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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Cattrap Suggestions please
  • replies: 2

I have been trying to manage my depression and anxiety for around 8 years. For the past 4 I have been seeing a psychiatrist and been on medication with fairly good results. I am now mostly functional. 6 months ago, I broke up with my first partner. W... View more

I have been trying to manage my depression and anxiety for around 8 years. For the past 4 I have been seeing a psychiatrist and been on medication with fairly good results. I am now mostly functional. 6 months ago, I broke up with my first partner. We were together for 2 years and he was emotionally and sexually abusive towards me. Initially he seemed socially outgoing, energetic and nuts about me. I had expressed that equality was important to me in relationships and he said he respected that. He progressed to being socially reclusive (I later discovered he had no close friends and spent all his spare time at home) incredibly selfish, consistently ignored my clearly expressed boundaries and was obsessed with chasing other women. Initially when I was upset by some of his behaviour he expressed remorse. Later this turned into constantly finding reasons why his behaviour was my fault and using emotional blackmail to get his way. He also required me to be dependent on him and asked me to spend less time with my friends and family. I quit one of my casual jobs after I left him as I was not coping emotionally and felt I had too much on my plate. I felt a huge sense of relief but I am struggling with feeling frequently overwhelmed with shame that I could have allowed someone like this into my life. I have always struggled with very low self esteem but despite this I have a number of good, close female friends. All of these friends have full time work or study and are in committed long term relationships. They now have very little time for me and I am mostly the one initiating catch ups. When I am well I am socially outgoing but when Im not I have trouble intiating contact. I want to make new friends but I have a lot of difficulty trusting anyone and dont want to attract anyone into my life that might abuse me. I am incredibly lonely most of the time and I don't know what to do about it.

wanted_a_simple_life I still blame myself
  • replies: 8

Its been almost 15 months now since my wife left me. I look back now and I know I could have reacted better and been more supportive of her, but I still believe in old fashion values of when you are in marriage, you dont have guy friends as such espe... View more

Its been almost 15 months now since my wife left me. I look back now and I know I could have reacted better and been more supportive of her, but I still believe in old fashion values of when you are in marriage, you dont have guy friends as such especially when you catch up alone. I have always tried to be a peace keeper, I left go of the small things she annoys me with, but she did not with me, she picked at me all the time. I provided really well for my family and have done a lot about the household too. She has been always a very confrontational person and speaks her mind before she thinks. This upset me a lot and sometimes I would react in a way I shouldnt have even though I never laid a hand on her. She physically abused me on several occasions. There were several times in our marriage I discovered her texting them and once for sure it was inappropriate and when I asked her if they had been in contact, she denied it. So before she left me, she started an emotional affair with a guy interstate and within 10 weeks of knowing him, which was less than 3 weeks a getting rid of me, she was engaged to him. During the last month of our marriage and subsequent month after, we did marriage counselling and she spoke to our friends and even pastors of our church, but never admitted the truth even though it was starting to get plastered all over social media. She continued to lie about the whole thing and to this day has never been remorseful. Most people have seen she has taken a different direction in life and has estranged anyone who has challenged her. After breaking up with her fiance, she went about 7 weeks on her own before she has hooked up with another guy and been dating for about 7 months now. I still look at what I could have done better, but I was absolutely pushed to my limit and gave up so much of myself for my family, Im so lost...... Her family uses the "hes unstable card" all the time after I react to situations that are totally unfair when the kids are used as pawns, but Ive held long term friendships and careers and have been succesful in business too, but If I mention that if she is after what she has done, they get offended.... Im over feeling this way and still cant move on in my own personal life.....

Chance8888 How to find happiness again!
  • replies: 2

Quick run down my daughter refused to go to school for 1.5 years. I did everything l could but in the end l had to leave work to her to sort out.l had to leave two jobs and was sacked by another for taking time of due to her circumstance.I am now exh... View more

