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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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white knight Clarifying your boundaries
  • replies: 5

Most of us have a need to be loved and to give love. Those primeval inbuilt characteristics that means the survival of the human race. But some if us are monogumous, we don't want to share our partner. We have set standards on so many things like no ... View more

Most of us have a need to be loved and to give love. Those primeval inbuilt characteristics that means the survival of the human race. But some if us are monogumous, we don't want to share our partner. We have set standards on so many things like no flirting, no affairs, etc and this is what traditional marriage was meant to achieve, commitment of both parties no less than 100%. Now it might not include marriage but for many if us a verbal promise of expectation between you and a partner means the same. But "love" has a big problem...it lacks logic. We've all enjoyed that honeymoon period where little logic is needed then comes the introduction of provisos, essentially each partners rules, boundaries and expectations. And why not, for you are laying your valued future in the line. Fast track to a while later and suspicions arise when you notice possible infringing of a boundary going on. You hesitate for you fear your partner will object towards any hint of not being trusted. Test your fears...pursue your instinct, find out....clarify!! But carry it out silently always with the view that you could be over sensitive. Deceit leaves evidence. As a private investigator for many years evidence can come in so many forms. Telephone accounts, car odometer readings, his/her cleanliness after a day at work with a few hours overtime, missing money, a hidden GPS in the car that could be downloaded and so on. "I wonder why he didn't want me at his work Xmas do this year"? Some might think employing a PI is over the top but clarity is your insurance for a broken heart. Protect your heart. So many vulnerable people live without any idea an affair is going on. Even double lives.. Remember, whatever your boundaries are, patrol them and insist they be obeyed for they are your standards you set that allowed you to agree on such a relationship. Any hint on a breach and you reserve the right to clarify by any means. Trust is great, confirmation of being trusted is better as it allows you to continue that faith. Follow your instincts and when, hopefully those instincts prove unworthy of suspicion...you'll be thankful you can build more hope that that love prevails. But, if your gut feeling proves you were right all along and your boundaries weren't broken, they were destroyed by deceit, also be thankful that you have evidence to allow you to pursue a better life. Either way, its better than you eroding your mental heath away. Clarity is a win win approach Tony WK

brockparty Breaking down relationships because of depression
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum so I'm a little bit hesitant to blurt out my story but here goes. I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago after I hit rock bottom with an awful job and a relationship that was crumbling. I think I was carry... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum so I'm a little bit hesitant to blurt out my story but here goes. I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago after I hit rock bottom with an awful job and a relationship that was crumbling. I think I was carrying around the black dog for at least 3-4 years beforehand but never did anything about it until I was at breaking point. I'm now medicated and I am feeling a lot better than I was, but I still have some moments when I feel like I fall back into that hole. I kinda like the fact that this whole experience is giving me a greater insight into who I am, but in doing so, it brings up a lot of sadness, regret and guilt about who I am and what I have done in the past. I have always been in a relationship ever since finishing high school ten years ago. There have been fleeting moments where I have been single, but for the most part I have either been in a committed relationship, or been in a casual arrangement. For the majority of relationships, I have been the dumper and whenever I have been the dumpee, I have taken it really hard. I feel that I get super depressed when I hang-out with my friends who are all shacked up. I know I am still young, but I feel that I have missed the boat in terms of finding someone to be with. Looking back, I know for a fact that I have ended relationships because I was depressed, rather than through any fault of the amazing girls I have dated. One relationship in particular has been haunting me lately because I know I was happy with her but I let the black dog loose and it made me end things. I didn’t understand what was going on until it was too late. I tried a few times to resurrect things but I couldn’t bring myself to do it out of shame and stubbornness. I know in my head and my heart that I am not in any state to be starting a relationship but I continue to try because I am don’t know how to be alone. I don’t feel it’s healthy because all I am doing is setting myself and the girl up for disappointment. I don’t know if anyone has been in a similar situation to me so I’d love to hear your stories and how you coped with the issues I am facing. The feelings of guilt, regret, and fear of being alone are not something I want to have shape who I am. Thanks

Eagles Cheated On
  • replies: 11

First time poster here.. Feeling vulnerable, alone, silly and hurt. Been married 11 years and together 17 years, and since the birth of our child in 2014 wife suffered depression, I was told that it was PPD, things have been coming out more in the pa... View more

