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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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p85 Husband has paid for sex
  • replies: 8

Hi not sure if this is the right space for discussion for the most part I’m to embarrassed to speak to friends But long story short my partner has struggled with pornography addiction for what I’d say mostly our entire relationship so 12 yearsthis ha... View more

Hi not sure if this is the right space for discussion for the most part I’m to embarrassed to speak to friends But long story short my partner has struggled with pornography addiction for what I’d say mostly our entire relationship so 12 yearsthis has put a massive dent in my confidence over the years as he has withdrawn mostly from intimacy and I felt it was me and weight gain or looks, and after having a baby in 2021 I have mostly just ignored it and poured my energy into our children we spoke quite in-depth about the lack of intimacy in our relationship through chat when he was flying home from work (fifo worker) he did refuse to accept his addiction has played any part but for the most part I said I lacked any confidence at all to engage in intimacy at this point I don’t know why , I then suggested maybe he should seek it and pay for it elsewhere while travelling for work , but that I wanted honesty and transparency. he shut it down pretty quickly saying it wouldn’t feel right and then we chatted a little more before we both went to bedwell he didn’t go to bed via our account statements I saw he then left his hotel and went to withdraw cash pretty much immediately the next day when I saw this on our banking app I asked and he said he went to a gentleman’s club and got a private dance , which was hurtful but I didn’t believe it as I know he didn’t have the kind of attire on him required to wear to a club I checked phone records and googled the number he had called which showed a massage parlour with full extras at the exact price of cash he withdrew when I confronted him he said nothing except he has worked in hell for four weeks and has nothing to show; so he kind of redirected to me saying I have spent too much money (I in fact don’t go anywhere or do anything , I make sure all household bills, kids and pets are taken care of , I also work part time ) he didn’t respond to the accusation of paying for services at allI am not sure where to from herehe goes back to work in a few days I feel really hurt , he won’t even admit to what happened But part of me also feels like well I told him to go do this thing so he did like I encouraged this in a way and have him a free pass I guess I’d hoped he’d see that as a cry to have him invest in our intimacy and relationship I know my insecurities are playing a part in this but I honestly never thought he would just go do it immediately I can’t just up and leavethree kids and pets and where am I going to go even then I don’t know if that’s what I wanti am still very shocked and hurting I feel numb and I feel sick to even look at him it hurts that I am here alone a lot raising our kids and running the house and trying so hard and then he did this without almost a second though sorry I’m advance for the long post ! thanks for reading

Squishy13 Starting a family when your partner has depression
  • replies: 4

Here's my situation in a nutshell:-Been with my partner for 6 years-I'm 35, he's 30-We've always talked about having kids and getting married-Three years ago he revealed he had been feeling depressed (a number of reasons why)-It has only gotten worse... View more

Here's my situation in a nutshell:-Been with my partner for 6 years-I'm 35, he's 30-We've always talked about having kids and getting married-Three years ago he revealed he had been feeling depressed (a number of reasons why)-It has only gotten worse and he has briefly sought psychological help but never stuck with it and he refuses medication-We agreed last year that we would start trying to conceive-That hasn't happened and the efforts have been half-hearted at best So my question is...am I wrong to want to keep trying? Biologically I'm running out of time and my fertility situation isn't great as it is. I love him with everything, and he loves me too. I want to have his babies. I think he'll be such a great dad. But I am scared that if I get pregnant, I'll be in it alone. I won't be able to depend on him when I need to during pregnancy and afterwards. We won't be a team. And what if it makes his depression worse? If he's not willing to do the work to help his mental health, should I abandon this baby-making mission? I don't want it to sound like I'm giving him an ultimatum or being forceful or critical. Please be kind, this is very difficult. And please don't just tell me to leave him.

