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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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frazzled25 Daughter of 15 is suffering because of Boyfriend's mother
  • replies: 15

Hi i am new to this site and would love some advice from any people out there who may have experienced the following: Our daughter of 15 ( turning 16 ) is dating a lovely young man ( 17 turning 18 ) and has been for six months now. The issue is the b... View more

Hi i am new to this site and would love some advice from any people out there who may have experienced the following: Our daughter of 15 ( turning 16 ) is dating a lovely young man ( 17 turning 18 ) and has been for six months now. The issue is the boy's mother who repeatedly loves to change plans, tell her son he can not attend functions etc. The boys mother is verbally and physically abusive towards him ( attacked him with a coat hanger recently in a rage ) . We have all tried to get him out of the situation as he can stay with us but the boy is absolutely terrified of his mother. Our entire family does not communicate with his mother as she see's us as the evil intruders. The level of control this woman has is unbelievable, this young man works full time, is only allowed to see our daughter 2 or 3 times a week, with a maximum of 3-4 hrs. I need help to get this young man the help he needs, as next time i fear it might not be a coat hanger but a knife the mother picks up in her rage. We are educating him on BPD ( as we all believe this is what the mother has, too many symptoms not to be ) Our daughter has tried many times to get him to leave but he is frightened to leave but also just as frightened to stay. PLEASE HELP!! This boy's mother is an emotional vampire and every day that goes by she is destroying this young man's life. This woman has no boundaries also, requests his phone and reads our daughters messages etc. I am after

Jane2 plate full - divorce, teenage depression, binge eating, weight gain, facing ex after many years.
  • replies: 3

I have so much on my plate. Divorced a few years ago, I don't trust relationships with males. I only have one real female friend as relationships seem so hard to sustain and I don't expect people to like me. I am not lonely but would like someone to ... View more

I have so much on my plate. Divorced a few years ago, I don't trust relationships with males. I only have one real female friend as relationships seem so hard to sustain and I don't expect people to like me. I am not lonely but would like someone to do things with. I'm a binge eater for last 30 years, but I'm now binge eating daily. I do work in a stressful, busy job but I do enjoy my work. I'm striving to achieve a new level in my career, but I also worry that I won't achieve my goal and will be disappointed in myself. My ex is not a trustworthy person and we haven't spoken in years. One child talks to dad regularly, one child occasionally and one not at all. I don't want him having contact with the third as she visited him 5 times then yelled that she hated him and would not visit. Now, she is going thru total teenage depression and only leaves her room for school and netball. She has no friends to go out with. I think her depression is making me feel depressed as I'm feeling more helpless. It hurts that I don't know how to help her and don't know what to say. Lastly, my son wants to get married, which means I have to face my ex and I don't know if I could cope, which upsets my son as he wants us both at the wedding. I also don't want my daughter having contact with dad as he does not put her wellbeing first. I don't want to put clothes on and go out as I feel so self conscious about being overweight and ugly. I want to go out and have a life, but it seems like hard work, i have no motivation, I have no one to go out with and I feel guilty leaving my daughter home in her room. I can't get my 2 kids to help with housework so that is overwhelming too. I have put everything into being mum and dad to my kids, but I feel like I'm failing.

___4 Should i quit?
  • replies: 13

I'm in a job i absolutely hate and its ruining my mental health as well as relationships around me. I've been in my job for a few years and cannot stand the people i work with along with the line of work i am doing. it has caused me a lot of stress a... View more

I'm in a job i absolutely hate and its ruining my mental health as well as relationships around me. I've been in my job for a few years and cannot stand the people i work with along with the line of work i am doing. it has caused me a lot of stress and sadness over the past year as i think to myself i shouldn't be this unhappy in a job at such a young age. but i feel stuck. I am 100% leaving the job at the end of this year as i plan to travel anyway but I'm not sure how much longer i can stay in it. I keep going to and fro in my mind and all that is keeping me here is the money, and the fact it will fund my future travels. But with the amount of unhappiness i feel, is it worth it? I have thought about leaving but at my age and the full time hours i currently do get, i feel looking for another job to get me by till the end of the year will be quite tough especially finding a job with the right amount of hours or money on offer. This job has caused a lot strain on my relationships around me, more importantly with my partner as the 'stress of work' takes its toll. I am constantly tired and grumpy and have a very short temper towards my partner who tries to do the right thing, but we both know its because I'm so unhappy where i am at the moment. I just ask anyones opinion on whether i should stick it out for the next 12ish months or if i should quit (which also could be a bad thing as i could end up being unhappy if i struggle to find a job that will give me the same money as my current one, which gives me funds to save for my trip at the end of the year)

sTyLeRock Split from partner after she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore, have 7 month old
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm 27 and she is 30, about 4 months ago she told me she was not in love with me anymore and that she wanted to break up i was abit blind sided, i have a house building and we just had a newborn baby and thought everything was set in an attempt t... View more

