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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KJL ADVICE APPRECIATED VERY DOWN & NEED HELP
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to... View more

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to take them but I'm planning on stopping as my partner feels they are changing me & I want to get back to being addicted to excersise. We were gonna have a break cause both have DVOS from police from drunken arguments but love each other very much & want to put it in the past. My partner got accepted for housing & we broke the lease as we want to be together. He says we need to be careful for the first month or two which I know but is calling it HIS HOUSE. My stuffs there, furniture, fish etc so I agreed I would stay somewhere else for the first month & can't go to rehab as he is insecure I'll be brainwashed & meet someone. I'll be there a couple of nights a week & the first week at my mums detoxing. My mum lives with grandma as a carer & is on pills & god knows what & I can stay at my dads but he is an alcoholic & I know I will drink. My partners scared of me staying at both places but would rather know where I am & be able to come see me but him saying it's his house makes me feel like like I'm gonna get kicked out every time we argue and we argue when I voice my insecurities.

Spegel My husbands depression has ruined our relationship and Marriage
  • replies: 2

My husband was diagnosed with depression about 11 years ago. He was medicated by a Dr and didnt like the way it made him feel. He was always talking about getting off the meds but he was told by the Dr that it is best to stay on them. Over the years ... View more

My husband was diagnosed with depression about 11 years ago. He was medicated by a Dr and didnt like the way it made him feel. He was always talking about getting off the meds but he was told by the Dr that it is best to stay on them. Over the years his depression got worse and he stopped seeing his Dr.18 months ago he decided to take himself off the meds. This was a really scary time for the kids and I. His behavior was erratic and his moods were terrible. We began fighting alot more than usual and he started making threats of suicide. Often I have been scared to go into our house if he gets home before me. Our relationship has always been stressed due to his not being a 'present' father. My husband has 3 children (2 with me and an older child from a previous relationship). All 3 children lived with us. I became an instant mother of 3 the day I cam home from the hospital with my twins ans his older child was also sent to live with us while I was in hospital giving birth. This was stressful for me as my husband was very little help 'always at work or at the shops'. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and became very bitter about his lack of help and interest in his family. The years went on and things didnt change but I decided to accept them as they were thinking i wouldn't be able to cope on my own. There were some good times but as a whole my Husband still preferred to be away from the family.

Countrymusicgirl Friends and family are making me angry
  • replies: 0

Let's start off with my mum. Mum is stuck in a wheelchair awaiting 2 hips and 2 knee replacements. I work and make her lunch while my partner of 7 years takes care of her full time. My mum doesn't know I'm depressed. Why because she hasn't been suppo... View more

Let's start off with my mum. Mum is stuck in a wheelchair awaiting 2 hips and 2 knee replacements. I work and make her lunch while my partner of 7 years takes care of her full time. My mum doesn't know I'm depressed. Why because she hasn't been supportive in the past. Now there is my sister off living her life, never calls, hardly comes around because of work. She has helped with money but that's all. Im having resentment towards my sister. Now my friend. My best friend of 10 years I want her to stop- she tells our other friends how I am. If I wanted them to know I would tell them. Shes like I've told this person. Every appointment I go to she wants to know details. And if my partner doesn't ask me she turns around 'I'll be questioning your relationship' from that I have lost respect for her. And I dont know how to confront her about it. She wants me to go over seas on a holiday and shes like you should go. I made excuses really the reason why I dont want to go is because I'm going to be an crazy if i go while my boyfriend is stuck. And she is making me feel bad for it. The resentment feeling towards my sister, and my the anger and lost of respect I have for towards my friend. What do I do? I want to ask my sister to take care of mum for the day. But I'll feel selfish for asking. I want to tell my friend to back off, stop caring to much but I'll be worried that will hurt her

BunnyMuffin The Madonna Complex
  • replies: 16

Hi There, This is maybe a bit of an awkward topic but I wonder if any one has any information or experience with the Madonna Complex? My ex recently admitted to feeling "dirty" after sex. He sees me as pure and "too good" for sex. But admits looking ... View more