Bree88 Infidelity and childhood trauma
  • replies: 7

My partner and I have been together for 8 years and just got married last month after a long wait through Covid. We have 2 children together and I have always thought we had a beautiful, loving relationship. Most importantly we really became best fri... View more

My partner and I have been together for 8 years and just got married last month after a long wait through Covid. We have 2 children together and I have always thought we had a beautiful, loving relationship. Most importantly we really became best friends first after I separated from my previous partner of 11 years due to escalating emotional and physical abuse. We had an instant connection and it’s been pretty incredible and he has always reassured me and made me feel so adored and respected and said that he’s so grateful he found me. Honestly, I felt the same. He has always been an amazing partner, dad and general human being. I don’t just love this man… I like and respect who he is. Which is why I am so devestated and shocked to find out what happened last weekend. After me insisting he take some time out for himself and catch up with some mates for the weekend as he works so hard and never really takes any time out for himself, he went away excitedly. He was meant to catch up with a couple of mates on the Friday night before about 10 of them caught up on the Saturday together. However the 2 mates he was meant to see on the Friday night couldn’t make it last minute (I now know this to be fact) so he had spent the first night of his trip alone. He text me throughout the night, saying he wished I was there. The last msg was wishing my son and me (who were having ‘movie night’ together and sending him snaps too) goodnight. When he returned home on the Sunday… I just felt like something was a bit off… I had never had that feeling with him before. I ended up finding out he had gone to an escort after his last text. When I discovered this he was devestated and hasn’t stopped crying since. He has repeatedly said he doesn’t know why he did it, he’s never done it before (which I believe as I honestly can’t think of a time we’ve even been apart without kids for this to happen) and that he’s disgusting and he hates himself. And when I went to leave after finding out he broke down and confessed that he has been battling depression for years and self harming every few months but never wanted to tell me or in fact anyone because he was so ashamed and didn’t want to be a burden. For many years, I had known that he was sexually abused as a child, though he never really opened up to me about it at all and said he just wanted to leave it in the past as he had ‘dealt with it’. He comes across as such a strong person and I’ve certainly seen his vulnerable soft side over the years but felt like there was always something he was hiding and assumed perhaps it was this past trauma but didn’t want to push it until and if he was ready or wanting to open up about it. Over the past week we have both cried and I’ve expressed my hurt and anger as well. He has confessed ‘everything’ to me, Including that he has used cocaine on and off occasionally over the last few years to get through the day. He runs a large family business and has always worked extremely hard. He also confessed that he had seen escorts twice before in the past, before we met when single, and has never cheated on anyone before… which I do believe. He has started seeing a psychologist as have I…. And confessed that even though this is awful and he wishes he never did it to me or couldn’t open up sooner…. He’s relieved that he’s finally told someone more about his depression and his occasional self harm and that he’s finally getting some help. I felt relieved for him. I’ve seen a truly broken man…. The man I have loved and thought I knew…. Over the past week. But I am also completely heart broken too. I can’t talk to anyone as I know my family would tell me to run for the hills and it’s such a personal situation…. I feel like a large part of it isn’t my story to tell. I think he thinks we can get through this and I’ve been so worried about his mental health that I’ve probably reassured him of that too. But truthfully, I feel completely lost and overwhelmed and just so sad that this has become our story. I understand his past trauma and I really want to support him in working through it, but I can’t help but feel there is just no excuse for what he’s done. Any thoughts or advise re trauma, Trust and infidelity would be really appreciated.

Going through the motions Lost , Lonely, Confused, Guilt
  • replies: 5

Hi , thank you for reading my thoughts after losing my wife of 34 years. My wife, Sue , passed away on Christmas Day 2016 . To say that my life has never been the same would be an incredible understatement. When the love of your life is not there any... View more

Hi , thank you for reading my thoughts after losing my wife of 34 years. My wife, Sue , passed away on Christmas Day 2016 . To say that my life has never been the same would be an incredible understatement. When the love of your life is not there anymore, when you look across your bed and she is not there, when you are driving and you look across she’s not there , it is an emptiness I would not wish upon anyone. After 3 years I had a need for someone to be in my life , not just about the physical but it was more about the emotional needs . To have someone to share your life with was out of control. On 3 occasions I tried to have a relationship with someone and on 3 occasions I ended it because I couldn’t justify my selfish needs over the love of my wife . I ended up in a mental health facility for 2 weeks on some strong medication. Where I am at now is I struggle badly with loneliness but I don’t want that “relationship “ situation in my life because I still love my wife so much . I have been pushing myself work wise to exhaustion so I just come home and collapse and then get up and go again. I am 65 , nearing 66 , I can’t keep this up. Nothing seems to excite me , because I don’t have anyone to share that excitement with. I certainly don’t and won’t consider suicide but sometimes when I wake up I wish that I hadn’t.Thank you for your timeBruce

