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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Letting_Life_Pass_Me_By I don't know what to do anymore!
  • replies: 8

I don't even know where to begin here. Everything is a mess! I hate my husband, he hates me, his family hate me. There are kids involved. There is our marriage to consider. I'm supposed to be moving in a week but my help walked out the door tonight. ... View more

I don't even know where to begin here. Everything is a mess! I hate my husband, he hates me, his family hate me. There are kids involved. There is our marriage to consider. I'm supposed to be moving in a week but my help walked out the door tonight. My husband and I have been fighting since our relationship started 5 years ago. We went through with marriage because I had put so much effort into it by the time it rolled around that it was impossible to walk away. I have been angry and keep lashing out at him verbally, I can't stop holding it against him that my life has been nothing but downhill since we got serious. And he can't be happy because he wants me to give him something I just can't give him and that lack of a true relationship has been driving us crazy for such a long time. I know I have been the worst possible person because I can't show him the love and affection he wants and instead I am always so angry at him, fighting with him, driving him over the edge. And I do feel bad, the guilt eats me alive because i can't bring myself to tell him how I feel. It's so toxic. And yet I sit here crying because he left and this time I don't know where he is, if he is ok or when we will see him again. I have such a messed up history from bad parents to bad relationships and before I met my husband I swore I would never let myself feel again because feeling absolutely drowns me. I warned him that I felt like that and he stayed and it was good and then it wasn't good and I just can't flip the good parts back on again because it scares me so much. He wants me to take responsibility for all the things I have done wrong, and i want to but I just can't bring myself to let those walls down and do the right thing by him. I desperately desperately want to run away myself. I know my husband would be happier if he moved on, found something more stable and loving, something I'm not ready to give him right now. But he hasn't and I think that has caused him to hold a grudge against me and that has made everything so much worse. When we argue we both play the victim, we both feel like we are in the right and the other is wrong. I don't know how to pull myself out of this mess. I am terrified my children are going to grow up messed up from watching me struggle to find happiness. I don't know what to do!

trying_hard My kids don't respect me or listen to me anymore and I don't know what to do!
  • replies: 10

I am a single mother of 3 kids ages 10, 8 & 5. My problem is mainly with my oldest daughter her behavior and my lack of parenting of it is now affecting my other children who are starting to mimic her. My oldest daughter has always been strong willed... View more

I am a single mother of 3 kids ages 10, 8 & 5. My problem is mainly with my oldest daughter her behavior and my lack of parenting of it is now affecting my other children who are starting to mimic her. My oldest daughter has always been strong willed but life with her is steadily getting harder and harder and I am miserable and I don't see her being very happy either. My daughter seems to think she can do or say whatever she wants, she speaks to me like dirt. If I try to get her to do her homework she swears at me and won't do it. Anything I try to get her to do she refuses she swears at me which now the other kids are copying. I have over the years tried calmly talking to her, reasoning with her,shouting at her, smacking her I am ashamed to say, I have tried reward schemes, pocket money schemes, I have tried taking things off her as punishment I think I have tried everything I am at my wits end. Every single day is a series of screaming matches. She takes anything she wants in the house regardless if it is hers or not. She has not respect for other people or their belongings I am constantly finding my stuff gone and then discovered she's taken it. She does the same with her siblings stuff or food. It doesn't matter if I tell her she can't touch this it is for their school lunches if she wants it she takes it. I have to hide everything. She is not deprived, we're not rich but we are not poor she has nice things but even her stuff she treats badly. Anytime she is told to do anything she doesn't want she'll scream and swear it's like her default volume is loud, but then she can be so loving so nice but that is mainly when she is getting her own way as awful as that sounds. I have tried to set one on one time with her but it's hard when there are two others kids and I feel like I am showing the other kids bad behavior gets treats. My other two are starting to talk back to me, even swear at me I still have a little sway over them but I see it dying fast. Tonight I discovered that she had gone into my handbag and eaten all of a brand new packet of chewing gum I had bought, I know it doesn't seem much but I broke down, I can't even have a pack of gum. I just cried I asked her why and she just denied it blamed her siblings when I got angry I just got attitude and she stormed off. When she is not around things are so good, so peaceful I feel terrible saying that but it's true. I love her so much but I feel I don't like her.

