Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Lady_Lamington Is this normal?
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend of 3 years has traveled with his family to the UK, and he has no idea when he will return. They went over there for a family wedding. Since he is a UK citizen he has decided he wants to stay there and get some work for a while. I didn't ... View more

My boyfriend of 3 years has traveled with his family to the UK, and he has no idea when he will return. They went over there for a family wedding. Since he is a UK citizen he has decided he wants to stay there and get some work for a while. I didn't actually think he was going to do it in the end... things got complicated before he was due to leave (lack of funds, fighting with his family) so I didn't let it worry me. But then the time came around and he decided to do it. I'm really proud of him... there were so many factors telling him not to go, but he was brave and did it because he wanted to do it. But now we have no idea how long he will be there for. His flight home is open-ended, and he doesnt know if this could become 6 months or maybe 2 years. It's been one month already and I just can't seem to come to terms with it all. I'm sad all the time, which is not like me at all. I miss him so much, we barely get to talk due to the time difference (and his lack of credit). I have so much free time now. I didn't realize how much I relied on his company. I find myself crying all the time. Everything I do, every task I set myself seems like a distraction from my sadness. I feel I can't enjoy anything completely. Is this normal? To feel so empty and lonely? I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded by my lovin family, but I feel they grow tired on my constant moping. And their company just isn't the same. I just don't know how to cope.

Notavictim Separation - help
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My husband and I have been together for about 7 years and we are currently separated and living apart for about two months now. It's been hard as though its allowing us to figure out what we each want it has also intensified our trust and other issue... View more

My husband and I have been together for about 7 years and we are currently separated and living apart for about two months now. It's been hard as though its allowing us to figure out what we each want it has also intensified our trust and other issues. The separation was initially caused by my husband telling me that he had been on tinder and had met a girl for coffee. Though nothing came of it, I was upset and told him I no longer trusted him. Though he initially apologised and acted contrite, of late he has been very secretive and suspicious answering texts in front of me and not answering calls around me. In addtion to this I found that he had gone on the Ashley Maddison website . His best friend is a serial philanderer as well as his boss. Yes we are separated but I feel that this behaviour is disrespectful to both our marriage contract and to me. My contribution to this is my lack of commitment in other ways due to my fear of being hurt as a result of my previous relationship. This has placed a strain on our marriage in that we have never travelled, gone on a honeymoon or saved for a house deposit. All things that I yearned to do but was too fearful to do so . Owing to being pushed into a corner I told this to my husband effectively, pushing things over the edge. I want to try to repair this relationship but my husband is upset with my lack of commitment and I continue to be upset with his behaviour and willingness to just throw it all away. Basically we both feel betrayed by each other. I am struggling with life at the moment especially with the stress from this relationship. I don't know what to do. I'm finding it difficult to do normal activities and the paranoia with regards to my husband's behaviour is a constant distraction. My husband has said he is currently processing. In the meantime I feel powerless and exhausted. Sam

Pink-wafer Relationship advice about a partner with depression who pushes people away when stressed
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I'm 22yr girl and my partner is 27yr girl. We've been together now for 10months. My partner is from England and she's on a working holiday visa she is also recovering from depression. Ever since we've been together when she has her depressed days she... View more

I'm 22yr girl and my partner is 27yr girl. We've been together now for 10months. My partner is from England and she's on a working holiday visa she is also recovering from depression. Ever since we've been together when she has her depressed days she would say hurtful comments to me. She would say, i don't love you, I'm still in love with my ex, I've got no feelings for you and try and push me away. On her good days she'll tell me she loves me, I make her so happy and that she loves life with me. 2 times she's done it before I realised what she was doing and even she admitted that's what she was trying. We've been applying to move into our own place as at the moment we're in a shared place. I don't know if it's the stress with moving and looking for a place but her moods have been low and so recently she told me that she wanted to break up with me and that she was just using me as she wanted to stay in Australia and that she had zero feelings for me and that she was still in love with her ex, and now that she's calmed down she's saying that she loves me and misses me while I'm at wok. Also acts like nothing has happened. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is another episode of her trying to push me away. What should I do? I want to help her. Thanks so much

