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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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InLimbo In need of friends
  • replies: 6

Hi, first time on here. I'm 37yrs and have had depression and anxiety most if my life. I find it hard keeping friends, mainly because most people are very superficial and are not truly there for the 'good and the bad' if a relationship. I've asked my... View more

Hi, first time on here. I'm 37yrs and have had depression and anxiety most if my life. I find it hard keeping friends, mainly because most people are very superficial and are not truly there for the 'good and the bad' if a relationship. I've asked my psychologist how to make friends and she says once I'm working again I'll find people. I just don't know if I can wait that long. I need a friend to chat, laugh, cry with. I find when I have a true friend to be with my motivation in life is better and my depression lifts. I've dealt with a few traumatic events in my life. The most recent losing a baby at 22weeks. I'm still doing IVF and it's becoming increasingly difficult to cope with the constant letdowns. It doesn't help I don't have any girlfriends to to talk to about it. Anyway, just thought I would put it out there and see what people think.

wanted_a_simple_life Am I Normal???
  • replies: 25

It's been over a year now Ive been seperated and Im still mourning the loss of my wife and family. After finding out she has cheated on me during my marriage and getting engaged straight after we seperated (less than 2 weeks) has been heartbreaking. ... View more

It's been over a year now Ive been seperated and Im still mourning the loss of my wife and family. After finding out she has cheated on me during my marriage and getting engaged straight after we seperated (less than 2 weeks) has been heartbreaking. She has subsequently broken up with the guy and hooked up with someone else seven weeks after that. In all this my kids had 3 father figures in less than 12 months and have been directed to lie and hide information to her parents and family. I have been told by her dad im the perpretrator and she is the victim of the situation, which really hurts. My family was my world and now they live an hour away, I feel lost and directionless. I still wake up and find they are not there, the pain kills me and I can physically feel the weight of it each day, where she has just left all this behind and got on with her life. The laws seem to favour her so much and even though she has done everything to break us up, I still have to fight to see my kids. Now I have to give up my entire life to move closer to them or I will miss out on my kids growing up. Im so sad about everything right now. Even her family (except her parents and a sibling) can see she has made a huge mistake and me and my kids will pay for it. There are no winners in this other than her as she plays the victim card, but has done all this stuff during the marriage. I feel so ripped off.....

Davidian My sexual performance anxiety problem is about to break up my relationship
  • replies: 4

I'm late-20s, and have been in a relationship with my partner for coming up to 4 years. Was diagnosed with depression when I was younger after I dropped out of university, and although I'm no longer in that dark place, I feel that I've never really s... View more

I'm late-20s, and have been in a relationship with my partner for coming up to 4 years. Was diagnosed with depression when I was younger after I dropped out of university, and although I'm no longer in that dark place, I feel that I've never really shook off the depression completely. My partner and I met online, since I came over here to live almost 3 years ago the intimacy rapidly tapered off and now the lack of it has left a huge void in our relationship. I avoid intimacy at all costs because when we do begin to be intimate I suffer extreme anxiety. What began as mild discomfort with sexual activities now prevents us from doing anything sexual. I think the initial discomfort stemmed from poor body image. I'm overweight (have been all my life) and for most of my 20s I suffered from an addiction to porn. This replaced normal sexual interaction with women - since my early 20s I only had one relationship, again online, however was not very close with this girl. Obviously this skewed view of sex is not compatible with a serious loving relationship, however I didn't even realise this was the problem until months after I had moved to Australia and it became clear there was a problem. Initially I thought it was just something that would pass once I had become more comfortable in a new country, once I'd found a job, and a place of our own. But those things have come and gone and the anxiety has only become worse. I think I'm anxious at the thought of being myself in bed with my partner, because I do not live up to my expectations of how a man should be and perform during sex, and also how the whole sexual experience should be. I made excuses and tried to avoid the subject and avoid intimacy at all costs, but as my problem became apparent, I had to talk to my partner about it. Every time I turned her down, every time I avoided sexual contact with her, I damaged her self-confidence and hurt her. Every time I suffered anxiety to the point of recoiling away, I put her through the same mental anguish I'd been suffering, if not worse. We've been to a sex therapist, who after a few sessions referred me to a psychologist who specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy; I've been seeing him for several sessions since last year for my anxiety. We've covered a lot of techniques to control my anxious thoughts, mindfulness, and sensate focus exercises - but I feel that even though I seem to have the tools and the knowledge to get through this, I just can't seem to apply myself, follow through on my promises and make a big effort to turn my life around. I can't even look at it because it seems so impossible. When I do make progress I look at what I have left to do and it seems even more daunting, so I run away. I give up because I can't bear to push through the discomfort. We're fighting about this on a weekly basis now. The kind of fights where we scream at each other, in floods of tears, then end up barely speaking for 2-3 days afterwards. Things get better, I try to follow through with my promises to keep up the consistent application of the tools I have to combat anxiety, but then a week or so later I bottle it, end up breaking my promise and the cycle repeats. Every time we fight I feel us getting further apart and success seems even further away. She screams at me because she's in so much pain, beyond breaking point, and I won't just bite the bullet and confront this head on - and I don't blame her. She's given me an ultimatum. 2 weeks to get some sort of plan in progress - something that I will stick to - or we can both look for our needs met elsewhere. As painful as that thought is I feel I deserve the pain after everything I've put her through. I've lied, broken promises, put my needs ahead of hers, and tried to avoid looking at this issue at her expense. I don't know how to motivate myself to follow through. I start out with the best of intentions - recording my daily thoughts, spending some time every couple of days being close to her, using sensate focus exercises to try to become comfortable with it. But after a few days this tails off, I stop writing down how I feel, I make excuses to not be intimate, and stop even talking about it, withdrawing into my shell. I've only just talked to my Dad about it, I'm so cripplingly ashamed about it that I haven't mentioned it to anyone else. What can I do to motivate myself push through the discomfort of anxiety when I can't even seem to manage it with all the help I'm getting? SIMILAR THREADS Lack of sex drive