Nickname_90BAE9BF-9000-41 Dealing with everyday trauma
  • replies: 1

I am a 26 year old female living with mom and siblings. I am from a Pakistani nationality. Reason I am stating that is to explain the reason behind why everything has happened (e.g. abuse to women is a cultural norm in my culture). I come from an edu... View more

I am a 26 year old female living with mom and siblings. I am from a Pakistani nationality. Reason I am stating that is to explain the reason behind why everything has happened (e.g. abuse to women is a cultural norm in my culture). I come from an educated family but they have backward mentality. I have been living with my mom. There is a long story behind it. I had suffered from Depression, Anxiety and ADHD symptoms since a child (aged 10 etc). I happened to be the child who would be average in studies. My parents are divorced and my entire family treated me like crap. My mom abused me since 10 years and called me whore, prostitute and slut. My siblings bullied me by saying I am a nobody, worthless, useless etc This impacted on my studies I have a Certificate IV in Laboratory techniques and an undergraduate degree in Psychology. Currently I am studying Masters of Teaching in Early Childhood and Primary (However, planning to take off Primary). At this stage, because I don't have a job, my family basically hates me and treats me like a rag. My mom physically and psychologically abuses me from time to time. So, does my sister. They tell me to go find assistant jobs atleast and when I do try and let them know, they say "Why assistant? when you can get an ECT teacher job?" and when I say "Ok I will apply for that" They say "Oh my god! No way you will be able to do that properly!" At the moment I have no clue what they want. Then go around calling me mentally ill. Another reason they believe I am mentally ill apart from still studying fulltime at 26, is due to not getting an arranged marriage. They want to marry me off so that I am not socially a burden for them. They want me to pick anyone and get married. I do not wish to as I do know the inner dynamics of how relationship should work to be successful. Unfort I believe there are certain elements to a relationship such as passion and intimacy to keep it going. Arranged marriage is a big risk, and I am not sure how having this belief makes me mentally deranged? Please note I suffer from severe depression and panic attacks and not on medication. Med don't work for me but I workout 2 hours a day to keep going for next day. Anyway, these days my mom has been severely abusing me. I have no idea what to do? Should I apply for homeless shelter? Should I get a job first and wait for a while (as it is hard to find one in Sydney quickly) whilst handling their abuse? Any other ideas?

Gco_91 Is he right?
  • replies: 3

Hi first time posting and a little nervous. I have been in a relationshipfor 3 and a half years and pretty much right from the start he has told me that i have mental health issues. two years ago i started taking an anti depressant and started seeing... View more

Hi first time posting and a little nervous. I have been in a relationshipfor 3 and a half years and pretty much right from the start he has told me that i have mental health issues. two years ago i started taking an anti depressant and started seeing a counselor (all because he told me there was something wrong). so about two weeks ago we got into a pretty heated argument and i did lose my s##t but no more than him. anyway it got physical and he pushed me to the ground with all his strength, i should say that i had spinal surgery 2 weeks piror. needless to say i left the house. now he is saying i need to be admitted to a mental health facility because im a danger to myself. im so confused because i dont feel like i need to. Please help me.

kazzamail Separated and living as flat mates
  • replies: 8

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. In July of this year he had an emotional attachment to another woman but she turned him down. He told me that he was unhappy and had been so for 10 years and then produced a laundry list of complaints ... View more

