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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lauren87 Anxiety after break up
  • replies: 5

My boyfriend of 3 years ended things very suddenly and with little explanation. I have suffered anxiety and panic in my life but only when something emotional triggers it I can't cope. Since the break up 11 days ago I have spiralled down hill. Massiv... View more

My boyfriend of 3 years ended things very suddenly and with little explanation. I have suffered anxiety and panic in my life but only when something emotional triggers it I can't cope. Since the break up 11 days ago I have spiralled down hill. Massive panic attacks, insomnia, nightmares when I do sleep and food just isn't working as it goes through me. I'm so damaged and shocked as we had a beautiful rship and he was a loving guy. Then out of no where his become a ghost. i don't have a social circle no girlfriends and really just feel like I've been left out to die. I have a horrible past rship before I met him and he showed me what it was like to be loved... Now to do this so cold and quick with no issues prior makes me feel so worthless. My entire body is shutting down and I've never felt more alone. There's been no contact and I know his doing this... But I don't feel I can ever accept how it happen... That morning he loved me and spoke all day fine.. By night time he emotionally closed off and ended it (by text) which I then I called. It's destroyed my worth and what I was to him... I can feel myself slipping into a dark place and I have so much anxiety about how it's happen... What now? The future? Hard to move forward and keep busy when I have no friends. I don't think I can ever feel good about it... He made me feel like the 3 great years were just a pass time... I was never in his future where I thought I was.

Real_Buttons Relationship breakup due to partner's depression
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I was seeing someone for the past 3 months (not a long time I know) and he recently broke up with me because of his depression. He said he felt lost and didn't know how to be by himself anymore and he needed to learn how to do that agai... View more

Hey everyone, I was seeing someone for the past 3 months (not a long time I know) and he recently broke up with me because of his depression. He said he felt lost and didn't know how to be by himself anymore and he needed to learn how to do that again. This took me by surprise because I thought he would have talked to me about it before it got so bad or said that we need to work out a good dynamic so that we don't spend too much time together. We have still been messaging each other like we did when we were together but he has said he doesn't have an interest or see us giving our relationship another go. I now feel lost and incredibly hurt. Like I've lost a best friend. When will the pain go away?

Sophjane I'm a new member -heartbroken
  • replies: 13

I don't where to start really, I had been going out with my partner for 7yrs. We were very stressed and my work was stressful and his ex wife had another baby who was dying from cancer, we had his daughter (8yrs old)with us. We were talking about wha... View more

I don't where to start really, I had been going out with my partner for 7yrs. We were very stressed and my work was stressful and his ex wife had another baby who was dying from cancer, we had his daughter (8yrs old)with us. We were talking about what we were going to do for xmas and who was coming for xmas lunch etc....and what paint to paint the house as we had just finished redoing the house. My partner hated my job and often asked me to quit so I wouldn't be so stressed. My partner went back to work ( he works away ) and after 5 days he texted me and said it was over and needed a break but maybe the new year would bring something more. The baby died 3 days later. He never spoke to me only through texting. He came home 10 days later and moved his stuff out before xmas and on the same day he moved his stuff into his new girlfriends house. He told his daughter that we had broken up and at the same time said he had another girlfriend all in half an hour. He introduced the new girlfriend straight away after telling her. The daughter refuses to see him after there weekend together with the new girlfriend. We spent most of the holidays together. I put on a brave face for her and said it was ok. But deep down inside everything is hurting and still is. He sent me a text saying he never cheated on me but I find that hard to believe. He even rang my mum and father and said he never cheated on me, but for someone to move in with another person so quickly / the same day you come home.... I feel so lost and upset . My dreams with him and his daughter are over. I am finding it hard to move on with out crying....it's been nearly 3 months and I have days where I'm ok and then other days where I cry nearly all the time especially at work. I feel like I didn't know him at all.. My ex and I are 40 years old. I would have said this was out of his character but I don't know at all... Thank you for letting me be heard.

Chrissy123456789 Please help
  • replies: 3

I met my fiance a year ago. He was the perfect gentleman and although I wasn't overly attracted to him...i developed deep feelings and love for him over time. He would tell me i was the type of woman that he always dreamed about and pursued me vigoro... View more

I met my fiance a year ago. He was the perfect gentleman and although I wasn't overly attracted to him...i developed deep feelings and love for him over time. He would tell me i was the type of woman that he always dreamed about and pursued me vigorously with everything he could muster...including expensive gifts etc etc...he put me on a pedestal and put me before everything else in his life...his ultimate goal was to make me happy. We are both in our late 40s and i felt this is finally the man i could spend the rest of my life with...about 6 months into the relationship we started silly arguments that got way out of control fast!! I started to realize i was mirroring his negative moods...he became very sensitive and felt i was putting him down etc...I was always shocked and would say but honey thats not what i meant at all...i wasnt purposely trying to offend him. The last conflict we had was four days ago...he had walked off and totally shut down from me. He has said i love you but im not in love anymore...your all i ever wanted in a woman but i think im destined to be a single man and just concentrate on my career...because i think that is what is going to ultimately make me successful and happy. How can love dissapear from someone over night? The week before i got a valentine's card stating..."words cant explain how deeply i love and adore you..you have given me the best gift i have ever known...your heart. I love you today and every other day. Thank you for being my soul mate". What should i do...should i hold on and wait and see if his feelings return?? I'm so confused and don't know where to turn...