Dillon5 Feeling overwhelmed - like things have and will never get better
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feeling a little deflated looking at the grand scheme of things. There are people a lot worse off than me, and I'm not being abused and I do have friends whom I adore, but things still just don't add up here.. My family, social, love and work relatio... View more

feeling a little deflated looking at the grand scheme of things. There are people a lot worse off than me, and I'm not being abused and I do have friends whom I adore, but things still just don't add up here.. My family, social, love and work relationships are way out of balance, despite my overly high sense of self awareness and effort to battle through and improve things maturely and respectfully. My relationship with myself is good most days with hard work and perseverance, but then I have the familiar realisation come round, almost like a cycle in which I realise how fake my positivity and persistence is and I realise that overall, my life is a joke and I'm soooooo sick of trying to improve things. sometimes I just break down and want to give up, and just accept that I am a pathetic annoying loser who should stop kidding herself that she could one day actually have solid friendships or even just a best friend, a partner that treats her right, a nurturing home, a successful job - like it seems that most other people I know seem to have. (And that is NOT in my head!!) And don't even get me started on the social pressure in terms of appearance! i feel like I am a good bloody person and I deserve those things, especially with how positive I try to stay, the advice and listening I always grant others and how hard I work towards achieving my goals! But when nothing EVER goes right - and people always disregard you, bail on you, cut you off or talk over you, ignore you, abandon or manipulate you... as self pitying as it sounds, it honestly just seems like this life is never going to get better for me, and I should just accept it and move through the motions of my mediocre life and be done with it. Stop trying. I don't even know where to begin. I hate feelings!! I hate feeling not good enough. I hate people telling me it's all in my head and to 'be positive' when I am, most days, the most postive damn person in the room! I hate people that won't acknowledge reality. My reality that I am trying to reach out and express! I hate when people think sadness or loneliness is a disease or an inconvenience to their day that should be ignored, pretending that it doesn't exist, just 'play happy all the time!' I want to get back to (that uphill battle) of feeling positive, but there's just so much I want to offload, heavy stuff, petty day to day stuff... Hopefully this thread helps to get some real understanding where numerous councillors have fallen short

Boy_gorge Partner
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Hi my name is Jess and I'm having some problems in my life atm n need some advice n some guideness n help. Well I'm 25 with 4 kids. I have been with my partner for about nearly 10 yrs and he disapproves with my family n friends he is always having a ... View more

Hi my name is Jess and I'm having some problems in my life atm n need some advice n some guideness n help. Well I'm 25 with 4 kids. I have been with my partner for about nearly 10 yrs and he disapproves with my family n friends he is always having a go at me about them n what they have to say about him but when he hear what he is like u will understand why they speak up for me. Well he used to hurt me in past and it has left and big impact in my life I feel very insure about myself n what others think about me cause of why he says about me.He has abused my family, smashed my mums car window, sold my brothers motorbike, thrown my mothers stuff in a vinnies bin, and accused me of sleeping with anybody I come in contact with. I'm too scared to make friends cause he will scare them away. One day I had a friend over from Tafe it was a girl we were having a few drinks n he just rocked up to my house out of the blue n made us feel very uncomfortable and then next morning he accused my friend of having a problem with him n saying that she was giving him dirty looks all night but there yet we were outside cause we were uncomfortable. He also just rocks up to house with out asking or notifying me some days I would come home n he is sitting at my front door waiting n he is always msging and asking where I am who I am with what am I doin when il be home. He never lets me go out with friends when ever I ask him to watch kids so I can go have a break n have fun with friends one night a month he says I'm gonna sleep with other men and that he don't trust me. He has had a go at my brother for no reason and my best mate he looked like he was gonna hit them and threatens to smash them if they step out of line n acussed my brother of touching one of my children n threatens to hurt my sisters bf cause my partner has said a few things to my sister n she has told her bf and he has said to my partner not to speak to her like that n to stay out of there stuff when it's got nothing to do with him. I'm scared to leave my partner. And I don't know what to think of all the things he does pls give me advice or something that can help. Be honest

Sizzar Girlfriend suffers from depression blocked me out of nowhere
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone I've been really down lately and it's happened all out of no where. My girlfriend of 3 months suffers from depression, bi polar and can often have axiety attacks. She knows how much we mean to each other and only last week. she said how n... View more

