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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SeriouslyWorried Worried
  • replies: 8

She lives in fear of her life and the lives of her children. Her ex husband has threatened her, on multiple occasions, with death. Her death and the death of the children.He still stalks her. He intimidates her. His new partner, a supposedly educated... View more

She lives in fear of her life and the lives of her children. Her ex husband has threatened her, on multiple occasions, with death. Her death and the death of the children.He still stalks her. He intimidates her. His new partner, a supposedly educated woman, sends lumps of coal to her parents. The ex-husband drives 6 hours from his home, to surveil her, parking his car directly behind hers in a shopping centre of 2000 spaces, and sitting in his car until she leaves work. She is afraid, legitimately. She has broken off relationships and now is distancing herself from friends. She wants everyone to leave her alone . She believes she's in this alone and no one can help her. She believes the only outcome is her death, at the hands of her ex. I am scared for her. I am scared she is isolating herself, when she needs to be surrounding herself. But I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help someone who so adamantly refuses help. I don't want her to be pressured or overwhelmed, so I respect her wishes of leaving her be..... ....but I need her to know this is something she doesn't have to face alone. People love her. I love her. I just want her to be safe and happy and to know that whatever demons lay before her, that there will be people to stand by her side and face them. I want to protect her. But how do I help someone that's refuses it?

SamD Will my depressed boyfriend return?
  • replies: 6

A year ago I met my dream man. The first 5 weeks were amazing but one day he coldly dumped me.I tried to reconcile with him but he ignored my calls. A week later he apologised and said he wanted to be together. I said yes. 4 weeks later he did it aga... View more

A year ago I met my dream man. The first 5 weeks were amazing but one day he coldly dumped me.I tried to reconcile with him but he ignored my calls. A week later he apologised and said he wanted to be together. I said yes. 4 weeks later he did it again. His mum told me he has done this with all his previous girlfriends. I think he has depression. When I asked him, he said he had depression in the past but that talking about depression makes him depressed. After repeating this heart-wrenching cycle 5 times, I said I needed to move on. 2-3 months later I heard from him again. I had just started seeing someone else but left him for my ex. I was reluctant and repeatedly expressed my fear of him leaving. He reassured me that he loved me and never would. I made him promise that as soon as he started to feel down to tell me so we could deal with it.He agreed. We then had 6 months of pure joy. We went overseas, he said he loved me every day, and we often talked about our future together. It felt different and I convinced myself he was OK and would stay. As he knew, I have many family issues. One day I went to his house in a bad mood having just received some sad news. I tried to talk to him about it but he didn’t seem to care. He fell asleep early, and feeling frustrated I drove home instead of staying over. I regretfully called him selfish. The next morning still upset by my news and his indifference, I told him I didn’t want to see him that day and that I didn’t care if I didn’t see him again. I was mad and didn’t mean it. Later, he appeared at my house and said it’s over. He said he still loves me but in a different way and wants a happy drama-free life. I apologised profusely for what I did. He acted like a totally different person - cold, with no feelings towards me. Aside from that 1 fight, our relationship was amazing.I had no warning signs. 2 nights before he told his mum he wanted to buy a house with me and the day before everything was great. The week before he booked our flights to weddings we have this year. I think it’s the depression doing this. Since he left, I have struggled. I cry daily and feel my entire future and happiness have been ripped away from me. I will always regret how I acted that night, but maybe this was just a ticking time bomb. Past experience has told me to give him space in the hopes he will return. If he does I know we have a long path ahead. Do you think he will return, or should I move on? Perhaps he just doesn’t love me.

Lepidoptera Partner problems, family problems, self problems
  • replies: 1

Hello, I am new to this site but I have been considering reaching out for some time. I feel surrounded by depression, and it can be overwhelming because I have no power to make the situation any better and perhaps make it worse. I have been with my p... View more

Hello, I am new to this site but I have been considering reaching out for some time. I feel surrounded by depression, and it can be overwhelming because I have no power to make the situation any better and perhaps make it worse. I have been with my partner for 6 years now. He has had depression and anxiety since childhood. I have been as supportive as possible, often encouraging treatment, however he has been struggling for so long he is adament nothing can help him and it has been very difficult to pursuade him to keep trying and not give up. Fortunately he is going to see a psychiatrist soon, I hope they can help, he suffers so much and the medication does not seem to be helping. My parents are also depressed, and have struggles of their own. Neither have any interest in seeking help or treatment. I think its mostly becaue they believe what is available would not help so there is no point. It may also be finances, they know seeing someone long term would take years for helpful results and feel its too much. I feel powerless to help them, I can say I care about them but not much else, just observe them being completely miserable. As for myself, well perhaps I can't complain. I feel unhappy mostly, I feel alone and isolated. But it is selfish, to be unhappy with a relationship where my partner usually wants to be left alone and pushes me away, because he is suffering. I understand his predicament, I had depression as a teenager to the point of being bed bound; I wanted to sleep away my life and ignore everything around me. Now I am able to focus on other things and interact with other people enough to have worked, volunteered and gone to uni. Of course, the interactions I had with others was always superficial. Only ever professional, my partner is also my only friend. Part of my isolation is the inability to make friendships, I am sure there is something wrong with me since so many people advise starting new things inevitably leads to supporting groups. I did not form worthy relationships at my job or at uni. Its a bit pathetic really.

