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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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lizzie50 Struggling getting over a narcissist relationship
  • replies: 7

How do you get over someone you thought was your soulmate? That is the question i ask myself constantly. Im 22 and this is the first serious relationship with real feelings of love i have felt before. He never wanted a serious labelled relationship y... View more

How do you get over someone you thought was your soulmate? That is the question i ask myself constantly. Im 22 and this is the first serious relationship with real feelings of love i have felt before. He never wanted a serious labelled relationship yet we acted like a couple, with his parents/grandparents/friends etc calling me his girlfriend. He always said when he is ready and mature enough he hopes we will be together properly. He always wanted to be 'friends' but always treated me more than a friend. He gave me this amazing calmness whenever i was around him, no anxiety, no stress, no overthinking (how amazing right) but as soon as we were talking over text i stressed over everything, he'd ignore me for days saying he was 'busy' 'had stuff going on' and always called me full on and too much. I stuck around cause i always remembered the good things between us. You know when you just click with someone and its like wow where have you been all my life, i let my walls down and opened up to him about my deepest thoughts and secrets and he listened and comforted me. He was well aware of my anxiety, but somehow still did things that made me feel anxious and told me i was being crazy. I never had a say in anything, i always made the effort, called first, texted first, made plans first and it was like i forced him to see me. Once i was with him tho it was amazing and i was like this is worth it. He'd let me stay at his when i was feeling down to comfort me. Things started getting serious when i dropped 'i love you' he felt confronted and scared, his mum even warned me about how scared he is of commitment and how feelings freak him out. I never thought things would go bad from there, he told me he wanted nothing to do with me, called me names 'liar' 'cheat' 'bi#ch" "crazy' 'sl*t" you name it i heard it. Mind you he slept with another girl and i caught him out on lies but somehow that didn't matter. He told me he loved me but could never be with such a crazy liar like me, you could imagine his words were harsher than that. He blocked me on all forms of contact (new and old accounts) made his friends and mother, i can't stop thinking how it went from i love you, to i don't care what happens to you i hate you. Its been a month and i can't seem to accept whats happening, why he has control. He still controls my thoughts, i cry all the time. I feel crazy and I'm scared maybe he is right about me, i still want him in my life. i can't seem to shake him.

tabab215 No ambition?!
  • replies: 2

Hi, I had a bit of an argument with my husband today and he said that it really annoys him that I have no ambition. I'm a full time, homeschooling Mum to two young children. My ambition is being the best Mum/teacher I can be. I don't see anything wro... View more

Hi, I had a bit of an argument with my husband today and he said that it really annoys him that I have no ambition. I'm a full time, homeschooling Mum to two young children. My ambition is being the best Mum/teacher I can be. I don't see anything wrong with this but he seems to think it's not enough. Opinion would be appreciated! Thanks

MissL1234 Fight with the In-Laws
  • replies: 5

Yesterday I had a massive fight with my inlaws and am feeling shattered. It was the morning after my son who's 2, it was his first sleepover I rang that morning as discussed to see where they were up to and organize to pick him up. His grandparents h... View more

Yesterday I had a massive fight with my inlaws and am feeling shattered. It was the morning after my son who's 2, it was his first sleepover I rang that morning as discussed to see where they were up to and organize to pick him up. His grandparents had wanted to take him to coffee with them that morning. I was supportive of this I had dropped off a car seat for them to use as well so this could happen and didn't ring until nearly 10am so that they would have been able to do this. If they were still out then I'd organize to get him later whatever worked for the day. I rang 8 times over the course of nearly 2 hours and couldn't reach them. My heart sank I tried not to panicky but I couldn't help but worry something had gone wrong (I've lost family members in accidents and this has made me nervous when I can't get a hold of someone) so when my MIL rang me I burst into tears she said are you upset I said yes I was just worried and she said they will bring him home. They got to my home and came in, visibly angry with me. I said why are you angry it was a mistake that you accidentally left your phone at home and I understand I was just very worried. My usually quite FIL fired at me as said we don't trust them and how dare I upset his wife and then lectured me that they have raised 3 children and know what they're doing. I tried to explain that it had nothing to do with trust or experience I had said I would call, when I did I couldn't reach anyone and over that time I started to worry. It didn't matter he got angrier and left my MIL spoke a little longer and it didn't matter what I said they strongly believe it's my fault and that I'm a terrible selfish person. I'm so hurt I cried an entire day and sleepless night. To be honest I have never felt that they were particularly rational people but after 10+ years in the family i thought that they would at least hear me out or give me the benefit of the doubt. My husband is angry and hurt but I just don't know how to move forward. This all happened in front of my son and they think it's ok I don't. I don't know what to do, any advice? I have always bitten my tongue and let snide remarks over the years go but this time was different I felt every bit of what was said and now feel as though they use emotion to control a situation.

