he finds a place..... this is not good enough for me. I want to tell them while they are still off school so they can have time to process what's happening and not have to worry about school impacting on them. My son is not happy going back to school and is a very sensitive kid and I am very worried how this will all affect him. I am sure they both know what's going on and I am hoping that when they know the tension will be gone it will be a happy home again. We separated 7 yrs ago for 7 months and we were happy then. Hubby came home cause he wanted to, not cause I asked him to either..... I just want to know what you think..... do "we" tell them or do "I" tell them if he doesn't want to yet???? TIA

Harlo Adult child of Alcholic Agoraphobic Mother
  • replies: 4

Hi All, It's my first post here. Please call me Harlo =] At twelve years of age I remember looking up through my bedroom window and saw my mother, who was on her way home from work, frozen in the street. Both hands, white knuckled holding onto the ne... View more

Hi All, It's my first post here. Please call me Harlo =] At twelve years of age I remember looking up through my bedroom window and saw my mother, who was on her way home from work, frozen in the street. Both hands, white knuckled holding onto the neighbours white picket fence. I ran across the street and helped her cross the road. I made her lunch - but she wouldn't eat. That day changed my life. My mother never went back to work and she has never been able to make it past the letterbox alone again. She went untreated for many years. Her medicine was alcohol. My parents went bankrupt, we moved many times, I started working at 13 years old to help my dad with the rent. I always struggled with the fact that if I needed my mothers help, her mental illness stopped her from coming to rescue me. Somedays I felt like I didn't have a mother, other days I was angry that I had to look after her. I'm 28 now and I feel guilty some days for feeling cheated out of my teenage years. I have anxiety myself that use to only be based around a phobia. But now when my fear triggers it spirals because I have the fear of fear. I panic because I'm panicking. My biggest fear is that one day I also won't make it past the letterbox and I will fail myself and everyone around me. Are there any support groups for children (or adult children) of parents with anxiety? Thank you for listening and letting me share. - Harlo

Ellie2015 New user
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new clearly..... I have always dealt with depression. Mum thinks I'm insane slot of the time due to the nature of my deepest wishes.... Anyway, dad died, 4 year partner left me with no home or car or bed. Had two lessors lock me out and ... View more

Hi all, I am new clearly..... I have always dealt with depression. Mum thinks I'm insane slot of the time due to the nature of my deepest wishes.... Anyway, dad died, 4 year partner left me with no home or car or bed. Had two lessors lock me out and refuse bond refund at no fault of mine. Feel like dads death is tipping me over the edge. I'm tied to a tree though, can't fall, got little brother to look after. wouldnt mind some tips and support to keep going

Sandy104 Narcissistic mother inlaw
  • replies: 3

2016 - thrown into turmoil again. Father inlaw is ill We've been offered half their property to live next door. Financially this would be otherwise unachievable. I'm so worried about the MIL that I'm jumping at shadows and it's causing extreme tensio... View more

2016 - thrown into turmoil again. Father inlaw is ill We've been offered half their property to live next door. Financially this would be otherwise unachievable. I'm so worried about the MIL that I'm jumping at shadows and it's causing extreme tension in my otherwise loverly life I can't get past the fear she is going to tear us to pieces again. I can only see her as dangerous. I want to stop this. Here's my story 2013-16 set up a new home with our kids, live free, see my wife become open, happy and unguarded and loving of herself We have friends together, kids parents at school, people drop in. Dinners etc My wife can recognise her mother is narcissistic now. 2013 We moved out Discovered the word "narcissistic". Went to a psychologist and discover the term "intimacy". Rebuild marriage. 2011- split with my wife 2011- my life is hell. -I have no family, no friends -I'm demonised, I have no life anymore. -MIL takes the kids to pre school, all outings even weekend -Then...Birthday. That was a cruel blow coming home to find your family is having your sons birthday dinner without you. -I knew something was terribly wrong but I couldn't see out of the bubble 2009 -The rot really sets in hard. -Im portray as useless and uneducated. -MIL steps in to "help" -Second child is born. -I build decks,fences,irrigation, an award winning garden. A major garden magazine did a full spead, she took all the credit. 2008 -Life is good -My wife and I really loved each other -Had a baby I always wondered why my mother inlaw couldn't see our happiness. Why didn't she enjoy her childs happiness? I started to do lots of jobs with my loverly father inlaw on their rather ramshackle house. They were both accounts. I built a new kitchen for my mother inlaw... She criticised me ragged. She taunted about not having any university education. I just thought that it was her ethnic background that focused so much on this. -We went overseas to show our baby to the relatives. The MIL lied to people about what I did for work etc. Telling them I was a manager in business. The tell tail signs were right there. 2007 -We moved in with the in-laws to save some money and be close to their "help" -I built a house. It was loverly. -My mother inlaw was very inviting and engaging at first. 2001-06 -Got married -Travelled around the world for a year together -Had a wonder relationship, with lots of great times. -Moved out together -Met my future wife