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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SandyG How do I get past that my Fiance cheated on me
  • replies: 4

Hello, I have been having a sad few days, having a bit of trouble getting back on track this time. I found out at the end of May this year my Fiance had been in contact with a fling he had when we were taking a relationship break during 2012. We got ... View more

Hello, I have been having a sad few days, having a bit of trouble getting back on track this time. I found out at the end of May this year my Fiance had been in contact with a fling he had when we were taking a relationship break during 2012. We got back together late 2012. We got engaged 2012 and bought a house together two years ago, living together. He has 3 children by two previous wives and I have two teenagers that live with us from a previous marriage. When I found out about her I was naturally deeply devastated, I explicitly trusted him. It turned out she is married, has been scamming her husband and several other men, she only wanted money and gifts from all of these men, told my fiance a complete life story of lies. He developed feelings of compassion, and love for her over these years, they were telling each other they loved each other. He was working towards leaving me to be with her May. I felt something was wrong in our relationship, that is why I started snooping around. When I confronted him May the cover ups and lies started, but he confessed then ended things with her; her marriage was blown to pieces and consequently our relationship has suffered. In a moment of time I went from explicitly trusting my Fiance to suddenly seeing a different person and not trusting him at all. Over the last 3 weeks I have received information from her husband of a phone account. I asked my Fiance about it and he came up with a crazy story of IT hacking etc etc and use without him knowing of which I don't believe, he had created that phone account so she could freely make calls to him and this account was created at the time I found about their "affair". He told me that he chooses me, never slept with her, he was falling in love with her but regrets it all, feels stupid, used and remorseful, terrible he has broken our trust, he said he ended it with her mid June this year and severed ties then, he said he wants me forever and will never do this again, he will be true, loyal and will love me better than he has. I don't know how to get past this sadness and insecurity to gain trust again. When I try to talk to him he will only talk about it for a short time then shuts me down and wont talk, he tells me he loves me and hates it when these things pop up where I need to talk about it; as far as he is concerned it is in the past, he has paid penance and wants us to forget etc. I would greatly appreciate any advice. Kind regards, Sandy

Kayaking I'm really frustrated at my partners mother
  • replies: 5

My partner's mother is an alcoholic and is a self absorbed person that only cares about things if it's about her. We were at a family event and she picked me out to take a photo of the family. She kept saying ".... I want a family photo. You have to ... View more

My partner's mother is an alcoholic and is a self absorbed person that only cares about things if it's about her. We were at a family event and she picked me out to take a photo of the family. She kept saying ".... I want a family photo. You have to take the photo," even though I was the furthest away from from everyone and there were others closer to her that weren't family to take the photo. My partner and I just recently bought a house and she still has not acknowledged it to either of us. My partner tried to call her and she wouldn't answer him. He eventually got in contact with his dad but she has still not said a thing to us. My partner's brother just bought a house after us and she was excitedly talking to him and his girlfriend about their house at aa family gathering in front of us. I haven't done anything to her and she really makes me feel anxious if I know I have to be in the same place as her. I'm really upset about this that I feel that I hate everything about him and his family and that everything is a huge mistake. I don't have my own mother around as she passed away almost 4 years ago, and I don't have anybody to be proud of what I do. I just hate everything.

Mclamber Partner has problems - what should I do?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I'm a newby.My partner and I have been together for 7 years & with live with my 2 boys 14 & 16. My partner has not been diagnosed but is clearly suffering from anxiety and possibly depression. He tends to self medicate with alcohol, which can... View more