Sw7993 My anxieties are pushing him away?
  • replies: 2

I have been seeing my best friend for the last few months. We are perfect together when it's just us, we have never fought, he says he loves me (& that isn't easy for him). He has not fully committed yet for a few reasons, one that he just got out of... View more

I have been seeing my best friend for the last few months. We are perfect together when it's just us, we have never fought, he says he loves me (& that isn't easy for him). He has not fully committed yet for a few reasons, one that he just got out of a relationship, two because he is away at uni. I am fine with this however after a perfect few months at home it has all changed since he moved back to uni. I have anxiety, that has been a problem for relationships in the past, however it hasn't been a problem in over a year. Since he has gone back I have been anxious & jealous. I have sent multiple anxious texts & focused on tiny little naggy things in my head. I love him to bits, i don't want to ruin this but I am afraid I am already pushing him away. After a great weekend together he isn't even being affectionate by text message. I'm seeing him this weekend & i just want to be my fun happy self, irresistible and attractive. Help me please

Bigwool I know it won't last forever, but..............
  • replies: 9

After our initial separation (as a result of being caught out in an emotional affair), my wife & I were getting along and trying to manage our 2 young kids the best way possible. This all changed the day I moved out (only 7 days ago) of the marital h... View more

After our initial separation (as a result of being caught out in an emotional affair), my wife & I were getting along and trying to manage our 2 young kids the best way possible. This all changed the day I moved out (only 7 days ago) of the marital home into a rental property where she had the locks changed within 1 hour of me pulling out of the driveway. Her actions at this time has played a major role in my anxieties taking over my everyday life since this point which is impacting me on all levels of my life. I have recently agreed to medication for my anxieties, but my wife refuses to accept my constant references to 'my mental health' - I feel like she thinks I'm using this as an excuse. I am now trying to deal with her constant emails in relation to financial contributions, the care of the kids & the settlement of our assets - my wife has a cold, clinical approach to everything she does in life, which I have witnessed over our 10 years together on numerous occasions, now being on the receiving end of this has me at rock bottom. I am constantly on the phone with help lines, Mensline, Relationships Australia, Beyond Blue in those moments when my mind will not stop thinking about my wife and her attitiude towards me - the daily grind of feeling hurt and helpless is starting to take over my life. It doesn't help that I'm trying to learn to be by myself for the first time in 20 years - I feel so alone in my new place, finding it incredibly difficult to settle in and get on with life. Everybody I talk to continue to tell me that it will get better - I truly believe that, but it seems so far away right now. I know there is no magic wand that will make this all go away - it is up to me to pull myself out of this hole that I created, but with each passing day I feel like I'm withdrawing from life more & more. My wife is living rent free in my head - my anxieties are making mountains out of mole hills and no amount of talking or reading right now is helping shake that overwhelming feeling of helplessness. If there is anybody reading this who has experienced the above I'd love to hear about your experience and how you overcame it. Cheers All.

Nickname_16EBF092-F51D-42 Struggling to keep it together - infidelity
  • replies: 7

Back in November last year I discovered my husband had another life online in the fet world which last year switched over to meeting women for sexual contact. He was on every hook up site known to the world, living another world of online sexting, ex... View more

Back in November last year I discovered my husband had another life online in the fet world which last year switched over to meeting women for sexual contact. He was on every hook up site known to the world, living another world of online sexting, explicit conversations, videos and actively looking for a ***buddy and (third) buddy. After the confrontation, the last months have been lots of individual counselling (both of us) and couples. His other life is so all out of character and I have been struggling with accepting what he has done. He loves me, I love him and we are trying to get our marriage together (after 20 years). He is depressed and he is I guess had a breakdown but the online behaviour for over 5+ years (without mw knowing) i feel is something else. I'm no stranger to depression, but this is crippling. I'm not sure if this going to end .. all this fear, anxiety, sadness, anger.

lyingcat No friends and feeling lonely
  • replies: 4

Hi BeyondBlue community. As the title says, I'm feeling lonely because I haven't got any friends. I have a best friend but she hardly talks to me anymore and I don't want to hang out with her because she keeps taking drugs. I have two other friends t... View more

