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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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OU812 My wife doesn't support me , am I being dramatic?
  • replies: 6

Been together for 15 years married for 9 , 2 kids on the autism spectrum and things have been going downhill. We have been having a great 2 months recently after I kind of got over a hurdle with her cheating on me while we were supposed to be separat... View more

Been together for 15 years married for 9 , 2 kids on the autism spectrum and things have been going downhill. We have been having a great 2 months recently after I kind of got over a hurdle with her cheating on me while we were supposed to be separated , I told her it was over and she came back in my arms and ended whatever that relationship was with the other guy. unfortunately this is not the first time she has gone behind my back and over the years being with her I still have all those thoughts in my head and I can't let go. i am on anti depressants and now epilepsy medication , I have sleeping issues and anxiety attacks . i am really struggling day to day to be positive about everything and I try to put on a brace face but I am really just falling apart inside. as I have been great with my wife I am now realizing I have gotten to a point where I feel like I am doing the max I can to keep my wife happy but I still feel inside that allthough she tells me 5 times a day she loves me so much I still remember 2 months ago where she said to me "I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce ". I have worked so hard to keep this family going but I just feel I am being excluded from my life and all I am doing now is being a slave . I work shift work 7 days on 7 days off, I practically don't see my family all those days and when I do have days off she plans to go out . I don't know , I cook I clean, do the washing of clothes etc , she told me she needed more help but after I do these things for her she comes home irritable , being abrupt sometimes and threatening to sleep in the other room. I got a house cleaner for one day of the weeks I'm off. she never wants to spend time with my friends or family, she spends so much time with her friends and family , seems quite odd. she plans things without me and then tells me a day or two before the day she's doing this and I have no notice to put in leave or get day off, so I am constantly missing out on everything and when I do it's quite an average event . she drinks a lot with her friends but when we finally do something together she has 1 or 2 . she acts completely different and portrays herself as a different person to others and all the time I feel I have Dr Jekyll and me Hyde effect happening.

SourceShield ...I'm In Love...
  • replies: 3

Hi. I am in love. They - the apparent experts on this thing - say that people with autistic brains, like me, can't love like others with neurotypical brains. Its just the way it is...the autistic brain is 'untreatable' - in that...the brain we're bor... View more

Hi. I am in love. They - the apparent experts on this thing - say that people with autistic brains, like me, can't love like others with neurotypical brains. Its just the way it is...the autistic brain is 'untreatable' - in that...the brain we're born with, is the brain we're gonna have 'til we pass on. Neuroplasticity is the best remedy for this, and with all my PhD studies...I am learning more and more about that! But anyway... I am in love. I want to be with him, so bad. I ran away from him...thats why I am really here in OZ. I didnt know how to process these feelings 12yrs ago, and so I left NZ and came here, to start again. But for the last 12years, I havent been able to stop thinking about him. He is the most beautiful man that I have ever met. Thankfully he is gay as well, so its not like Ive fallen for a 'straight guy' that I could never be with! But truthfully, every relationship that I have been in, even the best ones, still pale in comparison to the dream of being with this man. I get scared. I cry, as in... shudder and breakdown. Its pathetic. One of the limiting beliefs that I am working through is... I AM UNLOVABLE. And, I tend to do things to myself, that fully endorse this belief... I can be incredibly antagonistic - Its apathy at its best... a partner of mine was killed a few years back, and now I can be a bit of a Grinch! I dont suffer fools gladly, and I speak my mind. My Grandfather taught me to fear no man, my Grandmother taught me to love without conditions. So, I am a lover and a fighter. But, am I lovable? And, before people reply to that with - YES, of course youre lovable, we are all lovable etc etc etc... Its this limiting-belief, and others that I am actually wanting to discuss - so please before you reply with comments, please read this post...I am not looking for sympathy or the-like.... ...HOW HAVE YOU GROWN AND MOVED ON FROM ANY LIMITING BELIEFS THAT YOU HAVE LIVED/LIVE WITH?... I am looking for practical-application tips, and ways to cope with and grow from these beliefs that hold us back from what we really want in life. I've done mindfulness for years. ACT therapy. CBT Therapy... ...so many different types of therapy...it aint funny...and nothing has actually worked for the longterm, obviously, otherwise...I wouldnt be asking I love him. And, for me...thats a biggie. I am IN LOVE with someone...so take that experts! When he sees me next...he is gonna want me too...