Hi all, I'm a newby.My partner and I have been together for 7 years & with live with my 2 boys 14 & 16. My partner has not been diagnosed but is clearly suffering from anxiety and possibly depression. He tends to self medicate with alcohol, which can end up in "you don't love me", "life is so hard" crying, but usually just makes him slightly annoying. Over the 7 years I have visited this site often to learn more about what I can do and have suggested many, many times that he talks to someone - I even got him to call the helpline on this site once, but the advice given was that he goes to see someone & he either does not believe it will help or is too scared to go (he also avoids doctors/hospitals wherever possible).He can be the most wonderful man, but is often SO negative & caught up in his own mind that he can be unkind without meaning to be (I hope!) and it is really wearing me down. He will hang on to grudges for years about things like TV shows and food. I am generally an optimistic, lucky feeling person and I don't think that I am in danger of mental health issues, but I am so tired of always having to be careful of what I say and putting up with his passive aggressive comments, and I am actually worried that my children's lives are worse for having known him.He told me one drunken night that he prepared a suicide method after we had a fight. I feel like it is entirely my responsibility to make sure he is OK - that he can do and say really hurtful, negative things but I can't say anything because he will "sulk" (I can't think of another way to describe it) for 3 or 4 days. It almost feels like he has a free pass to behave badly.I have tried getting him to talk to me about his problems, but when he does speak it is usually about how awful his life is - his life that he shares with me - and that I love! It is so hard not to take it like a slap in the face. When I ask how I can help he says "just be kind to me", which I try my best to do - except it doesn't seem to be a 2 way thing and I end up feeling angry that because of his problems he can be unkind but no matter how I feel I always have to take the high road.This sounds like an awful selfish rant I know, and I would not consider leaving him as I love him very much and he is a good man. But he needs help and I don't know how to get him any, and I don't know if I can be the supportive person in our relationship for the rest of my life. What should I do?

PatrickP Resentful regret
  • replies: 5

I am 55 years old, married for 30 years, 33 years together with my wife of the same age (55). My wife was beautifully attractive girl, a natural blonde with model looks, as young guys tend to rate girl's attractiveness now days numerically, she was a... View more

I am 55 years old, married for 30 years, 33 years together with my wife of the same age (55). My wife was beautifully attractive girl, a natural blonde with model looks, as young guys tend to rate girl's attractiveness now days numerically, she was a 10 and she's still very attractive for her age, so when meeting her at 22 years old, a smoking hot blonde and a nice person is a pretty easy combination to fall in love with and marry without too much over analysis of our sexual compatibility. Despite her stunning looks, she was never particularly sexual and was something I guess I always hoped would improve over time, but typically after the first couple of years of marriage, sex for her was always a drama, an obligation and "duty" sex was about the extent of it no matter what I ever did to try and make it better, it was only temporary improvement if that. The "talk" we must have had 100 times over the years to the point that talking about sex ended up off the table as it usually resulted in an argument and then I was pressuring her and I gave up eventually and concentrated on things I liked in life and I withdrew from her a bit emotionally. I can that our marriage is fundamentally pretty good except for the sex and deprivation of intimate connectedness that I feel. About a year ago, I started to feel resentful towards her for what feels like wasting my life away persevering with marriage to a woman of emotional and intimate frigidity and romanticising about how my life would have been with someone of greater warmth, sexual compatibility and desire to be emotionally connected, the type of relationship I really wanted. The purposes of my post is asking for advice how to stop receiving pleasure from upsetting her? I feel she needs to suffer a bit from her relentless necessity to remain emotionally and intimately distant. She said the other day how nasty I am to her if she disagrees with me and my answer to that was; perhaps if one of the 100 "talks' we had over the years made an impression for change, I may have wanted to be nicer to her now. What disturbs me is getting pleasure from being nasty to her, in the sense that; well, this is the repercussion of your intimate management ideologies of our relationship. How on earth is emotional and intimate distance envisaged to optimally nourish a marriage?

thisperson Whenever I ask my partner for emotional support he has a panic attack and I end up taking care of him.
  • replies: 7

I have been with my husband for 3 years after meeting in highschool. I am on the autistic spectrum (formerly Asperger's Syndrome) and have ADHD. I am also somewhat depressed. My partner also has his own psychological issues including depression and h... View more

