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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lost7616 Can depression cause loss of love
  • replies: 6

Hi I'm new to this and I'm looking for some answers my husband after a disagreement 3 weeks ago told me his unsure if he loves me any more and that he doesn't feel the same fast forward a few weeks he has been diagnosed with mild PTSD , depression an... View more

Hi I'm new to this and I'm looking for some answers my husband after a disagreement 3 weeks ago told me his unsure if he loves me any more and that he doesn't feel the same fast forward a few weeks he has been diagnosed with mild PTSD , depression and anxiety . its like one morning he woke up and was someone else, we have been married 8yrs and have had our ups and downs 4years ago when starting a Fifo job he had an affair which broke my heart . We worked through it and I believed we came out stronger and closer (I know that there is no excuse for that but looking back I feel maybe it was a cry for help) he has over the years had moments of anger and rage (especially when drinking) tears feeling hopeless , blaming himself for deaths (he is a fireman) but they would be bought up then not mentioned again he hurt himself oct 15 and was off work until March 16 I know this took its toll on him, he has also had the worry of his 2 younger brothers who have been caught up in a situation with possibility of going to jail ! On his 40th bday in May he broke down in tears told me he doesn't know how he would cope if the worst happens about his brothers! He feels he hasn't been able to talk to his parents (who he would normally go to ) because of the stress they have for his brothers he tells me he resents me for things I have said like " I didn't marry me father" and blames us for our financial position I guess I'm just lost I don't know what happened to my affectionate happy loving husband! Is it because of me his depressed i feel like we have been through way to much to not fight for our love but feel like his given up, is the resentment , questioning the love are these things normal for a person to feel, I ask him do you love me he says "I don't know , I care about you, I miss you sometimes" he still does FIFO 7 days away 7 home he loves his job , he doesn't msg me like he used to and only occasionally I get an I love you back when I say it to him on the phone Before I left last time he advised me his councillor said she can not tell him what to do but suggested he doesn't make an decisions about us ATM with how he is feeling as she said his broken! I offered when his home that he could stay in the house with our 2 kids and I will stay somewhere else if he needs space, is this the right thing to do ? I'm just lost, scared, worried and trying to understand

Krunchy What the hell is wrong with me?!
  • replies: 3

I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for almost 4. This morning he absolutely lost it at me, really lost it. He told me that I make him feel like he's the worst person in the world, that I turn everything into an argument and that I have a... View more

I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for almost 4. This morning he absolutely lost it at me, really lost it. He told me that I make him feel like he's the worst person in the world, that I turn everything into an argument and that I have a horrible attitude. Last week I was having a meltdown due to the hatred I feel for my job and later that day I got a delivery of flowers to cheer me up...they didn't. All I could think was "why did he do that, what has he done?" ...and then I accused him of being guilty of something to have done this for me. I have no self worth at all and find it hard to believe that 1) I have a husband and 2) he's still with me. I feel horrible for how I treat him, I feel as though I'm going to push him into the arms of someone else, someone who is happy in themselves and will make him feel happy, someone who is everything I'm not. I don't want to keep hurting him or myself. I don't know how to accept nice things for what they are and not think that it comes from something bad. I don't know how. I don't want to lose him, I don't know what I'd do if I did

Apollo_Black I need strength to carry on
  • replies: 66

Hi everyone. I've been commenting on other people's posts and trying to be positive - but my situation is wearing me down. My marriage of 5 years has broken down. We have a four year old boy. It all started when I told my wife I wanted an intimate ma... View more

Hi everyone. I've been commenting on other people's posts and trying to be positive - but my situation is wearing me down. My marriage of 5 years has broken down. We have a four year old boy. It all started when I told my wife I wanted an intimate marriage and she reacted by saying I had destroyed our marriage by bringing it up. Over the last 4 months it has been horrible - she wanted me to leave the house, counseling failed, she became more abusive emotionally, verbally and physically. I refused to leave our house. I do a lot for our son and I'm not abandoning him. She thinks I'm only entitled to have our son 2 days a fortnight if we separate. This is our son who I see every day, am with every night, every weekend, cook for him, feed him, bath him, pick him up from kindy. I want him at least 6 nights a fortnight but she won't have that. We've both been to lawyers and the next step is family dispute resolution - I'm just worried it will escalate and she will take it to court which will destroy us all. I'm pretty lost at the moment. My wife is threatening to take our son to her parents and I won't see him until after court. She's trying to stop me from doing things with him when I am around. I'm using all my strength just to hold up in front of my son and to remain calm and collected. I hate this unknown, I live in fear of what my wife is going to do next and in particular I'm so worried for our son. I'm dreading the day we/I have to tell him mummy and daddy won't be living together any more, how he will react, how he will cope. What a nightmare. Can anyone tell me if they have been in a similar position? I can truly see why people are forced to leave their own homes and give up time with their children because they feel they have no other choice. Well I'm not going to leave. I have done nothing wrong and I'm going to stand up for myself and my son - who needs his dad in his life just as much as his mum

damian_s I'm feeling very lost and fragile today
  • replies: 1

I'm feeling very lost and fragile today, and so have joined in the hope for some distraction whilst at work.I was originally diagnosed with depression but that soon became Bi-polar. My long term partner came home one day, and told me she didn't want ... View more

