Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Sw7993 My anxieties are pushing him away?
  • replies: 2

I have been seeing my best friend for the last few months. We are perfect together when it's just us, we have never fought, he says he loves me (& that isn't easy for him). He has not fully committed yet for a few reasons, one that he just got out of... View more

I have been seeing my best friend for the last few months. We are perfect together when it's just us, we have never fought, he says he loves me (& that isn't easy for him). He has not fully committed yet for a few reasons, one that he just got out of a relationship, two because he is away at uni. I am fine with this however after a perfect few months at home it has all changed since he moved back to uni. I have anxiety, that has been a problem for relationships in the past, however it hasn't been a problem in over a year. Since he has gone back I have been anxious & jealous. I have sent multiple anxious texts & focused on tiny little naggy things in my head. I love him to bits, i don't want to ruin this but I am afraid I am already pushing him away. After a great weekend together he isn't even being affectionate by text message. I'm seeing him this weekend & i just want to be my fun happy self, irresistible and attractive. Help me please

Bigwool I know it won't last forever, but..............
  • replies: 9

After our initial separation (as a result of being caught out in an emotional affair), my wife & I were getting along and trying to manage our 2 young kids the best way possible. This all changed the day I moved out (only 7 days ago) of the marital h... View more

After our initial separation (as a result of being caught out in an emotional affair), my wife & I were getting along and trying to manage our 2 young kids the best way possible. This all changed the day I moved out (only 7 days ago) of the marital home into a rental property where she had the locks changed within 1 hour of me pulling out of the driveway. Her actions at this time has played a major role in my anxieties taking over my everyday life since this point which is impacting me on all levels of my life. I have recently agreed to medication for my anxieties, but my wife refuses to accept my constant references to 'my mental health' - I feel like she thinks I'm using this as an excuse. I am now trying to deal with her constant emails in relation to financial contributions, the care of the kids & the settlement of our assets - my wife has a cold, clinical approach to everything she does in life, which I have witnessed over our 10 years together on numerous occasions, now being on the receiving end of this has me at rock bottom. I am constantly on the phone with help lines, Mensline, Relationships Australia, Beyond Blue in those moments when my mind will not stop thinking about my wife and her attitiude towards me - the daily grind of feeling hurt and helpless is starting to take over my life. It doesn't help that I'm trying to learn to be by myself for the first time in 20 years - I feel so alone in my new place, finding it incredibly difficult to settle in and get on with life. Everybody I talk to continue to tell me that it will get better - I truly believe that, but it seems so far away right now. I know there is no magic wand that will make this all go away - it is up to me to pull myself out of this hole that I created, but with each passing day I feel like I'm withdrawing from life more & more. My wife is living rent free in my head - my anxieties are making mountains out of mole hills and no amount of talking or reading right now is helping shake that overwhelming feeling of helplessness. If there is anybody reading this who has experienced the above I'd love to hear about your experience and how you overcame it. Cheers All.

Nickname_16EBF092-F51D-42 Struggling to keep it together - infidelity
  • replies: 7

Back in November last year I discovered my husband had another life online in the fet world which last year switched over to meeting women for sexual contact. He was on every hook up site known to the world, living another world of online sexting, ex... View more

Back in November last year I discovered my husband had another life online in the fet world which last year switched over to meeting women for sexual contact. He was on every hook up site known to the world, living another world of online sexting, explicit conversations, videos and actively looking for a ***buddy and (third) buddy. After the confrontation, the last months have been lots of individual counselling (both of us) and couples. His other life is so all out of character and I have been struggling with accepting what he has done. He loves me, I love him and we are trying to get our marriage together (after 20 years). He is depressed and he is I guess had a breakdown but the online behaviour for over 5+ years (without mw knowing) i feel is something else. I'm no stranger to depression, but this is crippling. I'm not sure if this going to end .. all this fear, anxiety, sadness, anger.

lyingcat No friends and feeling lonely
  • replies: 4

Hi BeyondBlue community. As the title says, I'm feeling lonely because I haven't got any friends. I have a best friend but she hardly talks to me anymore and I don't want to hang out with her because she keeps taking drugs. I have two other friends t... View more

