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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Living57 When to move on
  • replies: 2

When do you move on after the death of your partner? My hubby passed 2 years ago. I admit it still brings me down. I doubt i will truly get over it. But when do you move on? My friends tell me to start looking, put myself out there. I am not sure. Ye... View more

When do you move on after the death of your partner? My hubby passed 2 years ago. I admit it still brings me down. I doubt i will truly get over it. But when do you move on? My friends tell me to start looking, put myself out there. I am not sure. Yes i miss the companionship. I miss the talk, the laughter, the one-on-one. I just dont know. They have told me about various websites. They have shown me these pages. I am nervous about it. Just wondering, have you been in this situation? How did you deal with it? How did your family and friends react? And lastly how did you feel, deep down, about moving on

Gigi1981 Should I stay or should I go?
  • replies: 18

Hello Everyone, my husband is clearly suffering from depression and shows all the key symptoms. It comes in peaks and troughs and I am not sure what triggers it. I assume that this time, it was a selection of work stress, discussions we had and his s... View more

Hello Everyone, my husband is clearly suffering from depression and shows all the key symptoms. It comes in peaks and troughs and I am not sure what triggers it. I assume that this time, it was a selection of work stress, discussions we had and his sudden thoughts of potentially wanting children. We discussed children at length before our wedding several years ago and I was always open about not wanting children. He did not want any at the time, too, but now says that he is not sure anymore and that the thought of children "hurts" him. Is is confused and unsure but believes we are diverging. He is tired all the time and recently has become very withdrawn, to the point of telling me he wants to be alone and misses his single life. Then again, he tells me he loves me a lot and the thought of losing me hurts him to the point of crying. But when I ask him whether we should split up, the first reason he gives me why he doesn't want to is that the administration of a separation would be too much work. When I told him that that is not a good reason to stay together and that I believe we should separate because i cannot live with these annually upcoming existential doubts and questions he has, he said that he cannot imagine living without me. I believe depression has left him completely confused but I am also at a point where I wonder whether he has these depressive bouts again and again because he is not happy with the relationship and does not see a future anymore. I wish I could find out whether that is the case but when I ask him, he says he does not know and gets all withdrawn again. He thinks that i am better off without him but in the same sentence, he tells me hurtful and mean things about me, like him missing to be by himself and living his life without having to fake excitement for the things I like. We have a beautiful holiday booked for the end of the year and after seeming genuinely excited for so long, he now tells me that it all just seems like a big chore and effort to him. Even the relaxing part of the holiday which he actually craved is now all of a sudden "too long". I don't know what to do anymore. I have gone through these same things every year since we got together eight years ago. I can't help but feel that he is just not happy in the relationship but for some reason does not find a way out. Or is it the depression that it appears his family has a tendency for? I don't know anymore. Most of all, should I leave for my own sake & happiness?

Ellen67 Family Frustrations
  • replies: 1

I will try to keep this brief, background; I am a 50yr old woman, chronic pain, depression for most of my life (medicated) I have 18yo girl & 16yo girl at home as well as husband who also has depression. My younger daughter has anxiety and is probabl... View more

I will try to keep this brief, background; I am a 50yr old woman, chronic pain, depression for most of my life (medicated) I have 18yo girl & 16yo girl at home as well as husband who also has depression. My younger daughter has anxiety and is probably on the outer edge of the spectrum my husband and her are very similar. There is often a lot of stressful moments in our house, I have tried different approaches to diffuse these but have taken to eating every time it starts as I just don't feel like I can cope. I would love nothing more than to have a peaceful home as I have enough to deal with (health issues).

Labrox Friendship problems
  • replies: 2

I need some help, my depressed/anxious friend has around 2 panic attacks a day and she always texts me. I feel like an outlet to her problems, she only tells me half the story of her problems and she constantly texts and says everyday "I'm sorry, I'm... View more

I need some help, my depressed/anxious friend has around 2 panic attacks a day and she always texts me. I feel like an outlet to her problems, she only tells me half the story of her problems and she constantly texts and says everyday "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I don't understand what she wants from me but she says that she talks to me because she knows I won't leave her... So I kind of feel used. I talked to some internet friends about it and they said to try and use reverse psychology on her so I did. I said to her "I'm sorry." she responded to this with "it's my thing to say sorry for no reason." Then I spoke to her giving her half the story, I waited exactly 10 minutes every text. In the end I told her why I did it but now I feel really mean. I don't even know if she's telling the truth about half the things she says, I don't know if she's actually panicking because she kind of just stares into the distance. She also showed me her wrists as a confession that she'd been self harming so I was nice about it and told her why she shouldn't cut, she said they were almost a year old but they obviously weren't. There's some other things I won't talk about but I feel concerned and mean, I've been wanting to talk to someone like my counsellor but I don't want to loose her trust. I want your opinions on this, what should I do? Also I have anxiety and was previously depressed because of a loss, So i do know about some of the things she's going through, it just seems like she's trying to get my attention rather than asking for help.

