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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mikkus Ready to give up on finding love.
  • replies: 15

This is the first time I've done anything like this so.. here goes. I recently turned 40 and have never had a girlfriend. My experiences have all been terrible. I have been asked out twice by girls as a joke when i was 18 and 24. It was so humiliatin... View more

This is the first time I've done anything like this so.. here goes. I recently turned 40 and have never had a girlfriend. My experiences have all been terrible. I have been asked out twice by girls as a joke when i was 18 and 24. It was so humiliating. I shut down for a long time after that. About 10 years later i met a girl through work. Over about a year we became good friends. We went out once or twice with workmates, and after a while she told me she was in love with me. I felt the same way. A few days after that she left to go on a cruise. While she was away one of the other girls she worked with let it slip she was on holiday with her husband. This basically destroyed me. Now ive recently turned 40 and have never had a single positive relationship experience. Ive tried to go out and meet new ppl but no luck. Online dating has been a terrible experience. I havent got many people who can grasp how lonely and dejected i feel, every single one of my friends is either married or has a partner. I never even had a date. Im just ready to give up any hope that I'll find anyone. I just feel pretty worthless and am having trouble coping with it. Im sorry if this isnt clear, ive not talked about it before

Anon1984 Please help! I need some advice!
  • replies: 3

Ok so my story isn't simple and it certainly isn't short, I can only hope that you have the patience to read it to the end and offer some advice or support if able as at the moment I am feeling so completely confused, anxious, depressed and desperate... View more

Ok so my story isn't simple and it certainly isn't short, I can only hope that you have the patience to read it to the end and offer some advice or support if able as at the moment I am feeling so completely confused, anxious, depressed and desperate.... so here goes... I'm 32 and have been in a relationship with the father of my children for almost 14 years (coming up in August) and we've had 4 temporary separations in that time. Our children, 3 boys are almost 13, 11 and 9. They fun energetic children, typical rough and tumble boys. He, the boys dad (I'll call him Bob) suffers mental illness - depression and anxiety and is medicated for the depression daily. I too have suffered depression half my life and was recently diagnosed with bi-polar, taking a medication daily also to control this. I too suffer anxiety and I find it is at its peak at the moment due to the stress I'm currently experiencing. You see a few weeks ago bob and I had a disagreement, an argument or a damned barmy, what ever you want to call it resulting in my moving into a friends house for a week. After a week Bob and I had had a chance to discuss our issues and the changes that would be needed to be made if our relationship was to work. unfortunately after a week I moved back home to bob and the children to find little improvement in the said areas we would change. Im finding im extremely unhappy, I'm no longer interested in bob and what he does (which is little), I love him but I am not in love with him. i want to ask bob to move out so I can continue to reside in our home until it is sold and the seperation is finalised but I'm afraid. im so terrified. I'm terrified to tell him what I want, I'm terrified of the way he will react, I'm terrified he will make me move out and take my children from me. I need advice please, has anybody been in a similar situation, what steps do I need to take to get some happiness back into the lives of me and my children. Bob is not a physically violent man but the mental/emotional abuse he can deal out cuts just as deep. Happy to provide further details to anyone who can help me please I'm desperate and feel I have no one I trust enough to turn to

good_badays Feeling pretty lonely and depressed lately... Don't know what to do..
  • replies: 3

So this is my first post here, not really sure how to start this but I'll try and keep it brief. My partner of about 9 months broke up with me a month ago and it was my first serious relationship, in which my anxiety and relationship/trust issues pla... View more

So this is my first post here, not really sure how to start this but I'll try and keep it brief. My partner of about 9 months broke up with me a month ago and it was my first serious relationship, in which my anxiety and relationship/trust issues played a major part in that. I've been trying to cope with this in the best way I can; seeing a therapist, making plans for the future and using mindfulness approaches. But the hurt really isn't going away and while I have good moments, the bad ones are really bad. Tonight (plus the past few nights) it's been really hitting my and I don't know how to deal with this type of rejection/loneliness. I don't have any hobbies I really take part in mainly because I can't create or have much skill in anything, so apart from going on the internet, it's been pretty difficult to focus on anything else. I also have pretty bad GAD and depression when I get very anxious (not that I like using labels but just for context), so it kind of exacerbates how I feel and makes this whole loneliness feeling going around in my head. Sorry for the long spiel and if I'm wasting your time, but if anyone could help or offer advice about any of this I would be so grateful. This is really the only place I can turn to (bar my therapist who I have to stop seeing soon). Thanks for stopping by and reading.

