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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nickname_861D3AF6-964B-45 Having trouble coping a lost relationship.
  • replies: 1

Hello I'm new glad to be here. Atm I am having so much trouble coping my best 3 year relationship has ended 3 days ago. Have trouble sleeping, not eating enough and thinking of us in the past constantly. We use to do everything together but now it's ... View more

Hello I'm new glad to be here. Atm I am having so much trouble coping my best 3 year relationship has ended 3 days ago. Have trouble sleeping, not eating enough and thinking of us in the past constantly. We use to do everything together but now it's nothing... He says he loves me but he's heading a different direction with everything and hope to spend time as friends in the future. After we broke up he added back a girl who he cheated on with me back in 2014 on Facebook so wasn't impressed by that at all so I removed him off Facebook... I do miss him and this sucks but my emotions are going everywhere atm... Just feel like it's my fault cause I've told him you rather not see me at all ra ra ra...before the breakup all he wants to do is be around other people and not see me and that lead to the breakup... I just want a serious, long term relationship with someone. I don't what to do. Should I talk to him? Should I move on? Any suggests will help thanks. X

rachelg12 Confusing contact with ex after one month NC?
  • replies: 2

Hi all, im sure some of you saw my last post but basically its been about one month since my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. We are both 21 and he felt that I was holding him back in life. I think he wanted to experience what it was like to be... View more

Hi all, im sure some of you saw my last post but basically its been about one month since my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. We are both 21 and he felt that I was holding him back in life. I think he wanted to experience what it was like to be single and be able to sleep with other people - something he craves but never seems to want it for very long before he comes crawling back to me because he realizes it isn't that good (he has left about four time for about two weeks then come back). He feels like he is too young to be in such a serious relationship. In saying that, we love each other a lot, and I know there are things that would need to be worked on for us to be a good couple, such as me being too dependent on him, and him having more freedom in the relationship. So I have had no contact at all for four weeks, until last night I caved and called him. He answered and I said I was just seeing how he was going and was thinking about him. He was quite cold at first, and we had small talk, then he started to say how much he missed me sexually and how turned on her was getting just talking to me. I tried to change the subject but thats all he could think about, he wanted me to come over, and he also wanted to come over to my place. I said I cared about him too much to have a one night thing with him and that I couldnt give him what he wanted. He then started asking me whether I had slept with anyone else since we had broken up, and if I had he wanted to hear about it because it turned him on. I dont understand why that wouldnt make him upset or jealous or angry to think about? Once I was firm about my answer, he started to be a bit rude to me and said that he was talking to other girls. We got off the phone and he texted me saying it was best I didnt call him again because it messed with his head. He then deleted me off all social media. I am really confused and I don't understand what's going on or where his head is at. I really miss him and I will keep giving him as much space as he needs because I know it would be toxic for us to patch things up right now, but I dont know where to go from here. Any help or advice would be appreciated

velvetfaerie Parenting marriage.......
  • replies: 12

Hi guys, Long story but will keep it short. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 6 months. He lives with the ex still. Still married, no relationship, not separated, together under the same roof financially and for the kids. He is FIFO, 2 wee... View more

Hi guys, Long story but will keep it short. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 6 months. He lives with the ex still. Still married, no relationship, not separated, together under the same roof financially and for the kids. He is FIFO, 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. He pays for the mortgage and the bills. She works fulltime. I accepted this as i was told the relationship was amicable. Sure doesn't seem that way now. Every time we make plans she undermines them. When he comes home from up north she tells him her social plans and that's it. If he and I have plans that clash we cancel.....every time. He never stands up to her because he is "scared of her". He says he loves me and wants a future with me but I am constantly feeling unimportant. I am feisty, he is my polar oposite. In my humbel opinion i think he has depression. I know the kids are priority and I have never disputed that. But where will I fit in? Am i a mistress? I have asked him these things up front and he denies and makes promises he never keeps. Small ones. The big ones - things are a bit early for those. Any help is appreciated. Ask any questions as well. Velv. XX

Dominos Emotional Affair
  • replies: 1

Hi, I was wondering if anyone else here has recently been through an emotional online affair and is suffering the same feel of loss that I am, I love my husband and don't want to lose him but am so struggling with letting go of the guy I was talking ... View more

Hi, I was wondering if anyone else here has recently been through an emotional online affair and is suffering the same feel of loss that I am, I love my husband and don't want to lose him but am so struggling with letting go of the guy I was talking to online, I feel so alone, so confused, so depressed, so overwhelmed and don't know what to do. I have just started counselling but this is like a drug addiction, I am obsessed and I don't know how to deal with these crazy emotions!!! Any help, support is so so so appreciated!! Dominos