sonicjaguar Loneliness eating away at me. Don't want new relationships. Feel like reality is false.
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I have chronic anxiety & major depression, like many of you. The last relationship I had ended at the beginning of 2016, so it hasnt been that long and since then I've been taking the time to try and "fix" myself and make sure I am a person w... View more

Hi all. I have chronic anxiety & major depression, like many of you. The last relationship I had ended at the beginning of 2016, so it hasnt been that long and since then I've been taking the time to try and "fix" myself and make sure I am a person worth loving. However, I find that the idea of starting a new relationship with someone is... not daunting, but revolving around something like "Your sickness will just cause it to not work," or something like that. I have little to no self esteem. I hate myself a lot, for a variety of reasons. I also just can't see the point in a lot of things like relationships. Part of this stems from how pessimistic I seem to have become. I don't see the point because everything ends and everything dies, so why bother? Why bother trying again and again and again to find someone who I work with, who truly enjoys the same things as me, who helps me see the world in a better way, who makes me want to continue to live? Secondarily, I also have a condition that was caused by brain trauma as an infant. The condition causes me to have a delay between what I see and how I process/interact with it. This has caused me years of feeling like my entire existence is false, that I am stuck inside a dream, that everything is not real. Nothing matters because nothing actually feels real to me. Which means I find it very hard to find a reason to try. Why try when this could all (highly) possibly be an illusion? Why try when tomorrow I may wake up from this dream and forget this existence as a passing thought, a half remembered dream... It drives me mad. Like a splinter in my mind that someone placed there, it itches in my soul, nagging at me that something about this life is not right and there must be somewhere else. Sorry for the long winded post. I don't even know why I am writing here. I'm just tired of being tired. Tired of feeling the gut wrenching disconnectedness. Tired of hating myself & thinking that I am worthless, and that everything else is seemingly worthless too. All the best & thank you (even if this isn't real) for your responses.

TetherEnd Feedback from dads
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone.. i just wanted some feedback from other dads, my daughter is in a beautiful age at the moment, just under 2. However she doesn't like me.. she loves her mum and doesn't want me AT ALL. She likes hanging out with her grandparents more tha... View more

Hi everyone.. i just wanted some feedback from other dads, my daughter is in a beautiful age at the moment, just under 2. However she doesn't like me.. she loves her mum and doesn't want me AT ALL. She likes hanging out with her grandparents more than me. Its been (varying degree) going on for nearly a year. I've been strong but I no longer think that's normal. I more hands on than many of my other friends, but I sit n watch while their kids lovingly dotes on their dads while my daughter is often indifferent at best. She does tell me without prodding that she loves me once a awhile but very rare. I spend time with her, take her to park, been the for primary bath since birth. I love her, but I'm a nobody. i believe it's partially because of the difference in parenting between my wife and I.. she's very care free happy go lucky won't raise her voice, where as I believe in discipline and calling her out when something's not right. We've talked about it many times but inherently I don't think she'll ever be able to support me. im always told, this is a phase and short term, she'll grow out of it. I feel like a year is too long! Any feedback or previous exp from dads or mums?

needtobealone_ Should I be alone?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, but I don't know if i should be in a relationship or single. I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and have rather rapid mood swings. I constantly think I need to be by myself, and that I ... View more

Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for about 8 years now, but I don't know if i should be in a relationship or single. I suffer from ADHD and depression/anxiety and have rather rapid mood swings. I constantly think I need to be by myself, and that I would be doing a favour to my partner as I don't think she deserves to have to put up with my mental health for the rest of her life. I would not be able to cope if in 10 years time I am still in the same headspace and she is still trying to help me, in my mind I am wasting her life. I just generally think i'm worthless and deserve nothing and no one in my life. I have expressed to her how I feel many times, but I don't know if i'm scarred of being alone or just to much of a coward to break it off. Other than her, I have no friends (other than her friends) and don't see or speak to my family very often (maybe once a year, or even 2 years). I often think to break it off and just live in my car as that is all I deserve.