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. In July of this year he had an emotional attachment to another woman but she turned him down. He told me that he was unhappy and had been so for 10 years and then produced a laundry list of complaints against me. Out of the last 5 years my husband has been unemployed for 3 1/2 of those and I have been the sole financial provider. When my husband was diagnosed in July with his depression and anxiety (at least he is now getting help), everything started to go wrong. I told him that I would be his support person and get him through his treatment not knowing myself what the outcome would be as far as our marriage went. My husband had mentioned moving out previously. Last week I asked him what he wanted and needed from me and he said that he needed me to let him go. I agreed to this and asked him to move into the spare room. He has since moved his clothes but nothing else out of what is essentially now my room. It has been nearly a week but I shouldn't be surprised because back in August I separated our finances (because he said I didn't know what happened with the money) and I asked him to transfer my mobile phone into my name and transfer the electricity into my name. It has been 3 months and still he hasn't done this. He doesn't seem motivated to do any of this and says that the separation is something he has to do for himself. This is soul destroying. How do I get him to show me the same respect I have shown him by agreeing to "let him go" and get him do the things i have asked him to do. Does anyone have any ideas?

BecaC Isolated from people
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, i never thought I'd be the one to do this, but... I need advice, I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. The backstory to this is easy, when I was 14 my parents separated, I lived with my mother for a bit, but we didn't get along ver... View more

Hey everyone, i never thought I'd be the one to do this, but... I need advice, I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. The backstory to this is easy, when I was 14 my parents separated, I lived with my mother for a bit, but we didn't get along very well. We would get into physical, as well as verbal fights nearly every night, before it escalated into her kicking me out. I haven't seen her in 6 years. I went to live with my dad, which was fantastic, until my grandparents (about a year ago), moved in as well. They didn't like me because they hated my mother. I am, as to be understood by their claims everyday, a carbon copy of her in both looks and personality, which always left me very defensive, because I didn't want to be compared to the woman who threw me out. Eventually, the same thing happened again, and they quite frankly told me that I was no longer welcome. My dad was upset, but he made no move to help me at all, and still lives with my grandparents in his house. i tried staying with my aunt, but apparently I had upset my grandmother so much that she was "traumatised" and I wasn't welcome there either. i couldn't afford to live on my own, so I had to drop out of university half way through my course, and my manager (I work in fast food) said they'd promote me to Manager as well. I have no contact with my family, my friends at Uni no longer converse with me, and I didn't have too many friends in high school, certainly none now. I've moved stores so I could be a manager as well. I've never felt so alone in my life. I don't go out anymore, and I just feel like I'm losing my will to do anything. I'm struggling to see the point in doing anything anymore. I can't even comprehend the point. I have no idea how to handle the feelings, I just want to stop feeling so sad.

Guest_322 Complicated grief
  • replies: 63

Hi, So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing. Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's ofte... View more

Hi, So an abusive grandparent passed away about 5 years ago. To this day, I still have mixed feelings about her passing. Most days, I try not to think about her passing. In fact, most days, I try not to think about her at all. Nonetheless, she's often at the back of my mind. When she was around, I used to write a lot. I lived in my own head. Imagination was my escape. But when she passed away, something inside me died too. I stopped writing, and I barely engage in any sort of creative writing these days. I'm fine with uni assessments and stuff like that but I don't really write creatively if that makes any sense. It feels weird but it feels as though I've lost some of my ability to imagine and create, which I'm sad about, and the turning point was her passing. Most days I feel okay- as in I have somewhat accepted- my past and her passing. But some days, like last night, I suddenly felt like I was 5 again, and just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. And the hardest part is sometimes I think that I'm doing okay but then it sort of all starts hurting again (and I often can't pinpoint the trigger). And I remember. Dottie x

Ricardo2 please help
  • replies: 13

My wife and I are having an in-house separation at the moment. we have been married almost 20 years. it has come to a point that she is so unhappy with me that she has asked me to leave. I am going through a bad time at work and I suspect I have depr... View more

