Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

MrsNellie Spouse with addiction
  • replies: 1

My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He has a porn addiction and has had for many years. The porn doesn’t bother me, it’s the messaging of other women sending photos etc that does. I tried to get onboard a few years ago and was joining i... View more

My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He has a porn addiction and has had for many years. The porn doesn’t bother me, it’s the messaging of other women sending photos etc that does. I tried to get onboard a few years ago and was joining in with him but I didn’t like the time it was taking from us. he agreed to stop, but then found out later he was still messaging said gym friend on a different social media platform and was deleting everything so I wouldn’t find it. we had some time apart and have been working hard on fixing things. he acknowledged this was out of his control because of the ADHD (not medicated yet). But I’ve recent had a feeling something was off. I’ve since found he has an only fan account and a secret email address. I also think he has a seperate messenger account but I have no prof of him sending messages as I can’t access the actual content. I don’t know how to approach the subject because I was snooping through his devices which isn’t right. Even if I do approach him he will bluntly lie. Is this normal behaviour for ADHD? Should I just let it go. I don’t want to break our family up we have 2 kids that dote on him. this is giving me so much anxiety, I don’t sleep, and just don’t feel happy like I use to. I don’t know what to do. I love him but not the addiction.

David35 my brother is making me feel guilty because I am not in debt like he is
  • replies: 7

I live with my mother. I'm on a DSP, pay my own way as much as possible (board, petrol, bills, private health cover). Mum and I have a mutual agreement that I help out as much as I can with finances. But recently I've had some problems with my brothe... View more

I live with my mother. I'm on a DSP, pay my own way as much as possible (board, petrol, bills, private health cover). Mum and I have a mutual agreement that I help out as much as I can with finances. But recently I've had some problems with my brother. Every phone call he now rubs it in that he has a mortgage. He and his wife have a history of wasting money. Several years my dad passed away and we forwarded him a copy of the will, which includes a provision for a reasonable dwelling for me, because I've been unemployed for the past 20 or so years to my head injury. I often come off the phone exhausted listening to his sympathy act. Basically he wants mum's money now to help pay off his mortgage. Because he knows I help make the decisions regarding mum's finances, he now gets in my ear every chance he gets to try and guilt me into helping him out. Bear in mind that the last 2 years mum had bladder cancer, so he times his "jokes" well. Upon telling my mum this, she just gets so mad and despondent, that she is a complete emotional mess. Am I taking things too personal? Don't most people his age (51) have a mortgage if they want to own a home? My opinion is that it is sheer jealousy but I've had other struggles in life too, besides financial ones. Like trying to rehabilitate myself after a frontal lobe brain injury, surviving depression and alcoholism, looking after dad when he died, looking after mum when she had cancer, and grief. I'm interested to know other people's thoughts.

Vguy Living with Parents after marriage
  • replies: 1

My girlfriend and I are currently in Australia and my parents are in India. We have been dating from past 17 months and have hit the deadlock about the future scenarios. I used to have an elder brother but he passed away in 2011. Since then I am the ... View more

My girlfriend and I are currently in Australia and my parents are in India. We have been dating from past 17 months and have hit the deadlock about the future scenarios. I used to have an elder brother but he passed away in 2011. Since then I am the only child . I moved to Australia in 2016 and been here since then. My current girl friend has a condition that she would not be comfortable to live with my parents after marriage in any scenario. She expects me to handle my responsibilities towards my parents separately and does not wish you be part of that. The challenge is that : I am not rich enough to have a separate house in Australia for my parents, pay for their Permanent visa and pay for their household expenses and medical expenses all on my own .My girl friend though she is also originally from India says that she cannot move back to india as she would not have the same professional opportunities and hence we moving back to India where I could afford to handle this situation is also not an option. She is also not fine If I go to india to handle an emergency situation as she believes there is no definite window when I could return as the oldage scenario could be tricky. My parenst do not have anyone to fallback to in an emergency situation She keeps insisting that I talk to someone who is older than me and in a similar situation who can advice how I can handle this situation.

