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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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ReachOut Struggling in relationship with depressed partner and need advice
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, In short, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone who I love very much. However we have had a lot of problems, mostly I think due to his depression and a huge lack of communication. I'm at a stage where I just don't kn... View more

Hi everyone, In short, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone who I love very much. However we have had a lot of problems, mostly I think due to his depression and a huge lack of communication. I'm at a stage where I just don't know what to do anymore and hoping some advice might give me the support I need to either find ways to better care for myself in our relationship, or to leave. Some of the time, our relationship is great. We love spending time with each other and we've talked about plans for our future. We have lots of fun and I get along well with his friends and family. His depression is always evident though. He has lots of negative thoughts, often doesn't want to attend events etc with me (or even leave the couch) and our sex life is non-existent. But I've learnt to accept those things and still want this. I've done lots of reading/ talking with others about depression. It's whenever depression hits him really hard that we have problems. When that happens, he completely ignores that I exist. There have been many times that I've been ignored for weeks or months at a time. (But he only ignores me- he's completely normal with everyone else). When he resumes contact, he acts as if nothing has happened. I try to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to so I find myself treading on eggshells for fear of the cycle repeating. But regardless of what I do/ say/ don't say, he still decides to ignore me every so often and I'm left completely distraught. Currently I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks. I've tried to call/ text and when he hasn't responded I've done my best to be patient and give him time and space. But it's driving me crazy. My emotions are all over the place, a lot of pain, anger and lots of questions running through my head, eg what have I done now? Then I get spurts of trying to be positive and find the strength to push through it. But I'm finding myself completely stuck and I'm not able to do anything to help the situation or myself. It's started to take its toll on my mental and physical health, I'm feeling anxious socially (especially with any mutual friends) and I'm not sleeping or eating properly which is affecting my work life too. Within the 2 years we've been together, I'd say this silent treatment thing has probably happened about 10 times, and it seems to be happening more frequently the longer we go on. I love him and I want us to work out but not sure what to do anymore. Any thoughts?

Mangomagic How to support my brother who is struggling to support his wife who wont seek help
  • replies: 9

My brother and his wife have been having difficulties for a number of years now. its hard because he is quite isolated living in a different country where English is not the first language. My sister in law has threatened suicide, get angry with the ... View more

My brother and his wife have been having difficulties for a number of years now. its hard because he is quite isolated living in a different country where English is not the first language. My sister in law has threatened suicide, get angry with the kids if she thinks they are having more fun with my brother. This happens so much now that my bro feels he needs to distance himself from his kids so they are not targeted. She has finally agreed to marriage counselling this year but keeps on saying stuff like my brother is the reason why she threatens suicide. She probably believes this to be the case. And its hard for me because we are so far that im not quite sure whats going on at home. All i know my bro is developing anxiety, he walks around on egg shells trying not to upset her (so conversation around the big issue is zero). I am only getting my bro side of the story. But i think this relationship is very toxic and my bro self esteem is diminishing by the day. I feel like my sister in law is being very selfish and playing victim. I am aware i do not know the whole story but i think my brother will be happier if he leaves her in the long run but i know they have a very codependent relationship and his worried about the kids. His currently not a citizen of the country of residence and worried about gaining custody. we advised him to try get citizenship to strengthen his case and talk to a lawyer to know his rights. not to file for divorce but just to know what the lay of the land is if it gets to that. In the mean time we advised him to talk to his wife and tell her how he is feeling. Im worried about him and i know we are so far away that the support isn't really there as if he was in the same country. but just wanted to know is there anything else people would recommend to help support him to make the best decision whether that is try and work on the relationship ( although its been like this for approx > 5yrs and getting worse not better) its a big scary decision to make . I would appreciate any advice

Turtle81 I'm here because I want to take my mind off my separation
  • replies: 4

Hello, This is my first post and just going through the process of signing up has focused my mind and stopped the constant thoughts. My husband and I have had problems for a long time. Tonight his words seemed very final to me and the realization has... View more