My wife and I are having an in-house separation at the moment. we have been married almost 20 years. it has come to a point that she is so unhappy with me that she has asked me to leave. I am going through a bad time at work and I suspect I have depression, seen my GP but not had the results as yet. I do not feel comfortable talking to her. this morning she told me to take the kids and go to Melbourne for Christmas, as my family live there, I told her that is not an option. I am getting help and I have asked her to get help as well, but she does not believe she needs it. what do I do

livm88 Overprotective mother, still tries to be part of my decision making, but i'm 28?
  • replies: 4

Hi, So the story is i'm a late bloomer at most things in life so far, I'm 28 (f) and still living at home (I will admit due to poor choices along with being scared to move in the past). Three of my siblings have moved out long ago (all in their early... View more

Hi, So the story is i'm a late bloomer at most things in life so far, I'm 28 (f) and still living at home (I will admit due to poor choices along with being scared to move in the past). Three of my siblings have moved out long ago (all in their early 20's), it's just our youngest sister and I at home. As i've always been a bit of a loner, my mum and I have always been close, and done a lot of things together. Recently, I met my boyfriend (first) and have been spending a lot of time with him, which I know is perfectly normal. The problem is, I can see my mum getting annoyed by the fact I don't spend as much time with her anymore (I stay at his house a few nights a week). Another issue I've been having is that I can sense my mum getting irritated by the fact i've been agreeing or taking advice from him, while I once would have done everything my mum said or recommended. Now i'm looking at things from (to her) an outside perspective, and I suppose in her mind making opposite or 'wrong' choices. From my understanding, it's normal for someone to adopt views or habits of their partner in some ways. A recent example- I was going to have my car updated/fixed at her local mechanic, but when I told my bf how much it would cost, he recommended a guy he knew who could do it for much less and recently did the same for his car, so I agreed to go for it. When I told my mum i'd cancelled her guy she became very defensive in a way that made me feel like a naughty child! I guess my mum must feel she's losing me to him? But I'm starting to feel suffocated by her. I should also note, her mum became the same way as she aged, wanting to be around her all the time, acting clingy. My mum always said "I wont ever be like your grandma", but it's definitely happening.... She was able to let my other three siblings go, and has no say in their life (while still on good terms with them). When I try to explain how I feel to her, she gets all defensive and I have to act all apologetic and reassure her. My dad knows how I feel about it, and completely understands. What can I say to her? Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks, Olivia

mgd2016 My husband is depressed and won't seek help
  • replies: 9

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful c... View more

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful children who are 6 and 2.5. My husband got a very expensive divorce when we first got together, he could never get over all the money he lost and he used to blame for it (I still think he does even though he denies it). He is a hard working, loving and caring husband and father when he is at his best, but it has become quite rare to see him at his best. His work put immense strain on him, paired with massive financial problems (he's the sole income earner), he's been very nervous and moody, that is his 'normal' now. The accusations and nit-picking is quite relentless, I have a strong personality and will not allow him to treat me badly and that's where the problems begin, I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. I tried to start a little home business to help financially but his constant telling me my efforts do not make any difference to our finances and because me working annoyed him, and the accusations that by working I cannot give him or the kids the attention they (more like 'him') needs as I give my kids plenty of attention, this is all about him, not the kids, even though he uses them to manipulate me and try to make me feel guilty to get his way. Anyway, after 2 years of absolute hell I gave up my business as I can't deal with his accusations, annoyances and nit picking. I suggested he suffers from depression but he disagrees and won't do a thing to get help. He resents me because I am at home with the kids while he has to work, but he won't allow me to work either! I suffer from bad pms and I am on antidepressants. Because he is always moody we argue a lot and when I retaliate he blames my pms and says I'm a 'bitch'. The truth is, I can be quite understanding when I'm at my best, but when I have pms symptoms I get short and can't deal with his moods and constant picking. I am so tired of trying to reason with him, everything is my fault, no matter how awful he's been he won't apologize until I 'drill' it out and he will hold grudges sometimes for days on end. Sex and intimacy became non-existent. He gave up on it and to be honest I don't feel like being with him. Help! Thank you.