Phrag Unrequited love (Because I can't say anything yet)
  • replies: 9

In a nutshell - and excuse all of the cliche's - I quite certain that I fell in love for someone who may be spoken for, and lives 2000km away. But before I get into the gritty details, a disclaimer. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone I know a... View more

In a nutshell - and excuse all of the cliche's - I quite certain that I fell in love for someone who may be spoken for, and lives 2000km away. But before I get into the gritty details, a disclaimer. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone I know at the moment. I'm not here specifically to find out what I should do, however, I will welcome input. That's primarily what this is about, and I need some positive communication on the subject. I just need to get some of these feelings, emotions, and thoughts off my chest. So let's dive into it: About a week ago, I met this wonderful young woman, about my age, through a close mate of mine, online. We played the same game/s. I gathered that she's nice and fun to talk to, she studies Forensic Science (Obviously intelligent) - So that ticks pretty much all the boxes. However, I can't say for certain whether or not she is in a relationship or not, although if I was a gambling man, I'd say she was. Now, after a week or so it doesn't feel like the right thing to do to ask that. Maybe it's a totally innocent thing to enquire about, and I'm just extremely anxious, which is entirely plausible. Regardless, for the past few days I've found myself almost constantly excited/anxious/lost/confused/happy/sad and a combination of all of those most of each day. I'm often either running through fake conversations in my head, or thinking about her, and this whole debacle. Side note: You may know when you enjoy someone's company or expected company so much you may feel some really intense buzzing. Butterflies, perhaps? It's at a point when it lasts for a good portion of each day at work. So the last few days I've been completely distracted by her. I've had a few relationships in the past. Finding the right someone during you late teens early twenties (you know hot it is). The last time I experience this kind excitement and anxiety was 2009. The buzzing and butterflies were so bad I would get incredibly nauseous. It affected me so much physically, it was hard to do anything but try and recover. So, although nothing may come (which is highly likely, and although I'm prepared for such an event, you can never be truly prepared - come on. lets face it.) I both really enjoy the feeling of what I can only presume are serotonin and the like supercharging me, It's affecting my work, and it also makes me fairly emotional, lest I distract myself completely. It's relief to be able to talk about this; and to strangers even. Go figure.

Quiettall Family Issues to do with problematic behaviour
  • replies: 23

Hello I come from a large family of 9 siblings. Recently I have discovered that my oldest brother has serious bi-polar issues mixed with a real religious obsession for being right and supposedly having "divine" inspiration on any issue. His marriage ... View more

Hello I come from a large family of 9 siblings. Recently I have discovered that my oldest brother has serious bi-polar issues mixed with a real religious obsession for being right and supposedly having "divine" inspiration on any issue. His marriage of 50 years has just fallen apart...surprise surprise. I also have 2 sisters with similar behaviours without the divine inspiration aspect, and another brother who disappeared for 10 years, has arrived on the scene, and has very obvious intense obsession about his own self importance. Whenever he calls, the total conversation is about himself, his achievements and how great he is....although much of what he says is somewhat inflated in actuality. I have been very careful with my own behaviours and how I act toward others. I am seen as the "carer" or the most even tempered one by my other siblings, although I am one of the younger ones. I must admit, I am getting a little concerned that these behaviours could be catching. Is this paranoia on my part?? I'd be interested in others' comments

Serenna Cutting Birth family ties and anxiety
  • replies: 6

Hi, any thoughts you can offer about this will be greatly appreciated. I'm in my mid 50s and my brothers and sisters are 6 to 15 years older. My experience of family growing up was very different from theirs. They had left home and then our mother di... View more

Hi, any thoughts you can offer about this will be greatly appreciated. I'm in my mid 50s and my brothers and sisters are 6 to 15 years older. My experience of family growing up was very different from theirs. They had left home and then our mother died. I experienced chaos and abuse from my father and step mother (both now deceased). After many decades of depression, I now feel very anxious about everything in general but particularly family matters. We have never discussed anything about family or our mother and any attempts to do so have been swept under the rug. As someone who needs to have concerns and feelings out in the open and discussed, I have been shut down so many times by them. I am now not invited to family gatherings and now hardly see any of them because I will ask the difficult questions about why I'm being excluded and now almost shunned as if I am too difficult to deal with. Honestly I don't think I am and I would be the first to criticize me!! I feel so much better not having to deal with them and I guess they must feel the same. Is it ok to just let those family relationships slide? I feel guilty not making the effort but their comments and snide remarks make me so anxious. They are quick to put me down in very oblique ways. I feel I am still the little girl waiting for their understanding and encouragement and approval - I never got it then and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get it now. I get along well with my husband's family so I do have family and our own kids. I feel so different from my brothers and sisters that there's not much in common anyway and what was in common has all gone. It's much easier without them in my life. Has anyone experienced something like this?