I'm feeling very lost and fragile today, and so have joined in the hope for some distraction whilst at work.I was originally diagnosed with depression but that soon became Bi-polar. My long term partner came home one day, and told me she didn't want to have children with someone like me, so she left. It took me many years to get over that, suicide attempts, time in hospital and ofcourse meds. I've been really good for several years, but I've relapsed after seeing her wedding photos. I am so furious at her, angry with myself, I'm just keeping it together.

Zoostar84 How do I get my girlfriend to understand?
  • replies: 5

My girlfriend has a learning disability. She knows I am on several medications for anxiety/depression. There have been situations in the past where she has made a negative comment to me that had made me feel uncomfortable. For example, I admit to her... View more

My girlfriend has a learning disability. She knows I am on several medications for anxiety/depression. There have been situations in the past where she has made a negative comment to me that had made me feel uncomfortable. For example, I admit to her that I had made a silly mistake and her response was to call me a 'goose' in a matter of a joke. I told her that I did not appreciate the comment and I need support, rather then negative comments. She lives with her mum and told me her mum is going away for the weekend in a couple of weeks and invited me over to her place that weekend. I sometimes work sundays but currently don't have my roster for that weekend. So I told her that I'm unsure if i'm working that sunday but once I get my roster I will you know. Her response was 'well don't sound too excited' in a sarcastic manner. Maybe she didn't like the tone of my voice. This made me feel sad and upset as I'm having difficulty getting excited about anything in my life at the moment. I had told her previously that I don't need any negative comments from anyone no matter if they mean it or not. I don't know how to get her to understand and support my mental illness. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

PineLime New here
  • replies: 7

Hi, I'm a late 30's disabled guy, moved to melbourne to be close to friends but now find myself alone. Was born with Spina Bifida and in 2009 lost my left leg due to hospital negligence. I feel like the world keeps dumping things on me and im slowly ... View more

Hi, I'm a late 30's disabled guy, moved to melbourne to be close to friends but now find myself alone. Was born with Spina Bifida and in 2009 lost my left leg due to hospital negligence. I feel like the world keeps dumping things on me and im slowly slipping like i have no reason for anything. Blah im rambling... just wanted to say hello

Deeser I need to vent
  • replies: 3

First time poster and new user here My girlfriend of 5yrs has had depression for awhile but decided to do something something about it the last couple of months she is on medication which dr has recently changed my day started badly this morning i wo... View more

First time poster and new user here My girlfriend of 5yrs has had depression for awhile but decided to do something something about it the last couple of months she is on medication which dr has recently changed my day started badly this morning i woke and got out of bed at 3 this morning and stayed awake. My girlfriend got up at 7 to get her kids ready for school when she came out to the kitchen where I was sitting eating and reading I looked up and said morning sweetness! To which I got no reply she was in a bad mood so I just let it slide. She took her oldest son to the bus stop because we live out of town I normally leave after she comes back but bus was late and I had to go to work. There were a couple of texts messages between us with her asking what is my problem. I replied nothing is wrong. Normally we would text throughout the day but nothing until i asked what was happening tomorrow because I had the day off. I was accused of making plans without her and she just ended the texting. All I wanted was to do anything with her and I told her that but still I was accused of lying and planing stuff without her. When I got home I was walking in the gate she was outside putting stuff in the dryer and I said to her how you going sweetness to a reply I got f and c of a dryer and she walked inside. Nothing said so I said what have I done wrong. Her reply don't start trying to make an argument ain't you! Got plans hey for tomorrow! I said you don't understand I want to do something with you and only you. This goes on and on and at the moment I'm in bed watching TV by myself. When kids are around she is happy as larry when they aren't it quiet and I get one word answers. I've nearly had enough being her punching bag and the one who is always at fault. I've been at rock bottom with depression and anxiety I vowed never to return to that spot and have told her that. When theses things happen with is regularly I start feel anxious and angry and have to make myself stop saying things because I can never win!!

