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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Boatbuilder82 Trying to move on from ex wife but still love her
  • replies: 8

I'm 34 I've recently separated from my wife of 11 years I have 4 beautiful daughters. my problem is she moved on from our marriage 12 months before we split and while she is now dating a new bloke I am still mourning the demise of our marriage. i wil... View more

I'm 34 I've recently separated from my wife of 11 years I have 4 beautiful daughters. my problem is she moved on from our marriage 12 months before we split and while she is now dating a new bloke I am still mourning the demise of our marriage. i will admit I have depression and was never the easiest person to live with but I was seeking help for myself in the way of antidepressants and counselling and when I became apparent we were having marital difficulties we sought counselling once and could never get her to commit to more sessions i chose to re invent my self by having weight loss surgery and be a better person for her and the kids but on the eve of my operation she told me our marriage was over and she didn't want me to go through with it if it was for her i convinced myself it was still the right decision for me so I still went through with it and now I'm 27 kilos lighter and more depressed than ever because I still love her she is moving away, taking the kids away and has a new love i am absolutely gutted don't know where to turn. Blaming myself is an hourly occurrence and everyone in my family and hers is fence sitting except for my father who hates her guts and if I vent to him he will make waves feel so alone not fair to dump on my kids cause they are young and having a hard enough time already fear I will never come back from this

Friendzle Insecure new relationship
  • replies: 5

I'm recently out of a long term relationship where my ex was emotionally abusive and cheated on me multiple times. The break up was quite traumatic and drawn out, but I've finally been able to move on. I'm 1 month into a new relationship with a FIFO ... View more

I'm recently out of a long term relationship where my ex was emotionally abusive and cheated on me multiple times. The break up was quite traumatic and drawn out, but I've finally been able to move on. I'm 1 month into a new relationship with a FIFO guy, which is a totally different dynamic than what I'm used to. We had a great connection while he was here, but since he's been gone the conversation has turned very sexual. I worry that we're building a relationship on just sex. I really like him, and I want things to work out. He's really sweet and takes me on nice dates, but the shift in our dialogue makes me worry that its just sex. I know I'm still dealing with my own deamons and battling the insecuirty that goes hand in hand with being emotionally and physically cheated on, so are my concerns genuine? Or just insecure thoughts I should dismiss?

Frankie79 How to forgive and move forward
  • replies: 4

I caught my partner chatting to other girls online. We do t live together and have a long distance relationship. I'm having trouble forgiving and forgetting and moving forward. I feel like it's consuming me. Any advice?

I caught my partner chatting to other girls online. We do t live together and have a long distance relationship. I'm having trouble forgiving and forgetting and moving forward. I feel like it's consuming me. Any advice?

lightmyway Dating with a disability
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m 34 diagnosed with mild intellectual disability and schizoaffective disorder. After being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder I have since been working for a disability enterprise (sheltered workshop) on DSP. I found open employment stress... View more

Hi, I’m 34 diagnosed with mild intellectual disability and schizoaffective disorder. After being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder I have since been working for a disability enterprise (sheltered workshop) on DSP. I found open employment stressful as it was with my I.D. Before I got sick with this mental illness I was married to a Div1 Nurse who was slim, attractive and she had a Master’s degree. It wasn’t long after we married I started getting episodes of psychosis it really scared her and was affecting her work and study. She was in the process of starting nurse to paramedic Pathway course. I was shattered when she called it off as we were planning on kids too. The schizoaffective disorder has since gone into remission as I take medication religiously and see a clinical psychologist as well as a psychiatrist who is now reducing my medication. Because the mental illness is well under control I have ventured onto online dating. I am on oasis active as it’s free. Although I consider myself attractive I must be realistic in my standards because of disabilities. The women I’m seeking and send contact requests to I feel are within my socio-economic level. I’m constantly getting rejections by women who are single mums on parenting payments or carers payments, overweight and like me have little education. When they take a bit of time to know me they end up rejecting me because either because I find it difficult to carry a conversation or they say I can’t be trusted with their kids. I don’t understand why I was marriage material to an attractive medical professional, but dismissed as inadequate, inferior and not up to standards to overweight women who smoke on Centrelink benefits? I feel we are the same socio status but they see themselves as too good for me. I feel so sad, worthless and about to give up.

happilyeverafter I am the control freak girlfriend!
  • replies: 6

Firstly, I should say that I suffer from both anxiety and depression, both of which have escalated after my marriage ended with the Father of my young children. I have become that anxious, overbearing girlfriend that I never thought I would be, and d... View more