Flat I can't cope dealing with someone close to me who has an alcohol problem
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm new to this I feel I can't cope dealing with someone close to me who has an alcohol problem I've tried to help I work a lot very tired mentally and physically I'm scared of trying to survive financially independently I'm very depressed have be... View more

Hi I'm new to this I feel I can't cope dealing with someone close to me who has an alcohol problem I've tried to help I work a lot very tired mentally and physically I'm scared of trying to survive financially independently I'm very depressed have been for a long time don't think there's any thing to look forward to I have two kids they are not young but I ok after all their needs I'm just scared of future it affects me a lot

chociloni Narcissistic Men
  • replies: 7

Why are there so many Narcissistic Men out there? I know women can be narcissists too but it seems narcissism favours men more. I have not come here to man bash btw. I am recently out of a 6 month relationship with a man who initially in beginning ca... View more

Why are there so many Narcissistic Men out there? I know women can be narcissists too but it seems narcissism favours men more. I have not come here to man bash btw. I am recently out of a 6 month relationship with a man who initially in beginning came across as a total saint. He ended up being a total jerk to me just because I did not reach his expectations of being a perfect muse for him, my relationship with him just ended up being him having his cake and eating it and me being thrown away in the trash. He is manipulative and I fell for his charms. It was so painful as I thought I loved him, it wasn't working by about October / November of last year so I broke it off and he wouldn't let me, but at the same time he said he didn't want to be with me as I was too full on?? He was just childish and did not like that I broke up with him. He always has to have the upper hand. To me we officially broke up in November but he's still been contacting me all the time wanting to work things out but everything is all on his terms, like a fool I've still been talking to him. The last straw was a few days ago when I tried to be honest with him about something and he told me to " get out of his life, and sent me 4 messages in a row that were abusive. I feel wrecked. I have blocked him now on my phone and fb. I feel flattened. I guess the issue here is more why I would fall for such a man..

Qld1981 Don't know what to do
  • replies: 4

Hi I am a 34 year old female and I just feel so helpless at the moment I was in a relationship with a man for 15 years and we had 3 beautiful kids together and now the relationship is over I just don't know how to go on my kids are with his family be... View more

Hi I am a 34 year old female and I just feel so helpless at the moment I was in a relationship with a man for 15 years and we had 3 beautiful kids together and now the relationship is over I just don't know how to go on my kids are with his family because I just sunk into depression

Gloss Help needed in dealing with my copycat mother-in-law
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I'm wondering if anybody has some feedback on an ongoing issue I have with my mother-in-law. She is a fabulous woman who loves her family dearly and will do anything for us however, it seems to be that she copies me a lot in places I go and f... View more

Hi all, I'm wondering if anybody has some feedback on an ongoing issue I have with my mother-in-law. She is a fabulous woman who loves her family dearly and will do anything for us however, it seems to be that she copies me a lot in places I go and friends that I make. For instance, if my husband and I start going to a new pub, you can rest assure that the in-laws will soon follow. We have done this with a few places we go, when we stop going they stopped going within a couple of weeks. Then we start going somewhere different, then they are soon visiting the same place and not only that, they are signing up to be members as well . The one thing that irritates me more than anything and according to my husband, she has practically done this her whole life is, if I say I'm not going out to such and such tonight she says neither am I. If I change my mind, guess what? She changes. her mind too. Most of the time she's very easy to get along with and I do love to hang out with her but the copycat behaviour is starting to really get to me. Any advice would be fantastic

Sunny_Dayz Already depressed and now husband is leaving me, my world is shattered
  • replies: 6

I suffer from depression and anxiety and lately my depression has hit an all time low, most likely because my husband and I have been fighting bad for a couple of weeks. Today I went out on my own (without my two young children) and found myself not ... View more