Nhelw1 Need some Answeres about family & sibling issues.
  • replies: 13

For as long as I can remember I'm not sure why but my brother always had something against me, There's been many seperate individual events but all in all just years of verbal, mental, psyical and General abuse. I am nearly 25 years old and it's gett... View more

For as long as I can remember I'm not sure why but my brother always had something against me, There's been many seperate individual events but all in all just years of verbal, mental, psyical and General abuse. I am nearly 25 years old and it's getting to the stage where I will no longer deal with the issue but I have this strong push to legally do something so I can move on and live normally but I also don't want to put further strain on my family and defiantly not my parents. To make things a little more complicated, both my brother and I are working within a large family business that makes life that little bit harder. With all the things that have happened over the years I have always tried to be the bigger person but the truth is I'm 24 and he's just over 30 now. Just to give out some background. Things begun a really long time ago. I know as I was a kid I was constantly being pushed away from him when all I really wanted to do was be with him. If I tried to much to be with him things would either get very verbal or very psyical. I've been picked up by the neck and sworn to that one day I will die and so much more but I just don't know what to do anymore. Everyday there is that worry about "what's gunna happen next" but at the same time all I really want to do is move on. I can't seem to forget things and whenever I see him I feel angry. ive had some major health issues over the last year, I spend just under 5 months in hospital last year and the recovery is taking a long time. I am doing my best to get back into work and get on track however as much as I try he seems to keep wanting to tell me I don't put enough effort in and I'm basically useles. I'm forever being told by my other siblings that he is in the wrong and he can't be changed but now I'm getting told by them that I'm in the wrong because I won't immediately forget everything and move on but no one seems to want to recognise that it's still going on and that I can't forget. They seem to always criticise but no one wants to help. I also have a lot of anger towards my parents because even though they knew many things nothing was ever done and still isn't. I don't want to be angry at anyone I just want to be with my family however I constantly feel out of place and uncomfortable around them. Anyways I could probably talk for ever but what I really want to ask is. Should I take legal action to better my life or should I leave it, I'm stuck between a rock wall. I don't know what to do.

Emaloneagain Anxiety and abandonment
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is hanging in there. My question is this - is anxiety disorder at play if someone has a very hard time being a "rock"? I mean, if when their partners life is tough, they can't cope / support them / be there? My dad was re... View more

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is hanging in there. My question is this - is anxiety disorder at play if someone has a very hard time being a "rock"? I mean, if when their partners life is tough, they can't cope / support them / be there? My dad was recently being tested for cancer, and I was stressed. My partner wasnt prioritising me as much as I hoped, and when he said something in reference to "having to comfort me" I lost it and asked him to leave. He did and I felt awful. I had hoped he'd let me cry and rage a bit, but be there. (I'm always the strong one, he is v sensitive) but he bailed. I know he was hurting and feeling abandoned, but... Anyhow, I called him, explained why I'd lost it, told him I understood he was hurt and displaced, but asked him to put his stress and hurt on the back burner and come back to be there for me while I was facing losing dad. He said no, hung up on me and since then I've only had an email explaining why he was hurt and how keeping his distance is best. I see how it's best for him, but not for me. I just wonder, is this anxiety he needs to work through alone? I Know we can never reconcile, and I know contacting him increases his anxiety (he also struggles with paranoia) but there are practical loose ends to fix and I wonder how he is Should I contact his parents, maybe? thanks for reading / replying x

MisterM A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it
  • replies: 59

Hey all, This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her an... View more

Hey all, This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her any more links. I thought she would find it funny as during classes we've been teasing about her suburb and my suburb. I did not intend to creep her out at all and felt sick reading her message on Friday. I replied apologising and saying I didn't intend it that way. To make things worse I actually asked her out on a date about a month ago and she said she's working so I never followed up. Today was the first time I've seen her since she sent me the message as me and her had to meet up at the library in a private study room to work on our assignment. She seemed okay but after a bit of silence I just apologised again and she said for me not to. We usually sit next to each other at lectures and classes, in the lecture today I sat away from her. After the lecture she left the building first and had a good head start towards the train station to go home. I caught up to her with another friend from uni at a crossing as she was waiting for the green man. My friend ended up turning left and leaving just me and her to walk a block. It was awkward, we chatted a bit about uni but as soon as we got to the train station she just turned to go to a ticket machine without saying bye, then a few mins later she rushed past me down the escalators without looking at me or saying anything. I have been very sad and anxious all weekend and the same now. I feel so devastated as I did not even think of what she accused me of, it was a joke that turned bad for me. It's got me questioning my character and disliking myself. Is it because girls think I am a creep that I have never had a girlfriend? I am also devastated because I was managing my depression/anxiety so well with a change in medication and recently met with my psychiatrist to say the change has worked as I was so happy, even my mum noticed the change and mentioned it to my brother in law. Now it's all come crashing down, I feel hopeless again and guilty.

