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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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jaysee Feel unattractive because I'm short
  • replies: 4

OK, I realise this may seem hilarious/ridiculous to some, and I sometimes have a bit of a chuckle at it myself, but please bear with me. I know it's nowhere near as serious as practically everything else posted here, but it does affect my emotions on... View more

OK, I realise this may seem hilarious/ridiculous to some, and I sometimes have a bit of a chuckle at it myself, but please bear with me. I know it's nowhere near as serious as practically everything else posted here, but it does affect my emotions on a regular basis, so I thought I'd put it out there. Basically, I've been noticing that I'm actually not a very tall person. I'm about 5'8", and when I'm out and about and look around myself on a typical day, most people seem well and truly taller than me (including women). (I live in Sydney near the CBD, if that makes any difference.) I feel that my height makes me significantly less attractive than most other men, to women in general. I feel a kind of resentment, over having been born this height, identifying as a man and being attracted to women, none of which I regard as my choice. I also feel envious of tall men. I'm familiar with the argument that height doesn't matter, in term of mens' attractiveness to women, but I truly find that hard to believe. I realise every women has slightly different desires, but I can't think of anything more universal, that I've heard said from such a broad, diverse range of sources (friends, family, media, works of literature), than that women prefer a tall man if they can get one. Yes, it may be a culturally driven, rather than biologically driven, preference, but what difference does it make anyway? Culture doesn't change much faster than biology, at least from the standpoint of one human's lifetime. There are a few things I say to myself as consolation, which more or less help: 1. Being attractive to women shouldn't be the be-all-end-all of my existence. There's more to life than that. 2. Just accept the "unattractive" feeling and embrace it. What's the point of fighting something I can't control? Might as well just roll with it and *be* that unattractive guy, and be proud of it. 3. There are still plenty of men who are my height and shorter, and they manage, so there's no reason I can't. 4. Other men being more attractive than me doesn't take away from my life, and doesn't deprive me of things I enjoy a lot, including things that not everyone else (including attractive men) gets to enjoy. 5. I also practice mindfulness and find that very helpful in cultivating contentment and peace of mind. I don't want to be resentful/envious. I'd rather feel love for my fellow creatures. Anyway just putting it out there, and seeing if anyone has any advice to offer. Thanks!

Shelly77 No Idea Where To Go From Here
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for nearly 5. I have no kids but he has two , 9 yr old boy and 16 yr old girl. I have always had a great relationship with the girl, typical teenager lazy issues but overall a really good relationship.... View more

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for nearly 5. I have no kids but he has two , 9 yr old boy and 16 yr old girl. I have always had a great relationship with the girl, typical teenager lazy issues but overall a really good relationship. The boy I have always had trouble connecting with but have really made an effort to help with schooling as he struggles also socially he is awkward and finds it hard to make friends. My husbands first marriage was very volatile and the boy probably saw things that most kids never get exposed to but I have found over the past year his behaviour is very disrespectful to me. Long story short his mother is very much a narcissist of the worst king - I have spent $1000 in the last four months on dealing with the kids nits issues the mother just turns a blind eye to the problem because that will cost her money to fix and she needs botox. I have spent countless hours up at his school helping in reading class, organised and hosted birthday parties , drive to sport each fortnight when we have the kids, bought him reading books when the school advised he was behind in reading.He has issues which have been flagged by the school and have asked to send him to a counsellor. But neither the mum or dad (my husband) will send him and I don't understand why they wont help him. My husband just constantly spends money on him never makes him tidy his room or eat proper meals. Makes like really hard for me when I am trying to help him learn about proper eating and behaviour. This has always been a sticking point for my husband and I to the point now where we are on the verge of divorcing because of his spoilt brat. I always thought it would be his ex wife that broke us up well I was wrong. My husband this morning has said "I don't like the way you treat X" which is just b***!! My husband never catches up with friends, is always angry and hasn't been intimate with me for weeks which is not normal. He doesn't think he has anything wrong with him. I am so stuck as to what to do.I have told him if he wants a divorce to tell me don't string me along but he just sticks his head in the sand. I just don't know what to do but I know I cant live like that. I am too young to live in this misery forever!!!