Firstly, I should say that I suffer from both anxiety and depression, both of which have escalated after my marriage ended with the Father of my young children. I have become that anxious, overbearing girlfriend that I never thought I would be, and definately don't want to be! We have had a rough start to our relationship, with a difficult ex spouse on his side and 4 children between us, it's not expected to be easy. I just let the anxiety take over. I read into every little thing - he has a bad day, I take it personally like he doesn't want me or love me anymore. We have an argument and I feel like our relationship is over. Granted, he doesn't cope with my emotions very well, but he is trying. I have to know where he has been, I can't resist the urge to check his phone/facebook. When he's not feeling up to having sex, I take it as a sign of rejection. I really just want to be that person he loves to come home to. I know the way I am at the moment makes me not nice to be around. Every day I tell myself 'I'll just focus on me and my girls and be there for him when he needs, the rest will fall into place'. But I feel like I need that constant reassurance, and if I don't get it, it takes control over every aspect of my life until I go on a downward spiral into depression and panic attacks. What do I do? Sometimes I wake up feeling a little stronger and a bit more cheery and things are perfect, but I think my emotions are destroying our relationship. I can't even talk to him about it anymore. He just gets frustrated....

Lamp Relationship anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi there for the past few months I have developed anxiety. I have always been a stressful person but it has got a lot worse. I have a great group for friends and recently have been divided due to a few couples splitting up. Since this has happened I'... View more

Hi there for the past few months I have developed anxiety. I have always been a stressful person but it has got a lot worse. I have a great group for friends and recently have been divided due to a few couples splitting up. Since this has happened I've started to question my own relationship. I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have always had a great relationship, I can't remember the last time we had a massive argument. We love each other and want the same things from life. For the past few weeks all I can think about is our relationship and I have pretty much talked myself into not loving him anymore and wanting to break up. i don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared if I break up with him it will be the wrong decision and it's the anxiety making me feel this way. Is anyone else going through this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get a better picture and to stop feeling this way. thanks

Hurting_and_confused My wife has said she's done
  • replies: 7

Hi, I've come here because I have no where else to turn or talk. After 11 years of marriage, 2 weeks ago my wife has said she has no more to give and is ready to seperate. I have realised that I wasn't there emotionally for her for a while now. I hav... View more

Hi, I've come here because I have no where else to turn or talk. After 11 years of marriage, 2 weeks ago my wife has said she has no more to give and is ready to seperate. I have realised that I wasn't there emotionally for her for a while now. I have told her that I want to prove to her that she is the most important person in my world and I care about her more than anything, and that im not going to give up as our relationship is definitely worth trying to save. She definitely has some issues with her self confidence and she is in a high stress job with a heavy workload. She also doesn't socialise with anyine except her family ( mainly her mother) I have suggested counselling for our relationship and also for herself on her own, but she won't even entertain the thought. Over the past 2 weeks we have had some good times and have shared some laughs. Also we have had passionate sex 4 times in the past fortnight(a lot more than past 5 years). Despite the good times over the last 2 weeks she is still seems adamant about seperating. Any time I try and talk about the whole situation she puts a wall up and won't talk to me about it, and I feel we go backwards. What should I do and is there any hope? kind regards

Anna-Connor I don't know what's wrong, I just know something is.
  • replies: 5

I've never liked the posts I've read on Facebook about being sad, overlooked, and ignored, but for once I finally understand why people reach out to strangers for acknowledgement. Sometimes that's all you think you have. I know I have a good life, wi... View more

I've never liked the posts I've read on Facebook about being sad, overlooked, and ignored, but for once I finally understand why people reach out to strangers for acknowledgement. Sometimes that's all you think you have. I know I have a good life, with good friends and a happy family, but lately it seems all I can focus on are the bad things that happen. I know there is happiness in my life, I know there is goodness in my life, and yet I can't seem to forget every time my family ignores what I say, every time my partner says the wrong thing and breaks another promise, and every time I am left out and lied to. No one does it on purpose, but that's the worst part, I'm just that easily forgotten. That's what it seems like at least; I always tell myself that's not it, that they love me and I'm overreacting, but I think I've finally hit a point where I just can't take it anymore. The small things just pile up and up until I just burst in sadness or frustration, knowing that it's an overreaction but not being able to stop what I'm feeling. I don't know what's wrong with me, I miss being happy, I don't know what to do. I've spoken to my family, to my partner, and things change for maybe a week and then revert back to normal, I can't keep doing this, I can't keep feeling like this, I don't know what's wrong. Something happened in my life last year that turned everything around and it seems as if that was the point in time everything came crashing down, but what I'm feeling has nothing to do with that, I just want to know if there is something fundamentally wrong with me? I don't think I'm depressed, I'm not really sure what that is, to be honest, but I know it is wildly over-used, I just want to know if what I'm feeling is a bi-product of this greater issue, or if there is something properly wrong with me. I don't mean any disrespect with the use of the word "wrong", I just don't know how else to describe what I'm feeling. I'm really sorry if I've offended anyone.