Citygirlinthecountry Broken heart not healing
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I hope you are all havj bf a good evening. About 4 months ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me which is something I've been struggling with. We were long distant as he lived in the UK but had been travelling back and forth seeing... View more

Hi Everyone, I hope you are all havj bf a good evening. About 4 months ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me which is something I've been struggling with. We were long distant as he lived in the UK but had been travelling back and forth seeing each other. He told me that he had gotten 2 interships over his summer (our winter) and therefore wouldn't be able to come over and he didn't want to wait until the end of the year. He said it was the most difficult decision and that it wasn't because he didn't love me. It absolutely tore my heart apart. I cut off contact with him to try and mend but about one month into that we started talking a bit. Our last phone call was just over 1 month ago and it went well -no fighting, being understanding and he was saying things like I miss you and if he wanted a relationship he'd be in it with me etc. About 2 weeks later it was my birthday and I didn't hear a word from him. I left it and haven't spoken to him since that last phone call. It was his birthday this week and it killed me not to contact him but I knew it's what I had to do. I thought he'd be having a horrible birthday (last year he was hear and I absolutely spoilt him) and I see he is in Europe having a great time which sort of stung. However I've seen he is in Europe and not at his intership which he said was all of July and so I'm feeling a little confused. My heart is breaking at the thought of him lying to me. My self worth has been compromised since the break up and I absolutely feel I am a horrible person.I work in the mental heath industry in a regional town and find it extremely difficult to talk to anyone about how I'm struggling as everyone knows everyone. I feel I can't talk to my loved ones as they just don't know what to say anymore and I feel like I should be over this by now. I've suffered depression previously (10 years ago) and I'm terrified to end up in that place. Some days I honestly don't want to be here anymore. But I keep getting up for work, socialise, have taken up a new hobby and try to keep myself busy. I feel I'm doing the right things but still keep feeling so low in self worth. I don't know if it's still within an ok time line to feel this way or if I need help. Thank you for listening to me. If anything that helps me.

lonesoul Don't know where else to turn
  • replies: 6

I just want the pain to stop. It feels like everywhere I turn there is no hope at happiness. I'm constantly worried about everyone. My dad tried to commit suicide six times and it ended with Mum and Dad divorcing. Mum is struggling to make ends meet ... View more

I just want the pain to stop. It feels like everywhere I turn there is no hope at happiness. I'm constantly worried about everyone. My dad tried to commit suicide six times and it ended with Mum and Dad divorcing. Mum is struggling to make ends meet with a mortgage and us to look after. Dad only contacts me now when he needs my help; its never to say how are you going. My Nan and Pop are getting really old so I constantly worry every day that I have said my last goodbye. I haven't seen my fiance in just about 5 months. It feels like it would be better off for him if we broke up and he found someone that wasn't 1400km away. I was diagnosed two years ago with moderate depression and ever since then it feels like I am trying to fight an uphill battle every day. I am sick of the anxiety attacks trying to deal with all the emotions. Last night I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night and the only way I could get to sleep was when mum made a makeshift bed on my floor and slept with me. I feel like banging my head against the wall trying to get all the thoughts to stop. There are some days where I just can't take it and just want to cut the pain out. I don't want to die. I just want the pain and bad thoughts to stop. Is it too much to ask for one piece of happiness to stay happy? What does it take for me to get my own bit of happiness without everything turning to hell? I am sorry this isn't very articulate but I can't get this all out the way I want to. How do you cope? How do you find the little ray of sunshine in a world so dark?

white knight Clarifying your boundaries
  • replies: 5

Most of us have a need to be loved and to give love. Those primeval inbuilt characteristics that means the survival of the human race. But some if us are monogumous, we don't want to share our partner. We have set standards on so many things like no ... View more

Most of us have a need to be loved and to give love. Those primeval inbuilt characteristics that means the survival of the human race. But some if us are monogumous, we don't want to share our partner. We have set standards on so many things like no flirting, no affairs, etc and this is what traditional marriage was meant to achieve, commitment of both parties no less than 100%. Now it might not include marriage but for many if us a verbal promise of expectation between you and a partner means the same. But "love" has a big problem...it lacks logic. We've all enjoyed that honeymoon period where little logic is needed then comes the introduction of provisos, essentially each partners rules, boundaries and expectations. And why not, for you are laying your valued future in the line. Fast track to a while later and suspicions arise when you notice possible infringing of a boundary going on. You hesitate for you fear your partner will object towards any hint of not being trusted. Test your fears...pursue your instinct, find out....clarify!! But carry it out silently always with the view that you could be over sensitive. Deceit leaves evidence. As a private investigator for many years evidence can come in so many forms. Telephone accounts, car odometer readings, his/her cleanliness after a day at work with a few hours overtime, missing money, a hidden GPS in the car that could be downloaded and so on. "I wonder why he didn't want me at his work Xmas do this year"? Some might think employing a PI is over the top but clarity is your insurance for a broken heart. Protect your heart. So many vulnerable people live without any idea an affair is going on. Even double lives.. Remember, whatever your boundaries are, patrol them and insist they be obeyed for they are your standards you set that allowed you to agree on such a relationship. Any hint on a breach and you reserve the right to clarify by any means. Trust is great, confirmation of being trusted is better as it allows you to continue that faith. Follow your instincts and when, hopefully those instincts prove unworthy of suspicion...you'll be thankful you can build more hope that that love prevails. But, if your gut feeling proves you were right all along and your boundaries weren't broken, they were destroyed by deceit, also be thankful that you have evidence to allow you to pursue a better life. Either way, its better than you eroding your mental heath away. Clarity is a win win approach Tony WK