Hi, I'm 27 and she is 30, about 4 months ago she told me she was not in love with me anymore and that she wanted to break up i was abit blind sided, i have a house building and we just had a newborn baby and thought everything was set in an attempt to fix it we had a 'break' so she could try and work out her feelings, the break lasted 5 months with no progress. by the end of it i basically said i need an answer on her feelings or we need to actually break up because 5 months of up and down, sorta being half broken up but hope still there to get back together was affecting me allot (work, socially etc) so we broke up, it's been just under 2 months now and everyone says time will heal and make everything okay, but time is so slow.. i just don't know what to do. i can feel myself sinking deeper into depression. the house is only a couple weeks away from being finished (financial stress) and i am constantly seeing the ex as everything we have for the baby is at her place and she needs help looking after bubs. i have allot of friends that say they are there for me if i need to talk and all that but i am just numb and blank. Weekends i stay out most nights and just drink, smoke and take what i can to forget my problems. spiraling out of control slowly

Panavision 30 yr old male w/ 50 yr old partner
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am new to the forum. The age gap alone was challenging, the step child with an intellectual disability was even more challenging... I was made redundant in 2016. I started a new job in 2017 and was recently sacked. I have been on AD medication ... View more

Hi, I am new to the forum. The age gap alone was challenging, the step child with an intellectual disability was even more challenging... I was made redundant in 2016. I started a new job in 2017 and was recently sacked. I have been on AD medication for the past 3 years. I consciously with the help of my GP decided to lure myself off the medication in March 2016 . Without warning months later i was made redundant. Now back on AD I have become isolated. Fear of even looking for a Job yet alone the financial strain of paying off the roof over my family's head. Currently seeing a professional for the second time. Can CBT really work?

PR12 My husband loves me but is not in love
  • replies: 10

Help me please. My husband told me he loves me dearly but is not in love with me. We were only married in January and I am completely shocked and don't know what to do. He wants to seek counseling for himself as he says he doesn't feel anything for a... View more

Help me please. My husband told me he loves me dearly but is not in love with me. We were only married in January and I am completely shocked and don't know what to do. He wants to seek counseling for himself as he says he doesn't feel anything for anyone not even his family and is worried for himself as he's feeling a bit mentally unstable. I feel so lost and alone and am not sure what to do. I love my husband so very much and want to support him in every way possible, but I'm worried he's going to leave me when we haven't had a chance to give our marriage a go. We have faced a few hurdles like putting work before growing and caring for our relationship, building a house and paying for a wedding. I sometimes am resentful towards him for never being around and he feels I am never happy to see him when it really is a coping mechanism for me as we both work in time demanding jobs. I can't stop crying and I'm just not sure what to do. Will marriage counseling help? Will seeking help for myself only help as well? I've never been in this type of situation before and am incredibly anxious and worried not only for my husband but for my emotional wellbeing.

white knight Controlling parents- the effect on their child
  • replies: 5

I'm not talking about "helicopter parents" that worry about the safety of their children. No, I'm talking about those parents that try to control every facet of your life's activities. I recall, rather naively when turning 21 (1977), l told myself th... View more