DamagedPrincess When family is what knocks you down
  • replies: 5

Hi all, New member/poster here. Little bit of a back story: As a teen, after self harming and some self destructive behavior i was diagnosed with depression. I managed this with regular doctors visits until i was about 18 or 19 when i went onto medic... View more

Hi all, New member/poster here. Little bit of a back story: As a teen, after self harming and some self destructive behavior i was diagnosed with depression. I managed this with regular doctors visits until i was about 18 or 19 when i went onto medication. At this point in time i was still living at home and really did not get along well with my parents, my dad passed when i was 7 so i lived with mum and my step dad, but especially didnt get along well with mum. After moving out with my long term partner (across the country mind you!) before turning 20 things started to look up. I went off the medication and had a reasonably maintained life. We lived in that location for a year before moving back home. While we were there i was not on any medication and felt pretty happy, we got engaged, bought a car... all the things a 'normal' couple do. When i thought about moving back one of the things i didn't look forward too was seeing my family. My dads family are all lovely and supportive, but my mothers family are... too concerned in their own lives to care... Anyway.... we have had a fairly good time since being back. A few hiccups along the way but nothing major. Well this year in April we got married. In January before the wedding i could feel all of the pressure building up on top of me. Not from wedding planning, but more trying to keep other people happy with the plans for a day that was supposed to be about us. I started to feel really 'down' and even wanted to cancel the wedding because i couldn't keep people happy. I knew that i was starting to spiral down so i went and sought help. Not wanting to go back on medication i opted for seeing a psychologist. This has been helping a bit but with the holiday season coming up things are getting pretty tough. Both my family and my husbands family have caused us grief in planning Christmas this year and once again i cant seem to keep anyone happy. We has things set out to include everyone but once we had finalised it all someone ended up complaining and getting angry at us. I have had multiple days where i just cry... over one little comment or over not being able to keep people happy. I just feel like such a failure constantly and i dont know what to do. I have one psych session left before the end of the year but at the rate it's going i am really considering going back on medication. Sorry for the long post, just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

SquashedFairies No one on my side for big wedding. Lonely.
  • replies: 6

Im getting married in a few weeks. About 10 guests are my friends and the other50 are my partners family and friends. My mentally ill parents left England when they were pregnant with me. They left badly and served tired i tried to repair by travelli... View more

Im getting married in a few weeks. About 10 guests are my friends and the other50 are my partners family and friends. My mentally ill parents left England when they were pregnant with me. They left badly and served tired i tried to repair by travelling back 3 times. They moved away from me a decade ago and won't travel back for the wedding as it is too much for them. I have no family. I asked them to makeavideo but it is to depressing for them. My partner has his dad, brother and best man making a speech. He asked me who else. My friend won't. None of them. Ilove my new family and my partners friends. I lost a lot of friends are divorce years back. Ihave a son with leukemia and lost a lot of friends from that. I am a stay at home mum living in a new area hours away from my friends and they don't invite me out.my best friend have new best friends. Idon't think i am an awful person. I am honest and always kind and funny and loving. But i feel i have nobody to talk to. No body to stand on my wedding day and tell my new family a funny anicdote. I love my patents but they have always been distant with me as they didn't want children and raised me very isolated and neglected. I was emotionally abused. But people always say how strong and happy I am for overcoming so many many many hurdles. Miscarry, divorce, homelessness, my sons cancer... And ive done all of this without support. No body knows my fiance is an alcoholic. This is my first post. I'm feeling drained. I am always the person people talk to when they are sad. But no one will let me talk to them. When I tried to talk to my mother she said not to message again her again when I'm sad as its too upsetting for her. I just want to make real friends. I wanted someone to think to throw me a hens party. or send a video I could play at the wedding. Or just one person to speak from my side. My best friend said if I wrote it she'd read it out but she couldn't think of anything to say. My best friend of 10 years. Who wouldn't let me sleep on her couch when my husband was seeing other people. I truly must be shit. I just didn't know it. I always help the elderly. I give to poor people my lunch. Be kind is my ethos. And be understanding. I'm lost.