Hi BeyondBlue community. As the title says, I'm feeling lonely because I haven't got any friends. I have a best friend but she hardly talks to me anymore and I don't want to hang out with her because she keeps taking drugs. I have two other friends that I haven't talked to in months and they never want to hang out because they're super introverted. Granted, I'm really introverted too. I can spend weeks at a time without hanging out with friends but right now I feel really lonely because I have no one. No friends that want to spend time with me. I figured if I got a job and studied I'd have friends. I have a job but there's only old people there (I'm 19). I go to TAFE and I am so desperate to make friends in my class I feel sad. A girl I really want to be friends with is really cool but she doesn't talk, just sits on her phone when the group is talking. I'm kinda obsessed with her, it's pathetic. I did a favour for her today (without getting into it) but she left with her friends I guess so I couldn't talk to her which made me feel sad. I don't feel good enough. She literally just texted me saying she owes me for the favour I did and now I'm feeling better but that's bad because I'm letting her control my emotions. It's the same thing that happened when I was crushing on a guy last year. Same friends who didn't want to hang out, or my best friend just wanted to do drugs - so I let him be the focus of my emotions and so when they don't react the way I imagine I feel really put down. I know what I need to do. Go out, find some hobbies. I've been wanting to do boxing for a while. I'm just shy and it's hard. I don't like meeting people. That's the hard part to me. I guess I just wanted to use this to vent. The thing that makes this worse is my younger sister by a year is really popular. Not that I want to be popular, I only like having a few friends, but it stings that she can make friends so easily and I have none. My parents are supportive but I can tell my extended family look at me as a loser because I'm not partying or drinking, and I've never dated. I'm sorry. This is way too much unnecessary information but I don't really have anyone to talk about it to. Maybe family, but I don't want to annoy them or make them pity me. Thanks.

Hidden_Away_From_You Step-Family Love
  • replies: 3

I am in a predicament where I have a hatred for my father but not my family; because of this my step-family hates me although I love them as if they were my real family. Right now I am having a lot of arguments and blow-ups with my family. Last time ... View more

I am in a predicament where I have a hatred for my father but not my family; because of this my step-family hates me although I love them as if they were my real family. Right now I am having a lot of arguments and blow-ups with my family. Last time I ran off and didn't come home until my cousin found me and dragged me home. I don't want to fix the relationship I have with my father but I want to be with my step-family. I don't know how to do that and I am moving out in under a year. Any advice??

behappy1 Desperate
  • replies: 1

Hi I am at a loss as what to do my wife drinks pretty much every second day starts around four pm stopes around two or four am the next day she can be ok as if nothing happened sum days she is grumpy when she isn’t drinking she is pretty level headed... View more

Hi I am at a loss as what to do my wife drinks pretty much every second day starts around four pm stopes around two or four am the next day she can be ok as if nothing happened sum days she is grumpy when she isn’t drinking she is pretty level headed but when she drinks he gets angry everything comes to a head I can’t reason with here she will through things of mine outside or in the rubbish we can be getting along ok but when she starts to drink I don’t know what to do so stay out of here way but when I get up in the morning to go to work things my thing ere in the bin ore outside. I have asked here not to drink as things get out of hand I won’t drink as I don’t want to get here started Our kid are all grown up but she started when they were little but she only drank allot once a month but over the years it’s got more consistent. I love my wife we have be married for 33 years but this thing is making me more distant to here as I don’t know what to do.

Aprillia31 Partner left me at 20 weeks preg through ivf... He says he has issues and depression. Confused.
  • replies: 7

My partner and i been together a year and a half, we did ivf and worked 1st go. He stuck by me through a bad 1st trimester and then out of the blue says he doesnt love me like he use to and wanted me to move to my parents because he has issues and th... View more

My partner and i been together a year and a half, we did ivf and worked 1st go. He stuck by me through a bad 1st trimester and then out of the blue says he doesnt love me like he use to and wanted me to move to my parents because he has issues and thinks he's depressed. I tried so hard to get him help, counseling ect but he went and would say not nice things, not true things. I have sufferes depression and fully understand it but he doesnt seem interested in me. He just says its him not me and he'll be the best father under the circumstances. I just cant get my head around someone that would go to those lengths to start a family ans just push me and the baby away like we are nothing. Im lost as to what to do. I feel like im out of ideas as to what i can do. Im trying to give him space but we are still having to sort out house stuff. He has been through sexual abuse as a child and has questioned his sexuality but says he is not guy but likes to look at men. I get no straight answers, he has pushed his family away as well. He drinks to cope with his feelings. And 2 weeks after i moved out he tildnme he's talking to other woman online as an ego boost, talking general conversation. i just cant get my head around any of this. He is the love of my life, someone i want to stick by through thick n thin no matter what. He says he cant deal with anything and is selling all his stuff and moving into a one bedroom unit cuz he cant cope with a house and stuff. I dont know if theres any hope left or what to do and im am shattered.