Hi There, This is maybe a bit of an awkward topic but I wonder if any one has any information or experience with the Madonna Complex? My ex recently admitted to feeling "dirty" after sex. He sees me as pure and "too good" for sex. But admits looking at other women for sex, but not love. He has not had sex with anyone is 3 years (even after we split up...) I am so confused by this all. We broke up over 6 months ago because he said he "didn't look at me like that anymore" and had been having "urges". Then 2 months ago he came to me crying saying he has only ever been happy with me, that he loves me and it is "just the sex thing" that is stopping him from being with me. He feels like he is throwing away his one chance at happiness. He has started seeing a psychologist about his issues but I haven't been able to find much support or advice for myself about it all. I have started having panic attacks and anxiety because of all of this. I am seeing a psychologist myself but I'd like to know if anyone has experienced this time of thing themselves? I believe it is called The Madonna Complex.

Pill_Bill Sawdust Caesars with anxiety.
  • replies: 1

Hello. I've joined up to try to find some info about anxiety and how people cope with it. To be more specific, I want to find out if it's common for some people with anxiety to resort to habitual tyrannical behavior towards others, as a way of keepin... View more

Hello. I've joined up to try to find some info about anxiety and how people cope with it. To be more specific, I want to find out if it's common for some people with anxiety to resort to habitual tyrannical behavior towards others, as a way of keeping their anxiety at bay. I know a family in this posiiton. One of the children, ( named "X", age, over 20), has chosen to be a recluse for the past 15 years. Lives with the father, who barely tolerates X and wants X out. X refuses to go back home to the mother, but phones her frequently to demand food be brought to the father's house. In these phone calls, X is always hostile, calls the mother by her name, and says, "You'll only come here if I say you can!" Phone calls begin with, "What have you got to say for yourself?!" X demands to know what the father is "up to", and insists that the mother keep X informed. However, the parents are divorced and the father has remarried. The mother repeatedly tells X that she can't influence the father in any way, but X keeps insisting. The dynamic of the family is such that X behaves like an absolute tyrant, dictating terms to the mother daily, while utterly refusing to make any attempt to leave the father's house. X rarely eats and never showers, and never leaves the house ever, but refuses to tell anyone in the family the reason(s) for this choice. The behavior and demeanour of X is unvarying hostile and belligerent and angry almost to the point of hysteria whenever the mother tries to explain her situation. The mother has told me that anger is the dominant tone of all the conversations, and that they always contain a demand, a command, or some vague ultimatum unless X's demands are met. So my question is; is this kind of behavior common to people with anxiety disorders? Personally I suspect it is a coping mechanism which the person adopts in order to feel at least some trace of control over life. If this is the case, then I would think that there might be a certain way of responding to the behavior that might alleviate the person's distress and maybe even begin to lead to a "cure" for the anxiety. At present, both parents simply accede to all the demands, commands, and threats because to do otherwise inevitably causes an hysterical "shut-down" of X. They worry about the potential for suicide, of course, if they lose touch with X completely. Hope I've made this clear enough for a response. Thanks.

Always___Never I'm all alone
  • replies: 9

I live with my xpartner & our 2 children, who have learning difficulties & ADHD, I suffer from anxiety & panic attacks, my life has been a nightmare, we broke up around 2 years ago, after 12 years of being together, due to he's bad anger problems, hi... View more

I live with my xpartner & our 2 children, who have learning difficulties & ADHD, I suffer from anxiety & panic attacks, my life has been a nightmare, we broke up around 2 years ago, after 12 years of being together, due to he's bad anger problems, him playing mind games with me & being a compulsive liar. Ect. Firstly this is how the last two years have been, -he paid a guy a lot of money to get a lot of people to follow & watch my every move. - he gave the guy my photo & my personalised number plates, and told them if they can catch me with anyone, they'll get a lot of money. I found out he'd paid them $1,000 at first because of a bank statement I'd seen ) he admitted paying them 2,000. -he had put a gps on my car, monitored my phone, had listening device within the home,had a camera in my bathroom, Made the only friend I had, not be my friend anymore,as every time we were out she was seeing people follow & watch me For the last 2 years this has happened to me, last year i got a restraining order by the courts for him not to have me located and followed, but they allowed him to stay within the home, He always tells me he has stopped, but they must be still doing it, he also tells me if he didn't care he wouldn't be here, and he loves me, He tells me, I'm beautiful, and it upsets him not being with me, then he'll tell me I'm a waist of talent,, I'm mental, I'll never be well off & he will be I'm so alone, confused & scared in life, I am now suffering from bad anxiety, and am having the worst thoughts now, i have no one to talk to, & just need friendly advice