First time poster here.. Feeling vulnerable, alone, silly and hurt. Been married 11 years and together 17 years, and since the birth of our child in 2014 wife suffered depression, I was told that it was PPD, things have been coming out more in the past month or so that it is more than that. We have problems that I was not aware of, all stemming from communication to each other or perhaps a lack of communication. Wife felt she was not getting from me what she needed and found it with an old school buddy, behind my back and lies after lies to build it, I was not even slightly thinking it. We started to see a professional together but she would claim to need space and disappear over a weekend, to continue this affair. Leading to our last session, I asked if this was doing anything, will we get somewhere together, I was told she doesn't love me anymore, I asked a question of an affair not expecting the answer I got. She has answered every question I have asked and without going into the details it was very hurtful. I still have love for her, and am making a solid commitment to change to be the person she wants, if she will be willing to work on communication also. This is all very new and emotions are raw. The affair started in May 16, and I found out late June. Wife is on medication and I feel the balance is wrong and wife now agrees and is seeking help to correct (if needed) because her depression has worsened. The bloke she is seeing has a sting of broken relationships behind him and is engaged. Upon hearing I know, he has stopped communicating with wife for fear of his relationship. Seeing her hurt over this is breaking my heart, but I don't want her to leave. My head is messed up with these conflicting emotions. I want to salvage it, and move on. Wife doesn't know what she wants. IMO she has confused love and lust with this other guy, or at least that is my hope. Wife has flipped that she might work on us, is this because he flaked, or that I have made the commitment (and action) to not only hear but understand? She has constantly told me 'you are not handling this the way I expected' I am trying to be calm because I can see that communication lead us down this path. I am by no means a victim (I do feel that at times) and am trying to think logically through the issues. Thank you for letting me dump it here. I feel better for getting it out.

Just_want_to_be_me_again Not sure what category I belong in?!
  • replies: 2

This is my first step to getting my old self back again (hopefully). I don't know if I have depression or suffer from anxiety. One thing I know for sure is that I'm not happy on a regular basis and I don't know why.This all started about six or seven... View more

This is my first step to getting my old self back again (hopefully). I don't know if I have depression or suffer from anxiety. One thing I know for sure is that I'm not happy on a regular basis and I don't know why.This all started about six or seven years ago and has been a roller a coster since then. We have had happy times, however the low times are what seem to stick around the surface of memories. I have trouble forgiving myself for hurting my wife (not psychically) and through that I am pushing that hurt back onto her because I can not forgive myself. I lie to her sometimes when she ask's me questions because I don't want to argue with her incase my answer is not what she wants to hear. I know this will only lead to more mistrust in our relationship. I am an open book and are very comfortable talking about my past and problems, so here goes.After the birth of our second child about 6 1/2 years ago my wife caught me looking at an adult webcast of another woman online, I am not proud of that, and can not change the fact that it happened. I was feeling lonely and was seeking attention and sexual attention from my wife and was not receiving it. I did not want to have physical contact with another woman just someone to show interest in me on a level that I felt I needed at the time.I understand that it was the wrong thing to do and have felt like a piece of garbage ever since that day and to be honest I glad she caught me. I want her to know that she can trust me again. She had banned me from Facebook and social network in general due to her fearing that I will seek out an emotional relationship with someone from the opposite sex. Family history:I am adopted and have known this fact from a very early age, however once told about it, it was not spoken about again and I was left to deal with the emotions on my own. I have felt like a black sheep most of my life due to the fact that it was not discussed openly at home. I have a problem with the constant need to know that my wife is in love with me and will always be there for me, my biggest fear is her leaving me. She has always been faithful to me and try to understand what is going on with me.I have two adorable children who I love to bits and a wife that continues to stand by me even with my constant mood swings, feelings of loneliness, sadness, bitterness and emotional pain I have endured her through. I am actively seeing a councillor every 2 weeks and attending aa meetings also.

kryssie85 Is my mental health as bad as what my ex says?
  • replies: 4

I'm having some issues with my ex who I have been separated from for about 16 months. We have a three and eight year old together. Presently I'm waiting to to sort out the arrangements for the children, as mediation has been deemed unsuitable due to ... View more

