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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lauryn I need support and help
  • replies: 1

My daughter has been removed from me for 8 months now and there is so much dodgy stuff going on in the system in doing everything I can but they don't seem to want to help with reunification anyone know anything about the system that can help? Please... View more

My daughter has been removed from me for 8 months now and there is so much dodgy stuff going on in the system in doing everything I can but they don't seem to want to help with reunification anyone know anything about the system that can help? Please I'm desperate

Countthestars Separated after first baby
  • replies: 1

I don't know how this happened, I have just had my first baby 7 months old, and found my husband has been seeing prostitutes and taking drugs for the past 5 months, Im in so much shock I can't eat or sleep and feel like my world is falling apart. I a... View more

I don't know how this happened, I have just had my first baby 7 months old, and found my husband has been seeing prostitutes and taking drugs for the past 5 months, Im in so much shock I can't eat or sleep and feel like my world is falling apart. I am trying to do everything possible to be here for my baby. We have been together 7 1/2 years married for 1 1/2. I have kicked him out of our home, I am so confused and hurt I am unsure if he has been dealing with depression after the baby as he disconnected completely I have basicly raised our baby on my own. He is saying he still wants to be married and has started seeing a psychologist. I have no idea what I should do right now

Else27 Mum of 2 new speration my head is a mess
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do but here goes... It's been almost a month since I found out that my partner and the father of my two babies had been sleeping with people behind my back. About a week before my youngest was born I received a message from someo... View more

I don't know what to do but here goes... It's been almost a month since I found out that my partner and the father of my two babies had been sleeping with people behind my back. About a week before my youngest was born I received a message from someone who told me he had been sleeping with people behind my back long before I had my first born and continues to sleep with anyone when I'm not around. He denied and convinced me that he wouldn't do it as he knew I'd walk away with the kids and we were his world. A couple months ago I told him that after I had second baby I considered not coming back as I felt so low, and I didn't know whether I should trust him, he sat there and cried. For almost a year it had always played on my mind. We were in the process of buying a home which we would be able to watch child grow up together, making plans for the future. As we were waiting for the loan and everything to go through myself and the kids had been living at my pArents place. A few days before my birthday we were traveling back to see him after he had been away working. We stopped for the night and my toddler thought his dad was there he was so excited to see him again, so we rang him he sounded quiet like he didn't want anyone to hear him talking to us. He told us he'd loved us couldn't wait to see us the next day and hang up the phone. A few hours later I received a message from the friend of a girl he'd been sleeping with, telling me everything. How he was telling her he loved her and that she was waiting for him. I rang him he denied it, told me people were trying to come between us. I sent him a photo of the message and tried to ring again. He turned the phone off. He finally told me the day after he could resist, and he had to go. We have gone from talking most days when he was working to nothing, hasn't even asked about the kids I don't know if he even wants anything to do with them. People have come forward and told me he had been doing it the whole time we were together almost 5 years. It feels like a waste. I just don't understand how someone knowing what he was doing allowed 2 kids to come into the world. It took me 11months to fall pregnant with my first. And talking about the future, why bother committing to buy a house when he didn't want to be with us? He thinks he can just walk away like nothing ever happened, while I'm breaking down watching my 2 kids ask for dad and he's out enjoying life partying like we were absolutely nothing to him.

missken My partner has just broken up with me out of nowhere. I think he is suffering from depression but he doesn't agree
  • replies: 14

Just over a week ago my partner of almost 13 years came home late after a night out and the next morning broke up with me. I was completely shocked. I knew that there was something not quite right between us lately - I had noticed that he was distanc... View more

Just over a week ago my partner of almost 13 years came home late after a night out and the next morning broke up with me. I was completely shocked. I knew that there was something not quite right between us lately - I had noticed that he was distancing himself from me over the past few months and choosing to spend more and more time away with friends that we don't share. He has also recently become obsessed with losing weight. He said that he's been feeling numb for the past few months and the spark has faded. Apparently he needs some time on his own to work out what he wants. He also said that he's not attracted to me anymore and feels that I am not trying to keep my weight under control (which is untrue - I go to the gym regularly and have been making progress on my fitness/ trimness since recovering from injury). He said that lots of things have been irritating him lately. He said that he doesn't want to keep screwing me around by staying with me and thinks I should find another partner to have kids with. We had planned to start trying to have a baby in a few months' time. On further discussions he said that he thinks I don't like him anymore and that I am not attracted to him anymore. I explained that my behaviour over the past few months has been as a result of how rejected I have been feeling because of him appearing to not want to spend time with me anymore. I used to be his favourite person to spend time with, and now I feel like I coming home to me is a chore to him. He insists that he hasn't met anyone else and in fact has never met anyone else in the 13 years we have been together that he could see himself in a relationship with if we weren't together. I tried to convince him that we can work through these issues now that we're talking about them openly, but he'd already made up his mind that were are going to break up. I have given him a week on his own and asked that he seeks councelling as I think that the problem is wider than just him and I. He doesn't seem happy in general and has a history of suffering from depression. Nothing seems to make him happy lately and he is getting drunk really often and not taking care of his health. He is convinced that this isn't depression because it doesn't feel the same as the other times he has had bouts of depression. I don't know what to do. I just want to be with him and truly believe the spark can be reignited now that we are being open and talking about the elephant in the room

auroraone To move or not to move again...that is the question
  • replies: 4

Boy could I use some advice here. I am running out of ideas. Here goes... My wife and three children have been settled now in a community for three years, one in which I have had great difficulty finding work. I recently picked up a good role in Sydn... View more