emsbrymu Broken up because of depression
  • replies: 3

Last week my boyfriend broke up with me and I think it is because of his depression. He told me that he doesn't have any feelings for me or anyone or anything and doesnt know what to do and that I am better off without him. I wanted to tell him that ... View more

Last week my boyfriend broke up with me and I think it is because of his depression. He told me that he doesn't have any feelings for me or anyone or anything and doesnt know what to do and that I am better off without him. I wanted to tell him that i didn't believe that he no longer loved me and that I still want to help be with him and help him with his depression but i knew that he wouldn't listen. We started dating about 5 months ago and I new that he had depression because we have been good friends for a year. He tried to kill himself and ended up in hospital for a week just before we started dating. I was there for him and visited him every single day when he was in the hospital. Nobody else went to see him apart from his mother. Not his best friend, his roommate or the person he was talking to right before he tried to take his own life. I am heartbroken over this breakup and I know that he needs time to himself to sort his own life out but i feel helpless and i am so worried about him. He doesn't have a good relationship with his parents so i know that he won't talk to them about his depression, and the only person that I can think he might talk to about it is his best friend (who i've never met) and they only see each other once every week or two. I feel like I have nobody to talk to about him and i'm worried that he will try and kill himself again. We also work together on occasion and i'm not sure what's going to happen when we see each other but i feel like he will just ignore me at work. Does anyone have any advice on what i should do or what I can say to him to let him know that i'm still here? I am still in love with him and finding it hard to let go since there was nothing wrong with our relationship and I know that his depression is the reason we are no longer together.

Jellies Rebuilding relationship after anger
  • replies: 3

A while ago I moved to Canada to be with my relatively new but amazing boyfriend, we spent two months living together there, before I came back to Australia for Christmas. In Canada I was fairly depressed and lacking in purpose, which led to our prob... View more

A while ago I moved to Canada to be with my relatively new but amazing boyfriend, we spent two months living together there, before I came back to Australia for Christmas. In Canada I was fairly depressed and lacking in purpose, which led to our problems. I had a lot of particularly angry outbursts, in which I said, and did, a lot of hurtful stuff. It was very Jekyll and Hyde and caused both of us to feel insecure within the relationship. I feel like I had no control of my emotions, and tiny things would spiral into the worst arguments. I'm heading back to Canada soon and feeling less depressed but now anxiety is kicking in as I'm unsure he truely wants me to come back. He has told me he can forgive but not forget what I've said and done, and that he never knows what to expect from my moods. I'm unsure of how to repair the damage I've done and to show him I'm less angry. I'm looking into therapy and an anger management course but I suspect he'll expect instant results. Any ideas on repairing a damaged relationship Beyond Blue crew? Or will we always have this hanging over us?

Janross Separation after 16 years of marriage
  • replies: 3

Hi My name is Janet and I am going through a separation from my husband. I really need a advises on how to cope as I am a total mess right now. I am in a really difficult situation at the moment.

Hi My name is Janet and I am going through a separation from my husband. I really need a advises on how to cope as I am a total mess right now. I am in a really difficult situation at the moment.

