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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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alifewasted Am I taking things too personally?
  • replies: 12

Hello, not sure exactly how to start. I am an outspoken married female. I am passionate but will not tolerate injustice and speak up. I am married to a man who presents as sweet, kind and gentle but he is actually narcissistic, scheming and passive a... View more

Hello, not sure exactly how to start. I am an outspoken married female. I am passionate but will not tolerate injustice and speak up. I am married to a man who presents as sweet, kind and gentle but he is actually narcissistic, scheming and passive aggressive. I have an adult child who holds a great deal of resentment towards me as she sides with her father. My husband always presents himself as the victim. Even if he loses his job, it's not his fault, it's mine and I am then required to work 7 days a week so we don't lose the house. My adult daughter rarely helps out and has no compassion towards me, just him. Today he decided to tell her that I was having an extra-marital affair with an 18 year old. Hmm! He then went on about the other men that I had apparently slept with. None of this is true and ironically, his lies did not bother me. What did bother me greatly though was his intent - his malicious intent to further wedge my daughter from me. I have put up with his laziness, his refusal to socialise (no one visits and no one invites us over anymore), his refusal to even visit his own family, and his refusal to come to hospital when I was rushed there with a suspected heart attack. He told the paramedics that he had work in the morning. Hmm! So I now sit here alone. My daughter couldn't care less about how I am feeling and my dearest husband just keeps feeding her more propaganda about what a horrible human I am. My daughter's response hurts me. Her father has done nothing for her as I did everything. Even taking her to friends was too laborious for him. In the past, he has hit me. No one believed me. In the past and present, he has mentally and emotionally abused me, and once again, no one has believed me. Apparently I am far too bold of a human for anyone to try to abuse. I am now a shell of a human. We have no connections to his family, my friends all disappeared as I kept having to cancel them due to his refusal to have anything to do with them, and my family are elderly. He berates me for my appearance, and when I began to start looking after myself, berated me again for spending money. My daughter is downright rude. I have no one. But I don't believe that I deserve to put up with this because of financial pressures. Dearest husband losing his job three times really set us back financially and he will go after me with a vengeance with any financial settlement. Husband is a psychopath. Daughter has ripped my heart into pieces.

CB2016 New and need to talk/share
  • replies: 3

Hi - With my family I didn't think that I would need help but I can't believe how quick and hard things can change. One daughter "wants break from family" after having an inappropriate meltdown aimed at her sister. I have not been involved but have b... View more

Hi - With my family I didn't think that I would need help but I can't believe how quick and hard things can change. One daughter "wants break from family" after having an inappropriate meltdown aimed at her sister. I have not been involved but have been excluded as well - and told so in a calm and considered conversation. I am hurting so much and cannot understand how she can do this and what I have done. We 'work' together and her public show is 'normal' but there is no warmth at all and I find seeing her very difficult. I cannot talk about it to others as I hope it all goes away but the whole year has been difficult. Her sister who was her victim has tried to make contact without good response so that is hurting me too as she is having a rough time as well and needs me to be strong. I am feeling down and questioning things in my life at the moment and I think NOT looking forward to turning 70 next year so I know this is not helping me deal with this situation. I do know it happens to lots of people but I thought my family was my world and I have worked so hard for them. I'm not the Mum who talks/sees her kids every day or so and they have been very independent so it is not smothering or interfering. Obviously feeling sorry for myself.

Trying2BStrong Struggling to move past my husband cheating
  • replies: 2

My husband and have been together for 12 years we have two beautiful little boys the youngest is 9 months old. On 31/08/16 I found out my husband was having an affair online with some woman he met on a game. After confronting him about it he assured ... View more

My husband and have been together for 12 years we have two beautiful little boys the youngest is 9 months old. On 31/08/16 I found out my husband was having an affair online with some woman he met on a game. After confronting him about it he assured me it would end and he was sorry. I forgave him because I believe that it's best for our boys and I love him. over the last few months I've tried to move on forget about it. But it's always in the back of my mind. I'm having a real hard time trusting him he still plays the game and uses apps like line and Snapchat. He stays up really late playing them. On the odd occasion that he is separated from his phone I've been very tempted to look but don't know if I could cope if I found something again. Tonight it was really getting to me he's in the kitchen at 2am playing that game. I got up for a drink and he asked me why I was awake I told him I was struggling to sleep and that I wasn't in a good mind space. He hugged me and kept asking what was wrong I told him I didn't want to talk about it but he kept going. i told him I was still struggling to deal with what happened and how it bothers me that he's always playing that game and using those apps. Rather than spend time with me or sleeping in our bed. i really have no one to talk to about this because I'm so ashamed that this has happened to me. It it wasn't for my kids I would have left. I need to keep strong for my boys. He's an amazing dad and helps out around the house I just feel so unloved and unwanted. Ive asked him to come up with a way to make it up to me. I think him quitting the game and getting rid of the apps might be a start but I feel he should have done it months ago but which makes me think something could still be going on. we had a bit of a fight about it he thought we were ok and I got quite mad because I don't feel ok at all and maybe if it was the other was around he would understand how I felt that pain just doesn't go away I'm not sure what advice anyone can give me but I just can't hold it in anymore