Fish35 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 1

Hi, first time posting. I have 4 kids with the oldest 2 (13 and 15) currently unable to even be in the same room with each other. Husband of almost 18 yrs refuses to seek any help for himself despite me asking for the last 2-3 years, has no real rela... View more

Hi, first time posting. I have 4 kids with the oldest 2 (13 and 15) currently unable to even be in the same room with each other. Husband of almost 18 yrs refuses to seek any help for himself despite me asking for the last 2-3 years, has no real relationship with his sons (the 13 and 15 yr olds) and has never had help to deal with his own parents death at the age of 21 and 23. I do all the appointments for the children (paediatricians, psychologists, OT etc (11yr old daughter has Autism and school refusal for last 18m-2 yrs)). He is always too busy despite the 15 yr old begging him in tears to teach him how to be a man and saying he doesn’t show any emotion other than happiness or anger. He’s taken off his wedding ring 3-4 times in the last few years and thrown it at me telling me to “deal with them” (meaning the kids) when I have asked him to walk away because his behaviour has escalated into yelling and recently trying to physically remove the 15 yr old from the room. I work pretty much full time (as does he) but I am the one who gives up my days to attend appointments/parent teacher meetings etc even though I don’t get paid sick/holiday pay. Our family is at breaking point and I can’t keep doing everything to hold everything together.

bluebee2016 Almost 40, Single, Living with parents, no kids, no savings, NO HOPE
  • replies: 9

So I'm 2 years off 40, I live with my parents (having moved back in after elective surgery 1.5years ago), I own a car (given to me by my parents after I was in a car accident), I have no savings (having been unemployed for a couple of years because p... View more

So I'm 2 years off 40, I live with my parents (having moved back in after elective surgery 1.5years ago), I own a car (given to me by my parents after I was in a car accident), I have no savings (having been unemployed for a couple of years because people see my age and ASSUME i'm going to get pregnant and leave and yes several people said that to my face in interviews), I'm single and I've never had kids (not by choice but because I've never met anyone who actually likes me). I'm trying my best to think of new goals for a new future as a person who can't have kids or is never going to have a family of their own. I look at housing sites and realise I will NEVER be able to afford my own home and because I have a dog (one of my sole reason's for living) I can't even find a house to rent (no pets allowed). I have a job now but it's just another boring run of the mill jobs, not that I had any choice in trying to find something that I would actually enjoy doing after looking for so long. I feel useless and worthless and can't see any purpose to life and living if no matter what I do I can't change where I am. I'm really trying to think my way out of this but I can't even find joy in the little things anymore like walking the dog or going to the movies. I was trying to organise a holiday with a friend for New Years and I was getting excited until I looked at my budget and realised I can't afford it. I started seeing an IVF specialist thinking it would be my last shot for a family, but I can't afford the treatment either. So my question, I guess, is what do I do now? How do you look to the future through a sad, old and lonely spinsters lens? I feel like I understand why so many women drink at this age but I've just had surgery to lose 45kg and that's the only goal I've managed to achieve in the last 7 years. Am I just lonely? Or just depressed? Or just grieving at the loss of my youth? I feel like I'm grieving over the loss of a future self; the self I've imagined for so long, the person I was always excited to become and realising I am the COMPLETE opposite of that image and it is too late to change. I read somewhere the other day that we should define ourselves by the experiences we want in the world. Well I feel like the only experiences I want are ones that involve other people but they are the experiences that have eluded my for almost 40years. Sorry for rambling, got any advice?

Alida Had a fight with friend, now has mental illness and self harms (14 years old)
  • replies: 1

This all started last year. I told someone who I thought was a friend (let's just pretend she's called Sally. that's not her real name) that I had been left out of the friend group, and how I felt really angry and worried and sad a lot of the time. I... View more

This all started last year. I told someone who I thought was a friend (let's just pretend she's called Sally. that's not her real name) that I had been left out of the friend group, and how I felt really angry and worried and sad a lot of the time. I also told her that I think had anxiety and depression. Sally told me (I quote) "Lots of people have depression, stop trying to act special something. (This was last year) I stopped sitting with the friend group for the rest of the year, but eventually, Sally apologised. I forgave her and started sitting with the friend group again in school. The other friends slowly started talking to me again, and everything was fine, until one of my friend's birthday parties. I wasn't eating at all, and not talking to the others. Sally messaged me at night while we were winding down to sleep. She said something like "Are you ok? I noticed that you're not eating, and when you do, you go to the bathroom straight after. I'm worried you're vomiting up your food (which I was). I told her about how I barely ate, and stuff, and she supported me. Anyway, about half an hour later, I saw one of my friends (let's call her Jane) messaging Sally. Sally was asking why they even invited her [me] She was not talking she was so annoying" The next day I messaged Sally saying I saw her messaging Jane about me. I also told her some private stuff that I do at times(which I honestly shouldn't have, but I just wanted to tell her and make her leave me alone. She then told all our friends about it as well as her mother, who told my mum. I then forgave her again, because I'm a people pleaser. Then once I asked her if we could talk. I sent her a long message telling her how I felt, and she said, "everyone knew you did that, so I told them anyway, and you've left the group so many times I don't care about you anymore". I said "maybe you should think about why I've left the group. its because of you. you're the one who made me do that" and she told me to stop acting like a child. i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

parrotdogcat My mum is preparing to divorce my verbally abusive dad
  • replies: 6