Boy could I use some advice here. I am running out of ideas. Here goes... My wife and three children have been settled now in a community for three years, one in which I have had great difficulty finding work. I recently picked up a good role in Sydney and we are due to move in about a month. Now that we approach the move date my wife and kids are really struggling with the idea. We have moved many times before for work, usually mine, and this has led to a belief that we will end up stuck in the same loop again. Especially with Sydney prices. My wife has been working over the last few years but it has not been in an area she particularly enjoys. I have being working hard to organise a study opportunity in Sydney so that she can diversify into something more to her liking. Unfortunately we won't know whether she has got into the degrees until after we arrive in Sydney. So, there is the possibility that she will not get into anything that she wants to. Thus, she could be left babysitting again in a city we have not really known for years. Coupled to this, I recently had a stint away for work (9 months) because I couldn't find anything locally and this means that our relationship has taken a big step backwards. With the rush to move I feel that we are struggling to stay above water. I have been trying to follow the old saying that women need love first to feel wanted, but this time round is hard. The problem is that I have already started the job and, in all reality, will struggle to find work where we are if I were to pass the opportunity up. The role offers long term stability and the possibility to transfer regionally. I know I could fall back into another role, like getting back into the cafe again, but it will not be easy to support the fam on that wage. I know this sounds selfish. I have been struggling for years to find a long term stable role to minimise future disrupting for the family and this is what I have found. My problem is that I have always been more comfortable being a gypsie and she is a home-body. Essentially, my wife is delivering me an ultimatum. She either wants to go it alone and not move or move with me and give up everything she has. I am trying to find a workable third option, but I am running out of steam. I can't lose her and the kids, but for my own sanity I also need to work to stave off a strange depression that hits me in between work stints. Thanks for reading everyone. Any comments are really appreciated.

Midnight6 I don't know what to do
  • replies: 4

Hi, i haven't been on here for a few months. First of all i am a wife and a mother to 2 beautiful boys. My relationship has been bad for the most part of about 4 -5years. My husband is controlling and manipulative and i see it but don't want to belie... View more

Hi, i haven't been on here for a few months. First of all i am a wife and a mother to 2 beautiful boys. My relationship has been bad for the most part of about 4 -5years. My husband is controlling and manipulative and i see it but don't want to believe it. I have depression, i see a psychologist and i am on anti depression tablets. I want the relationship to work but then I think i want to be on my own.i also have a question.. i had Facebook behind his back beacuse of the control, he found out about it and because of his insecurities he made a list of rules that we can and cant do so he can deal with it as he hates facebook. Is that ok? Am i not considering his feelings if i dont agree... he said if i don't then our relationship will end and its all beacuse of facebook... im so tired of not being able to be me... i hate life...i do nothing but mope around. I do love him but don't know if im in love with him. He has told our kids when he's been upset and angry that if him and i aren't together he won't see them much and that i will take them away... so they put the blame on me. He has told me that if we weren't together that he will make sure the kids really know how much of a liar i am... but i only do it cause he's so controlling and i don't like conflict. I don't do anything wrong... i just don't know how to deal with it anymore. Im numb, i have given upon life and no matter what people say i can't get out of it. Ive put on weight, i don't look after myself anymore... sometimes i think maybe the boys and my husband are better off without me. Im drowning and nobody even knows... what do i do.

Louise1990 Depressed and Fallen out of love
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend of 5 years just woke up one morning a week ago and told me he was incredibly unhappy with his life. I immediately put it down to his job and how stressful our last few years have been financially. I believe it all began from when he got ... View more

My boyfriend of 5 years just woke up one morning a week ago and told me he was incredibly unhappy with his life. I immediately put it down to his job and how stressful our last few years have been financially. I believe it all began from when he got fired. But then he started a new career which has so far given nothing for all his effort. I knew he was unhappy i could see and feel it but he's always been the most romantic, caring loving person. People would always be saying how envious of our relationship they were because of the way we looked at each other so you could imagine how much it would hurt when that beloved other half tells you he's not in love any more. I'ts absolutely crushing me. He only just told me today that he is actually depressed and is getting help. He's initial response was to quickly get me out of his life so he wouldn't drag me through it. These are just a few things he's said to me: - I'm not happy with my life - I don't want to be with anyone right now - I don't love you anymore - I feel nothing - I have to let you go - I'm worried ill be happier without you - I cannot love you right now - the spark has gone - I wan't to be alone He also explains to me that he genuinely feels no happiness right now towards anyone but the one thing that is sticking with me apart from all that is "I am afraid that once you go i'll be happier without you" to me that hurt the most. I know him and i know his instinct is to quickly cut me from his life so he doesn't have to deal with this anymore and he explained that to me. He's continually saying i wish you did something wrong so this would be easier but you haven't. We had the most amazing love an connection beyond belief. I never knew it existed until i met him. My question is do i have hope? Is it very likely that his loss of love comes down the severity of his depression? I have moved out to give him space and he will continue to get help but i cannot help but worry with fear that he will just turn around and say. I'm sorry but you are why i am depressed and i need you to go to be happy. I know there are other factors to this but our relationship is obviously going to be most affected because he has no feeling right now. I feel somewhat of a relief that his Physiologist has diagnosed him with depression because then i don't feel so afraid that his simply fallen out of love with me and that there is underlining issues to be causing his depression. Can someone shed some light for me. This hurts!

