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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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dawes Do not know what to do next
  • replies: 35

My husband of 24 years is suffering from depression. He has been seeing a councilor which is good. Unfortunately he has always had an issue with my only daughter and I think feeling is mutual. Talk about being torn. Well it all came to a head at Chri... View more

My husband of 24 years is suffering from depression. He has been seeing a councilor which is good. Unfortunately he has always had an issue with my only daughter and I think feeling is mutual. Talk about being torn. Well it all came to a head at Christmas something was said and I confronted him but instead of being my normal calm self I snapped at him. Well he walked out spent a night at a Motel. He did come home but would not talk to my daughter & her husband. When they left he moved into spare room and told me to consider him a boarder. He said he didn't love me anymore & I did apologize for the way I reacted and told him that I still love him. Well he has been intimate with me so I am so confused. He went to councilor again today and he said he still didn't love me & Councilor advised him to stop being intimate with me as it is no good to him or myself. What the hell can I do?

veggieburgarbabe Can't eat or sleep after break up
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend left me three days ago, we both love each other very much but we can't be together. His way of dealing with it is to cut all contact off completely, that's not how I deal with things. He's agreed to meet up next week to talk about things... View more

My boyfriend left me three days ago, we both love each other very much but we can't be together. His way of dealing with it is to cut all contact off completely, that's not how I deal with things. He's agreed to meet up next week to talk about things but that isn't helping my mind right now. The night he left I hysterically cried for five hours and threw up multiple times, even though I was so exhausted I couldn't settle down enough to sleep so I took a sleeping pill. The second I woke up the next morning I started crying again. I couldn't stop, I managed to get him to talk to me on the phone but he wanted to be left alone. This made me so much worse because I need him. It's been three days since, I haven't eaten a thing except when I tried on the second day I ate one party pie and threw it up instantly. I have been using sleeping pills to sleep every night even though I know I really shouldn't but if I don't I'm up all night stressing and crying. I've been trying to keep myself busy but I have only one friend and she can't be with me all the time and I've tried doing things I love like reading or walking but I can't get my mind to focus on anything else but him. I've just been going to gym multiple times a day to try and tire myself out for bed and distract myself at the same time but it doesn't work. I can't eat, sleep or stop crying. I'm emotionally and physically sick and exhausted. I don't know what to do.

silvershoes Is love enough? Exhausted by relationship
  • replies: 1

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years, and living together for most of that. He's a genuinely good man but I'm just not sure about continuing the relationship. He has depression/anxiety and OCD - when we first got together it wasn't... View more

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 7 years, and living together for most of that. He's a genuinely good man but I'm just not sure about continuing the relationship. He has depression/anxiety and OCD - when we first got together it wasn't apparent, but he had a major breakdown a year or two in and it's affected him severely since. He is getting treatment, medication and therapy, and he's getting better but it's a long and slow process. He hasn't held a job for the length of our relationship. He's just starting to get freelance work in a field he's keen on, but it's still occasional and I don't know if or when it would amount to much. I have a long history of depression as well, since I was a teenager. It had been pretty awful, but when we met I was finally getting my life on track, studying and now working full-time. I've started a masters this year as well, so I'm busy! I get periods of depression still, but am able to manage them with medication and therapy. I love him, but I'm also exhausted by being the bread-winner, home-maker and care-giver in our relationship. I do the majority of household planning and chores: he helps with some things when I ask him, but it isn't reliable. I'm also worried about my financial future. Because of my own issues I wasn't able to work reliably full-time until fairly recently, so I don't have any savings and we can't save anything now. I feel very anxious that we have no back-up - we've gone into debt at the moment because our pets recently got expensively ill, and I dread anything else happening. There's no chance of us buying a house, or anything like that. I feel awful thinking of leaving, because he's a lovely person and in many ways a supportive partner, but there's part of me that thinks I might be better off on my own. I also feel dreadful because I've been in abusive relationships in the past, so I know what "bad" is - it seems selfish to quibble about "not good enough". I know he would be devastated, and I really genuinely don't want to hurt him. I guess - does anyone have insight or perspective? I feel like I have two choices - life with him, that would be financially tight and emotionally tiring; or life without him, that would be easier in some ways, but without *him*. I really don't know which is better.

livetogive Two years into relationship and have never had sex
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, hope you are all well! So I am a 26 year old male and I have been with my boyfriend (23) for more than 2 years and absolutely love him to bits. When we first started dating, he was quite up front about his difficulty to have sex, as he u... View more