Quick run down my daughter refused to go to school for 1.5 years. I did everything l could but in the end l had to leave work to her to sort out.l had to leave two jobs and was sacked by another for taking time of due to her circumstance.I am now exhausted and feel flat. Usually l strive to find work and love to get into something different.But after two particular jobs here l find myself lost. One particular job l was physically and verbally abused.The other job l really enjoyed but some of the boys called me a sweetheart nutter, loser, played pranks (which may have been funny if it didn't affect my work ability), told l had something wrong with me, generally the job was great working with kids and outdoor activities.l just feel demoralised and have lost confidence.My daughter's time off has drained me as expected to home school when l have had troubles with learning and not great with my English. The school only gave me a English book to guide her and l fell apart!I have had memory problems and just feel pretty worthless.My daughter at times saying she wanted me dead, ugly, can't ride, stupid, got physical but then stopped shortly after that. Told l need to be on medication or in an Mental Institute!I know she has gone through being bullied and other things but the one person l tried for has actually pulled me down!Knowing l should just let these things go and just egnor but l am completely stuffed!!!My daughter has been back at school for a week and l find myself drained and useless!!

Suzy13 Help required.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone my name is Suzy,today is my first day here.I have a sister who is 67 and she is in a care centre with Dementia.I visit 3 days a week and stay 2-3 hours each visit,my sister is no longer very talkative so I have to try and think of differe... View more

Hi everyone my name is Suzy,today is my first day here.I have a sister who is 67 and she is in a care centre with Dementia.I visit 3 days a week and stay 2-3 hours each visit,my sister is no longer very talkative so I have to try and think of different stories of things happening in the world or just in my every day life.My sister requires full care as she can't do much for herself except eat when food is given to her ,she has no interest in anything anymore.I love spending the time with her and won't give up on her but find I'm breaking down in tears more often and not sleeping well. I have recently started to have nightmares again as I do when stressed, I suffered from post traumatic stress disorder after a physical and mentally abusive marriage and ended seeing a phsycitrist for help. I have come on here hoping for some help and guidance.Thanks

Amity1234 Why am I feeling this way? Please help
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, How are you all? I am new to this forum and really need to let out my feelings that I has been destroying me this past few weeks. I feel so lonely. I have friends at work but I think I dont fit in. They are nice people but I cant help bu... View more

Hi Everyone, How are you all? I am new to this forum and really need to let out my feelings that I has been destroying me this past few weeks. I feel so lonely. I have friends at work but I think I dont fit in. They are nice people but I cant help but feel I am not fitting in. I am just only an admin person and they are technical people so I feel inferior. Sorry if I dont sound coherent, my head and heart are not in a good place. If I can share my problem and pls do feel free to tell me that I am being selfish and that my feelings are wrong. I have a close friend in the office. He is in a senior role but he's been close to me and he was really good by being there when I had a tough few months last year. Anyway, our team expanded and I became close to a fellow colleague. Like my guy friend, she also holds a senior position. First few months we were getting close but I know she was also getting close to my guy friend. Now it seems that they are more close to each other now than to me. We have our group chat and i feel out of place because they talk about things i dont know. I admit they are quite sophisticated people with fancy tastes - while I dont. Most of the time, I think they are better off being friends and I should just keep my distance because they are just too good for me. Besides, I cant even contribute to their discussions. Plus Im just admin while they hold high positions. I know you'd think they dont care about my position but sometimes my guy friend who likes to joke around would jokingly call me "the help". I have been okay before but lately I take it personally and destroys my self.confidence and fuels my low self esteem. Lately i have been feeling extremely down and just want to leave my job because of this. I used to love my female friend but now i feel resentment and feel that she used me to get close to my guy friend. I know i am being paranoid but i just dont feel good about myself. Please help me. Please be honest and tell me off if I am wrong. I would really appreciate it. Thank you all. Amity

digit_ Dating an addict: making me depressed and anxious
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, I didn't know where else to come, so I came here considering the situation is making me depressed, anxious, scared, sad and extremely angry. i found out last night my boyfriend is smoking ice... I don't know what to do so I'm hoping som... View more

Hey everyone, I didn't know where else to come, so I came here considering the situation is making me depressed, anxious, scared, sad and extremely angry. i found out last night my boyfriend is smoking ice... I don't know what to do so I'm hoping someone has some advice for me.. I don't want to be with someone who does that because it's ruined so many lives including family members of mine and violence has come from it too. He's a really amazing guy, funny, treats me well but I haven't replied to him since he told me he did it, he's an ex-addict.. Went to rehab and had been clean for so long. Advice, anything would be appreciated!! Should I reply to him? Cut ties, break up? Support him? I just don't want to support someone who wants to keep doing it. help.