Hi everyone I've been really down lately and it's happened all out of no where. My girlfriend of 3 months suffers from depression, bi polar and can often have axiety attacks. She knows how much we mean to each other and only last week. she said how no boyfriend has ever treated her so well and spoiled her so much. However this past week she isn't allowed much access to her phone due tI health and family issues so I'm rarely able to communicate with her. I messaged her saying if she's okay and to to text me when she sees my message. My last messaged I asked something is odd between us she replied the next day will talk about it soon. 3 days later she didn't reply and I saw her updating he Twitter and checking Facebook like everything is fine when it's not. I know from her parents that deep down she is going through a rough patch however she hasn't replied or answered any of my calls all I was asking was if she was okay since I was really worried that something was wrong and we always prMoises to resolve any problems within a few hours so it doesn't effect her mentally and also so it jeopardize our relationship. She didn't end up replying and blocked my Facebook and phone number with no explanation. Is the relationship over? Or do I give it a few weeks break. I find it very odd because I asked her friends if she was ok and I was worried about her which they ended up not replying and blocked my Facebook aswell. Things were perfect and she had mentally improved so much since I we began dating All of a sudden everything has fallen apart and I'm not sure if it's all over

Mary_Ploppins Feels like no one cares.
  • replies: 3

I have yet to be diagnosed with anything as yet as i waiting to see a private psych but they have a long wait list. My doctor thinks it is probably bi polar and after doing a bipolar self test thing on line and getting a score of 50 when it said anyt... View more

I have yet to be diagnosed with anything as yet as i waiting to see a private psych but they have a long wait list. My doctor thinks it is probably bi polar and after doing a bipolar self test thing on line and getting a score of 50 when it said anything over 22 was probably bipolar. It's pretty safe to assume i have some disorder. I have about a million things i could write here but the thing thats killing me right now is no one seems to care,no matter what i still have to take all repsonsibility for everything. The start of the year went really good and after reading about the manic ups of bi polar i would say i definetly had one. I had splurged about $9k on stuff , opened an online store ( i already have an online store) just did so many things i can't really remember them all.Everything was so clear to me at the time, i was going to make organic soaps,soy candles,sell them and save enough money to lease some land so i could get laying chickens to run free range. Then evenetually buy some land and build a house. Major problem is i am on a disabiltiy pension due to many physical problems. I will just go and go and go, and use lot's of painkillers so i can keep going even though the pain is so bad it would stop a normal person in their tracks. Suddenly things went upside down and i feel terrible the last few weeks , i lay on the couch most of the day and don't want to get out of bed in the mornings. I trudge to get the little kids of to school , then just sit and think i wish they all would hurry up and grow up just so i can check out. It's getting worse everyday, i realize i have made such a mess of things. I told my 22 year old daughter that i have something wrong with me that i have wrong with me. She didn't seem to care and said she had to just after i told her. I told my husband yesterday how bad things are for me and he just said oh. I don't think the realization hit until i told him i was going to kill myself when he had taken the kids to the cinema the week before. He just said oh don't do that. Who just says that? If someone said that to me i would have dragged them off to the doctor , no ifs buts or maybes. Please do not take this as a plea for help. I have felt this way most of my life , i came from a house of serious abuse and my first suicide attempt was at the age of 8. I do not plan on killing myself as the idiot im married to couldn't be trusted to look after the kids. Just wandering if anyone else has had such poor support.

Ken11 Dont know whats going on.
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I've been with my fiancée now for 5years and we have 2 children together 2yo and 3yo. We both work full time with kids in daycare. We have had a major change in our life's recently with me stating a new job that requires me to be away from home durin... View more

I've been with my fiancée now for 5years and we have 2 children together 2yo and 3yo. We both work full time with kids in daycare. We have had a major change in our life's recently with me stating a new job that requires me to be away from home during the week and only home on the weekend. I know she is looking after the kids during the week almost alone but she has her mother who lives behind us who helps out. I also dont ask her to lift a finger if she dosent want to during the week, as on the weekends ill cook clean do washing ect. So she can relax. When Im away I work long ours in the cold rain breaking my back, so naturally as soon as I get back to the motel I just want to have a shower food and a beer then bed. How ever I am allways in trouble for not calling and speaking to her long enough or I am being accused of cheating and on dating websites. Last night when I got home I was like a zombie half asleep so on my way home I had ordered her favorite take away to be delivered. I got home and was basicly given the cold sholder. This moring was ok I had goten up about 30mins after she had and got to work on house work. I than asked her if she wanted to go out for tea to that she said no. It took some convincing to get her to come but she finally said yes but aslong as she didnt have to get to dressed up. I said thats fine and then started to look up restaurants and organised her mum to watch the kids. The kids went to bed and she went to have a laydown aswell. I went and sat in bed with her and was given the cold sholder yet again and accused of cheating again. We have never had a perfect relationship but it just seams that the gap between arguments are just closing in. I dont know whats going on or how to fix it. I know I am not a perfect fiancée or father but I know im not the worst. And now she has seen me writing this she has asked me if im looking for a room to rent.