I have been with my husband for 3 years after meeting in highschool. I am on the autistic spectrum (formerly Asperger's Syndrome) and have ADHD. I am also somewhat depressed. My partner also has his own psychological issues including depression and high levels of anxiety. I have always been a supportive husband and have never judged my partner for requiring significantly more care than I do, but recently I have been going through a patch of depression. I am currently seeing a therapist for my conditions and for the most part have been able to manage my symptoms without needing any assistance from my partner. But every now and then (mostly recently) I have needed and asked for support from my partner, which he claims to be willing to provide. But as soon as I try to open up he will have a panic attack and I end up taking care of him. I understand that he has a lot more issues than I do and requires more emotional support, but I feel as if I shouldn't be scared of feeling depressed or anxious out of fear of causing him to have a panic attack. Even attempts to discuss this with him either result in panic attack, no matter how delicately I try to put it. I truly love this man. But I am sick of feeling as if my problems do not matter or are less significant than his. What should I do?

Zed13 Reforming bond with partner
  • replies: 2

My husband and I are from overseas, we've been here 7 years and have moved around a lot following work. I am very lonely, very unhappy and desperate to go back home. He has agreed that we will return home, but financially we cannot afford it for a co... View more

My husband and I are from overseas, we've been here 7 years and have moved around a lot following work. I am very lonely, very unhappy and desperate to go back home. He has agreed that we will return home, but financially we cannot afford it for a couple of years. While he does want to return home, he has many desires to remain here in Oz at least for several more years. However, we have agreed that in the long run we will be better off at home. We have just moved (yet again) and I am at home with our daughter, I am pregnant and feeling very lonely and isolated. I am doing what I can to make new friends, and meet new people, but these things don't necessarily happened quickly nor does it mean friendships will be meaningful. My husband is pretty much OK with not having many friends, he spends a lot of time of Facebook talking to old friends from back home. We really don't have a very fulfilling life, and it seems to have been years since we last did. The last few weeks have been really difficult between us, we have argued a lot, I've cried a lot and it's had a negative effect on our daughters behaviour. I am struggling with low mood, and low energy levels. My husband is not happy with me, he has consented to return home years sooner than he would have ideally liked, but he is doing this to keep us together and because he loves us. I am unsure how we can continue to move forwards without any resentment building between us. We have not been intimate for a long time, I often feel like we are either skirting around each other or we end up having uncomfortable conversations. I am not sure that at this point in time anything we do will make either of us happy, I don't think he fully considers how hard life is for me alone, with a small child in a new city and not knowing anyone. We haven't had a date night since our daughter was born, we have only a two occasions on which we were together and child free. This hasn't helped, we have no-one other than each other and I think that alone adds to our tensions. Anyone have any ideas of how to maintain a relationship through stressful times?

Hope45 Brokenhearted again.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am a 45 year old woman. 2 kids, 19 and 16. Had them with my 1st husband, with him for 15 years and then he had an affair and left. Second husband was abusive, both controlling and emotionally abusive the whole 10 years we lasted. He lived in NS... View more

Hi, I am a 45 year old woman. 2 kids, 19 and 16. Had them with my 1st husband, with him for 15 years and then he had an affair and left. Second husband was abusive, both controlling and emotionally abusive the whole 10 years we lasted. He lived in NSW so was long distance. Then dated a nice man who i met online for 1 and half years, he then left me saying he met someone else on line. Break in between. Then was brave enough to have another go on-line. Met an Italian man i have been dating for 4 months. I fell hard for this one. Now he has met another girl. A girl that came back into his life from the past. And he wants to give it a go, while still seeing me. I said no of course. But this time i feel more shattered and destroyed than ever before. I have lived as a single parent for 14 years. I dont need a man in my life but I want one. Im lonely to my core. Would love to have a partner to share life with. I am now at the stage where I think its useless to keep trying. I feel i am never going to have a life partner. My heart aches.

