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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Speediegon Intercontinental long distance relationship-and struggling
  • replies: 4

Well, Hi all. I thought, from reading the others, that I should give a bit of background. My partner and I had been dating for 9 months when she finally left across the globe. I didnt have any say in length of stay, as two options were given, I was t... View more

Well, Hi all. I thought, from reading the others, that I should give a bit of background. My partner and I had been dating for 9 months when she finally left across the globe. I didnt have any say in length of stay, as two options were given, I was told only 1 was offered. The relationship was on iffy grounds when she left(unsure if she wanted to keep options open). Since she left, she has realised that this is it, she made a mistake being unsure and wants to get engaged upon her return. My issue is this. We talk a few times a day (5-30 min max) and once a week we have a date night. Now I take date night seriously. If i was scheduled to perform an open heart operation on our date night, I would postpone the operation. For me, I dont feel fulfilled with the amount we chat, but she does. We dont really get passed the "fluff" of a phone call (the good mornings, how did you sleep, what are you wearing) part of the phone call before it is time to hang up. She then takes off on trips with her housemates (no chance of anything untowards happening). Im not concerned about infedelity, but rather, Im not there to join in the activity, to have a proper date. I was told that is spontaneous person, who has anxiety over planning things for fear of missing out on something, and me, a planner, realising that not having concrete plans on times to talk, and just talking when our schedules meld (which if it was every two weeks, she would be fine with) blows my mind. I plan so we reconnect as a couple. She has been gone 7 months now, and I have gone out to visit her once. I guess Im asking for suggestions/stories/advise on ways I can cope with the difference in attitudes. To allow her the ability to discover that part of the world, while I sit here, unable to share experiences with her. I feel as I am a slight burden on her. Talking to me forces her to potentially say no to something else. She is due to finish her classes in less than 70 days, and will be flying back straight away. I want her to be able to go on side trips (which are a fair few this month) without worrying about me "losing my crap" because I cant have a date night for a couple weeks, "even though we talk a few times a day" (which are all fluff). Hope it kinda made sense

mechanical_animal Best friend doesn't want to be friends anymore
  • replies: 7

Hey I recently got into a situation where my best friend and I stopped being friends. My girlfriend and I where going through a very rough time and well I developed feelings for another girl who just happened to be my best friend. I told my girlfrien... View more

Hey I recently got into a situation where my best friend and I stopped being friends. My girlfriend and I where going through a very rough time and well I developed feelings for another girl who just happened to be my best friend. I told my girlfriend and my best friend about it. My girlfriend wasn't all that upset about it. I think because I never acted on it helped in that area. Where as my best friend pretty much abonandoned us. Once my girlfriend and I finally sorted all our issues out we both decided that the other girl could be friends again with us. I managed to speak to the other girl. At first she was all for trying to fix everything between us. Then a few weeks later. Changes her tune and doesn't want to know me anymore. It's really upset me and my girlfriend thinks she is an ahole now because of it. I would love to maybe speak to her again but I think I need to get over her and the thought of us being friends again. I just feel she is just going to keep hurting me. Mentally at this stage. I ain't there yet to deal with this

Blue_Babe Hello! I'm NOT the Invisible Sister!
  • replies: 4

I understand life is busy. Everyone is juggling work & family commitments and is time poor. I guess I just feel that most of the time I don't matter as much to my siblings as they matter to me. This affects me more than they all know. I try to get on... View more

I understand life is busy. Everyone is juggling work & family commitments and is time poor. I guess I just feel that most of the time I don't matter as much to my siblings as they matter to me. This affects me more than they all know. I try to get on with my life (with my Husband) as best as I can however I still struggle with not having the quality time with my Brothers & Sister & their families that I'd love to have..I identify as Indigenous..and as all indigenous families know..FAMILY IS EVERYTHING! It is the fundamental aspect of our lives. It makes me extremely sad when I think about my family. The fact that they never visit. If I want to see them I have to go to their place. It's all one-sided and to be totally honest it hurts my heart immensely. Last weekend my Husband & I were invited to our friends for a BBQ and I had a melt-down. I'd been holding it in for far too long. It was embarrassing however..to my surprise I got their utmost respect and support. It makes me sad to think that our close friends are more supportive than my own Family. The advice that I got from our friends was that maybe I need to distance myself and back off a little from my family. I'm unsure whether this was the right advice or not. I have and always will be the most family-oriented person of the 5 of us and it is difficult for me to actually become disconnected from them. We no longer have our parents around and I don't have any children of my own..and so this makes it even more difficult for me to deal with. I just feel that sometimes I don't matter to them. It's not nice when you start feeling irrelevant. I would welcome any advice on this subject. Please share your thoughts. Much appreciated. Sincerely..Blue Babe.

