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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Stephjacobs Adopted by a family member
  • replies: 2

So my mum died when I was younger and my dad isn't present in my life. I now live with my auntie and uncle, brother and three cousins who are 6, 9 and 11. I'm moved in at the beginning of this year. I love my life and I have everything I could ever h... View more

So my mum died when I was younger and my dad isn't present in my life. I now live with my auntie and uncle, brother and three cousins who are 6, 9 and 11. I'm moved in at the beginning of this year. I love my life and I have everything I could ever have wished for. I have a great social life but something isn't right. Whenever my cousins look through old photos of them before we came to live here, I can't help but feel like my brother and I have intruded. even though they adopted us I feel like we've ruined their lives because they had plans to renovate the other end of the house where our bedrooms are and they had plans for holidays which were cancelled because of The cost of accomodating 7 people. What do I do? I know if I tell them they'll deny it but I have an overwhelming sense of guilt because I know they would be happier without us even if they don't show it

Dadage57 My Children dont want me
  • replies: 9

I have a daughter 30 and son 25... I have been so very close with son as he worked for me for 10 years, son has depression and recently I found out he was abusing pills etc . He is a gym junkie and hid this from everyone. I found out but what has hap... View more

I have a daughter 30 and son 25... I have been so very close with son as he worked for me for 10 years, son has depression and recently I found out he was abusing pills etc . He is a gym junkie and hid this from everyone. I found out but what has happened now is that he has divided a wedge through the whole family and I am now the bad person who is taking all the flack over this. He hates me as his fiancé, my Daughter and I have never had the "best" of relationships also has nothing to do with me.. I feel everyone out there hates me all over this. All I have is my wife of 7 years who loves me dearly as I love her but the separation with my 2 kids kills me. I wrote daughter a letter the other day explaining everything to her but she's ignored it and still doesn't contact me. I feel so low and although I'm a guy 57 I cant hold back my tears every day, as not having my kids in my life is destroying me. My son has since quit working for me and I am just not coping. I don't feel that I am suffering with depression I am suffering with hurt, heartache and upset. Its been 3 months since I have seen daughter and my year old grandson. My son has asked me for time to get his head around his issues But I feel I have lost both my kids. I've never been separated from my kids like this before, my ex wife has nothing to do with me but she sees the kids a lot.

Carolyn_Rae Bipolar 2 and hereditry melancholy
  • replies: 3

Hi My name is Carolyn and I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and hereditary melancholy and it such a relief and it makes soooo much sense. I've been on anti-anxiety medication every day since February 2016. I never thought that I would say this but I nev... View more

Hi My name is Carolyn and I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and hereditary melancholy and it such a relief and it makes soooo much sense. I've been on anti-anxiety medication every day since February 2016. I never thought that I would say this but I never thought that I would ever find an 'answer'. Some days are easier than others. Even though I'm on medication, there have been periods (spanning for up to 4 days), where I slowly spiral down into a numbing depression. I get scared each time because I'm worried if I'll be able to cope with this years from now. I guess it doesn't help that my boyfriend has his own issues (PTSD, depression, anxiety - ex-Australian Navy). He has started doing it less but he used to speak to me like I was one of his Navy workmates (which didn't sit well with me). Until a couple of weeks ago I let it be known that I don't want to be treated that way. He has since changed his behaviour (in a good way), however due to his own personal issues, he has his 'moments' as well. He is disappointed that I only have my Learners Drivers Licence, (I've had driving lessons and aren't good at it - this doesn't stop me trying though). However, as I'm not going about getting my Drivers Licence 'his way' he get's angry at me. I used to take this to heart but I'm slowly not doing this anymore - call it self-preservation. One example is my pay has to go into the my credit union account given that I'm an employee of this particular company. Every fortnight I transfer my pay out of my employee bank account and into our joint account. My boyfriend get mad and angry that my pay hadn't been transferred into our account. As it turns out there was a problem with the internet banking - my money came out of the account but it hadn't yet been transferred into our joint account. I explained this to my boyfriend and my pay eventually went into our joint account. I'm slowly getting stronger (emotionally) and I'm not sure how I can make sure that I'm healthy and to be there for my boyfriend (with PTSD, depression, anxiety). Regards Carolyn

Ali00 what should I do
  • replies: 1

Iv been with my partner for 10 years. during our relationship my trust had been slowly eaten away to the point where I now feel unwanted, unloved and like I'm not good enough. Iv been having dark thoughts over the last six months and they include sui... View more