Gidget72 Needing advice been
  • replies: 9

Hi, I am at a dead end of what to do, the last 5 years of my life have been very tough, I had a injury unable to work but not too bad, I have become depressed on medication for it but dissent seem to work, I was on medication that I blamed for my sui... View more

Hi, I am at a dead end of what to do, the last 5 years of my life have been very tough, I had a injury unable to work but not too bad, I have become depressed on medication for it but dissent seem to work, I was on medication that I blamed for my suicide thoughts but am having them again but not seriously, I haven't been myself which has caused problems with my marriage and it has come to the point I feel I am totally worthless and trying to decide Wether to leave my husband for his sake, he dosent deserve to go through this with me and he needs to be happy, I'm making him feel like crap because I am so withdrawn around him and I fake happiness when I'm around everyone else, should I do him the favour and leave him? I'm at such a loss of what to do, I just feel like I need to disappear for everyone else's happiness, any thoughts or advice? Thanks

KS_OO Fighting narcissist: IVO and Family Court
  • replies: 1

It felt like I had just woken up from a dream after years. Was in a domestic violence relationship that lasted for 8 years and had just finished 2 years of a court battle when I met my current ex. People around me warned me that the guy despite actin... View more

It felt like I had just woken up from a dream after years. Was in a domestic violence relationship that lasted for 8 years and had just finished 2 years of a court battle when I met my current ex. People around me warned me that the guy despite acting decent, was 'no good' but I ignored it. To be honest I was too exhausted to think straight. Little by little, things that I had worked hard to achieve were being taken away: leave that business, you don't have what it takes to make it a success - I did leave it, resign from that job, they are just using you - I did, all these friends of yours, they don't seem to like me, I don't think we should be seeing them too often - reduced friendship to zero, my families are too far from me, and I'm missing them, can't concentrate, I'm only putting up with this country to be there for you and your kids. Wish we can move closer to my family, as you are not close to yours - after months of same persuasion, I did with my own savings, we moved country. Faced bullying and harassment at work: it must be something that you are doing that makes them hates you, try working harder - worked long hours for years till an ambulance had to be called for exhaustion. You cannot further your studies till I have finished any kind of studying I desired to do. You are just dumb, aren't you? Why won't you just die, I don't think the kids need you and so onThen in 2020, I started new friendship with one of the kids' friends' moms and he hated it. He warned me to stop but I refused. After months he started telling me that I have BPD, he tried telling the kids and because they told him off, he started a campaign with families and friends saying that he doesn't know what to do, and his exhausted as he is living with a person with BPD. He will start conversations only and provoke till there is an argument. He will ask me things about his work colleagues, if i disagree with his outlook, it will lead to name calling and screams about things that is not occurring. It was only later that i found out that he had been recording these conversations. Got an IVO, but he always finds a way to convince the police that he hadn't breached it. Withhold child support whenever he feels like it. When the child centre found out about his behaviors, he forced them to cancel child placement. Him and his family told the older kids that everything was their fault. I'm exhausted with legal fees, as I'm financial responsible for the kids, with no family to rely on.

be_yourself I don't want to talk to my ex.
  • replies: 3

I left my ex husband this year. He's been emotionally abusive. He once hit me back in 2020. We have a beautiful children together and they live with me. I chose not to talk to him at all as he's emotionally abusive and very manipulative, compulsive l... View more

I left my ex husband this year. He's been emotionally abusive. He once hit me back in 2020. We have a beautiful children together and they live with me. I chose not to talk to him at all as he's emotionally abusive and very manipulative, compulsive liar. I tried to set up a mediation but he's not willing to do. Now he tried to speak to me over the phone but I refused as I didn't want to hear anything coming out from his mouth and didn't want to be abused. I thought he could just text me if he has anything to say to me. He says that this was a proof of me not to willing to discuss any issues about our children because I refused to speak to him over the phone. I am so feeling sick of him. Mentally shattered. I don't believe that I had to speak to him, did I?!?!?? I am allowed to not to engage with him, aren't I? I don't want to go through this traumatic abuse.

