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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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ang15 Need advice to stay grounded
  • replies: 2

I have always had depression and anxiety since I was young. It was triggered and has manifested since I separated from my husband last year, 2 very stressful years at work, 2 special needs children and now selling the house I love and moving to a new... View more

I have always had depression and anxiety since I was young. It was triggered and has manifested since I separated from my husband last year, 2 very stressful years at work, 2 special needs children and now selling the house I love and moving to a new town. I am burnt out and hit rock bottom. everything feels overwhelming and I have relied on a great friend too much by clinging and subsequently she has backed away, I really need her and miss her terribly but I do understand why on her behalf. she was the one who understood me and knew all my thoughts and feelings. I was doing really well today and felt like I had made some progress in listening to my dreams and planning goals and letting my friend go until she is ready to talk again. I was ok with that until I saw a msg she wrote to someone else. Then all the hurt and feelings of losing her are coming back and its really hard to shake this anxiety. On top of this I am trying to make good decisions and right decisions in my future and about where I will be living but I seem to get a different response from others disagreeing. I don't know how to trust my decisions anymore, I don't know how to trust my ideas and goals. I want this all to stop its going way too fast and everything is happening so quickly. I am hurting because I am too much for people to handle. I have support from medication, psychologist and social worker so whilst that is great. Its moments like these when you are all alone and its the day to day managing and minute to minute handling of emotions and thoughts and not the once week appointments that are hard. anyone else going through or have similar experiences

Teetoe Don't want to be selfish ...
  • replies: 14

I'm struggling with guilt over my selfish feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction for my life - probably need a good kick. My husband has been diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago- he is sometimes very difficult to get along with - and I ... View more

I'm struggling with guilt over my selfish feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction for my life - probably need a good kick. My husband has been diagnosed with dementia a couple of years ago- he is sometimes very difficult to get along with - and I so miss any companionship, joint activities, discussion and physical relationship. He is not in care but his life revolves around himself, because of the dementia. I am trying to move us off acreage into a smaller place which will be better for him once we move, but he doesn't want to go and blames me bitterly for it (health professionals and family are advocating it but the weight falls on me). The dementia causes lots of other problems with things here which I must deal with, and I am so frustrated with my life. I've always been a very out there person and everywhere I look I see happy couples doing things. We lost our daughter some years ago and this weighs heavy on both of us. I want to look after him but he resists that and at the same time doesn't like me going out doing my own thing. Most of the time I feel very lonely, empty and needy, but I know I must not feel this way. I also feel very sorry for him as he is facing dementia as well as physical pain with arthritis issues (for which I am trying to medical help). Is there anyone else out there facing similar issues who can give me the necessary backbone to be supportive and caring and not be so selfish?

Bubbaloo84 Feel like I'm battling it alone
  • replies: 11

I am a single mum have been for nilly 3 years. I don't have anyone who I can really trust in "my circle" well not really a circle only have my sister and brother but feel I can't load my problems on them. I'm currently going through a divorce as my e... View more

I am a single mum have been for nilly 3 years. I don't have anyone who I can really trust in "my circle" well not really a circle only have my sister and brother but feel I can't load my problems on them. I'm currently going through a divorce as my ex husband served them on me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm screaming on the inside but just can't say how I am truly feeling... It's Like I'm scared of my feelings. Scared of what I am and who I have become.. I'm so broken on the inside that I feel if I start to break on the outside I just don't know what's going to happen... I feel I have to stay strong for a little girl that is in my world. My four year old daughter. I'm so unhappy miserable and hurt.

slh lost and scared
  • replies: 7

Hi. Sorry i haven't introduced myself. I've not posted here before so hope you will excuse my curent state. I'm sitting on the couch in tears and have no one to turn to. I managed to hold it together to get the kids to school then fell apart.Last nig... View more