Jammi My happiness or my parents'
  • replies: 7

Hi there, My parents wont ever accept my boyfriend because he has depression. I am in love with him and have an extremely strong bond with him. They made me break up with him last year and if I didn't I was not allowed to leave my house. I have tried... View more

Hi there, My parents wont ever accept my boyfriend because he has depression. I am in love with him and have an extremely strong bond with him. They made me break up with him last year and if I didn't I was not allowed to leave my house. I have tried to be with him secretly a few times (which I know is never a good idea) and they have found out and it didn't end well. Now I have been talking to him again and have told my mother I want to be with him. She said that there was no way she would ever accept him or allow me to date him. I now have the task of telling my father which causes me more anxiety than usual. I know that it won't end well and I will most likely be kicked out of home. The issue that stresses me the most is I don't want to disappoint or make my parents unhappy. I come from a large family and strong culture where pleasing your parents is essential. They have given up a lot and work hard for their children except I am not happy. If I chose to make myself happy and be with the person I love then it causes them to be miserable. I cannot talk to anyone about this issue and was just wondering anyone else's opinion other than my own thoughts I don't know what is more important making myself happy and staying with my boyfriend or maming my parents happy Thank you very much for reading

r_wills anxiety and overthinking is ruining my relationship!
  • replies: 6

hey guys im new on here but my anxiety has gotten so bad in the past couple of weeks that my relationship with my boyfriend is been badly affected. Long story short my anxiety stems from a previous relationship where my ex was extremely emotionally a... View more

hey guys im new on here but my anxiety has gotten so bad in the past couple of weeks that my relationship with my boyfriend is been badly affected. Long story short my anxiety stems from a previous relationship where my ex was extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative as well as a drug addict. During this relationship I was faced with the most intense feelings of worthlessness and was constantly on edge, comparing myself to every other girl in the room, looking at my ex's internet history to see which girls on facebook he was talking to then fantasizing over all while showing me absolutely no affection. It got to such a point that I couldn't even dress myself with what I thought was nice looking and instead dressed how he wanted me to. I thankfully got out of that relationship and knew I had bad anxiety, jealously and self esteem issues from it however I didn't realize how bad they actually were until recently. Ive been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now and he is absolutely amazing and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. However this makes me feel more anxious than ever! these days absolutely everything sets me off, I feel those past feelings creeping up and as an automatic defense I lash out because its easier to feel angry than hurt or worthless or forgotten. I get this overwhelming fear of been forgotten and create these images in my head which then rev the anxiety up to an extreme and I cant seem to snap out of it until the damage between my partner and I is already done. This is mostly trigged by the thought of other girls and I cant stand the thought of feeling rejected and completely self conscious about every part of my appearance. The past comes back to hunt me and I constantly worry and stress about him finding other girls attractive even though I know that's life! ive developed this habit where im literally pulling out my hair strand by strand when im feeling these emotions. I need help because I cant stand been trapped in my own head like this and my partner does deserve to feel like he cant do anything. I want to be me again and be fun to be around and have my sense of humor and laid back attitude back! please help RELATED THREADS Anxiety and overthinking? Overthinking My anxiety is getting worse - overthinking Anxiety, my constant overthinking

Nebulous What to do after losing your lifeline?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minima... View more

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minimal support base (my sister also travelled here to study and lives an hour away) and was recently dumped by my 1-year girlfriend because of my depression. As I had really made no other friends here she was my lifeline, and while she is a deeply selfless and compassionate person I just became too much of a burden for her. At the moment I am just trying to reboot my life and pick myself up; reading literature for my upcoming units, participating in clubs/activities, and trying to socialize. I would say that I am only moderately depressed at the moment, which is why I can find the energy to even attempt the aforementioned things. I do however have low energy, lower appetite, deficient sleep, poor memory, feelings of pointlessness, etc. I just began taking medication today but obviously will have to wait a while for it to kick in. My question is, how can make sure I don't spiral, as I did last year, before the drugs take effect? I am honestly making every effort to connect to people, but am also highly introverted and low on social energy, which can make it hard. I also just feel as if I am just naturally unlikeable until people get to know me very well, which is something that seldom happens. Because I have been so worried about potentially being alone I have spoken frankly with my ex asking if we could try to be friends quickly. Unfortunately we both hold quite strong feelings for the other and texting/calling her has only scared her more, though she sincerely wants to help me. She is crazy about me but sees me as a sort of ticking bomb of severe depression at this stage, and wants to be away from the blast zone. It is the weirdest mix of devotion and fear. The whole day of the break-up was this bizarre, suspended period where she seemed to be battling against herself to actually say the words. Honestly, above all I just can't bear the idea of not being able to talk to her. I would take the hit of friendship any day in order to have her in my life again, but she is emotionally unprepared for it (and I probably am too). Anyway, story over. I would be grateful to hear your thoughts on this, thank you for your time and help