Qwerty9967 I need advice about my friendship with my best friend
  • replies: 1

Me and my best friend are really close (I think) yet sometimes I feel like I am always the one texting him and organising to hang out and sometimes he suddenly bales and I don't know if I believe his reasons all the time. A part of me knows that's wh... View more

Me and my best friend are really close (I think) yet sometimes I feel like I am always the one texting him and organising to hang out and sometimes he suddenly bales and I don't know if I believe his reasons all the time. A part of me knows that's what his personality is like, yet I can't help but feel as if I am much more invested in the friendship than he is. It drives me crazy and I get so anxious thinking about what he's doing and whether or not he really likes me as a person. We do fight every now and then but we always end up saying we love each other. I just don't know what to do. Do I stop texting him and talking to him to see when he messages me, even though I'm terrified he won't message me ever and it'll be the end of our friendship, or do I bring it up to him and (most likely) cause a fight between us. He knows a lot about my issues with trusting people and feeling not good enough, but sometimes it still seems like he doesn't take these things into consideration at all I also have a really bad habit of holding grudges, and so sometimes when we fight it's hard for me to not bring up things that we've already resolved from the past, often just to hurt him. And I know this is terrible, and I'm worried that now this is all getting to him and he's realising he doesn't want to be my best friend anymore. I'm terrified of losing him more than anything, so any advice would be much appreciated. Sometimes my mental state makes it hard to think straight, and I think an outside opinion could really help me

Jec Life changes every 5 months and i have no control over it
  • replies: 1

Hi my name is Jess and for the past 4 years my life has a dramatic change every 5 months. Before this i was in a stable job, great boyfriend and lots of friends and family. But after my relationship broke down four years I feel like my life will neve... View more

Hi my name is Jess and for the past 4 years my life has a dramatic change every 5 months. Before this i was in a stable job, great boyfriend and lots of friends and family. But after my relationship broke down four years I feel like my life will never be stable like it once was. Iam confused thinking how can i help myself as i dont known if i have developed a more severe mental illness from this experience. Iv always suffered with manaic depression and i think its one of the reasons why he told me he didn't want children but he got a girl pregnant after us only separating 5 months. This was four years ago and even though i moved on my life changes dramatically every 5month. I brought a house but lost my job when I bought it so i had roommate which completely stolenfrom me so i kicked them out so i do get house mates but double check them. My life went well for a bit but i travel long distance for work and lost my licence a year ago and had to live with my boss until the suspension was over but as soon as i moved there all my room mates decided to leave all of a sudden and left me with a massive financial burden when i almost lost my house so i rented it out through real Estate agent and that was a waste of time because most of it was spending money on maintenance. While i was renting it out i went from families house to another until the lease was up . I was offered a full time job and back in the house but iam worried something bad is going to happen again and i use to be close to my family but now they dont speak to me because of all the drama. My moods go up and down and i dont know why iv had so much drama all the time is this normal

everythingsintense Mother in Law issues
  • replies: 6

I've been with my husband for over 6 years and never gotten along with my MIL. She had an obsessive relationship with him beforre I came into the picture and he pulled back strongly when we got together (at 18, I was first long term GF). MIL (Let's c... View more

I've been with my husband for over 6 years and never gotten along with my MIL. She had an obsessive relationship with him beforre I came into the picture and he pulled back strongly when we got together (at 18, I was first long term GF). MIL (Let's call her Susan) used to make (bordering incestuous) comments about my partner (Let's call him Andrew) and nasty comments to me about how I was "trapping" him. She got drunk on multiple occassions and finally blew it with a nasty letter that made him cut her out completely. Andrew is very understanding but when he's done, he's DONE. He hadn't talked to her for months, not a word, when a close family member died. We went there to support them for a week but our own grief has been quite overwhelming and Andrew finds that it's worse when he's in contact with them. Susan made some comments (probably just out of grief) that reminded him why he cut her out and it's not been 8 months with no contact. Her declining to come to a major family event was a major contributing factor. I am not her biggest fan, because she has honestly caused me more grief than my troubled childhood ever could have. But the guilt is eating at me.. my husand wants to start a family and I am not sure how to handle telling my child their father won't let them see Susan? Andrews father is still married to Susan, and we speak to him probably once a fortnight, but we are not close. Most of the time Andrew ignores his calls and when FIL calls me I make up some excuse about how Andrews phone isn't working. When she is in our lives, I honestly lose the will to live. But I am sure she feels depressed without us in her lives and that triggers my guilt. Andrew says hes happier now without her clinging to him, he does not miss her. He misses the connection with his father but as long as his father justifies Susan's actions he has no desire to mend there either. I just would like to know if anyone else has had a similar situation.. Do you just put up with horrible people (that you could cut out of your lif if it weren't for that pesky blood-relation thing)? Or do you just cut them out and move on?