Hi everyone, hope you are all well! So I am a 26 year old male and I have been with my boyfriend (23) for more than 2 years and absolutely love him to bits. When we first started dating, he was quite up front about his difficulty to have sex, as he unfortunately was a victim of sexual abuse when he was a young teenager. He also was up front about reassuring me that with his exes he always had sex, and that he was experienced in it all. For the first 12 months or so I kept trying to initiate sex and he kept ignoring it, or just generally rejected me. So I decided to talk to him and just reassure him that I was fully supportive and would take it as slow as he wanted. But this didn't change anything between us. With my sexual frustration at all time high, after the 12 months or so, I said to him that I was going to leave it totally up to him to come to me when he is ready. Another 12 months later and nothing has changed, actually it has become worse. We probably fool around once a week or even once a fortnight. Before dating my boyfriend, the longest I went without sex was about 2 weeks. I also called it off with a guy who was essentially a friend with benefits and we had the BEST sex of my life, he just didn't want a relationship and I did. Im reaching out for a bit of help and advice as to how I should approach the situation again as I really really would like to have sex. The situation is particularly delicate due to his past sexual abuse. Should I suggest we or he see a councillor/therapist? Or what if he just never wants to have sex? Should I suggest that I could have sex with other guys? Im open to any and all suggestions. I'm a bit stuck as I really love my boyfriend and see a future with him, but sex is so important to me to be able to be completely happy. Hope anyone can offer words of advice or even just open chat with me. Cheers

always_me One way street
  • replies: 2

Hi I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2013 a year after I was diagnosed with a very rare breast cancer (all well there at the moment). Anyway, I am emotionally exhausted of hiding how I am really feeling, of always... View more

Hi I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2013 a year after I was diagnosed with a very rare breast cancer (all well there at the moment). Anyway, I am emotionally exhausted of hiding how I am really feeling, of always been happy, doing what I can for everyone else. I run my own business and my social media presence is strong and needs to be 'happy'. I feel like I give my all to my family and friends, friends who I class as family but I am the one who is always saying hey how are you, hey whats been happening, hey do you want to catch up. I am over it, when someone does say hey how are you, I don't feel like i can say, "I'm feeling pretty down actually" because they will just stop talking to me or think that I am attention seeking, that I am to much work, the "oh yes she is always down". I know that I seriously over think a lot of things, I always have. But is it to much to ask for my close friends to go hey, I haven't heard from you, How are you doing, are you really ok. They just don't get it. I am a busy lady, Im a mum to twins and run a business. I always see how my friends are doing though, but they never do the same for me....its a one way street and I am exhausted....sorry i don't even know if this makes sense.

Solosombra My ex is getting cold feet keeps contacting me drunk
  • replies: 8

So my ex girlfriend who I am still friends with is getting married in a week. A few days ago I start getting these late night text saying she misses me misses us etc etc. I knew right away it was the alcohol talking. Now the texts are coming in when ... View more

So my ex girlfriend who I am still friends with is getting married in a week. A few days ago I start getting these late night text saying she misses me misses us etc etc. I knew right away it was the alcohol talking. Now the texts are coming in when she is sober which really is messing with me because deep down somewhere I know I still love her but I also believe that this is just what happeneds when you get cold feet and I don't want to be that guy who broke up a wedding because my ex is having a moment of emotional weakness! I've asked her nicely to stop contacting me before she says something we will both regret! I've considered changing numbers etc but I'm hoping it will stop before then so maybe it will be a waste of time! Is that a gamble I shouldn't take? Should I just go ahead and get a new number

Emmyk26 Putting my "face" on again...
  • replies: 1

Hi All, This is my first time posting on BB and would like to start by saying thank you to all the other brave people who have posted and have given me the confidence to do so. I have always had some form of anxiety even as a small child. This did no... View more

Hi All, This is my first time posting on BB and would like to start by saying thank you to all the other brave people who have posted and have given me the confidence to do so. I have always had some form of anxiety even as a small child. This did not effect me too much until the past few years. The switch was flipped when my Dad pasted away after a long battle with Hep C, my brother in law came out and left my sister, my work circumstances changed, which left me feeling isolated and I moved out into a place by myself creating more isolation and financial difficulties. During the past few months I have had to take leave without pay and move home with my Mum, whom I love dearly, but am having difficulties living with her. I have finally revealed my "true self" the one that is not always bright and bubbly and happy with what is happening but with this has come major issues. My sister has basically stopped talking to me about anything but surface comments and my Mum has become my "fixer" and has been forcing changes and pushing me into situations to the point of actually triggering a major panic attack in a social situation. I thought that letting my guard down and letting everyone in would make it easier for me but all it has done is withdraw more form my family and put my "happy face" back on creating MASSIVE anxiety to the point that I can now feel my breathing is shallow and my mind is racing. I don't know what to do anymore as I have lived the past 20 years putting on my "happy face" so that everyone around me can feel better but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. Will I always have to play "happy me"? Thanks for reading.

pipsy Hi, my name is Pipsy and I am nearly 64. I've been married nearly 25 years and I'm so fed-up and down in the dumps. Can anyone help? please.
  • replies: 118

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often)... View more

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often), he's rewarding them for hurting me. I've tried to explain this to him, but he 'switches' off. What can I do to overcome this 'betrayal' feeling?