Eddie6 Dating someone with major depression
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I've just started seeing a guy with major depression, and I'm not sure what to do. I've suffered from depression in the past, sometimes severely, but have recovered from it through counselling, and feel happy with my life now. This guy seems ... View more

Hi all, I've just started seeing a guy with major depression, and I'm not sure what to do. I've suffered from depression in the past, sometimes severely, but have recovered from it through counselling, and feel happy with my life now. This guy seems seriously depressed, and I think he has been on meds and seeing psyches for a long time, perhaps even years. I'm not sure how much it has helped him. He's taken time off of work, and has been in and out of doctors all week. His contact with me has been patchy with me since going on a date last weekend, which he apologised for because he was feeling unwell. I sent him a message yesterday to check in with him and ask him whether he wanted to catch up with me this weekend, and he hasn't responded. I pretty sure he's really interested in me. We had mutually major crushes on each other for around a year before stuff started happening a few weeks ago. He kept telling me he was so happy that things started happening. So I don't think that's the reason for the lack of contact, but still, it makes me feel ignored even though I know depression can make people shut others out and act non-rationally. I didn't ask him out sooner because a year ago I was severely depressed, and didn't think it was a good time to date. I'm worried that he won't be able to deal with dating because of his mental health. But then again, he's had long-term relationships in the past. Should I still date him? I don't like this lack of contact, but I know it isn't necessarily something he's in control of. What am I signing up for? I really like him, but what if he's someone who won't get better ever? Eddie

Bailey13 husband is cheating and I don't know what to do
  • replies: 13

I have recently found out my husband has been/is cheating on me (saw it with my own eyes). Every time I try talk to him about it, it triggers his anxiety and he shuts down and walks out. He blames his emotional issues and me for not loving him enough... View more

I have recently found out my husband has been/is cheating on me (saw it with my own eyes). Every time I try talk to him about it, it triggers his anxiety and he shuts down and walks out. He blames his emotional issues and me for not loving him enough, although I love him more than anything in the whole world and I believe I've done nothing but tell and show him that. He says he wants to end the relationship with the other woman but can't cope with the conflict because she also has emotional issues and she can get abusive and hurts herself (which I've also seen for myself). He continues to be very secretive with his phone and messages and where he is/going. I have so many questions but he won't talk to me, even if he does I don't know how to believe or trust him anymore. Everyone we know would say we were the perfect couple, I never ever thought I'd be dealing with this and I have no idea what to do. Has anyone been through this and saved their relationship? How do I move on from this?

HamishMcn I don't know how to deal
  • replies: 3

My ex and I lived together and unfortunately still do. We got a dog last year, which she paid for. Over the last year I have paid for everything for the dog, taken it everywhere and done everything for it. Rocket (the dog) was like a child to me (I k... View more

My ex and I lived together and unfortunately still do. We got a dog last year, which she paid for. Over the last year I have paid for everything for the dog, taken it everywhere and done everything for it. Rocket (the dog) was like a child to me (I know, weird). Now she has taken him away and says I can see him anymore and there is nothing I can do, but that dog is my world. And i struggle to keep myself together as it is. I just don't know how to pull myself together, I love that little dog so damn much. I have never felt so heartbroken. What am I meant to do?

Elizabeth CP Son & his family want to stay with us until he finds another house. Worried about how to deal with this given our situation.
  • replies: 75

As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arra... View more

As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arranged for a carer to assist so I could go away for a couple of days on a family camp over Easter. Unfortunately I developed a stomach bug so haven't been well since coming home on Sunday so fatigue is still a major problem. My husband has gone away for 5 nights with MDA & I promised I would try to rest & recover while he is away. Today my son rang to say they had to move out of their house on Friday & have nowhere to live so can they stay with us. We downsized a few years ago due to my husband's condition so there is little room for 2 adults & a 2yr old & 11mth old. I feel like I'm in a no win situation. If I say no they have nowhere to live so I'm a terrible parent. My son also has a history of depression & has only recently started work again after a long period of being too unwell to work & being suicidal. If I agree to have them I can't rely on them to stick to any agreements. DIL is good at promising but never follows through. I find her very stressful. She yells at her son frequently which I find upsetting. They are both very messy & I would find it hard to prepare meals due to her mess. Having them here will also make it impossible to keep the house in a suitable state to ensure my husband's safety given his blindness. Tiredness tends to lead to my husband becoming ill putting extra pressure on me. I don't know what to do.