Hocus I am in currently in the process of ending a relationship with someone who I believe has BPD
  • replies: 1

Hi, I just wanted to reach out. I am in currently in the process of ending a relationship with someone who I believe has BPD. He was diagnosed when he was younger but never sought help for it. I have this intense urge to make it all go away and stay ... View more

Hi, I just wanted to reach out. I am in currently in the process of ending a relationship with someone who I believe has BPD. He was diagnosed when he was younger but never sought help for it. I have this intense urge to make it all go away and stay but am terrified it will just always be the same. I've never been able to talk without him feeling criticised even if what I bring up is a genuine reason for anyone to be upset, such as not paying the rent that week. He just gets angry and I end up feeling so horrible I just forgive him. He has abused marijuana our whole relationship and when he says he'll quit it's only for a short period and does it behind my back. I feel unloved and unappreciated most of the time and the relationship is definitely not even financially as I work full time and him not at all so in turn I pay for nearly everything. I am so terrified to lose him but also so terrified for it to continue. I am hoping someone else has been in my shoes and can give me some advice. I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt that he isn't going to be okay if I leave because I still care and want him to be happy. Why is it that even though there has been multiple Occassions that it's been clear that I should leave or even feel hatred towards him that there is a huge part of me that just wants to stay and try and make it work?

goingcrazy86 Long Distance Relationship and major Anxiety
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend of almost a year (were both 30 year's old) moved back to the UK just before Christmas as he was missing home and his family. We decided to keep the relationship going as we both love each other very much, and it was very painful and hard... View more

My boyfriend of almost a year (were both 30 year's old) moved back to the UK just before Christmas as he was missing home and his family. We decided to keep the relationship going as we both love each other very much, and it was very painful and hard for both of us when he left. As he has gone back to work and is extremely busy there we don't talk as frequently as we were (We usually speak on the phone in the morning - my time, his night time) And send the odd text during the day. It gets hard sometimes when there is an 8 hour time difference. The thing is, i worry and stress out all the time that he is dead and has either been involved in a car accident or hasn't woken up from his sleep. If he doesn't text back or read my message via whatsapp within an hour or two (which is usually the case) i assume the worse and start having major attacks. I have ended up in tears many times over this. It's so severe that i constantly check the traffic reports in the UK around his area and I've even gotten in the habit of checking when he was last active on facebook and when it says over a certain amount of hours when i know he should have been awake and probably checked facebook my stomach sinks. He left his phone at home whilst visiting his family the other weekend and i couldn't get a hold of him for over 8 hours. I ended up calling his mum at 5am my time who told me he had just left their house about 10 minutes ago and that he had left his phone at home. His phone went dead overnight not long ago and i couldn't get through to him and my first thought was he was obviously dead. I am not like this, this is not me. When he was here i never worried about his welfare once. But now he is living over 9000 miles away it's become a daily thought. The only rest i get from constant worry and panic is when i know he is asleep and when i eventually get to sleep. I've tried talking to my parents about this but they just think i am being ridiculous and honestly it is ridiculous, but at the time when i'm thinking he has died on the side of the road, got his by a bus or died in his sleep it's all valid thoughts. I feel as if i'm going crazy and i don't know what to do about it, i'm having trouble sleeping, eating and just feeling as if i'm suffocating. I don't want to feel like a crazy stalker, and i certainly don't want my loved ones thinking i'm insane. I really need help or comfort from someone who know's what i'm going through- just something!

___4 Am I over reacting?!?
  • replies: 4

It's happened a couple of times lately and it really upsets me. (My partner knows it upsets me and understands they need to change their actions but they don't) My partner will often say to me on a night we are both free that they have made other pla... View more

It's happened a couple of times lately and it really upsets me. (My partner knows it upsets me and understands they need to change their actions but they don't) My partner will often say to me on a night we are both free that they have made other plans to see their friend. That's fine, I understand they need space and friend time and I shouldn't expect to see them every free second of their free time. But I then find out that they have caught up with the entire group of friends without me. We're a great bunch of friends and all get along but my partner will play the dumb card of "oh I didn't know they were all going to be out I thought we were just meeting up with one or two other people" and they'll convince me so well that they didn't know it was going to happen so I try and brush it off as me overreacting. But I really think it's bull. I just don't understand why my partner couldn't message me and say "come out with us, everyone's rocked up" etc. but they carry on with their night until I find out from another person that they're all together or my partner will say they're together but still not think to invite me to join them? I don't know if I should be upset with this as much as I am but being left out isn't a great feeling especially when your own partner is doing it to you. I'm open to all advice I would appreciate anything! But when I've started to show I'm upset at the time( generally thought text as clearly were not together at the time) my partner will not understand what they've done wrong so I will just sit in my sorrows and blow it off thinking how stupid must I be.