Sharny Sorry for all my posting. I think I'm going to have to try harder and dig deep for acceptance.
  • replies: 12

Hi to you lovely people on the forum, I feel the need to apologise for my posting. After years of keeping a lid on it and just ploughing forward and not sharing I've reached out here for all the 'add ons'. One of the things I've struggled with is tha... View more

Hi to you lovely people on the forum, I feel the need to apologise for my posting. After years of keeping a lid on it and just ploughing forward and not sharing I've reached out here for all the 'add ons'. One of the things I've struggled with is that it comes from a regret I have, not sharing with my own mother when she was here with us. I lost mum when the children were little, my son had just turned 5 and my little girl was almost 2. I was at a vulnerable time I guess 4 years after first receiving my diagnosis after the large storm. My mother was so ill with life threatening secondary cancer and I wanted her to enjoy the children. I suspect when she came over with food and helped with my washing etc that she might of known something was wrong although I was pretty good at hiding. She knew I couldnt leave the house apart from medical visits for my child. When she asked how things were I talked loudly and urgently and she did enquire if I was having racing thoughts but I said no. I regret not telling her my state of being later. I regret not being able to share the details with her but do think to this day her instincts might of known and she was keeping an eye on me. My sibling has the same diagnosis and she was aware of that. His condition is much worse than mine, my mother had felt immense guilt at his condition and I never wanted to burden her with the knowledge of mine once diagnosed. All I ever wanted her to see was me coping, so I hid my condition and suffered inside. When mum passed my husband thought I'd go backwards in terms of my coping with mental illness but it didnt. In short, she passed not knowing. It would of been very easy to disclose now that I'm doing better but at the time with her in the middle of oncologist appointments and what she was facing absolutely no. I protected her from it but I live today knowing that I believe perhaps she might of known. The thing is we can cover up, its not always obvious. I would lie to her when she asked how much sleep I was getting etc, I believed if the house was impeccable and everything in order no one would know. People can suffer dramatically inside but from the outside it can appear normal. She did enquire though why I wore the same tracksuit for days on end but insisted that my little boy had a new suit after each feed. So, I live with regret in not sharing, another 'add on'. All I can do now is know that I did my best. Thank you for listening to my inner thoughts.

LittleA Illness & failing relationship
  • replies: 4

I moved interstate 2 years ago, away from family & friends, to be with my long distance partner. Over the past 6 months or so I've been getting very unwell, and as of the last 3 months my doctors think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, on top of major... View more

I moved interstate 2 years ago, away from family & friends, to be with my long distance partner. Over the past 6 months or so I've been getting very unwell, and as of the last 3 months my doctors think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, on top of major depression/anxiety. I've not been handling this well - I physically can't work, I sleep most of the day, I'm tired and frustrated almost all the time. I have near constant headaches, brain fog, hypersensitivity to sound, joint aches etc etc. I feel like everything that makes me 'me' has been taken away by this illness. I don't recognise myself in the mirror. I'm at a very low point in my life, I've never felt so helpless or hated life as much as I do now. My partner has been taking this all very hard, he works a stressful job (emergency services), he's dealing with me as a financial burden because I have no money and no job (I'm attempting to get Centrelink but it's a long painful process), and he's been dealing with me as I've been dealing with the illness. He initially started out super supportive but as times gone on, we are fighting a lot, he feels like I'm a massive burden to be around, he looks forward to going to work because it gives him space to breathe away from me. He feels that I'm not a girlfriend any more, that it's all too hard on him. I've told him how much I'm not coping in myself, that whilst I'm trying to get a handle on this illness it's going to take a lot out of me and therefore I'm not going to have as much energy for him. The illness itself sucks the energy right from me - some days I can't get out of bed to shower - so it's extremely difficult for me to do things like go out of the house to do things together, to keep up intimacy. I understand that I'm not an amazing person to be around, but it's like he expects more of me then I can give right now. I feel like he can't see past my illness anymore. He sees someone who is a burden that he has to care for, rather than someone who is still his companion but just struggling. He's asked for some space to think things over and so I've moved temporarily back interstate to my parents place to give him space. But now I'm in limbo. I'm stuck waiting to see if he feels like he can keep going with us or throw everything away because I'm too much to handle when I'm sick. I don't know what to do, and I really don't want us to end. I don't know if I'll handle it right now.