I'm not talking about "helicopter parents" that worry about the safety of their children. No, I'm talking about those parents that try to control every facet of your life's activities. I recall, rather naively when turning 21 (1977), l told myself that next week l will turn 21yo and I'll finally be treated like an adult by my mother. I'd spent 3 years in the RAAF and travelled around. Little did l know that the control my mother had over me would last until 55yo when l broke contact permanently. In my 20's l felt obligated to take a new girlfriend home for approval. At 27yo my new gf was not approved. My mothers response "if you dont break off with that girl I'll pack my bags and holiday in the country". But by that time I'd become aware of emotional blackmail a cruel method to use your love as their weapon. I told her I'd help her pack. The need for control could be for several reasons. I believed (because she never had a diagnosis) was some level of Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not demonising those with this disorder, just that her actions fit most of that disorder. The effect on the victim of a controller is devastating. Such a parent might also have genuine nurturing of his/her child, making things worse because one is torn. You have the overwheling need to break contact and be free, like being in a straight jacket but when the mothering returns, she was just like the mother you always wanted. Then the cycle came around again. In my case up until 1992 whenever l tried to break off l also lost my father.Controllers, narcissists, use whatever weapons are at their disposal. The other parent, a sibling maybe are their prize armaments. With the passing of my father she lost her power. I held it now but it wasnt in my nature to use it. What can you do about stopping a narcissistic parent from controlling your life? Not much. Their tendency to control is deeply a part of their disorder. They wont/cant change, they wont give up their need for you to remain one of their tentacles and they wont seek help. They will not self reflect. It will be all your fault and your problem. I dont like encouraging severing ties but if your mental health is such that you are heavily effected, their might be no choice. Since 2010 I've had an adopted mother. I chose her. Also my sister and l are never used against each other now. Divide and conquer is another tool As children we dont choose to be owned. Breaking free takes courage and the reward comes..

nogo17 should you tell kids truth about parent alcoholism?
  • replies: 11

Hi; a question about alcoholism and kids? Is it best to tell kids the truth their father is an alcoholic ? Ive had to kick my husband out 4 weeks ago begging him to go to rehab and get help. Of course he hasent !! Was wishful thinking. I told the kid... View more

Hi; a question about alcoholism and kids? Is it best to tell kids the truth their father is an alcoholic ? Ive had to kick my husband out 4 weeks ago begging him to go to rehab and get help. Of course he hasent !! Was wishful thinking. I told the kids he has to go to hospital to get better then he can come back home... Its been 4 weeks and now ive come to terms with him not caring about us on little bit; addiction is too strong.. hes left; still drinking; and not getting help. Not sure what to tell the kids now.. as my 8 year son is asking when hes coming back. My 3 daughters dont seem to care as much and are a bit relieved hes gone. ... thoughts? Also anyone know about alcoholism and memory loss???? Before he left i noticed a deterioration in cognitive side of things..Thanks in advance..

Pixie1 Still dealing with loss of my daughter.
  • replies: 6

Hi. It will be 5 years this October since we lost our daughter. I am broken and don't know how to heal. I was doing really well. Was able to put her to the back of my mind and at least pretend to be happy. I have this want for another baby. It hurts ... View more

Hi. It will be 5 years this October since we lost our daughter. I am broken and don't know how to heal. I was doing really well. Was able to put her to the back of my mind and at least pretend to be happy. I have this want for another baby. It hurts so much that my husband doesn't. How do I get through this? Everytime a friend or family member announces they are pregnant I feel jealous and angry and the feelings come back worse then ever. I feel sad all the time and cry all the time. I have no desire to do anything anymore the depression has hit me hard.

cleo1988 Lonely, lost and in need of some help
  • replies: 36

Hello. I need some help. I live interstate, all my family live in Sydney. I have two friends here, one of which is having a baby and at times i feel used by her. I am in a job which i find isolating and because i travel so much, i have found it very ... View more

Hello. I need some help. I live interstate, all my family live in Sydney. I have two friends here, one of which is having a baby and at times i feel used by her. I am in a job which i find isolating and because i travel so much, i have found it very difficult to make friends and find a solid ground in Perth. I need to make changes in my life - and I am aware of this... I am in a relationship with a man who is 13 years my senior, we have been together for about 9 months. I know he loves me, and has told me a million times he would marry me. I want these things so badly too - just not with him. He has made me feel like he is all i have, and although i have removed myself from him many times he always finds a way back in…perhaps because i feel like he is all i have. When he calls or asks me to do something - i say yes and let him back in. I think he manipulates my kind heartedness and my caring nature. He has turned up at my work a few times unannounced, has turned up at my house, one time made me feel like he would hurt me yet makes me feel happy when i am with him because i have someone to be with and hang out with. I was at dinner with him the other night, and a few of his friends were there, and i looked around and felt sad because i thought this is not my life. This is not me and i cannot be around older men .. 50 + for the rest of my life. He has not helped me in Perth with finding friends, and has not introduced me to anyone or anything here. I feel increasingly isolated and alone. When family or friends come to visit me he is unhappy about this and makes me feel guilty for spending time with anyone other than himself. I need help to find myself again,i have lost my spark and my light. No one understands and i feel like i have nothing. my thoughts are irrational, i know I am so lucky and blessed and i need to let him go but i am scared. Any thoughts and advice i would love.x