Hello, This is my first post and just going through the process of signing up has focused my mind and stopped the constant thoughts. My husband and I have had problems for a long time. Tonight his words seemed very final to me and the realization has hit that he no longer loves me anymore and has finally let me go. It has been something I have wanted for a long time but the reality isn't that great. I've been crying hysterically tonight as I just feel so alone. I'm trying to be strong as I feel everyone expects me to be ok and I do portray that to the world. However inside I am dying. I feel my friends don't really get it and have even said I'm seeking attention when I say no to social events. So I've just stopped talking about how I really feel. No one gets it. I don't want to even get out of bed tomorrow I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to death. Yet I have work and a gorgeous two year old son who I love dearly. He's all that keeps me going lately. Anyway thanks for listening and taking my mind off things for awhile. . I just felt the need to say it...somewhere. .I'm not ok. But when people ask I say Im fine but I'm not. I'm alone and unhappy. And I really miss him. But have to let him go. How do people get past the overwhelming pain and lonliness when I'm finding my friends so unappealing right now.?

-e Toxic relationship with Mother.
  • replies: 3

I've recently come into a situation where I am back living in my parents home. I'm 24 and before now I had lived out of home for 4 years, part of that time overseas. I am actively looking to move out but given I'm a full time student, money is an iss... View more

I've recently come into a situation where I am back living in my parents home. I'm 24 and before now I had lived out of home for 4 years, part of that time overseas. I am actively looking to move out but given I'm a full time student, money is an issue at the moment. I have always had issues with my mother and it's gotten extremely bad since I've moved back in with her. She is controlling and overly critical of everything I do. She makes constant comments about what I eat, where I eat, how lazy I am etc. I tried speaking to a therapist about this but haven't been back since my Mum started contacting my therapist looking for information that I wasn't willing to share with her. She has even ruined relationships by being extremely intrusive. I'm trying everything to avoid these encounters and not give her a reason to be so critical and controlling but it doesn't seem to be working. I've tried limiting how much we speak to avoid any arguements or criticism but this seems to make things worse. I feel so guilty for not getting on with her and for wanting to cut ties. But I feel I'm suffering by being around her and feel like bursting into tears after any sort of negative encounter.

Liz10 Pushed away by my BF feeling low and lonely
  • replies: 4

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice, I was seeing a guy for 4 months but known him about 6, everything was amazing I've never felt so in love, he is such a kind soul and so crazy about me and I him. We would see each other almost every night h... View more

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice, I was seeing a guy for 4 months but known him about 6, everything was amazing I've never felt so in love, he is such a kind soul and so crazy about me and I him. We would see each other almost every night he only lived down the road then all of a sudden a close family member died and he had to fly home for a week, when he got back he was distant and I felt like I was being pushed away. Two weeks later I had a couple of emotional breakdowns to him as I guess I was trying to get his attention and then he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, that he was depressed, needed space, hated his job, needed to move out of his apartment but joked that we would probably be married by next year I'm guessing trying to comfort me. Gave him space for 2 weeks and he came back told me he missed me everyday and didn't want to lose me from his life I was everything and that he didn't want to spend time around his friends as they just wanted to party, I told him I felt the same that I was found myself non stop thinking about him in that break and never wanted to lose him again, a couple of days later I had a bad couple of days at work and Tried to turn to him for support but then he went distant and without telling me he deleted me off all social media and told me he couldn't do this and to take care and hoped I found someone. I was devastated, it's been two weeks since we last spoke and I find myself feeling depressed and missing him, he doesn't have any family here like me and told me he only told me and his family back home about the depression not his mates. I'm so lost, do I reach out to him? I miss him so much and none of this feels right! I worry that he's not doing okay as his mates don't know what he's going through. Please help I have bad anxiety, barely sleeping and unsure what to do, I know he loves me so I can't understand why he is doing this, when I get depressed I get through with the one I love around me and could never push them away!