Lolly1986 Separated from partner of 6 years and now starting a new relationship
  • replies: 1

I am 30 years old, and last July I decided to leave my partner of 6 years. We had only gotten married in November 2015. She decided that a 'too close for comfort' friendship that bothered me and made me question her faithfulness was more important th... View more

I am 30 years old, and last July I decided to leave my partner of 6 years. We had only gotten married in November 2015. She decided that a 'too close for comfort' friendship that bothered me and made me question her faithfulness was more important than me and our relationship. So after trying and trying to resolve issues, I left for the benefit of my health and spirit. 4 out of those 6 years were spent trying to conceive, which for a same sex couple is difficult to say the least. All I've ever wanted was to have kids of my own, but fertility issues held me back. After doctors appointments, surgery, drugs, diets, detoxes...I threw in the towel. This has all taken a serious toll on me, mentally, emotionally and physically. And now I have started a new relationship, the topics of marriage and kids comes up. Although it excites me it also scares me because I dont want to be a failure again. I often wonder if my ex gave up on me so easily because I just couldn't fall pregnant. maybe my existing emotional baggage, depression and anxiety was too much. I want to be happy and healthy, with my new girlfriend, and feel confident about the future. I go through ebbs and flows of emotion about my self worth, I fear being left again, not being able to trust properly. The baby 'stuff' is a raw nerve and as friends around me start families I cannot cope. I feel like a big ball of emotion that needs to explode but then the next day I will be calm and happy. It's so inconsistent. Right now is a down day. I feel like crying non stop but I dont know why. I don't want to go home, I dont want to be around people, I dont want to sleep, I just feel lost and irritable.

Quiettall Appropriate response to bombastic older brother
  • replies: 7

Hello I have a brother who is only a few years older than I. He has been on a campaign to promote his version of a particular road safety issue for over 25 years, with little success. Unfortunately he does not see this. We have not heard from him for... View more

Hello I have a brother who is only a few years older than I. He has been on a campaign to promote his version of a particular road safety issue for over 25 years, with little success. Unfortunately he does not see this. We have not heard from him for 10 years, after my other siblings got sick of him ringing up on a very regular basis, going on about his wonderful road safety campaign, and how he was going to have it nationally accredited, and all States will be forced to adopt it. His claims are somewhat exaggerated (for example, he alleges the State motorist association is supporting him suing the State transport department for $3m for not adopting his version), but when I or others question his judgement or statements, he gets very angry and abusive. Two days before Christmas last year (after 10 years of not hearing from him or his wife), he rings out of the blue, wanting to reconnect with family. I gave him my updated list of siblings' phone numbers, which he then proceeded to ring to "update them" on his progress. Most of them have phoned me saying nothing has changed...he is still as bombastic and misguided as ever. As each one challenges him (he is 67) that he should drop the issue and relax and enjoy retirement, he abuses them, hangs up, and then rings me, telling me how selfish and ignorant my siblings are. It turns out my wife and I are the only one he rings now...unfortunately every second day. I have tried to gently suggest to him that we want a relationship with him and his wife, but we dont want to be dominated by his campaign. He seems not to have taken the message, so we have had to check the phone when it rings, and limit answering his calls if they come in more than once a week. I am not sure what else we can do. He is pushing to come and visit our house for a meal, but I genuinely fear that the whole event will be dominated by his issue, and if we try to get him off the topic, he gets aggressive and abusive. I dont want to expose my wife, nor myself, to this behaviour in our home. So we have suggested meeting somewhere halfway for lunch, so we can limit the damage and exposure. Any thoughts or suggestions here?