I’m 19 and after years of witnessing my dad verbally and emotionally abuse my mum, she has finally agreed to start the process of divorce. I’m just looking for some support and advice. I’m just worried that my dad will get more violent when she files... View more

I’m 19 and after years of witnessing my dad verbally and emotionally abuse my mum, she has finally agreed to start the process of divorce. I’m just looking for some support and advice. I’m just worried that my dad will get more violent when she files the divorce and that he won’t stop harassing us. I’m also worried about him breaking all our things before property and items can be divided. I’m so glad that my mum is finally ready to take this step but I’m just afraid of how bad it’s going to get before we can leave.

J-L Partner is not showing improvement with treatment
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together a little over 3 years. He has always struggled with his mental health and has been seeing a counsellor since before I met him. My concern is that he seems to be showing no signs of improvement with his anxiety, per... View more

My partner and I have been together a little over 3 years. He has always struggled with his mental health and has been seeing a counsellor since before I met him. My concern is that he seems to be showing no signs of improvement with his anxiety, periods of depression or coping skills. If anything over the last year it's gotten worse, he decided in December to stop taking his antidepressant (which I strongly advised against) and to me, things have gotten worse from there.I have told him everything he has going on, we can figure out, but that I don't think he can do it un-medicated, or at least not right now. I have suggested seeing a psychiatrist to get a formal diagnosis and trial some different medications (he has only ever been on one antidepressant, has never used any anti-anxiety medication and has never tried anything else).I have gone as far as to find psychiatrists in our local area and sent him the info, I have found a good GP close by to get the referral (we currently live in a different state to where his old practice and GP were that set up the MH care plan) but I can't make these appointments for him and every time I try and bring it up, he just tells me he has too much other stuff going on that he has to deal with first. He refuses to make this a priority and I'm afraid that I am beginning to stumble in my ability to handle what is happening, it is now heavily effecting our day to day life and my mental health and ability to be there as a support for him is suffering under the weight of his inaction in this situation. I understand this is all part of his mental health, but, I don't really know what else to do, any advise or guidance would be greatly appreciated!

Guest_53138389 Left out
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am a daughter and I have a brother who has autism and he is 2 years older than me. I feel like he gets whatever you want. He can have a tantrum and I don't mean like gets whatever he wants I mean like if he wants to watch something on the TV an... View more

Hi, I am a daughter and I have a brother who has autism and he is 2 years older than me. I feel like he gets whatever you want. He can have a tantrum and I don't mean like gets whatever he wants I mean like if he wants to watch something on the TV and I want to watch something too. Then Nan says put something on for both of them but when Mum does he will have a tantrum. Then Nan says just let him watch something, just watch something on your phone for a minute well he settes down. After one minute of watching his show time, he will get up so mum can start the show from the start. and he keeps doing it. It annoys me. I just wish my mum had time for me and wasn't always spending time with him. I know she spends time with him because he has a disability. But hurts inside because I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. When he is naughty, Nan will tell him off but Mum always makes up excuses for him saying he has a disability. She never makes up excuses for me when I'm naughty. I spend time with my nan and pop. I like spending time with my nan and pop but I just wish I could also spent time with my mum. I left out and I have nobody. I have no dad because my dad left me when I was a baby I wish sometimes my mum would spend time with me. Because sometimes I just feel left out, I feel like my Mum care about me anymore and only cares about my brother now. I spend time with my grandparents all time. Which I love spend with my grandparents but I wish me and mom could go shopping together or do fun things but she's always looking after my brother.

Kaisariion_ I messed up my friendship with one of my closest friends..
  • replies: 5

I messed up so badly with one of my closest friends and I don’t know what to do anymore. I tagged her in this video that was very explicit and didn’t blur out the death of a guy, and I think it triggered her because she recently lost her father the s... View more

I messed up so badly with one of my closest friends and I don’t know what to do anymore. I tagged her in this video that was very explicit and didn’t blur out the death of a guy, and I think it triggered her because she recently lost her father the same way..I didn’t realise what I did was really wrong until later on, I regret it all so much. I always mess things up without even knowing I hurt others around me. She blocked me on everything and I sent her an apology on discord and in the comment sections but I know it wasn’t even good enough,my other friend’s mad at me as well and I think I lost all my friends. So yea, I need help badly.