I'm having some issues with my ex who I have been separated from for about 16 months. We have a three and eight year old together. Presently I'm waiting to to sort out the arrangements for the children, as mediation has been deemed unsuitable due to the family violence history. My ex is starting to make a habit of saying things like "I'm not the one with a mental health disorder. That was diagnosed before we got together," or "Maybe our daughter is emotional because you are always such a bundle of emotion". I'm 30 now, I did self harm between the ages of 16-19, I also had a brief period of time that I was on anti depressants following a miscarriage at 18, which was only a few weeks.I also struggled when my daughter was born as my ex cheated on me when she was 10 weeks old and it left my self esteem in tatters. I was 22. Quite often after she was about 6 months old, I drank to excess and would keep away from him as all we did was fight. When we fought, his put downs would hurt so much I would try to hurt myself so I wouldn't have to hear his words. I would also use medication at times to try and get myself to sleep. As he never hit me, but physically pushed etc, I never went to the police for help. He even pushed me around while I was pregnant. This was only for two years.After our second child was born, I was 28. I had been doing really well, made some big changes and my relationship with my ex no longer had any violence. However, I had to go back to work doing night shifts, juggling two kids and uni when my youngest was 6 months. I had no support from my ex or family. I scored high in the postnatal depression quiz and went to the GP, who said it appeared to be situational depression. I went to several counsellors but felt nothing helped. My ex was distancing himself from me. I ended up lying on the bed crying constantly. He would just take the kids out and leave me there. I ended up leaving after he accused me of spending money that I later found out he had spent. I had to give him 50/50 custody to be able to get out and struggled with being away from my kids after always being with them. He took them interstate for 10 days and I couldnt cope, being put on an antidepressant. This made me worse. I could barely function. I'm now off them and seeing a great psych.In saying all that, I do not feel like I have a mental illness like he says. I'd like to know what others think.

Aug82 Marriage Breakdown
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, My wife of only 3 years left me about 6 months ago after revealing that she has been unfaithful to me multiple times over our 3 year marriage and 7 year relationship. This was a huge shock to me as i really loved (and probably still love... View more

Hi everyone, My wife of only 3 years left me about 6 months ago after revealing that she has been unfaithful to me multiple times over our 3 year marriage and 7 year relationship. This was a huge shock to me as i really loved (and probably still love) this person and imagined that i was going to start a family and spend the rest of my life with her. Anyway I was completely devastated and had to go to a physiologist to get myself back on my feet. And to add to everything she basically cleaned out our savings and has left me in a pretty bad financial situation. Unfortunately I also found out through 3rd parties that she had been having an affair with someone that she worked with and had been planning on leaving me for a while. I am so devastated and betrayed by all this. Its basically all I think about and I feel like such a fool to have been duped like this by someone I loved so much. We live in a relatively small town and I just want to move away from everything and start afresh but my financial situation won't allow me to do it at the moment. The other thing I worry about is how I can ever trust anyone again, at the moment I feel so bitter and angry and sad about relationships. I really can't see myself getting over this.

musiclover101 Fighting Family
  • replies: 1

I find that im always fighting with my parents, and its breaking me mentally. I find that im constantly in tears after fighting with them, and it is ALL the time. Over the littlest things. Im not the perfect child, I will admit that. But it is becomi... View more

I find that im always fighting with my parents, and its breaking me mentally. I find that im constantly in tears after fighting with them, and it is ALL the time. Over the littlest things. Im not the perfect child, I will admit that. But it is becoming too much, so much that I feel like i dont even have a relationship with them anymore. Thanks in advance x

Little_Help Major Life Events
  • replies: 1

A recent major life event triggered severe anxiety and caused me to feel tingling, exhaustion, upset stomach, and became very overwhellem and huge amounts of crying, i miss my family. The event was moving into my new place with my partner who i met 5... View more