smileyk Parents want to help
  • replies: 3

I'm having a depression episode and have recently moved back to my home town but I'm finding it hard to explain or open up to my parents as their responses lately have been not helpful. reactions like "everything will look brighter tomorrow " or "wha... View more

I'm having a depression episode and have recently moved back to my home town but I'm finding it hard to explain or open up to my parents as their responses lately have been not helpful. reactions like "everything will look brighter tomorrow " or "whats the matter now!" are becoming hurtful. I would like advice on how to help them understand and support me in a healthy way. I know they love me and want to help.

Murcho Sick Sister
  • replies: 2

Hullo. My first post so I'll try and keep it pretty brief. No spring chicken, I was born in 1942 with my half sister arriving some fifteen years later.My dad died on the Burma Rd and I was raised by my Mum and grandmother. What a couple of kooks they... View more

Hullo. My first post so I'll try and keep it pretty brief. No spring chicken, I was born in 1942 with my half sister arriving some fifteen years later.My dad died on the Burma Rd and I was raised by my Mum and grandmother. What a couple of kooks they were.Mum survived on medication and Nana just suffered on with acute anxiety neurosis and acute arthritus.Rellies and friends were very sparse as was any sane family unity. It will suffice to say that our comission house was looked on as the local loonie bin. People can be very cruel and as a kid I recall gaining some credence in claiming that my grandmother was a witch. I remember a young girl once saying "he hasn't even got a father." Needless to say I grew up troubled, socially inadequate, intensely shy, and seeking a means to live. At round sixteen I was living in doss houses, drin king and near to my first consumption of drugs, an event of fortunate brevity as it scared the Hell out of me. Oh yes round this time mum had a "love child". Alcohol, numerous dead end jobs, blatant sexual promiscuity, led to my first marriage and divorce after a year. More drink, affairs, and then a de facto relationship with a married alcoholic in my thirties.( While this is all going on my half sister and mother are involved in continuing craziness and co dependency.) Anyhow afer a few years of de facto mayhem etc I decided to move out, stop the booze, and was given medication to calm me down (lol) hardly a worthy antidote and I was on the medication for over thirty years. Back to my half sister, who, to my knowledge lives as a recluse still currently taking mega doses of medication to sleep and driving me mad with highly disturbing letters and demands for help. This is paticularly annoying as she wont answer the door or phone. Mum lived into her nineties and may well have been the world's oldest doctor shopper. Bad stuff doesn't always kill you fast. I'm re married, over thirty years, managed to get a degeee, a book published, (shonky publisher) still into gym work at 75, something that may well have saved me, AA to some extent and NA. along with a lot of self help books and philsophy so it's no longer all gloom and doom. I enjoy the footy too! Still those letters and knowledge of the situation gets me really down at times. Life goes on and we can learn heaps from the bas stuff too, if we realy apply ourselves. It can take a damn long time though! Good to get that off my chest......

Jilted Heartbroken by same Libra man twice
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone. How do I get over a second rejection from a man I've been in love with for 15 years? 15 years ago he was seperated from his wife, we were passionately involved, and he asked me to marry him. I was so excited. But, he couldn't go through ... View more

Hi everyone. How do I get over a second rejection from a man I've been in love with for 15 years? 15 years ago he was seperated from his wife, we were passionately involved, and he asked me to marry him. I was so excited. But, he couldn't go through with it and went back to his wife for the sake of his son. Fast forward to the last year - he is now divorced. I went crazy, thinking I could rekindle our love and pick up where we left off, and although he still has feelings for me, he doesn't want a relationship. And he says he has feelings for a number of others. We have been intimate again and I thought this was the start, but when I asked if there was a future for us, he shut me down. I'm devastated all over again. How do I move on and stop thinking about him every minute of the day? How do I accept that we will never be together?