SubduedBlues When life moves faster than we are used to, how do we slow it down?
  • replies: 16

Funny that I can talk openly about Tourette's, anxiety and my previous marital breakdown, but when it comes to being intimate with someone, I just cannot find the words that don't come across as distasteful. I have never been the successful bachelor,... View more

Funny that I can talk openly about Tourette's, anxiety and my previous marital breakdown, but when it comes to being intimate with someone, I just cannot find the words that don't come across as distasteful. I have never been the successful bachelor, or the mister right now. That kind of stuff just doesn't happen to guys like me. I am the dork, the geek, the pear shaped cast-aside. I am the one that everyone passes and no one sees; when I stand in a crowd, the crowd stands out. But yesterday impossible happened... I awoke next to someone who I have just met. Even though I felt extremely uncomfortable at the time, I couldn't bring myself sneak out and leave her to feel disrespected; so I stayed. This morning I learnt that she is a really nice person; someone worth spending time with. On departure, she gave me her phone number and asked me to call her. I have no idea what she sees in me, as I am definitely not the catch of the day. I don't want a purely physical relationship; I want one that is built on the good solid foundation of friendship. I am afraid if I call that she'll want to just be physical again. And I am afraid if I don't, I will miss out on a second chance to live again. How do I put the brakes on the physical stuff to see if a friendship can occur first? Any suggestions on what to do now would be appreciated. SB

Beattheblues Tech take over
  • replies: 2

I feel like technology is taking over our family time. i bust my butt all day at work only to come home to a messy house whinging kids and the wife is on the couch attached to Facebook. i deal with the 2 kids, cook everyone's dinner and dish it up at... View more

I feel like technology is taking over our family time. i bust my butt all day at work only to come home to a messy house whinging kids and the wife is on the couch attached to Facebook. i deal with the 2 kids, cook everyone's dinner and dish it up at the table, she's still on the computer or her phone. while eating dinner as a family she's on her phone. i bath the kids and put them to bed still quite often with my work boots on. then when everything settles down and I'm ready to sit on the couch and finally wind down, I'm attacked for not helping, not doing the dishes, sweeping the floors, putting washing in the machine. Is there an easy answer? can it be as simple as enforcing tech free time from 6-8pm to get the important stuff out of the way? am i just fighting a losing battle? that's what it feels like...

Amali Loneliness, anxiety and worried ill never be happy
  • replies: 3

Recently I have been overwhelmed by this intense loneliness. Over the last two and bit years I have split with my partner who I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, I moved towns to start a new. I thought that I would find someone who wou... View more

Recently I have been overwhelmed by this intense loneliness. Over the last two and bit years I have split with my partner who I thought I was going to marry and have kids with, I moved towns to start a new. I thought that I would find someone who would treat me better than my ex, I told my ex this when we split and he told me he just wanted me to be happy. I haven't had any luck finding a new partner, I've made new friends, joined a sporting team and I have been putting myself out there but I get so sad and lonely when I think about not having a relationship. It's like a gaping whole in my life. The few guys I have met seem to be even more immature than my ex and just don't follow through with any kind of commitment. When it doesn't work out with anyone I crave my ex and have feelings of regret that I left someone who loved me and wanted to marry me. I really want to have kids sooner rather than later, I just turned 30. I dont want that to be the reason to find a partner, I want something meaningful and a real connection, I want to fall in love again but I'm so anxious about not finding that and always wondering "what if" any thoughts on this would be helpful. Amali

Lou68 How do I get through this
  • replies: 3

Hi There I don't know where to begin but being on here is a start You see I will start with the present and work back Last week was a year since my dad passed away. It's been 20 years since my mum passed away and I lost my first daughter to SIDS 17 y... View more

Hi There I don't know where to begin but being on here is a start You see I will start with the present and work back Last week was a year since my dad passed away. It's been 20 years since my mum passed away and I lost my first daughter to SIDS 17 years ago. I understand everyone has loss in life. I got through when I lost my mum when I was 28. I got through when I lost my baby girl when she was 13 days old. Losing my dad was so hard. It was a hard situation after he died and my brothers and sisters don't communicate anymore with me. My dads partner never liked me, and made that clear after he passed away. My dad wasn't perfect but I could always talk to him without judgement. I do feel like I'm by myself now. With no one to talk to as I have previously spoken the extended friends and family. I feel that they must be sick of hearing the same thing from me over and over. I suffer from depression and also have been to counselling. I currently have a partner who has his own addictions and issues and can't deal with mine, so I am feeling completely cut off. I can't get off the couch today and have a weight issue. I want to be healthier and want a healthier mind. I don't know if this makes any sense but this is my little outlet to let out how I feel. I really don't have anyone else to discuss this with, without feeling judged. Thank you for listening to me Lou

jessembell Uncaring parent & Drug addicted sibling
  • replies: 4

I am a 22 year old uni student currently living at home with my brother and mum. My Dad passed away in 2014 and my drug addicted sister has been staying with us the past couple of nights with my mum letting her despite my brother and I saying no we w... View more