Sleepless1987 Dreading Family Holiday
  • replies: 11

We're all getting together for Easter, 15 of us, 6 kids. I was looking forward to it. Now I'm dreading it. One of my sisters and I fight all the time and it's always apparently my fault. I don't want to cause any problems, I don't want this holiday t... View more

We're all getting together for Easter, 15 of us, 6 kids. I was looking forward to it. Now I'm dreading it. One of my sisters and I fight all the time and it's always apparently my fault. I don't want to cause any problems, I don't want this holiday to be all about past issues, but I don't know how to stop it. I want to spend time with them but I don't want to. I'm close to a major break already and I don't want to fall over the edge.

Ocelot1771 Husband cheating?
  • replies: 4

I haven't any direct evidence, but I have an uncomfortable 'vibe' about my husband lately. He has a bathroom cupboard full of hair dye for grey hair (he's 53 and starting to grey a bit), teeth whiteners, breath fresheners, and Aldara cream (one of th... View more

I haven't any direct evidence, but I have an uncomfortable 'vibe' about my husband lately. He has a bathroom cupboard full of hair dye for grey hair (he's 53 and starting to grey a bit), teeth whiteners, breath fresheners, and Aldara cream (one of the uses for this is for genital warts). And he disappears after we've had a fight. Is he cheating on me?

flossie62 Feeling hurt
  • replies: 13

I have been away from this site for awhile, but tonight I feel like I have to write down what has just happened as I feel so sad. I have been feeling so good recently. Even after having a fall 2 weeks ago, and still carrying the scars and bruises, I ... View more

I have been away from this site for awhile, but tonight I feel like I have to write down what has just happened as I feel so sad. I have been feeling so good recently. Even after having a fall 2 weeks ago, and still carrying the scars and bruises, I have managed to cope quite well and kept myself busy and happy. But tonight, out of the blue, my husband's friend of over 60 years told him via text message not to call again and to 'have a nice life'. My husband and I cannot think of any reason for this message and it has hurt both of us so much. We don't know what to do. I feel very teary and sad, and I can't focus on anything else and we keep asking ourselves why did this happen. I ask myself why do we even bother to have friends. There doesn't seem to be any point, when they make you feel so bad when that friendship is taken away suddenly.

Heart13 Suffering in a relationship with a narsissits man
  • replies: 6

Im trying to break away and I'm finding it so hard. I have never reached out to people before as I have never been in such a position. Its destroying my life.

Im trying to break away and I'm finding it so hard. I have never reached out to people before as I have never been in such a position. Its destroying my life.

cleo1988 i feel like nothing
  • replies: 17

hello there everyone, i just need some warmth and some advice. I have used this before and found it incredibly helpful during a difficult time - relating to this relationship long story short, i feel trapped within a relationship (1 year long) . I ha... View more

hello there everyone, i just need some warmth and some advice. I have used this before and found it incredibly helpful during a difficult time - relating to this relationship long story short, i feel trapped within a relationship (1 year long) . I have ended this relationship many times, and he never leaves me be - i have told him but he keeps saying he wants to marry me, be there for me, be together etc… But he is controlling, isolating, 13 years older than I. Why don't I want to be with him? He is quite rough, his friends are all 10 years older than him and hence 25 years + older than me. Anyway, I don't need to go through all the reasons But the main reason is. the life i would have with him is not the life I want. I wish i could be more assertive. But inherently, I want to love someone, and show them affection and give everything to them. I am lonely, I am very vulnerable and lonely in my position, i live in a state where i literally know 4 people. Work is isolating I have really struggled to settle in here, and have since day 1. I have been here for 1.5 years. I saw him last night and this morning, it is never enough for him. He wants to be around me and stay with me 24/7. He cries because of god knows what… and its left to me to make him feel better. Another issue - i feel like there is always a problem with him. I am a very positive, optimistic and happy person and he isn't - which i find difficult I need help. x