Marcsa Motivation Lost
  • replies: 5

Hi, I tried writing on another thread..... My son 22, feels like he is worthless because he can't finish his Uni assignments. He's had it for 2weeks and went away for one of those two weeks. Now the assignment due date is imminent. He's done - not mu... View more

Hi, I tried writing on another thread..... My son 22, feels like he is worthless because he can't finish his Uni assignments. He's had it for 2weeks and went away for one of those two weeks. Now the assignment due date is imminent. He's done - not much, claims he can't do it due to lack of resources from his Supervisors and also general lack of organisation. He says he feels worthless. He wants to be gone. All my suggestions to see someone or do something have received a " NO ". I'm only his mother, but I've reached beyond my limit. I tried just now, making him a sandwich, which initially he agreed to but has now rejected. I can't take it anymore. I'm agitated myself now. My son says nothing has helped or will, because of the pressure of the assignment and due date. Getting in to see a doctor, psychologist or anyone will be pointless because the urgency of the pressure will have passed.

Beatrice_Boo Stuck between a rock and a hard place
  • replies: 4

Thankyou for providing a place where people can talk, I am in my mid thirties and a stay-at-home Mum to our beautiful 4 year old son and adorable 16 month old foster daughter. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. We didn't have much time to... View more

Thankyou for providing a place where people can talk, I am in my mid thirties and a stay-at-home Mum to our beautiful 4 year old son and adorable 16 month old foster daughter. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. We didn't have much time to get to know each other or form a strong understanding. It was silly, but I thought that I would never find anybody else if I let him go. Fast forward to the present, and we have always been under a lot of financial pressure due to failed investments, and until recently I bore 100% of this burden as he refused to acknowledge our position. Recently he has, and I have totally let go of the burden but still feel stressed ( I am still the one handles finances). We do argue quite a lot and I find he is totally cut off from his emotions. He does love me and shows this emotion well, but if he disagrees about something, he just can't articulate his feelings, so he shows it by getting angry. So basically he feels one thing, and shows it by saying or doing something totally different. He won't go to marriage counselling, and I have been told that this lack of emotional connection in men can be reversed through counselling, but I know he is never going to agree to that. He is really anti-social and painfully shy - his just likes to spend time in the shed or with the kids and that's it. It causes me so much hurt when he says things that he doesn't mean.Without going into too much detail - I can say that divorce is fairly likely. Due to head injuries when I was a kid I have been left with terrible memory and slow processing. This does cause some problems in our relationship because I forget things that I have said, decisions we made etc. I'm a reasonably smart person with a uni degree, but every job I've ever had before has slowly declined because I didn't perform well. I feel I would do well in a job if my boss understood my downfalls, but the chances of finding a boss like that, especially in the current climate, are pretty slim. I feel that if I leave, I would make my life so much harder than it already is, mostly due to my nil employment prospects. Also I don't want to hurt my son, who is very attached to his father, and don't really like the idea of being alone - again. I know there isn't any easy answers - my life to date has been full of loss and hurt and I'm angry that it has to be this way. I would love to hear your wonderful and heartfelt advice. Thankyou xx

james1 Asking friends for help
  • replies: 12

Keen to hear your thoughts on asking friends for help on all issues, minor or severe. For context, I've recently asked friends for support on getting over a relationship break-up, domestic issues growing up, learning about my tendencies towards a per... View more

Keen to hear your thoughts on asking friends for help on all issues, minor or severe. For context, I've recently asked friends for support on getting over a relationship break-up, domestic issues growing up, learning about my tendencies towards a personality disorder, depression and suicide. Those came successively and are in order of "severity" to me. I found it increasingly hard to talk to my friends about these because I feel like I'm placing undue pressure on them when I should be using professionals for it. The flipside is that I find it hard to emotionally accept the support of professionals because, well, that's just what they do. Whereas I know my friends care (and I emphasise know, because even though I can intellectually know professionals care too, it's not the same). What are your thoughts? Do you find it easier or harder to talk to friends? How much do you reveal and do you do that willingly or not? Do your friends meet your emotional/support needs?

Craft Really need some advice regarding my daughter and son in-law arguing
  • replies: 2

Dont really know where to start this question...Firstly Hi my name is Craft and i have a daughter and son in-law (adults, who dont live with me) They are both mildly intellectually disabled and have been married for about 16 years. They constantly ar... View more

Dont really know where to start this question...Firstly Hi my name is Craft and i have a daughter and son in-law (adults, who dont live with me) They are both mildly intellectually disabled and have been married for about 16 years. They constantly argue over the smallest thing and then my daughter rings me and tells me of their argument and she usually blamed her husband, but after speaking with him i find it is usually her that has started the problem...Anyway i am getting very depressed wit these constant phone calls and really need advice as to what to say to them. I have tried to give advice, marriage councillor,talk to one another ,listen to your partner,have respect and consideration for each other, no one can solve this but yourselves by making changes etc etc etc. They live in their own home in a village, but there have been complaints about them arguing and have been warned if it continues they will be asked to leave....but they continue to argue. I am so worried for them but i am not getting threw how important it is to NOT argue and i just dont know what to do any more. Could anyone give me some advice as to how i can approach this problem ...please? Thank you