Hi. Sorry i haven't introduced myself. I've not posted here before so hope you will excuse my curent state. I'm sitting on the couch in tears and have no one to turn to. I managed to hold it together to get the kids to school then fell apart.Last night my husband told me he wants to leave. We'd had an argument about stupid stuff and it got full on. Now he won't take my calls today.He's not been himself for the last month, quitting smoking and been on medication to do so. I feel the medication has altered his perception and has made him quite nasty at times. He's certainly been biting my head off a lot of blaming me for it. We've had problems like all marriages and at times things have been pretty bad. We've always managed to get past it by talking when things have calmed. This is really scaring me though. I don't want to lose my husband but im worried he will follow through with this decision amd there will be nothing i can say or do to prevent it.So so lost right. I feel physically ill with worry.

jojo05 Husband left unexpectedly
  • replies: 13

4 months ago my husband came completely out of the blue and told me he didnt love me anymore and wants a divorce. I was completely shocked and confused. We have had problems in the past but have worked through them and we were having some small issus... View more

4 months ago my husband came completely out of the blue and told me he didnt love me anymore and wants a divorce. I was completely shocked and confused. We have had problems in the past but have worked through them and we were having some small issuse then, mostly because of our work loads, but it wasnt some thing that couldnt be fixed and nothing that would come to this happening. I asked him why he felt like that and he told me he didnt now, it just happens, we grew apart, our marriage fizzled, things changed from our last problems and so on, seemed to me he was coming up with any old excuse. I dont believe this happens for no reason so i did my own investigations. I found out he had been doing alot of stuff behind my back while he was at work, he had a secret facebook page, he added friends from his past (mostly females) that i had never heard of or ever met and he was meeting up with them, and i was clueless to all of it. I couldnt believe it, it was like he was living another life without me. He moved out 4 days later and has been living a whole new life like me and our marriage ment nothing. We have stayed in contact, although it has become less now and i seem to be the one that contacts him first, and most contact is by text. i believe he left me to be with someone else but he denies it, he has joined singles sites, which he denies and he has been really secretive and lies alot like he has things to hide. He has had mild depression for as long as ive known him but has dealt with it pretty well. After he left he says his depression had come back and he had things in himself he had to sort out. Well all of a sudden he is feeling so much better now that he doesnt feel guilty about anything he had done and why should he, so he things, (apparently a councillor said he shouldnt) obviously thats what he was depressed about and so he should who does the things he was doing, he makes me feel as though im to blame for him being depressed. The past few months have been horrible, ive had to move to my mothers in another state because i was struggling financilly he has left me to deal with everything, i even had to pack his stuff. i still love him and miss him heaps even after all the BS he has done. I cant believe how clueless i was to any of the things he was doing, its like i mean nothing to him and it was so easy for him to walk away even though the things that were wrong could have been fixed. Ive never felt this worthless in my life ever.

Polka_Dots An issue of morality
  • replies: 3

I have a problem with anxiety and depression I also have a really aggressive sibling with mental health problems. We are estranged because I fear for my safety and health. However, my parents, still feel sorry for him and put his needs before mine. T... View more

I have a problem with anxiety and depression I also have a really aggressive sibling with mental health problems. We are estranged because I fear for my safety and health. However, my parents, still feel sorry for him and put his needs before mine. There has always been a lax set of guidelines for him and a different really strict set of rules for me. I feel like I am the second child, even though we are not children anymore. I think they’re really scared of him and, despite what every psychiatric expert has said, they give him what he wants because it’s easier for them. Here's my current dilemma that I'd like people's opinions on before I lose yet another night of sleep over it. We go away to a seaside town a lot and the problem I have is that my parents always invite him. He doesn’t always pitch but it’s enough to ruin a holiday. Last time I was meant to go with him and they invited him last minute and I back out. They were really hurt and angry at me. So we are going away for Easter and I’ve agreed to go. I asked if he was invited and they said no. Happy because I love them and we have fun together. However, I don’t trust them, just by some underhanded comments they have made. I am really scared that if I go he’ll turn up and I’ll be stranded there in the same house with no way of getting home until we leave. Even though I’ve made my terms and conditions fr going very clear. I feel really sick and scared in his presence but my parents don’t care about that. It’s already ruining the trip for me. But I don’t want to hurt their feelings again and deal with all that drama by backing out. Especially as this time it's a familiy religious celebration. I also don’t want to spend another holiday by myself and I think active holidays are good for my own mental health whereas sitting at home watching crap movies is not. I think it’s really unfair that my trips away are dictated by my parents and sibling- I am over 21- and that my feelings are put last when I try to do the right thing. I’ll be really hurt if it turns out they’ve lied to me to protect his feelings too. So do I stay and feel awful or go and possibly have a good time or possibly risk being stuck in an unsafe situation with no way to get out until the close of the trip? Or am I just being an anxiety person who is worrying too much like I always do? I'm interested in people's thoughts because this is going to set a precedent.