midna_6 Toxic Families
  • replies: 3

Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions. My husband and I are expecting our first child and are concerned with what will happen moving forward with his immediate family who we’ve gone no contact with.There’s been a lot of issues with them but... View more

Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions. My husband and I are expecting our first child and are concerned with what will happen moving forward with his immediate family who we’ve gone no contact with.There’s been a lot of issues with them but I’ll try to summarise; his parents heavily medicated him as a child, have a history of mental abuse, fostered and encouraged non appropriate relationships with him and his older brother (the older brother doesn’t see the issue), have actively worked to prevent him reaching his goals, and weaponise themselves and his nieces against him to guilt him into doing what they want (his brother also does the same). My husband had a weed addiction and severe mental health issues which professionals have linked back to his family so he chose to cut them out. They blame me for this, especially since in our early days I would speak out about their behaviour and challenge them about their actions. He has all of them blocked but I haven’t and said that if there’s ever an emergency that they can contact me. We haven’t heard from them directly for almost a year.Now that we are expecting, we know that it won’t be long before we hear from them. We are both unsure about keeping them away completely from d child because we don’t want them to miss out on knowing half their family and lose their only chance at cousins. He is more open to giving them a chance but I have many doubts.Any thoughts?

Gamechanger Why Do I Attract Narcissists and Users?
  • replies: 8

OMG I am sick of people! Everyone comes to me with their problems. They are never there for me! I have just spent two hours on the phone to a supposed friend in WA... he talked about himself and his dramas the entire time! I am having issues with my ... View more

OMG I am sick of people! Everyone comes to me with their problems. They are never there for me! I have just spent two hours on the phone to a supposed friend in WA... he talked about himself and his dramas the entire time! I am having issues with my family as they too are full of themselves and could not care less about me. I am totally sick to death of everyone. I am totally over going out of my way for these idiots. Then I go to work and have to deal with more of them. Rude, ignorant loud mouths. Get back from work and son has made a mess cooking and not cleaned up. Then tells me he is going out drinking with his dipstick so called friend. Every time he does this something goes wrong. The idiot friend is totally crazy and has no idea of being responsible or accountable for his actions I told him I don't want him doing that. He reiterates "I'm 18 I can do what I like". This is the son who is the laziest person I have ever known. Now I am up all night waiting for him to come home. Everyone disrespects me and treats me like dirt and I hate them all. I am the most caring and generous person yet nobody in my life treats me the same. I want never see them again and just live a peaceful life. I feel totally trapped having my son living here. He hates his Dad and has no intention of moving out and being responsible. If it weren't for him I could have a nice apartment; no mortgage; none of this mess and drama everyday. I hate my life. It is awful. I lost two beautiful dogs last year; one in January and one in December. I spent my life savings trying to save them. Losing them killed me. Nobody gave a sh.t. Dogs are my life. People are not. I am strong and I will get over this. I DESERVE to have a happy life.

a_buzz Relationship Advise?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, My name is Ashley and I’m hoping that someone can give me some advice on my current relationship. I will have been with my partner for 3 years in October & I’m trying to figure out if it will last until then or if we will break up. I’m an aff... View more

Hi all, My name is Ashley and I’m hoping that someone can give me some advice on my current relationship. I will have been with my partner for 3 years in October & I’m trying to figure out if it will last until then or if we will break up. I’m an affectionate person, someone who shows feelings, cares for people and shows emotion. Where as my partner does not & also when it comes to stuff in the bedroom, she isn’t as interested as I am for doing stuff together. Also, when it comes to the weekends and I have footy on as I bell out with my club, she doesn’t like me doing that as she feels that I don’t have to be there continuously but sports is something that I’m passionate about. Is she possibly showing signs that she might be losing interest in the relationship or just losing interest in me or have I done something to cause these things to happen? I hope someone can share some advise or feedback. Thanks,a_buzz