Livlucy How to help my ex while helping myself too
  • replies: 15

A month ago now my boyfriend told me that we had to break up so that he could seek help for his depression. He maintained that he wanted to protect me from how bad things really were, and I would like to believe he was telling me the truth. He said t... View more

A month ago now my boyfriend told me that we had to break up so that he could seek help for his depression. He maintained that he wanted to protect me from how bad things really were, and I would like to believe he was telling me the truth. He said that although he knew how much I cared about him, he didn't believe I should have cared about someone like him. days after the breakup I had major surgery and as a result of being stuck at home for weeks I started to overthink the whole situation, and compounded with the stress of my injury and the breakup I was an absolute mess. He came to visit me a few times and cooked me some of my favourite meals, and whilst it was really kind of him it just confused me more and made me more upset. My head was in a really bad place, and I started seeing a psych myself as a result. 2 weeks ago now I told him that I needed to distance myself for a little while. we can't completely ignore each other because we work together, but I stopped contacting him. However we caught up for coffee two days ago now and things were really nice, it felt like how things were before we were dating. He is getting help now and I'm so happy that he is doing that. As we were leaving coffee I asked whether how we should continue with the whole communication thing. He said it was my decision, but I just dont don't know whether to maintain low contact or not. Having past experience from family members who suffered from depression I know that leaving him to deal with all of this on his own may not be the smartest choice, especially since I'm on of the people he trusts the most. But in terms of a typical breakup I know distance might be beneficial for me. this isn't a typical breakup however which is why I'm unsure of where to go next. I want to be there to support him, but I also know it might be at my detriment. Ultimately I still see him being part of my future in some way, I don't mind if we are just friends or more, that doesn't matter to me right now.

BlueBlueBlue Can it be saved? Should it?
  • replies: 4

I've been with my husband for nearly 20 yrs, married for almost 12. We have 3 young kids, a house, pets, investments, mutual friends, a whole life. He's a good man. Works hard, loyal, pulls his weight around the house, is a great dad to the kids, has... View more

I've been with my husband for nearly 20 yrs, married for almost 12. We have 3 young kids, a house, pets, investments, mutual friends, a whole life. He's a good man. Works hard, loyal, pulls his weight around the house, is a great dad to the kids, has same ideas re parenting & money. But I just don't feel any romantic love for him. At all. I don't want him to touch or kiss me & I really don't want to have sex with him ever. We've had our ups & downs, but there have been more downs than ups for me in the last few years. The more I try to have a little space, the more needy he becomes. And it goes in circles. We've just been on a family holiday (with his best mates family too) & it all deteriorated over the last few days. I was hoping for time to relax/read/enjoy my own company, but he just wanted to follow me around like a shadow. After a few days, I asked him to give me some space, but he became quite petty with snide comments about what he was doing 'so you can have time to yourself'. On the 2nd last night away, he said he was tired, but I wanted to go for a walk. I declined his offer to join me, so he went to bed. Later, on my way back to the room, I got distracted watching a movie on a common area tv (only for about 1/2 hour). When I saw the time, I went back to the room & it was empty. I thought he went for a walk or to get food. So I went to bed. Maybe 15 mins later, he storms back into the room, eyes wild, demanding to know where I'd been & if I was cheating on him. He accused me of sleeping with someone else (I have NEVER cheated). I said I'd gone for a walk, then watched a bit of movie, then came back to the room. He didn't believe me, saying that he'd looked everywhere & had been to the common area & I was not there. He demanded to know exactly what had happened in a certain scene of the movie to prove I was not lying. I was insulted. And livid. He started crying and said he was sorry & asked if our marriage was in trouble. I said yes. He asked if it was over. I said maybe. To cut a long story short, he has asked for couple counselling, but I am not sure I want to go. I'm not sure it will make any difference. Will it? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt the kids & break up the family & I'm selfishly not wanting to lose my comfortable life. Has anyone been at this point and made it work? I know things won't ever be the same & right now, I can't imagine being intimate with him again. Can this marriage be salvaged?