MisterM Dating with depression - to reveal or not reveal?
  • replies: 2

I just stumbled upon a news article and it is something that has been on my mind for a while.I have no online dating profile but wouldn't know how to go about this.If I keep it secret from any future date and then tell her it's like I've been untruth... View more

I just stumbled upon a news article and it is something that has been on my mind for a while.I have no online dating profile but wouldn't know how to go about this.If I keep it secret from any future date and then tell her it's like I've been untruthful.How do you people go about this? Do you tell your dates your depression history?

Marcsa Passive Aggressive
  • replies: 6

Hi, Not sure if this is the right place for this thread, It came up in conversation during a session with my Pyschologist and I have stumbled across the topic again in my reading about Depression and anxiety. I ask because I wonder if my learned pare... View more

Hi, Not sure if this is the right place for this thread, It came up in conversation during a session with my Pyschologist and I have stumbled across the topic again in my reading about Depression and anxiety. I ask because I wonder if my learned parenting skills have a component of Passive aggressiveness and so I am doing the same kind of behaviour. Thoughts ?

Phoenix2222 The disappearing man
  • replies: 2

Now that I am almost 60 life has lost meaning for me. It has been coming on for years and now here it is. Some years back my wife had a year long affair with a younger executive type work colleague - she was 45 then and he was a bit younger. Like us ... View more

Now that I am almost 60 life has lost meaning for me. It has been coming on for years and now here it is. Some years back my wife had a year long affair with a younger executive type work colleague - she was 45 then and he was a bit younger. Like us he was married with children. I decided to stay for the kids and because of the huge amount still owing to the bank. This horrible experience brought much insight and self examination - a hell of a lot of reading and some counseling. I learned that I had been depressed and anxious since I was a young teen. Back then I didn't question my high and low days - stiff upper lip, carry on. But this state was at the core of all my relationship failures and contributed to the affair. I had became overweight and resentful of her. Sex became a rare thing. It didn't help that I had taken on the role of Mr Mum and only worked part time. We grew apart and ultimately she took the bait. I did pull my weight though - housework, meals etc. I take that seriously. To top it of I spent the best part of 6 months getting our home up to scratch before it went on the market. We moved into our new home and a month later I discovered, by accident, what she had been up to. It was shattering. So here we are 5 yrs later and all the promises from early on about re-building and re-bonding etc. have come to nought. The fights are over, sex is a distant memory. Now I exist here with my beaut kids and this other person who is some type of 'companion'. Even though I now have 30 hrs of work each week I simply cannot afford to move and both kids are well established in High School and in this neighborhood. All of this has sent me into a spiral and I have been on anti depressants for 18 months. I just seem to drift through work and home/family life. Often I think about checking out. I cannot seem to connect with other women - clearly I come across as a bit desperate IMO, or my personality gives of an awkward vibe. I'm not sure. Obviously I have lost confidence but age is also a factor. I get on OK with men, mostly via sport etc but I'm much more comfortable with the females - it's just that no one is looking for a nearly 60 yr old and I don't feel like I fully have the energy anyway if something did happen. I guess the fact that I need to be around a woman who needs me might be an issue (dependency?) Anyway - I'm caught in this daily revolving door; just not enjoying life but with many family and financial responsibilities. Thank you

Marcsa Unable to break Adoption ceiling
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I'm over the age of 50 and discovered not quite 10yrs ago that I was Adopted. Nobody 'gets' it. Nobody understands the rejection, the lies, the false sense of self, identity issues, etc etc. I'm pretty disappointed and frustrated. I know a bi... View more

Hi all, I'm over the age of 50 and discovered not quite 10yrs ago that I was Adopted. Nobody 'gets' it. Nobody understands the rejection, the lies, the false sense of self, identity issues, etc etc. I'm pretty disappointed and frustrated. I know a bit about the subject , if anyone's interested.