Shaz1 Daughter problems
  • replies: 2

Hi I have my adult daughter living with me whom is causing me huge stress. She has been given an amount of rent to pay (by housing) and won't pay me the money so I'm having to pay it. She pays for nothing in the household. And declares she shouldn't ... View more

Hi I have my adult daughter living with me whom is causing me huge stress. She has been given an amount of rent to pay (by housing) and won't pay me the money so I'm having to pay it. She pays for nothing in the household. And declares she shouldn't have to pay her way. Sometimes i am left with no money not even for food, she will buy a little for herself or get takeaway and not anyone else touch it. I have asked her to move out, she said no. (many, many times) She also puts me down a lot, (and her sisters) i can't take much more. I am scared in my own house. Its like living with my ex, she says all the things he used to. Then just as i hit a point of "losing" it she will suddenly she will become all nice again. (same as ex used to do) Maybe if i try and sort this out, ill be able to start working on other areas. Shaz

Margstarus Forgotten or Invisible
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I just have to get this off my chest as it affected me last week and now it has hit me again! So, I've been through lot this past year. My husband told me he'd been having an affair for the last two years with our neighbor. Then a month later... View more

Hi all, I just have to get this off my chest as it affected me last week and now it has hit me again! So, I've been through lot this past year. My husband told me he'd been having an affair for the last two years with our neighbor. Then a month later as I was still with him, he had sex with our close female friend but I didn't find out until the neighbor texted me at work to inform me. Then he told me it wouldn't work anyway and he'd been unhappy for years. It came as a shock. All year its just been up and down. That's just background to why I'm fragile. I suffer from diagnosed depression and am treated for it. Anyway, last week my workmates went around collecting for a man who has left his wife and has moved out. I feel so selfish for getting so down about this. No one got a collection together for me! Why? Is it because I keep my problems to myself? Am i just invisible? Now they're collecting for a casual nurse from another country who was only staying a couple of months. Come On, when does it stop? This is all leftover from when I left my old job. 10 years work $40 bucks in an unsigned card and three people came to my farewell. $40! And they're wanting to buy an opal for this casual nurse! I just feel paranoid, invisible and worthless. I'm a good person but not good enough to be noticed Thanks,

new_beginning How do i get over my ex??
  • replies: 11

Its been 7 months since he left but its still as raw as it was day one. So much has happened in the last 7 months to make me want to hate him, for how he has treated me and our children and i hate the things that i have done and person i have become ... View more

Its been 7 months since he left but its still as raw as it was day one. So much has happened in the last 7 months to make me want to hate him, for how he has treated me and our children and i hate the things that i have done and person i have become out of hurt and frustration. During our relationship he cheated on me a number of times, one of those times while i was in labour with our daughter. He has at times made me feel like i was nothing,like our daughter who we planned to have together was nothing and i have given up so much of myself to try and make him happy. But nothing compared to how the last 7 months have been but now im just so lost. During the last 7 months he has ignored me so much. He hasnt paid a cent towards our daughter, never asks how she is going or my son who looked at him as a father for the last 3 years. Ill be trying to organise a time to see the children with him and ill say something he doesnt like and he will hang up on me (it doesnt have to be something mean directed at him, maybe im busy with something on a particular day so he hangs up) and this has made me so frustrated that i stupidly call him so many times trying to speak to him again. One day i think i called him 100 times.. its so stupid and pathetic but i cant stop myself from doing it. I just want to be heard and i get so frustrated when he doesnt even try even for the sake of the kids. In the last 7 months he has seen his daughter 5 times.. once even coming to my house to drop something off and she and my son were out the back playing and he didnt even bother to stick his head over the fence to say hi to them. It makes me so angry. This last weekend i tried to organise a play with my 2 kids and his other daughter as they all miss each other terribly but when i got to his house he had changed his mind and wouldnt let his daughter come play. We argued and i stupidly got out my car and keyed his car (coz its the only thing he really cares about) and ended up with me being thrown on my bum which i deserved as i shouldnt have done it. I dont know how to stop loving him, for who he used to be. I am struggling to give up on having my whole family back. I want to stop all my stupid actions, its so far from who i really am and feeling the need to tell him how his actions are affecting me when at the end of the day i know he doesnt care. How can i move past all the hurt and forget about the love, family and hopes and dreams i once had