I am a 22 year old uni student currently living at home with my brother and mum. My Dad passed away in 2014 and my drug addicted sister has been staying with us the past couple of nights with my mum letting her despite my brother and I saying no we weren't comfortable with it.Last year my sister told everyone she was addicted to ice (she smokes it) She was hitting it heavy after her boyfriend cheated on her and was always in a psychosis. She didn't live at home at the time and managed to hold on to her job. Recently she was suspended from work (still getting paid) and has been hitting the ice harder. Now her life has been of the rails and has been unable to find a place to live, she's been blacklisted.She's been staying in hotels still smoking ice. A month ago my mum went on a holiday for 3 weeks and during that time my sister kept asking us to let her stay. We refused but let her keep some stuff here. One day she came over to do washing. Later that night we told her to go but said she was waiting for the dryer to finish. 40mins later my brother caught her with a crack pipe (didn't see her smoke it but we both could tell she was high) and subsequently carried her out because she refused to leave.I ended up calling the police when she tried to get through the window. This really upset my brother and I. When mum came back I told her what had happened and said that we didn't want her to move back home. She agreed with us. But on Saturday she did a complete 180 and told us that my sister would be staying with us for a couple of nights because she had no where to go, that she needed to make sure she was safe.We said no to her but she didn't listen and got upset saying she didn't want to deal with it anymore. What really upset me is she justified her decision using my brother and I's personal issues. I have anxiety and need her to drive me places and my brother smokes a bit of pot (He's not a full blown addict like my sister, he has his life under control and can go without it).2 days later I talked about it saying that we weren't comfortable with her here and I didn't feel safe. Her response was that as a mother she need to think of herself, that we were acting like spoilt brats for our refusal to let my sister move back.I ask her where her consideration was for us but her response was the same. It ended with her telling me that if I didn't like it that I could *** off. What do I do, I have no means of moving out and am heading for a breakdown.

Confused_89 Help
  • replies: 6

Hi Im not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes. My parent and I have been together for almost two years and we have always had a very happy relationship. We hardly ever fight and just generally have a very good relationship. Las... View more

Hi Im not sure if this is the right place to post this but here goes. My parent and I have been together for almost two years and we have always had a very happy relationship. We hardly ever fight and just generally have a very good relationship. Last Saturday however he started becoming very distant and me being the typical girl immediately thought the worst. He works away and came home yesterday and we had a chat and he said he feels so empty inside. He feels like he is fighting a war in his head and doesn't know how he can continue to love me when he doesn't love himself. He suggested that we call it quits so that he can Deal with this on his own without dragging me down with him. He said that he can feel himself pushing me away because of this war in his head and that he doesn't see a way out of it. He also said that he can't imagine a life without me yet doesn't think he can be with me. I think my partner suffers from depression and I don't know what to do. Do I stay or leave like wants? I think once he talks to someone we can work through this. We both don't want this to be the end but don't know where to go next

Last_weeks_hero Recently single, struggling with acceptance, afraid of loneliness.
  • replies: 6

Hi, I haven't done this before but I'm at a point where I don't know who to reach out to. A couple of months ago my girlfriend of two years left me. She called me in the morning and said that she thought we should break up, she said she needed to be ... View more

Hi, I haven't done this before but I'm at a point where I don't know who to reach out to. A couple of months ago my girlfriend of two years left me. She called me in the morning and said that she thought we should break up, she said she needed to be by herself. I hung up not really knowing how to take it and had no option but to go to university and study for a test that I had that afternoon (which I failed horrendously because I wasn't able to take my mind off her). I tried a few times in the following weeks to convince her that we could work on it, and that I was willing to do anything to make her happy. Nothing worked, she mostly just kept repeating that she wanted to be by herself. Never really giving me a reason for why we didn't work. And never explicitly saying that she didn't want to be with me, just that she needed to be alone. But one thing she said has stuck with me - "I just can't handle the negativity". I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of loneliness since. A real fear that I will never find anyone that I can form that sort of strong connection with. Why would anyone want to be with me when I'm so negative? It feels like a compounding problem, the more I think about it the sadder I get, and the sadder I get the less attractive I am to others. I can't stop thinking about her and how happy we could be if I'd just gotten a grip of my negative thinking. I've been running a lot since the breakup. I thought it would help. I've lost nearly 10 kilos thinking it would make me feel more confident, but it hasn't really made me feel better at all. Deep down I think the motivation was more to make her see what she is missing out on rather than doing it for myself. I have tried talking to a couple of my friends but I haven't really spoken to anyone yet that understands how I'm feeling. I don't want to try talking to them again because I'm afraid of becoming 'that friend' that's always complaining. My thought processes have been getting progressively darker. I was under the impression that after a couple of months I might have started to move on, but if anything it's much worse. It's seriously affecting my motivation, and I'm at a pretty critical point in the transition from uni to a career so I'm afraid of the potentially significant effects it could have on my future. I don't feel confident that I'll ever meet anyone else and I genuinely don't know what to do to make myself feel better. Any advice would be much appreciated