Sweetdog69 University going husband is probably cheating
  • replies: 5

I'm 30 yo . Me and my husband got married 2.5 years ago and have a baby girl 10 months of age. My husband is going to UNI and in the first year of study. Since he started UNI , there are lot of behavior changes in him. He has secured his phone with a... View more

I'm 30 yo . Me and my husband got married 2.5 years ago and have a baby girl 10 months of age. My husband is going to UNI and in the first year of study. Since he started UNI , there are lot of behavior changes in him. He has secured his phone with a passcode which he never did before. Even when asked he denied to let me even touch his phone. He is outside at least 3 days a week till 1 am midnight and the reason is that , he has placements after lectures . Does placements go till that late at night? Thanks

Katiemumof2 Problems with my In Laws
  • replies: 8

HiAt the time of our first child's birth (seven years ago)my husband had a mental breakdown he suffered psychosis, including auditory delusions and paranoia.My husband is now well and has moved on from his illness. And we both have good jobs.I still ... View more

HiAt the time of our first child's birth (seven years ago)my husband had a mental breakdown he suffered psychosis, including auditory delusions and paranoia.My husband is now well and has moved on from his illness. And we both have good jobs.I still feel traumatized by these events. His family never offered any practical support. We chose to remain involved with them. I thought it was the best thing to do.My Husband and his two older brothers were raised by his step father since my husband was two.They have no contact with their biological dad.The stepfather is a binge drinking alcoholic and a bully.He bullies my husbands mum and hischildren and our children (especially our yongest).My In laws have two adult children together a daughter and a son.My husbands sister is also a bully to us and our kids( she has called my husband a " fucking psyco"). The youngest son is a drug addict. My mother in law has been unable to have an ongoing relationship with one of her older sons for many yearsand more recently the other son had stopped communicating with her.My mother in law would tell me that her other sons wiveswere “crazy" "lazy""manipulative" "bitches" " bad mothers".My sister in law openly admitted tomy husband one day that she and her husband had been using drugs when theywent out.My husband decided to tell his mother.Thisobviously backfired and my mother in law became angry and flat out denied thather daughter would be using drugs around her children.My mother in law became hostile towards me when we were next in contact.I decided to ask her why she was so hostiletowards me she denied this behavior.Within a day I received many threatening textmessages from her younger son .Hethreatened me with violence if I gave his mother a hard time again.Things have deteriorated in the last six months.Initially my husband and I both decided to stop answering their phone calls and stopspending time with them.This lasted for about four months.His mother has been inviting him to catch up with themand bring our children (not me).I feel so uncomfortable about mykids spending time with them without my presence. Ourrelationship is suffering because of this.My husband refuses to talk to meabout it and I feel he blames me for what has happened.I feel generally sad and hopeless about my situation.Not many of my friends understand my decision to distance myselfand my kids from their grandparents and family.

BBUser99 Too weird to make friends
  • replies: 5

I feel really lonely lately. I literally have zero friends.I haven't had a friend in 4-5 years. Even back then, I only had a fewfriends. But they all turned out to be fake, backstabbing, or got intodrugs and alcohol when I don't touch any of that stu... View more

I feel really lonely lately. I literally have zero friends.I haven't had a friend in 4-5 years. Even back then, I only had a fewfriends. But they all turned out to be fake, backstabbing, or got intodrugs and alcohol when I don't touch any of that stuff. Many left mebecause they called me too "boring" for not being into that stuff. Ihaven't actually hung out with anyone who wasn't a partner or family forover 4-5 years... I don't even have those online acquaintances mostpeople talk to every now and then.I feel because of myanxiety, awkwardness, and lack of unique or interesting features, I justcan't make friends, and definitely can't maintain them... But I reallymiss having a good friend or two. I feel I am a different soulfrom others around me, Iike I wasn't meant for this time, or thisplanet. I can't relate to anyone. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, sothat really narrows down who wants to hang out with me. I have weirdinterests (Japanese culture, horror movies, movies in general, medicalscience, criminology, alternative music, alternative fashion, bodymodifications like piercings and tattoos, things deriving from Buddhismand Wicca, reading, drawing, watching/reading about the news, astronomy,horse riding, 70's-90's music, Japanese music, etc). How can Imake friends? Can I even make friends anymore? I'm 25 next month, I amawkward, shy, have no confidence, always feel ugly and fat, I am notstylish or fun or anything. I read a lot, so all I can do is tell peoplerandom facts that they don't care about