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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Westerosi_Wench Struggling to accept a childless future
  • replies: 2

Hi, This is my first post and I'm here at the suggestion of my husband. I'm really struggling to accept my infertility issues combined with a sudden breakdown of my career. They are unrelated but both happening at the same time and it has created an ... View more

Hi, This is my first post and I'm here at the suggestion of my husband. I'm really struggling to accept my infertility issues combined with a sudden breakdown of my career. They are unrelated but both happening at the same time and it has created an emotional "perfect storm". A bit of back story...We've been attempting to have a baby for quite a few years. Approx 2 years ago we saw a doctor and got tested. Turns out my husband was fine but I have some issues that medication hasn't been able to overcome and it's not something that can be fixed with surgery. I've had countless tests, doctors visits and been pumped full of all kinds of fertility drugs for 2yrs now and am out of options. I have to accept that I'll never be a mother. I have always wanted to have kids and being told it's not going to happen is heartbreaking. I feel defective and useless and some days it has me questioning why I'm even here. I haven't really achieved anything in my life and being unable to have kids means there will be nothing of me to carry on. Some days it's like my life is a dead end street. Im also feeling such self hatred. Why is my body letting me down? Why won't it do the most fundamental thing a woman's body is meant to do ... create life. My shining beacon is my husband. He's my best friend and love of my life. He is being so supportive at the moment and keeps telling me that none of this is my fault. I feel such guilt that because of me he has been robbed of the chance to be a father. He tells me he's at peace with it and is happy to remain a "duo", but how do I know he's not just saying that to make me feel better? I know that obsessing over these things isn't helping and I need to process and accept them in order to move forward. I guess I thought throwing these thoughts out there may help in some way. In the meantime I'm just taking it a day at a time and hoping that one day soon it won't hurt so much. Many thanks for listening.

redgirl-blackdog UPDATED: same s#!+, different day
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new here&hoping that venting might help but doubt it. I've been in constant pain for 3 1/2 yrs&separated from alcoholic husband for 9 mths. Neurosurgeon recently told me he would not operate on my neck even tho all other options have been exh... View more

Hi, I'm new here&hoping that venting might help but doubt it. I've been in constant pain for 3 1/2 yrs&separated from alcoholic husband for 9 mths. Neurosurgeon recently told me he would not operate on my neck even tho all other options have been exhausted. I just want to hug my kids with both arms.Last week GP sent me to psychologist,again,hoping to deal with pain, marriage breakdown, grief from father's passing&how I don't seem to be coping that well. I really don't feel like it helps, just talking about the same thing over&over again. And today when ex husband bought twin sons home from access w/e, he started his b.s again. He asked for some bar room memorabilia last month&I told him I would pack it up for him to pick up next day, he agreed, so I did. So yesterday I moved it from where it sat for a month under deck& put in all in plastic bags (rainy day here)&in trailer out front for him to get, he asked why I put it in rubbish bags&threw in trailer&before I had a chance to remind him, he said (in front of boys) that I treat him& marriage like rubbish, I did not argue back, just said it was to protect his stuff from rain. He always turns things around to make me out to be the bad guy.ALWAYS. He has told his family&friends that I just stopped loving him. We were married for 9yrs, together 2yrs before that&in that time he was never a handyman, a demo man who was "gunna" fix stuff or get a mate to help but never did, I believed him when he said he was getting help organized. We didn't have a cold tap in bathroom sink for last 4yrs or hot tap for bath for last 7yrs or gutter/downpipe on front patio for last 6 yrs among plenty of other things but he was often away for w/e "helping" mates with their jobs(read drinking). I've since been told by him, we didn't go out anywhere because he was "always" doing jobs around the house that I made him do &/or it was because we couldn't afford to fix , but "we" could still afford 2 + cartons of beer every week®o/insurance for broken down V8 ute in garage he was gonna fix.The twins are nearly 10&are just learning to swim cause I believed him when he said he'd get it organised. Stupid me believed him about lots of things. Even when I pleaded with him to slow down drinking for him/kids/me. As I write this the kitchen tap is dripping relentlessly& it's just about to send me over the edge. I can't afford a plumber this week but I have to put up with it for the sake of my kids. If it wasn't for my kids... I love them more

theguy getting tired of everything
  • replies: 1

hey its my first post and here goes my issues as far as i remember i am always hard on myself and it always worked as well. in my teens i started putting myself down in front of others so that i dont have to carry around high expectations of my famil... View more