Kaelum Angry Teen Boy Vs Step Dad
  • replies: 7

I have a big problem. My 15yo son has accused his StepDad of hitting him and "being mean" whenever I'm away. StepDad (my Hubby) denies it and is really upset. He does have short temper, but I have never seen him being aggressive with any of the kids.... View more

I have a big problem. My 15yo son has accused his StepDad of hitting him and "being mean" whenever I'm away. StepDad (my Hubby) denies it and is really upset. He does have short temper, but I have never seen him being aggressive with any of the kids. He has started a Men's Program to work on his stress & control his temper, but my son refuses to report it to police or see anyone professional to help with counselling or mediation. This is causing a lot of stress between us all. I have told my son he should stay with his Father and StepMum until we sort this out. Now son says I don't believe him and he hates me. Any advice?

ndsie89 i left my husband for someone else- and regret it
  • replies: 2

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for th... View more

i was with my husband for 7 years only married for 1 , we have 2 girls together and towards the end of our first year of marriage I can't tell if I was bored, lonely or un happy - but I started searching for someone else. eventually I left him for the guy I am still with now and my husband tried for months and months to get me back and I kept leading him on saying I want him back to but I never get back with him. now I am just depressed. can't get out of this headspace of regret and guilt and I feel sad all the time, can't look forward to anything in my life because I feel like I made this big huge mistake that I can't fix. I don't know what to do. I feel terrible for what I did but I think I mustve done it for a reason so do I want him back or not? I don't know what to do to get out of this way of thinking. He has a new partner now and they seem super happy , I can't be happy for him. I am just a mess.

Familyman1 My wife won't acknowledge there is an issue
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle thin... View more

Hi there, I'm new to the group, I am mid 20s, married, 2 children and a mortgage, I'm feeling the worst I have for a long time , mentally I am begging for help but I can't push myself to go get help , I think it's because I always seem to bottle things up inside. My wife and I are arguing a lot lately as she says I don't commit enough and I never want to do anything as a family , that's not the case I do but I get extremely nervous around crowds , or a lot of the time I'm deep in thought or just mentally drained, but I can't seem to make her understand that I am listening I don't think she gets how I feel she just seems to ignore me when I open up about things and brush it off as if I haven't said a thing .. What can I do so we can be on the same page as she is very hard to talk to about this !! Thanks

theRealJohnSmith96 Lonely. Full of Anxiousness and Regret.
  • replies: 7

Hello, I'm 23 and have never been in any sort of intimate relationship with a girl. I'm a very anxious person and as a result, am quite passive and slow to react to my feelings. For the past 6 months I've been crushing over this girl at work. She is ... View more

Hello, I'm 23 and have never been in any sort of intimate relationship with a girl. I'm a very anxious person and as a result, am quite passive and slow to react to my feelings. For the past 6 months I've been crushing over this girl at work. She is new and I never thought much of her at first. However overtime as I've gotten to know her, we became good friends and I found myself falling for her. Because of my anxiety I was never able to straight up tell her how much I liked her or ask her out. We'd talk a lot during our shifts together. I would try to drop in some hints about my feelings, and eventually I found out that she was also single, and had been her whole life. The problem was that we only knew each other because of work, and with the sort of environment we were in, it never felt like it was an appropriate time to tell her anything. Everyday I came into work, thinking of ways to ask her out. I ended up choking and failed every time, going home feeling depressed. A couple months passed and I maintained the same sort of relationship with this girl. We talked and flirted, then I'd fail to ask her out. Eventually a good opportunity came up and we met outside of work. I ended up confessing to her. Telling her I loved her. She told me that it wasn't a good time for her..... that she had been seeing someone else. She told me that she had feelings for me too, and that if I had asked her out earlier, she would have said yes. She told me that we could only be friends and to this day, we still are. Last week, she asked me if I wanted to go get dinner with her sometime. I of course misinterpreted her and thought of it as a date. That her previous relationship didn't work out well. So I bought new clothes and even got a new haircut. When that day came we spent the whole night talking about relationships..... we spent the whole night talking about her boyfriend. At this point I feel completely "friend-zoned," and despite the way she acted that night, I still had a really nice time. I don't know what to do. There hasn't been a single day in the past 6 months where I haven't thought about this girl. I keep falling in and out for her, and whenever I see her at work, I always get depressed. I don't want to quit work or lose her as a friend. I'm filled with regret of not asking her out sooner. The regret of what could have been. I feel very lonely. I don't have any friends to talk to this about and fear that I'll live out my life alone. Please help.