A recent major life event triggered severe anxiety and caused me to feel tingling, exhaustion, upset stomach, and became very overwhellem and huge amounts of crying, i miss my family. The event was moving into my new place with my partner who i met 5 years ago. The sad part was that i realised i was not going to go home. I think when i went to boarding school and left home at 14 has a link to my severe anxiety and maybe some loss and grief. Even though at a young age i missed my family at Boarding school. The first time i went to boarding school my mum said if you dont like it after a week you can come home. I didnt like it and decided to come home. However once i decided to call home i felt better and decided to stay for 4 more year.However now with any major life event i will trigger severe anxiety and want to go home. I can get bad thoughts and feel sick as mentioned above. I have tried things such as avoiding the anxiety such as not going on planes or holidays as i miss my family and i feel like i want to go home. I always thought at boarding school i would go home, however i never went back home. When i was home sick or missing family at boarding school i would study hard as i dont like the feeling. I then got into university because of my good marks. I felt so sick the first week of uni.

sydneyharbour17 Dealing with Depressed and Apathetic Boyfriend
  • replies: 25

I'm 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. When I met him at school he was teased about having no feelings as he never really responded to anything, regardless or whether it was happy, sad, angry, etc. Anyways, we became... View more

I'm 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. When I met him at school he was teased about having no feelings as he never really responded to anything, regardless or whether it was happy, sad, angry, etc. Anyways, we became close friends and ended up getting together. A few months after this he revealed that he had been depressed, except instead of feeling characteristic sadness, he simply didn't feel anything. He reassured me that our relationship had fixed it and that "I made him feel happy when he thought he never would be again." Our relationship was pure bliss for about the next year and a half, maybe a bit longer. Following this, I felt something change in him, like something was off although his behaviour didn't seem drastically different. Just little things like not wanting to see me as much. He also dropped out of university which I found odd but not extremely so because he had never been the most enthusiastic student. However, several months later I found out that he'd been lying to me about many things, even things that were insignificant. He also began stealing money from his job and hanging around questionable new people. Upon finding all this out, his family and I were obviously extremely upset but he seemed not to have any empathy whatsoever. I continued to try to make the relationship work but several months later he broke up with me saying that he didn't love me anymore and that he saw no future between us. During the breakup he treated me very poorly, namely by stringing me along. At the same time, he made more strange friends and began to use drugs recreationally. He ended up being thrown out of home and 2 days later turned up on my doorstep begging for forgiveness and help for mental health issues. I took him back, as did his family, but he then refused to get help. We let it go because for the next month and a half he went back to normal, treating everyone with love and respect. However, one night he revealed to me that he had been depressed (no emotions) again for the last year which is when his odd behaviour began. He has since been to a GP/psychologist but tells me that it probably won't help us and that he can't give me his 100% and that I deserve better. I am very confused because I don't know how much of what he is saying/doing is his illness and how much is him. I love him very much and don't want to lose him. I am currently giving him space to think about our relationship. Help?

Charlie_C Housemate problems
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I'm new and this is my first time posting. I'm sure this isn't the first time someone has posted about this, but I couldn't find any previous examples so I'm posting a new thread. Hopefully it helps other people too. I suffer from depres... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new and this is my first time posting. I'm sure this isn't the first time someone has posted about this, but I couldn't find any previous examples so I'm posting a new thread. Hopefully it helps other people too. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm a pretty chilled out guy, social but sensitive as well. My main problem at the moment is my housemates. What do you do when a housemate you were friends with suddenly goes cold on you, refuses to talk to you about it, and avoids contact as much as possible? The possibility that I'm over-imagining things has definitely crossed my mind. But an example from tonight really seems to demonstrate the main problem of deliberate avoidance of communication. I was home, watching TV in the lounge room. My 2 housemates came home, with a friend who is staying with us for a few weeks. I had already called one of the housemates a few hours earlier, saying that I thought we needed to talk - specifically about the trouble the 3rd housemate and I have had. We agreed to talk about it tomorrow night. Not one of them came in to say hi. I know, I know, some people really hate repetitive conversations based around "how are you?". I get that, and I do try to avoid it sometimes. But seeing as I hadn't even seen them in the morning (they leave early for work), doesn't that really say that there is a problem? Surely saying "hey" when you come isn't that big of a deal? I'm pretty sure at this stage (it's been going on for 2 months) it's too late and I need to move out. But I have tried talking to them, as a group with the three of us and individually to each of them. And still nothing. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this type of situation I'd really appreciate it. Thanks