May_M Mother in law drama...
  • replies: 11

Hello lovely people Firstly I’m looking forward to reading any responses; I really do want to know what people think of my situation objectively. My husband and I have been married for a year now, he is the love of my life, a beautiful soul, supporti... View more

Hello lovely people Firstly I’m looking forward to reading any responses; I really do want to know what people think of my situation objectively. My husband and I have been married for a year now, he is the love of my life, a beautiful soul, supportive, caring, handsome, kind and we love spending all our free time with one another. I am 25 and he is 29 and I am from a different ethnic background to him. We are both university educated and very rational, normal, friendly people. After our wedding I agreed on moving in with him and his mother (unemployed, 2 time divorcee, my husband her youngest son, her other kids living in other states/estranged from her) in her house. I didn’t really know a lot about her, but for all intents and purposes things seemed fine between us. Her criticism of me started from our wedding day, as we were about to enter our wedding reception she started screaming at my husband in their language because I didn’t run up to greet her. She criticised me for every little thing from then on (I’d run out of words listing them all) examples include; how I brush my hair, she didn’t think I looked sexy enough, why I used a fitted sheet and flat sheet on my bed, the way I cleaned, that I didn’t kiss her hand on special occasions, that I didn’t tell her where I was going, anything and everything. She would go through my packed zipped-up bags (for uni) and make up lies to my husband that I was scheming to run away from him. She asked for gifts back that she had given when we were engaged, or she would just go through my stuff and simply take it back. She started screaming at me and throwing a fit because I gave away some of my husbands unwanted clothes to donation. She would ignore me when I asked her questions. I would do all the housework and she would complain to my sister in law that the house is so dirty and no one ever cleans it. SOOO many more instances I can go on for ages. I felt like I was in hell. I was crying probably 5-6 times a week. I would never say anything to her just “yes Aunty” or “okay Aunty” I never confronted her or asked her why she behaved the way she did. I just wanted to move on and make peace. On top of this she would have constant arguments with my husband and tell him that I’m “controlling” him and that he is “under my thumb”.

Amiselfish_ Am I being selfish?
  • replies: 10

Am not sure how to start. But a bit of background first might help. Husband and I (2nd time around for both) have been together almost 10 years. Married almost 4 and lived together for 4 years before that. We have 4 offspring between us all of whom h... View more

Am not sure how to start. But a bit of background first might help. Husband and I (2nd time around for both) have been together almost 10 years. Married almost 4 and lived together for 4 years before that. We have 4 offspring between us all of whom have lived with us off and on during the time we have been together. A bit over a year ago when we finally got the place to ourselves we agreed that the children were not coming back again (all are well into adulthood and have moved out and come home at various stages since becoming adults). Recently the eldest requested to come back with his girlfriend for a couple of weeks until they picked up the keys to a rental property. It was short term and we said ok. At the time I stipulated that it was definitely short term and that they were not staying indefinitely. Husband confirmed and agreed with this. A few days ago husband says - the kids dont want to rent, they want to buy and I think we should let them stay whilst they find a place. I immediately said no. Whilst they have been with us for a few weeks they have not contributed financially and I was fine with that as it's short term. Husband indicated that we should allow them to stay and help them to save as much as they can whilst they try to find a place to buy. Am i being selfish? I don't want them in my house. Since being married husband and I have had one or more of the adult childten living with us more than we have had alone time. We need our time. We need our own space and whilst I agree that you help your kids out where you can they are adults now and surely it's time they stood on their own two feet. Husband told me at the time of the argument that if it came to a choice between his son and me then he would choose his son. And if I didnt like that I could leave. I've since being staying with a girlfriend and trying to work things out in my marriage. Husband has since said he regrets those words. But they were said and they hurt. A lot. I am now not sure where I stand or where my marraiage will go from here. I'm interested in the thoughts of others.