Iv been with my partner for 10 years. during our relationship my trust had been slowly eaten away to the point where I now feel unwanted, unloved and like I'm not good enough. Iv been having dark thoughts over the last six months and they include suicidal thoughts. I often cry for hours at a time and think of ways to end my life. I have 2 children that I love dearly and usually snap me back to reality that they need me but when I'm in my deepest darkest place I feel like they would be better off with out me. I have been a supportimg and listening ear to my friends partner and family through thier tough times but I feel like no one gives me the time when I need support. I feel a bit like my partner has hurt me over and over and now that I'm broken and insecure I'm just an inconvenience, and that he's not prepared to accept I'm hurting because of his actions. I confided in him that I feel depressed and suicidal and he just looks at me and says nothing. Iv been feeling suicidal and poured my heart out in a text only to have him not reply "because he doesn't know what to say"is this a normal response. I feel like even though it's a difficult discussion if you love someone you would try to talk through it with them. Just to make sure they know you care. Because he doesn't this compounds my feelings that I'm not worth it. When I am at my lowest his response is often so inflammatory that it makes me feel worse..I'm kind of at my breaking point and I don't get any understanding in my own home so I wondered if anyone else experienced anything like this and how they got through it.? I'm just finding it's hard to keep getting kicked when your down. You start to loose the will to get back up again. I have been seeing a psychologist been on medication to help me sleep , anxiety meds and depression meds. i long for understanding and concern from my partner but I don't think it will ever happen and this makes me so sad because I can't comprehend how someone who's meant to be your support can be so heartless. I don't really know how to fix it.thanks

eloquentia Parental Expectations
  • replies: 1

My mother criticised me yesterday for not having a girlfriend. I am 18 years old and she said that she expected me to be taking out girls at my age. She then went on to tell me that all of my siblings had boyfriends/girlfriends when they were at scho... View more

My mother criticised me yesterday for not having a girlfriend. I am 18 years old and she said that she expected me to be taking out girls at my age. She then went on to tell me that all of my siblings had boyfriends/girlfriends when they were at school. I feel very aggrieved about this. Was my mother out of line? I can see it in my parents' eyes that they think I am a failure, and there are a lot of reasons for this (the girlfriend incident just triggered this post). Is it normal to not love your parents at all when you are a disappointment? I mean they didnt abuse me as a child, I feel as if my lack of love for them is not legitimate or justified. To be perfectly honest, it wouldn't bother me if they died. What makes it worse is that people would resent me greatly if they found out about this because they see my parents as loving and me as spoilt. My mind is a mess.

MrCheese wife of 15 years abandons family to chase men
  • replies: 6

I don't know how to convince my soon to be ex wife that jumping from bed to bed is not a good way to solve either mental health or marital issues. Our three young children are as devastated as I am but unlike me they do not spend most of the day cryi... View more

I don't know how to convince my soon to be ex wife that jumping from bed to bed is not a good way to solve either mental health or marital issues. Our three young children are as devastated as I am but unlike me they do not spend most of the day crying. I loved her so much, and I feel like I have been ripped apart by her abandoning us in order to chase other men...

Ewok I need some clarity on my situation
  • replies: 6

I have been married for 23 years to my husband. We have no assets, no children through choice. We have done a lot of travelling. My husband was bought up with a mother with paranoid skitsophrenia (sp? ) and a father who wanted him aborted and who pai... View more

I have been married for 23 years to my husband. We have no assets, no children through choice. We have done a lot of travelling. My husband was bought up with a mother with paranoid skitsophrenia (sp? ) and a father who wanted him aborted and who paid no attention to him at all. In fact my husband's birth was blamed for them losing their house, the mother getting worse and the father losing his well paid job. In short 10 years ago my husband stopped all contact with his family and does seem better off. He's done a lot of positive work on himself incl. men's festivals and group stuff with psychiatrists etc. I also have issues to deal with myself which I actively do on a daily basis without using any medication. My attention seeking is much better and my self worth is on the up and up. My problem is that my husband is always criticizing me under the guise of helping me. I have been the main bread winner when I work. He doesn't want to do menial work like his father but has never taken opportunities when they come up. I did offer to put him through uni. I worked for 2 years in 14/15 and told him to find out what he was good at with regards to his writing and/or public speaking both of which he has talent. He talks sometimes about how I don't have big highs and lows. How that is normal. In my world it's not normal I have come from a family of people who supress things and heavily medicate themselves with addictions. We are house sitting at the mo and money is now getting lowish. He is doing nothing towards work and uses me as an excuse ie what am I doing, in the past you have sabotaged us moving ahead (yes I agree I did). My sabotaging affects his ability to work. He doesn't drive so if he were to start a business I would need to be there to support him which I would do. Little things are now causing us major problems. There is a Stephen Fry tape here on bi polar disorder and I am wondering if he has that. Look I'm not perfect as I said I have my own issues but it's getting too much to handle for me to be alone with this anymore. If you're going to advise me to take medication or see a doctor don't bother posting anything!! I am being open honest and vulnerable and the last thing I need is for someone to tell me I need to numb it.