Amarli My friend needs urgent help I don't know what to do
  • replies: 2

My friend, has just called off a relationship after 2years. It appears out of the blue, everything was perfect they had everything, perfect house, partner, animals. Even marriage was around the corner. The reason I have is she grew apart. When I look... View more

My friend, has just called off a relationship after 2years. It appears out of the blue, everything was perfect they had everything, perfect house, partner, animals. Even marriage was around the corner. The reason I have is she grew apart. When I look back at past relationships they ended after 2-3yrs. She had some major physical changes of appearance after loosing a lot of weight about 10yrs ago. Gets a lot of attention from guys which she seems to enjoy. Has already got with another guy. her bf is hurting so bad. Growing up her mother left her when she was 16, she was emotionally abused. She looks perfect when u see her, she acts fine, she comes across confident. She will snap easy about her imagine. She loves to clean. It's like she throwing everything away. I'm scared for her. Her bf is devasted there was no warning, only a few days before she was so in love. I have no idea what is going on? What do I do, what can I suggest, does anyone have any idea what this maybe?

Trapped_and_Crying How do you get your partner to the resolution of a problem?
  • replies: 4

Back story: I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. We have lived together for 8-9 months. I got made redundant 6 months ago. Diagnosed with diabetes 3 months ago. Finally got 2 new jobs a fortnight ago. Now up until recently we barely fou... View more

Back story: I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. We have lived together for 8-9 months. I got made redundant 6 months ago. Diagnosed with diabetes 3 months ago. Finally got 2 new jobs a fortnight ago. Now up until recently we barely fought even though we were both very stressed. Now its seems we fight about miscommunication every couple of days. We are both intelligent/free thinking people. We can identify the problems we have quite clearly. I just can't for the life of me get him to think/talk about/work on a solution with me or alone. He gets through the why he's sh*tty with me (again) but not what I can do differently. And then he just storms off. I'm changing my tone of voice, my angle, the medium (tried letters/emails instead etc). I've suggested things he can try to not hurt my feelings but doesn't attempt any of them. He never says sorry and it hurts. How do I get him to find a solution with me? He does love me... he just doesn't like me sometimes

Janksie Do we let go of our first love?
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love ... View more

Hi, I am new to this forum, i really wanted to talk to someone, actually I'm from Kenya and I moved to Australia 8 years ago, when I was in Kenya, I wAs generally a shy and reserved girl. While I was working in an auditing firm there, I fell in love with a guy there, it was first just love or maybe a crush and slowly changed to saying hello, to eventually dating each other. I belong to an Indian community and in our community there, dating someone was considered inappropriate. My mum was not aware of what was happening in my life as it was a secret relationship. Eventually our dating became passionate love and we got very intimate with each other. Anyway, skipping the details, he was the first man I opened myself to and lost my virginity to. Eventually, the time came when my mum and grandmother insisted that I should get married, I was 22 at that time and in my family, getting married late was also not considered appropriate. So because I was so close to this guy, I approached him for marriage and to talk to his parents. Indian community has a caste system, so his family did not accept my caste as it was different from theirs. My mum was strict too, but I knew that she loved me and will accept it if it was for my happiness. my guy couldn't fight for me and told me he can't do this, can't marry and can't go against his parents. So after many attempts, I knew it was not going to happen and we broke up, after a year or so, eventually through arranged marriage setup, I got married and moved to Australia, my current husband is very loving, very caring, All these years that I have been married, I couldn't stop comparing my husband to my first love, even though he is aware of my past, I never admitted to him about the internal comparisons I made. I think I never got over my first love. Recently, I found out he got married, to someone of a different caste, a caste his family would not accept. It shocked me and broke me to pieces. Why did he marry her and not me? I felt the urge to confront him but I have no contact details Please someone help me figure this out, how do I stop myself from all this crying? These dreams and most of all the low self esteem I feel because he rejected me?i feel angry at the same time pain. Thankyou for for reading my post, I know it is long but I had to explain.