Hi BeyondBlue community. As the title says, I'm feeling lonely because I haven't got any friends. I have a best friend but she hardly talks to me anymore and I don't want to hang out with her because she keeps taking drugs. I have two other friends that I haven't talked to in months and they never want to hang out because they're super introverted. Granted, I'm really introverted too. I can spend weeks at a time without hanging out with friends but right now I feel really lonely because I have no one. No friends that want to spend time with me. I figured if I got a job and studied I'd have friends. I have a job but there's only old people there (I'm 19). I go to TAFE and I am so desperate to make friends in my class I feel sad. A girl I really want to be friends with is really cool but she doesn't talk, just sits on her phone when the group is talking. I'm kinda obsessed with her, it's pathetic. I did a favour for her today (without getting into it) but she left with her friends I guess so I couldn't talk to her which made me feel sad. I don't feel good enough. She literally just texted me saying she owes me for the favour I did and now I'm feeling better but that's bad because I'm letting her control my emotions. It's the same thing that happened when I was crushing on a guy last year. Same friends who didn't want to hang out, or my best friend just wanted to do drugs - so I let him be the focus of my emotions and so when they don't react the way I imagine I feel really put down. I know what I need to do. Go out, find some hobbies. I've been wanting to do boxing for a while. I'm just shy and it's hard. I don't like meeting people. That's the hard part to me. I guess I just wanted to use this to vent. The thing that makes this worse is my younger sister by a year is really popular. Not that I want to be popular, I only like having a few friends, but it stings that she can make friends so easily and I have none. My parents are supportive but I can tell my extended family look at me as a loser because I'm not partying or drinking, and I've never dated. I'm sorry. This is way too much unnecessary information but I don't really have anyone to talk about it to. Maybe family, but I don't want to annoy them or make them pity me. Thanks.

Hidden_Away_From_You Step-Family Love
  • replies: 3

I am in a predicament where I have a hatred for my father but not my family; because of this my step-family hates me although I love them as if they were my real family. Right now I am having a lot of arguments and blow-ups with my family. Last time ... View more

I am in a predicament where I have a hatred for my father but not my family; because of this my step-family hates me although I love them as if they were my real family. Right now I am having a lot of arguments and blow-ups with my family. Last time I ran off and didn't come home until my cousin found me and dragged me home. I don't want to fix the relationship I have with my father but I want to be with my step-family. I don't know how to do that and I am moving out in under a year. Any advice??

behappy1 Desperate
  • replies: 1

Hi I am at a loss as what to do my wife drinks pretty much every second day starts around four pm stopes around two or four am the next day she can be ok as if nothing happened sum days she is grumpy when she isn’t drinking she is pretty level headed... View more

Hi I am at a loss as what to do my wife drinks pretty much every second day starts around four pm stopes around two or four am the next day she can be ok as if nothing happened sum days she is grumpy when she isn’t drinking she is pretty level headed but when she drinks he gets angry everything comes to a head I can’t reason with here she will through things of mine outside or in the rubbish we can be getting along ok but when she starts to drink I don’t know what to do so stay out of here way but when I get up in the morning to go to work things my thing ere in the bin ore outside. I have asked here not to drink as things get out of hand I won’t drink as I don’t want to get here started Our kid are all grown up but she started when they were little but she only drank allot once a month but over the years it’s got more consistent. I love my wife we have be married for 33 years but this thing is making me more distant to here as I don’t know what to do.

Aprillia31 Partner left me at 20 weeks preg through ivf... He says he has issues and depression. Confused.
  • replies: 7

My partner and i been together a year and a half, we did ivf and worked 1st go. He stuck by me through a bad 1st trimester and then out of the blue says he doesnt love me like he use to and wanted me to move to my parents because he has issues and th... View more

My partner and i been together a year and a half, we did ivf and worked 1st go. He stuck by me through a bad 1st trimester and then out of the blue says he doesnt love me like he use to and wanted me to move to my parents because he has issues and thinks he's depressed. I tried so hard to get him help, counseling ect but he went and would say not nice things, not true things. I have sufferes depression and fully understand it but he doesnt seem interested in me. He just says its him not me and he'll be the best father under the circumstances. I just cant get my head around someone that would go to those lengths to start a family ans just push me and the baby away like we are nothing. Im lost as to what to do. I feel like im out of ideas as to what i can do. Im trying to give him space but we are still having to sort out house stuff. He has been through sexual abuse as a child and has questioned his sexuality but says he is not guy but likes to look at men. I get no straight answers, he has pushed his family away as well. He drinks to cope with his feelings. And 2 weeks after i moved out he tildnme he's talking to other woman online as an ego boost, talking general conversation. i just cant get my head around any of this. He is the love of my life, someone i want to stick by through thick n thin no matter what. He says he cant deal with anything and is selling all his stuff and moving into a one bedroom unit cuz he cant cope with a house and stuff. I dont know if theres any hope left or what to do and im am shattered.