I suffer from depression and anxiety and lately my depression has hit an all time low, most likely because my husband and I have been fighting bad for a couple of weeks. Today I went out on my own (without my two young children) and found myself not wanting to go home, I didn't want to go home and fight more. Well I got home and sure enough my husband and I fought and it was bad. Already feeling extremely depressed i left and found myself taking myself to the hospital for help, I literally felt like I wanted to die. While in the hospital emergency room waiting area (my husband knew I was there at this point) my husband calls me and tells me that he can't do this anymore and doesn't want to be with anymore and that were over. I broke down and walked up to the window unable to breath where they then took me through and talked me through a massive panic attack, after I calmed down they gave me some medication. I called my mum to come up and she did which helped too. I spoke to the psychologists who were not particularly helpful and who made it very clear that if I attenpt anything I would lose my children. I was discharged and am now staying with my parents for tonight while husband is home with the kids. He says he will continue to pay all bills while I stay living there and that I can continue to use the car. He continues to send mixed messages saying he doesn't want to be together but says "I love you" on the phone and is wanting to still go to marriage counselling with me. He also made a comment about wanting to sleep on my side of the bed tonight because it smells like me. My world just feels like it has shattered and I have no idea how to get through this. I never saw this coming, him leaving me, he's literally my everything. How do I get through this, what do I do, I'm not ready to give up on us but he says he doesn't even want to try. How do survive this.

Koor Selfish people
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I am new to this platform. I am in my mid thirties; completed my PhD last year. The reason I mention this is to suggest my cognitive abilities are alright. And I am in the stage of life where I can perceive, churn and understand. I am lo... View more

Hi Everyone, I am new to this platform. I am in my mid thirties; completed my PhD last year. The reason I mention this is to suggest my cognitive abilities are alright. And I am in the stage of life where I can perceive, churn and understand. I am loving, understanding and giving. However, most people (friends, cousins, in-laws) around me are selfish, vocal about their own needs, demanding and not at all in the frame of mind to listen to my point of view or accept I can be offended. This is ok because I have come to understand this is how people are. The problem is I take it to my heart, get hurt, feel the pain, sulk and cry. I get migraines and depression. I am unable to understand why people behave in certain ways. I am unable to forgive them and move on. I hold onto it tight. I feel the urge to tackle such people and tell them their ways are unacceptable. However, no one accepts and my urge and the associated depression grows. I feel let down, insulted and sick - mentally and physically. Why are people so undeserving and why do I hold it close to my heart? My partner and my dad have immensely helped me to get out of this overwhelming cyclone of thoughts. But apparently they have now given up. I am disturbing them without improving. I am sure no one cares. Why do I at the cost of my health? I need help. I want to be normal. Please help. Much appreciated

murmahs Desperately Seeking Advice.
  • replies: 1

In 2010 my partner & I separated after 13 years (his decision) we have two daughters together who are now 13 & 16. We separated due to his inability to stand up to his interfering family (though he would disagree). An example of this is that for 6 ye... View more

In 2010 my partner & I separated after 13 years (his decision) we have two daughters together who are now 13 & 16. We separated due to his inability to stand up to his interfering family (though he would disagree). An example of this is that for 6 years his brother in law would touch me up, tried to kiss me on many occasions and told me he loved me but my ex would never confront him or even try to stop him as he did not want to upset his baby sister. When we separated he refused to assist with the final payments for the house, went and found himself a home and left me and the children homeless. I was left no other option than to send the kids to him while I got back on my feet. After 18 months the girls came home to me but during the 18 months I would spend 4 out of 7 days at his house to be with the kids. His parenting is tough and he is very abrupt towards the girls and now they don't want to spend time with him because he won't listen to them. They told him recently that at a family function they felt uncomfortable around his brother in law as he kept looking down my 16yr old daughters top and also moved his seat so that he could get a better view. He not only did nothing about it but on the next visit made them go to another family gathering knowing this man would be there.I should mention that both of my girls suffer from panic attacks and anxiety but he says it doesn't exist and they they just use it as an excuse to not go to school. I have tried so hard to get him to help and to change his ways as the girls desperately want a relationship with him but he does not listen. The girls are too scared to tell him themselves and he refuses to go to counseling as it says its their issue to sort out and that when they are ready to tell him then they need to come to him. Today my baby girl begged me not to leave her at school and it was so hard to walk away from her. I called him and begged him to please make things right for them as they are suffering but he simply blamed me and said "That's your opinion" to everything I said. I am so lost and am now sitting here in tears for my girls because I see it is hurting them and I watch them battle on a daily basis to just go to school. There is so much more to this story that I will explain later if need but for now, someone please tell me where to start. I want to help my girls to be happy again, they are my everything. Please feel free to ask any questions.