Newbie123 Should I give him another chance?
  • replies: 9

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now. I'm 19 he's 35 and has two kids they are amazing and I love them but they still don't know we are together and neither does anyone in or work places or town. That's only one issue though. I have caught... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now. I'm 19 he's 35 and has two kids they are amazing and I love them but they still don't know we are together and neither does anyone in or work places or town. That's only one issue though. I have caught him several times messaging other women and calling then beautiful and hot and sending them kisses and I have told him it's unacceptable and that I consider it cheating. The last time he actually did stop but now I doubting it and just thinking he's become better at hiding it? What should I do? Confront him and have him lie to my face or find loop holes because I don't know enough to catch him out. Or should I just see what happens and do more investigating? Anyone else with a better idea? I love him and I really want us to work but I'm getting to the point were I'm done... What should I do?

Notrealymyname How to start the conversation
  • replies: 3

In a relationship for 8 years and have kids together. It's never been great although never really had a fight. The whole thing just seems pointless like we're roommates but I pay all the bills. Zero intimacy which bothers me on a lot of levels but no... View more

In a relationship for 8 years and have kids together. It's never been great although never really had a fight. The whole thing just seems pointless like we're roommates but I pay all the bills. Zero intimacy which bothers me on a lot of levels but now I'm being pressured for sex even though partner thinks that it should just happen rather than there be a lead up to it through intimacy. Overall I feel pretty empty and that there is no meaning to my life but I can't seem to find the courage to say anything to anyone. I feel that my partner is self centred (didn't even say happy birthday to me) but I also am aware that I keep a guard up and have been dissatisfied with my life on all aspects not just with them. my job is such a negative place but it's our only source of income (for the last 4 months and for the foreseeable future) and it only covers the bills so I resent my partner for not earning an income. I have made small comments about the lack of romance with no change. I haven't enjoyed anything for a long time so I have no clue how to fix it and don't know how to voice that I feel taken advantage of and neglected. I would just disappear if it wasn't for the little ones

Bella-81 Mother in law issues damaging marriage
  • replies: 13

How do I deal with my mother in law who is highly anxious, incapable of communication and only seems to have issues with me since having our child 19 months ago! I feel like I'm competing with her for my husbands attention!! I'm not sure if my husban... View more

How do I deal with my mother in law who is highly anxious, incapable of communication and only seems to have issues with me since having our child 19 months ago! I feel like I'm competing with her for my husbands attention!! I'm not sure if my husband is enjoying all this attention from his mother since it was lacking when he was younger??

Licing Still holding on
  • replies: 7

Been with the guy for almost 10yrs. Not once he ever compliment me nor express his feelings towards me. Realised from the beginning that this is a one sided relationship. Ive felt unloved before him and now I feel very ugly and unworthy. I love him s... View more

Been with the guy for almost 10yrs. Not once he ever compliment me nor express his feelings towards me. Realised from the beginning that this is a one sided relationship. Ive felt unloved before him and now I feel very ugly and unworthy. I love him so much and even known him always cheating for the 10yrs, I still don't want to leave. Do I have a sickness? I know he doesn't love me and I know he doesn't want me. He tells other women he misses them and wants them. But not once he ever tells me this. He now has a new woman, he tells her that he loves her. But he denies something going on. And he talks to her everyday where he only talks to me when necessary. And I still want him to be with me. I know that I will never move on until he leaves me. And I know that when he does leave me for this woman, I will be in my deepest hell. How can I be in this one sided relationship for 10yrs and love this man who doesn't love me, even treat my love for him as garbage. What is wrong with me???