Roberty_Bob This is for them
  • replies: 17

I'm putting in some hard yards for two beautiful young people and it is starting to pay off, slowly but surely and not without pain. I'm not going to let my ex-wife deny them their father. I'm not going to let the system allow me to fall through the ... View more

I'm putting in some hard yards for two beautiful young people and it is starting to pay off, slowly but surely and not without pain. I'm not going to let my ex-wife deny them their father. I'm not going to let the system allow me to fall through the cracks. There is still a long way to go but this is for them.

Pebbles27 I lost everything
  • replies: 7

I am 30, and this time last year I was planning my wedding to my beau of 11 years, with our beautiful dog and house, and just started my dream job! But the sadness and grief I felt almost every other day was unbearable, and my ex-fiance is a chef so ... View more

I am 30, and this time last year I was planning my wedding to my beau of 11 years, with our beautiful dog and house, and just started my dream job! But the sadness and grief I felt almost every other day was unbearable, and my ex-fiance is a chef so he was never around. So, when I started my new job a man took a liking to me and little did I realise that I ended up having an emotional affair, which has now lead me to losing my fiance, my dog, the house, and I am now renting with a friend, with all that is keeping me sane is my job. When my ex and I broke up the man and I started seeing each other but that didn't end well for either of us. After we broke up, I started seeing someone different, and he is amazing and treats me like an absolute lady and princess but I'm still not happy. Maybe it's too soon? I've literally had no rest between men, and every day I am feeling exhausted and uncertain of who I am and where I am going. I am still trying to make sense of everything... I have seen professionals, energy workers, psychics, as well as read up on the "Return to Saturn" to try and give me clarity. Please help me. Please give me advice. I don't know what to do. Feeling hopeless.

Posy monster in law
  • replies: 2

My partner and I aren't married, but have been together a number of years. Since having our first child mid-last year, there have been huge problems caused in our relationship by his mother. He doesn't always see the extent of how unacceptable her be... View more

My partner and I aren't married, but have been together a number of years. Since having our first child mid-last year, there have been huge problems caused in our relationship by his mother. He doesn't always see the extent of how unacceptable her behaviour is and always defends her. This really upsets me and I would like us to be a team, for him to address our concerns with his mother, rather than choosing her and allowing her to play the victim rather than accountable. To give some context, it isn't that's she's a bad person, she's not, and she genuinely loves her grandchild; but she repeatedly shows a disregard for my wishes as his mother and has been abbusive towards me. The latest incident involved a cute picture of my son in the bath that I'd sent to my partner. I then saw this naked photo of my young son on my mother in laws public social media. Granted you couldn't see everything in the photo but I am not comfortable with naked pictures of children being put online, let alone mine. I asked my partner to speak with his mom, after 3 days the photo was still up, so I messaged her directly. I was polite and respectful and explained why I wanted it taken down. She quickly accused me of being sick in the head, a crazy b*#t* E.t.c I don't mind her using photos, I often send her pictures, but strongly object to any identify able information ir nudity. I stayed calm and asked her directly ,as his mother asking, that she take it down and she said no. She later sent a half hearted apology, after partner asked her to, but left the picture in place for a further 2 days. We are on the verge of seperating, and I do not want my MIL to have unsupervised visits with my child, as she often wants to, as I do not trust her given her quickness to react and continual disrespect for my wishes as his mother. My partner just defends her when I try to discuss the issue or insist on ground rules. Am I being unreasonable? How can I manage this moving forward? I am feeling so angry at both of them. I wish he would deal with her and be a united front rather than stick his head in the sand... thanks in advance for your advice and letting me vent.