DiamondJimbo helping or hurting?
  • replies: 9

Hi, I have a question that I am finding challenging, and wonder if you could provide some perspective. In essence, my wife has been explicit about feeling depressed, unmotivated, tired, and completely unengaged with life, work and everything. She hav... View more

Hi, I have a question that I am finding challenging, and wonder if you could provide some perspective. In essence, my wife has been explicit about feeling depressed, unmotivated, tired, and completely unengaged with life, work and everything. She have a deep sadness and lethargy and expresses a desire to check out of it all, not go to work, etc. I know that it is legitimate, and encourage her to get professional help, which she soon will. Here’s the tricky part: She's said that things I have recently said have caused or contributed. I believe I've done nothing 'wrong' but have expressed 'big' issues recently. After many years of marriage, and not being explicit about my wants and needs, I've recently expressed my own desires: for greater and more varied physical intimacy, and more explicitly stating that changing our sexual relationship is important to me. I am choosing to enhance this aspect of my life and relationship more honestly and open. I invite her to express her wants and needs (even if “none at all”), also honestly, so that we can actually communicate about this stuff rather than guess. These discussions seem to have led to her current state. I have not delivered these angrily, but I have made it clear that enhanced sexual life is now something I want. Again, I can and will discuss how/how much she desires, too. If she doesn’t want more/different, and can’t meet my desire, then I'll talk to her about how we can compromise for mutual happiness. If she is unwilling to compromise, then I'll consider what other means are available. It's not an ultimatum, but you can see if she is unwilling to change at all, then I am forced to either quell my desires for a fulfilling life entirely, or radically alter our marriage (divorce, or me going outside of it). To complicate things, she often suffers from UTI’s after sex, and we can’t find any way to completely avoid or prevent these; they are very painful for her, and I understand and acknowledge that. I think the ‘rock and hard place’ nature of all this manifests as depression. It’s definitely not easy for me either. After all that, my question is: how can I talk to her, help her, and support her — when (at least from her perspective, it seems), me and my needs are the very cause of the problem in the first place? How do you 'communicate' -- critical to successful marriage -- when the very communication itself is the cause of the problem? Thanks for any perspective you can provide.

SomewhereElse My brother in law was sentenced yesterday...how do I support my sister?
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My brother in law was sentenced yesterday. The sentence is >2 years. He grew up in Australia since he was a child but never changed his citizenship to Australian (due to dual citizenship restrictions from the other country). Because of new laws intro... View more

My brother in law was sentenced yesterday. The sentence is >2 years. He grew up in Australia since he was a child but never changed his citizenship to Australian (due to dual citizenship restrictions from the other country). Because of new laws introduced in 2014 he is now likely to face deportation. My sister is in a lot of pain. She doesn't want to talk and I respect that. It is all very new. They have 2 young kids. The future for their family is bleak. I have supported her the best I can so far helping her with resumes so she can reenter the workforce. She has a low paying job but she is getting by financially... just. Things will be harder now my brother in laws income is gone (he was doing warehouse work). I just feel so helpless. I'm also really sad for her. What is the best thing to do? Do I leave her a few days and give her space and time? How else can I help? I sent her an sms and said that I love her and we are in this together but I know she is carrying the most weight of what's happening. The kids are so young and she is trying to hold up a brave face but I know she must be in agony. I also told her there was no need to call back and I am here if she wants to talk. During the trial lots of people were calling her and she'd organised her partner's mum to pick up her daughter from school and she forgot. So that meant the school was calling her. I just thought she could use a break from the phone and have some time to herself. I just don't want her to feel she is alone. It's so unfair. She did nothing wrong but now will suffer the rest of her life from this. Even if time is served, he may not be able to return to the family. We don't know the future but it is certainly looking bleak right now.