Kirb86 Tarnished friendships and marriage
  • replies: 3

Would like to get some advice on how to get back on track. I suffer from depression and believe I have a drinking problem. The last time I drank I tried to kiss my bestfriends husband and have now tarnished our relationship as well as mine and my fia... View more

Would like to get some advice on how to get back on track. I suffer from depression and believe I have a drinking problem. The last time I drank I tried to kiss my bestfriends husband and have now tarnished our relationship as well as mine and my fiancé's relationship. I have decided to stop drinking but the pain I've caused because of my drinking remains. I have gone downhill and feel like I'm back to square one when I was first diagnosed with depression. I can't eat or sleep. My fiancé and I have a daughter and I feel like I can't take care of her the way I should. My work is suffering which is not good as I've recently bought a home and don't want to put my job in jeopardy. I miss my friend's and I feel ashamed of my actions. I feel devistated that I have hurt my fiancé and I feel lost.

Ameyj How to deal with partner smoking inside
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am experieincing relationship problems with my partner of one 1 year, mostly related to our out of synch sleeping patterns and his insistence on smoking inside. My partner is a hard working man who earns and pays for most things such as rent, f... View more

Hi, I am experieincing relationship problems with my partner of one 1 year, mostly related to our out of synch sleeping patterns and his insistence on smoking inside. My partner is a hard working man who earns and pays for most things such as rent, food, bills etc. I am a full time student so I have become used to living like this. He feels because he works hard and pays for most stuff that he should be allow to enjoy his luxuries - which mostly include smoking pot everyday, inside, and playing computer games til very early in the morning. I do not wish to control him and make him unhappy. But I am becoming increasingly affected by these habits. For instance he insists on smoking in bed and watching netflix before sleep. I on the other hand prefer sleep earlier in complete darkness, quiet and not breathing in smoke. So we go to bed, pop a movie on and I fall asleep halfway through, only to wake up an hour, later feeling grumpy that lights are still on, and joints are still being smoked. At this point we often have a fight. I think he should stop smoking inside and respect my need for darkness. He thinks he has a right to enjoy his late night smoke and movie in his own bed. All this usually occurs anywhere between 1 and 5am in the morning. He also smokes in the toilet, which has no windows only a fan, and in our bedroom at any other given point in the day, often inviting all his male friends over to game and smoke in our room. We live in an apartment and have been warned to stop smoking pot inside and the front balcony where he used to smoke, as a result now our room which has a back balcony is the only place to smoke, as he doesn’t want to risk smoking his pot outside. I have been heading to my parents house up to 3 days a week just to get adequate sleep so I can study. This takes a lot of stress off our relationship, and when I head back to our apartment we feel happy and loving to one another, but after a couple of days I’m fed up and we fight again. I love my boyfriend dearly. He is generous with me and has recently quit alcohol, after finally acknowledging he had an drinking problem. To show my support I quit with him and I am proud of how he has become a better person. We have gone through a fair bit together already, including an abortion, and despite his flaws he has shown me that he does really love and care for me and I don’t want to throw it all away. But what should I do about his smoking? How can I get him to stop?