Guest6093 New Dad/Husband Struggling With Anger Issues
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I'm posting here about a lot of built up anger that I have in me. Firstly, I have never psychically or emotionally abused by daughter or wife at all. How this all works is I, more times than not, build up this great big ball of anger ove... View more

Hi everyone, I'm posting here about a lot of built up anger that I have in me. Firstly, I have never psychically or emotionally abused by daughter or wife at all. How this all works is I, more times than not, build up this great big ball of anger over very petty things (such as shoes being left where they shouldn't, things not being cleaned, etc) and I sort of become furious without being able to release it. The problem is, my wife can feel the brunt of my energy and it really gets her down. The issue is, we are struggling for money as it is and I can't afford to go see anyone at the moment. I find on days that I run in the mornings that it certainly helps release what I need it to. On other days, I find myself telling myself that it's meaningless and not worth getting angry over and I do some deep breathing and it passes. However, most days at the moment I am struggling to get rid of it and as you can imagine as a new mother of a 5-month-old it is the last thing my wife needs to deal with. Does anyone have any suggestions or links or videos or meditations they know of that have helped them deal with such anger issues? Thank you in advance.

XWZsydney Depressed:In-laws keep holding my 3-month baby, I as a new mother rarely get a chance
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I am a new mother with a 3-month baby by c-section in September this year. I have been coping with taking care of the newborn by myself and finally start finding some rules. Recently, my father and mother in law come visit my family from over... View more

Hi all, I am a new mother with a 3-month baby by c-section in September this year. I have been coping with taking care of the newborn by myself and finally start finding some rules. Recently, my father and mother in law come visit my family from overseas and some of their acts really make me depressed. They have been holding, cuddling my baby all day long, from morning when I wake up, they just barge in never knock and take the baby away, when we go shopping they always insist on pushing the pram, out for dinner they hold the baby while eating even there is a very cozy pram nearby, at night my mother in law prefer to shake the baby to sleep and don't want to leave my room. So, I only hold and see my baby at night. I have been feeling very lonely and sometimes miss my bub so much. I think I can take care of my own baby and I don't need a nanny. From time to time, they prefer their old-fashioned caring style and ignore my objection. I have talked to my husband about my concern, but I am not sure if he is going to negotiate with them. What do I do? Do I tell them straight away? I don't want to ruin a peaceful relationship. Need help.

Nickname88 When loved ones push you away
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, i am hoping to gain some understanding so that I know better how to support my depressed partner. I know, as a non sufferer, I will never fully understand but any insight would help me enormously. My partner has asked for me to give him ... View more

Hi everyone, i am hoping to gain some understanding so that I know better how to support my depressed partner. I know, as a non sufferer, I will never fully understand but any insight would help me enormously. My partner has asked for me to give him space so that he can get to a level of coping by himself. I am giving him the space he has asked for but I am finding it really difficult. He is on medication (dosage recently increased) and has begun seeing a psychologist. However, he has no one else in his life due to divorce and moving countries, so I am very worried and don't understand why he wouldn't want me to help him in such a difficult time. I have accepted that all I can do right now is respect his wishes but I also can't do nothing. He tells me that he doesn't want me to see him like this, he is embarrassed, that he is not a good man and that I deserve better. Do the depressed who push support away really want us to go away? What level of contact would show support and love without pushing them away further? should I wait for him to initiate contact? Why do they do it? I would appreciate some advice and thank you in advance.

speaking_out This is new
  • replies: 3

Previously confident and happy in myself and my relationship, i recently experienced so many stressors that my black cloud re-emerged and descended upon me without notice. By the time i did notice, lots of damage had been inflicted upon my relationsh... View more

Previously confident and happy in myself and my relationship, i recently experienced so many stressors that my black cloud re-emerged and descended upon me without notice. By the time i did notice, lots of damage had been inflicted upon my relationship with my partner. We have identified the problems and have agreed to work through them, but now i have unmanageable anxiety everytime i am around him. When we are apart, i feel ok (unless i'm ruminating about being with him) and when we are talking on an emotional level i am also calm, however this is not often. I love him and I want to be with him, but i'm so scared that he doesn't like me (and i can't ask again, as i've exhausted the limits of my validation seeking for the next 10 years) and is going to leave, and this triggers ideation about leaving him, if only to avoid my anxiety and overwhelming negative thoughts. I feel like i screwed up big time and that he is now only staying with me for convenience sake. I know i am being over sensitive, ruminating excessively and that these thoughts are driving my anxiety, but its making things so awkward between us and this is no foundation for working on our relationship. I feel so lost. Its just not me and its awful. I have no questions and dont need advice. I just want understanding and validation. I miss my mum.