hey its my first post and here goes my issues as far as i remember i am always hard on myself and it always worked as well. in my teens i started putting myself down in front of others so that i dont have to carry around high expectations of my family(i was the bright one) but before i knew it i actually start feeling insecure, not good enough and people will know i am just a fake. its been really hard lately i have started smoking weed as people from my work do and thats only social life i have(i moved to australia two years ago). i pretty much have to otherwise there is nothing else to do. i am not that bright anymore i suck at worst of things. i am last person to think that i would end up this way. i did try to force myself to go up and back to nirmal but it didn't work. i am back in depression i think. i am tired of trying so much for so long. my visa will end next year and i still dont have any plans for the future. i said no to my boss at work for covering shift as i had plans with my friend and we talked about not working but he cancelled on me and and went on the shift instead of me. i feel like an idiot. so i ended up smoking weed by myself(first time to do myself). i dont know how am i going to work now? i am avoiding responsibilities lately as i have two bikes i wanna sell one as i need the money but not making enough efforts. i need to learn how to cook for my future but cant be bothered to put the effort in. i have to pay college next month but have no plans about coming up with the money. i am pretty much scre### but cant be bothered to do anything about it. any help, advice is greatly appreciated btw i am male 22 years old if that helps in better understanding of the situation.

Kobi Dating and depression
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagno... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and am hoping for some advice. I've been separated for 5 years now. My husband cheated on me when I was pregnant. I stupidly remained in the marriage however he then left the day after our eldest daughter was diagnosed with autism. He also told his friends he was separating with me before telling me. Since separating I have suffered with depression and low self esteem - no one knows as I'm able to hide it when I'm with friends and family. I've been in a couple of brief relationships since but they usually fizzle out as I think they find me not interesting or unattractive once they get to know me. I'm at the point now where I don't believe I will ever find love because in 44 years no man has ever loved me. I'm absolutely lonely and need advice - has anyone ever met anyone when they are depressed (and in reality hates themselves)? Im back on tinder after not dating for a year and have a date planned for tomorrow but I'm wondering if I should just cancel it until I hopefully one day feel better about myself? thanks you!

Phoenix1976 Feeling so alone
  • replies: 15

Hi all, First time poster. I suffer from major depression, and have been on and off meds for a number of years. I had been in a long term lesbian relationship with someone who has their own incurable disease. The first few years were really hard as s... View more

Hi all, First time poster. I suffer from major depression, and have been on and off meds for a number of years. I had been in a long term lesbian relationship with someone who has their own incurable disease. The first few years were really hard as she was having problems with her illness. We got through that, but I always thought she didn't love me, and would leave me when someone better came along. It was a rocky relationship. 2 years ago we broke up, my depression was a problem, my anxiety and insecurities were also a problem. We stayed living together with her paying me rent. I have a large mortgage, we have a number of animals together, and just after we broke up I was made redundant. My job was a major contributing factor to the depression, and I have never wanted to go back into that industry again. I have been working casually since, in a job I like, but one that doesn't pay enough. She has now found someone new, and will be moving out in a few months. Everything has just hit rock bottom. I am so stressed about not being able to pay the mortgage, about feeding the dogs, about everything, but most of all our friendship is now in the toilet as well. She's seeing her new girl most nights a week, I feel so very very alone. I have friends but none of them are close. I've pushed them away, lashed out at them, and lashed out at my ex. I have ruined just about every good friendship I have had because of this hideous depression. I don't want to be unhappy, but I make everyone around me unhappy. I have so many regrets, I could of communicated with her better, could of saved the relationship, or atleast tried to work it out, but I didn't. I am just so unmotivated to do anything. Looking after the dogs is a struggle, I do it, but it's hard, and I keep looking at them thinking they would be better off with someone else, but they are all I have. I don't want to lose them too. I don't want life to be so hard, it's not what I would even call a life, I am just going through the motions. In the past 2 months I have lost about 10 kg as I am just not eating. I don't want to spend money on anything as I will need every dollar I earn to pay the mortgage. I just don't know where to begin in getting better. Most of all, I really miss the support I was getting from my ex, I don't have it anymore, and I feel so alone.

Munkygurl13 Feeling unlovable
  • replies: 3

I am 43 and have Bipolar. I have had a number of relationships none lasting longer than 3 years. The last relationship was in 2010. I have lots of friends and family that love me and support me. But when it comes to relationships I feel unlovable. I ... View more

I am 43 and have Bipolar. I have had a number of relationships none lasting longer than 3 years. The last relationship was in 2010. I have lots of friends and family that love me and support me. But when it comes to relationships I feel unlovable. I have a lot of males friends that care about me and the guys that I am interested in end up being friends. I just cannot find that one person who can love me for who I am. I don't go out searching for love, I don't need someone to make me happy, but I do want to find someone who is a friend and partner. I am unemployed but take care of my self and have had to move back home with my parents for a while to save paying rent. I don't have any children as never in a relationship long enough & now I have endometriosis. I feel as though when guys hear these things they never actually try and get to know me or else they feel sorry for me. I don't want someone to feel sorry for me or feel like they have to look after me. I can do that myself! I just want someone to love me.