Ewok Help my sister
  • replies: 5

I have a sister who I have now being in contact with for a year after years of no contact at all when she was doing ice and also dealing to keep her habit. During that time she also had an abusive partner.Now she is living far away from that place wi... View more

I have a sister who I have now being in contact with for a year after years of no contact at all when she was doing ice and also dealing to keep her habit. During that time she also had an abusive partner.Now she is living far away from that place with an anxiety ridden partner who smokes dope and drinks and they also have a friend of his boarding with them as well who also smokes. She also went to rehab.I go and stay with her every now and then. The first time I stayed she seemed like she was coping. However she drinks every day (but she says she's not an alcoholic), smokes dope sometimes (I feel she probably wouldn't do this if it wasnt around), smokes ciggies takes medication, and does colouring in all day between Facebook activity and over eat she is obese. She goes straight from bed to the couch and always makes announcements. I'm gonna take the dog for a walk etc. The poor dog never gets a walk!After my last visit her laziness is a lot worse drinking starts at 8am etc.I know I can't fix this but I feel hopeless. She lies to me as well. I know I'm dealing with an addict and not my sister.

Claire_A Don't know what you've got til it's gone
  • replies: 4

Very recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. I knew there had been problems (long distance being the main one) but we had talked them through and agreed to make things work only a few days previously so I didn't see it... View more

Very recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me. I knew there had been problems (long distance being the main one) but we had talked them through and agreed to make things work only a few days previously so I didn't see it coming and it left me reeling. We had been friends for many years before we started dating and, knowing I would be moving interstate for university, I was reluctant to ever start a serious long distance relationship for fear of losing my best friend. But we went ahead and unfortunately that is what happened. We are both incredibly busy with our degrees and our uni lives and I can accept that long distance is a huge strain on any relationship, particularly when there is no end date in sight. I understand that he called it off in order to focus on his own life and friends but I'm having a hard time accepting that it's really over, especially seeing as now I've lost the person I loved more than anything and my best friend. Last semester my anxiety sky rocketed due to increased classes and I became quite depressed. He didn't know how to deal with it and I was continually frustrated by his inability to fix what I was feeling, although realistically the only person who could help me was myself. Because of this, I'm really blaming myself for the relationship ending- what if I'd tried harder, been more understanding, told him how much I really loved him etc etc. I feel like I pushed him into a position where his only choice was to get out and now he seems fine and I can barely breathe let alone function as a normal human and focus on work and classes. I'm trying my hardest to be positive and see this break up as an opportunity for a fresh start but it's hard to deal with the constant waves of grief and regret that keep threatening to overwhelm me and the constant hope that we will get back together. I know it takes time but if anyone has any tips on dealing with these situations in the short term I would love the hear them.

JaimeLouise13 Over reacting??
  • replies: 4

Hi, I need some help.. I dont know if I'm over reacting... Situation: My husband spent time with 3 close friends as at neighbors house and which to my knowledge was a few drinks ect. A phone call later that day to ask him if he needed a lift.. I coul... View more

Hi, I need some help.. I dont know if I'm over reacting... Situation: My husband spent time with 3 close friends as at neighbors house and which to my knowledge was a few drinks ect. A phone call later that day to ask him if he needed a lift.. I couldn't understand him or his friends. Not thinking too much about it I left and thought he will make his way to me or worst case I'll collect him on way home. My husband found his way to me eventually with a friend, he was acting strange... not his normal drunk self and suspect he was on something stronger. I asked him... he said no... i asked his friend he said nah he's drunk a bottle.. and then left in his car. Mean while my husband acting strange but I trusted them both and went with it. Next morning he didn't have a normal hang over... i said wow lastnight I could have sworn you where more then drunk... he laughed it off. Thought nothing again as I trusted him. Following weekend I was told he and my girl friends brother had tried cocaine. I said no he said he was just drunk. When I returned home I asked him nicely and said there was a rumor he was on cocaine... he was acting strange again but said no... i trusted him with his answer. That night I was sick to the stomach thinking... my husband was a lier... i felt like the biggest bitch for doughting him but my gut said he lied. Today as I could feel my heart breaking and my eyes swelled with tears I told my husband I didn't believe him. I called him a lier to his face.... i cant described the pain my heart felt. He then replied that he had tried cocaine and my heart broken again. I don't mind the reason behind him trying it. But the lie of not coming clean when asked 4 times is hurting me.. The hate I have for his mates for leaving him with me and my daughter whilst he was high hurts.. and that his mate (who was in our wedding) lied to my face. What happened if he reacted badly and he hurt either of us or worse went into a coma and I didn't know what to tell the ambos. Or died and I found out through bloods he had taken drugs without telling me. I feel as tho I can't trust his friendship group anymore nor him after lying for so long.... Am I over reacting??? I can't sleep and when thinking about it i actually want to throw up. My heart has a consistent pain since yesterday and its getting worse. We have the best relationship so I'm so confused...