NotRealNameOfCourse Mental health at rock bottom, how to address falling out with only close friends now?
  • replies: 7

I guess I'll start with a bit of a backstory on myself to set the picture: I'm at an all time low right now, on the verge of just giving up after gritting my teeth for years. Have had PTSD since I was a child (27 now), but only recently diagnosed as ... View more

I guess I'll start with a bit of a backstory on myself to set the picture: I'm at an all time low right now, on the verge of just giving up after gritting my teeth for years. Have had PTSD since I was a child (27 now), but only recently diagnosed as such (always been depression/anxiety diagnosis). None of the 10+ anti-depressants I've been put on have had any real effect, so am now on a ketamine trial. Doesn't seem to be helping but haven't started a consistent daily dose yet either. The scenario: Broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years last June, but stayed living together with her and her sister. We stayed close friends, despite her emotional abuse and manipulation tactics during the relationship. However in February, the sister went on holiday to their home country, and during that time my ex girlfriend started acting really cold and would leave the house for 5~ hours after work each day. Used to be really warm and touchy (pinching, playful wrestling etc). I just assumed she had a new bf and was too shy or didn't want to hurt me to tell me about it. Sister returns about 3 weeks ago. She too is now cold despite having the same close friendship up until that point. I make a joke, literally word for word the same sort of "shit-giving" joke we have had back and forth in the past. She instantly became angry and resentful over it, then started ignoring me for a week. After that week the same thing happened again on Friday with a different joke (an even lighter one, that again, we had used in the past), and her sister followed suit with the ignoring. I have no idea why they have both become cold and overly-sensitive all of a sudden. There was no changes in my behaviour, no changes in medication (wasn't even on anything at the time, and ketamine trial hadn't started yet), but they insisted I changed and those jokes were "not funny" and never had been said before. They have now deleted me on Facebook and had their family delete me as well. I had a good relationship with their brother-in-law, but he also removed me. They told me we are not friends anymore and that they want to buy me out of the house so I can disappear from their lives. The problem: It's driving me insane not understanding why this has changed. I can't think of any rational reason for this 180 reversal in relationship other than they want to distance me to bring a new bf into their family? They were my only 2 friends, so now I just have ketamine to help me forget my life. What is this?

Guest_3072 SINGLE ON VALENTINES DAY
  • replies: 8

Hey everyone, What are your guys opinions about Valentines Day? What do you think would be good things to do on Valentines Day if you're single and most people in your social circle and family are partnered up? Just looking for ideas ahead of time. G... View more

Hey everyone, What are your guys opinions about Valentines Day? What do you think would be good things to do on Valentines Day if you're single and most people in your social circle and family are partnered up? Just looking for ideas ahead of time. Gabby

Kate9 I think my boyfriend has depression and it's causing our relationship to fall apart... How can I help him through this??
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. in the past couple of months, he's been acting distant and angry at the world. i ask him how he's feeling but he doesn't know what to say. He says he just feels numb, and he's falling... View more

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. in the past couple of months, he's been acting distant and angry at the world. i ask him how he's feeling but he doesn't know what to say. He says he just feels numb, and he's falling out of love with everything in his life (including me). I'm heartbroken and I just want to help him. He says he is fighting for our relationship and says he's just going through a lapse. I think that he needs some professional help, but I don't know how to tell him. He acts as if everything is okay. He is tired all of the time and overcommits himself, and I don't know what to do.I'm so upset because I love him and I just want to see him happy, but I'm afraid that that means the end of our relationship. How can I be there for him even though he's falling out of love with me? Thank you x

sarahboo Narcissistic Personality Disorder .... what do i do?
  • replies: 14

Im new here so please be nice I think my partner has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We have been together for 3 years and got engaged last Christmas. I thought i could finally feel secure in our relationship. But he goes through these bouts of "f... View more

Im new here so please be nice I think my partner has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We have been together for 3 years and got engaged last Christmas. I thought i could finally feel secure in our relationship. But he goes through these bouts of "freaking out". All of a sudden hes not happy, nothing will ever truly make him happy, and he starts to question everything. He shuts down, refuses to talk to me, pushes me away and makes me feel worthless. Usually during these episodes he breaks up with me and a few days later we get back together as if nothing has happened. But this time its different, we're engaged, things have changed.... we are meant to be moving in together in a few months (with my son, not his father) and i don't know if i can keep putting myself and my son through this. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else been in a relationship with someone who might have NPD? can it work? is there any hope of getting through all this with the man i love? My self esteem is at an all time low, I've lost my sense of self in this relationship. I try to explain to him how I'm feeling and how what he does affects me and my son and he just gets defensive and nasty. I love this man, I have fought so hard for this relationship, we have planned a future, we've made so much progress.... but was it all a lie? is it all fake? was it doomed from the very start? I don't know what to do. Have you loved someone with NPD and its worked out? Any help would be very much appreciated. -Thank you.