missbeckz My psychologist told me to leave my partner
  • replies: 7

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions).... View more

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions). Her conclusions were partly spot on especially about the mother in law, and she was correct in saying this is where some of anxiety stems from. I was happy we figured out where some of anxiety stems from...now to work on strategies. We didn't work on any strategies. She told me I have two options...stay in the relationship, suck it up and watch my mental health decline further....or end the relationship to save my mental health. as you can imagine I was in shock. I never thought to end my relationship. I'm happy and I love him. I argued with her and justified that I love my partner and want to fix things. But hearing my mental health will improve if I let go was too good to hear. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I love my partner but I need help with my mental wellbeing. I also have the mentality that when someone is "broken", you don't throw it away, you fix it. I just didn't understand that someone advised me to end my relationship. Seemed a bit over the top, especially when we hadn't try any other strategy first. when I left the session I was hysterical. I stayed at my parents that night. They said my psychologist was putting things in my mind and days before seeing her I was perfectly fine mentally. I had a huge meltdown where I hit myself, ripped my hair out and threatened to hurt myself. I haven't had a meltdown like this in 5 years. i guess my question is....can psychologists tell someone to end their relationship? Only after two sessions, without hearing more about my life and relationship and without hearing my partners side of the story. She did have some truth behind it but she didn't seem to respect my wish to work on it rather than giving up after 6 years together. my partner and I spoke about everything. Things are good but what my psychologist said is still playing on repeat in my mind. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

jillybeans Family drama
  • replies: 8

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating featur... View more

Hi I'm new here. Have suffered depression on and off for many years. Seems to be triggered by my family's dislike/hate of my husband. Been together 23 years. I have never been able to stand up for him and I have to admit he has some irritating features and has said some pretty awful things about my family. Now my daughter aged 30 won't speak to him because of things he said to her. It is breaking my heart. Have tried to leave him lots of times but never able to stay away long. It has caused a major rift in my family. My family think he is controlling. He has loved me endlessly and I've put him through so much but I do sympathise with my family - he has been at odds and awful to them on occasion. I am so torn I just don't know what to do any more. He has had enough. It makes me so depressed but again I blame him, not my family. We are both worn out. I should say my daughter lives interstate. She is quiet like me but refuses to put up with my husband's treatment any more. He made her less than welcome (she lives interstate) and he says it's her attitude to him that's the problem. I've tried to leave because I see no other way, the pressure is enormous. However, my brother especially is supportive of me and believe I will only be happy if I can get him out of my life. I am seeing a counsellor next week but in the meantime I am so depressed about the whole situation and can't seem to stay on one track in how to solve this mess. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

___4 I've lost the spark and romance. What do you suggest I do?!?!
  • replies: 1

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark... View more

So basically id like some advice on how to go about improving my current relationship with my partner. We have been together for some years now and we hang out quite often but with recent struggles with my own happiness I'm starting to lose the spark & the romance I had. We barley have sex anymore. Our friendship group thinks we act like "just good mates" (which is true, they're not a huge pda person which I'm trying to adapt to still but I think that's also what's made me so cold towards them in a romantic feel. That they won't show it so I need to get back at them and not do it to them also, public or private ). I love them with all my heart and can't imagine life with out them. They're a huge support line for me and encourage me to do my best everyday but I'm so cold to them lately. I don't feel like myself and feel we're not in a good place but it's my attitude towards the relationship that needs to change but I find it difficult to. I hate the "just friends" thing and that really upset me hearing our friends think that but they only told me that, not my partner and I feel if I bring it up my partner will only say "well I do love you, you know it too but you also know I don't show it much around others but I show it to you" etc etc. and I know they do love me, I love them. But I can't help but feel so cold towards them quite often lately and it's not healthy for any of us as my partner will just think it's due to work struggles or something but it's about him but it's my fault.. Sorry for the ramble I just needed to vent..

KJL ADVICE APPRECIATED VERY DOWN & NEED HELP
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to... View more

Hi everyone my names k. Here is a quick version of my problem. Alcohol has ruined my relationships all my life so I stop & fall off the wagon now & again. Now pain killers are the problem as I have just had an operation for cervical cancer. I have to take them but I'm planning on stopping as my partner feels they are changing me & I want to get back to being addicted to excersise. We were gonna have a break cause both have DVOS from police from drunken arguments but love each other very much & want to put it in the past. My partner got accepted for housing & we broke the lease as we want to be together. He says we need to be careful for the first month or two which I know but is calling it HIS HOUSE. My stuffs there, furniture, fish etc so I agreed I would stay somewhere else for the first month & can't go to rehab as he is insecure I'll be brainwashed & meet someone. I'll be there a couple of nights a week & the first week at my mums detoxing. My mum lives with grandma as a carer & is on pills & god knows what & I can stay at my dads but he is an alcoholic & I know I will drink. My partners scared of me staying at both places but would rather know where I am & be able to come see me but him saying it's his house makes me feel like like I'm gonna get kicked out every time we argue and we argue when I voice my insecurities.