MissGivings Mother In Law Causing Major Anxiety Attacks
  • replies: 2

I don't even know where to start. My mother in law literally hates me. Always has. I felt it from the first minute I met her. She puts on a show, but she plays all sorts of passive aggressive games and I am not emotionally equipped to handle her. I u... View more

I don't even know where to start. My mother in law literally hates me. Always has. I felt it from the first minute I met her. She puts on a show, but she plays all sorts of passive aggressive games and I am not emotionally equipped to handle her. I used to say nothing, say nothing, say nothing, but then explode and look crazy, which is her goal. As much as she'd deny it, she's smart enough to figure it out. I have finally accepted that we cannot have a relationship, but sent her and my father in law a text, with my daughter's number as my daughter felt abandoned in favour of the the other cousins (she is the only girl and the oldest), and she was being ignored. They of course denied I had a point but then the next thing I hear my daughter telling me that her grandmother was flying her to Hamilton Island, to spend a week with my husband and his father who will be racing, no mention of me, no permission sought. I was distraught at being left out for a weeks' family holiday, however I have check the school holidays and they don't coincide so fortunately my mother in laws plan was thwarted. In the meantime however I have been sobbing, having chest pains and coping all by myself as my husband is off sailing. I have decided something. It is not my problem. I am a good and kind person, and my husband chose ME, so he can deal with his mother. She isn't my mother. They wave the inheritance thing over us, but I am determined to make enough money in my new career in Real Estate (studying at the moment) so that we don't need it. They they have nothing over us. My bitter MIL can stay bitter, and it won't affect me. I will be busy with my happen, emotionally healthy family.

Lostedforhelp Need my partner to get help.
  • replies: 6

Need help in what to do. Been with my partner for 7 years been a big roller coast ride of on off relationship not from me breaking it up, from him. But blamimg me for it all. He did seek advice from dr. But only told him a little bit and blamed me fo... View more

Need help in what to do. Been with my partner for 7 years been a big roller coast ride of on off relationship not from me breaking it up, from him. But blamimg me for it all. He did seek advice from dr. But only told him a little bit and blamed me for his depression issues. He is on depression tablets but also drinks half a cartoon of beer plus every night. Comes from a trouble up bring both parents alcoholic. I keep advising him to go talk to someone but won't. Done councilling together but all we got out of that is that the councillors took his side and im the one with the issues as he doesnt want to be the one issues. He blames me for everything and tells me that im everything he is. Eg. Selfish, abusive ect. Councillor doesnt want to work with him anymore as he is too much work. But how do i get him to get help he needs, cause i not sure where to turn. Feels like he is getting worst. Help please.

Amanda 1956 Woman trying to steal my partner
  • replies: 6

I'm very worried that a low life ex friend is making a move on my man Ringing him and spending 3hours talking on the phone(hmm wonder what about) and begging my man to dump me saying I'm a user and a bludger .How dare she question my love for my part... View more

I'm very worried that a low life ex friend is making a move on my man Ringing him and spending 3hours talking on the phone(hmm wonder what about) and begging my man to dump me saying I'm a user and a bludger .How dare she question my love for my partner Any suggestions in how to deal with this? Thanks

Sparhawk Feeling lonley and not wanted
  • replies: 3

Hi all I'm only newcomer to this site but have been deciding on whether I'm brave enough to post so here goes Recently I split up with my wife for a couple of months and we decided to give it a try again on the conditions of a few things I had to do ... View more

Hi all I'm only newcomer to this site but have been deciding on whether I'm brave enough to post so here goes Recently I split up with my wife for a couple of months and we decided to give it a try again on the conditions of a few things I had to do but in return all I have got is cold shoulders and death stares I feel so numb and depressed I'm all out of hope of ever retaining my self worth of life's enjoyments My friends and work colleagues have notice a change but I'm unable to talk to them bout anything I have seeked help but I'm having trouble .my life has more ups and down then a elevator in a two story shop I want my life back I want to be happy once more but I feel I'm going nowhere.Every time I think I'm getting better then I'm down on my own again I'm hoping by talking to people who are going thru the same or similar things I may be able to improve myself and others Thank u for ure time