Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

ellj So worried about my brother
  • replies: 1

I love my family but sometimes I feel guilty about how anxious they make me feel, there is always tension and I take on other peoples stress. i lived out of home for the last 18months and would feel anxious the entire day on the days I went home for ... View more

I love my family but sometimes I feel guilty about how anxious they make me feel, there is always tension and I take on other peoples stress. i lived out of home for the last 18months and would feel anxious the entire day on the days I went home for dinner, worried that people would be fighting and I would just be waiting to leave the entire time. i worry so much about my younger brother. He drinks to the point of passing out, spends all his money on drinking, and last night drove home drunk. I chronically worry (to the point where my chest is tight and I've lost my appetite) that something bad will happen. I'm back living with my parents at the moment and switch between being glad when he isn't home because he isn't fighting with my mum, to being worried because he is probably at a bar somewhere. It's something I'll chronically worried about, on and off. im soon moving interstate with my partner and I'm worried I'll be constantly anxious as I won't know what is happening at home and how everyone is coping (when we chat on the phone everyone will pretend to be fine). I also feel guilty like I shouldn't be leaving my family to be happy and everyone else has to deal with so much anxiety. help!

Lostone1 Loves me, but not in love with me
  • replies: 7

My partner and I have been living together for 15 months, and recently she told me over the telephone that she loves me, but not in love with me. I'm very confused, and don't no whether to keep trying, as I love this lady very much. I'm feeling lost View more

My partner and I have been living together for 15 months, and recently she told me over the telephone that she loves me, but not in love with me. I'm very confused, and don't no whether to keep trying, as I love this lady very much. I'm feeling lost

T-j1996 Post break up loss of hunger
  • replies: 9

I broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been with for a year and a half about 10 days ago. I had found out that she had been cheating on my with a group of rather... 'unsavoury' boys, sleeping with several of them. In all the time we spent together ... View more

I broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been with for a year and a half about 10 days ago. I had found out that she had been cheating on my with a group of rather... 'unsavoury' boys, sleeping with several of them. In all the time we spent together I never, not for a second pictured her to be the sort of person to do this. She was always the sweetest girl. She made me feel so special and she was the first girl I've ever dated that I can say, with 100% confidence, I loved more than anything in the world. She was my best friend and I just don't know what I'm going to do without her. I've stopped eating. I haven't eaten since I first started suspecting things weren't right... and that was 12 days ago. I've been drinking a lot. And more than too much of that has been alcohol. I can't eat. I've tried so hard to nibble on things but even the thought of swallowing causes me to vomit. I don't know what to do. I'm looking like a wreck. I have bags under my eyes from getting about 1-2 hours sleep every night and I've lost nearly 6 kilos of weight. I'm all alone, all of my friends were her friends, and I know that they're not going to want to have anything to do with me now. My family won't help because they never approved of her in the first place. Every night I lay down and clear my head, yet I can't sleep. Even when I'm not thinking about her I'm in physical pain, in my stomach. I feel like I should see a doctor, but I've heard that there isn't much they can do when the cause is something purely phycological. I feel like I'm getting weaker every day, and honestly I just have no idea what to do. I'm not sure if I'm going to last like this.

Averil Identifying how to address the circumstantial causes that lead to feeling hopeless
  • replies: 3

Hi all..first time poster..appreciative of the myriad resources to assist those with depression/anxiety/feelings of helplessness & hopelessness. What I'm trying to sort through is how to tackle the life circumstances and realities that lead TO these ... View more

Hi all..first time poster..appreciative of the myriad resources to assist those with depression/anxiety/feelings of helplessness & hopelessness. What I'm trying to sort through is how to tackle the life circumstances and realities that lead TO these feelings and conditions. I feel that if the circumstances changed, or were better supported or dealt with by me, the fallout would be less dire. Current personal issues such as bad eating, sleeping& spending habits, overworked partner distressed by my poor financial choices and disorganisation and very upset with me, as I can't seem to 'adult' very well - house cluttered, start many things but finish few so projects pile up, also children - one with a disability (who is a financial, physical, emotional and functional mess and often talks of extreme measures) & another with anxiety who is not working, a 3rd child at uni and needing support and constantly disappointed with me, concern for parents (dementia looming in one parent, partner with potentially bad intentions with the other parent), difficult work situation. This list makes it seem reasonable that one might feel overwhelmed and hopeless. I feel like..rather than get help around my feelings, I need help with sorting out and changing or managing all of these things... and standing at the foot of this mountain...I'm not sure which foot to put where to conquer it!! Any suggestions would be appreciated!!!

Rabbitt Long distance, depression and anxiety
  • replies: 3

Hello all, I want to preface this with a bit of basic information. Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for around 5 months now, unfortunately it's a long distance relationship. Up until very recently our relationship has been fantastic. ... View more

Hello all, I want to preface this with a bit of basic information. Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for around 5 months now, unfortunately it's a long distance relationship. Up until very recently our relationship has been fantastic. We got along well, had good lines of communication, never seemed to fight. This all changed recently. A few days ago we faced a bit of confrontation. I wouldn't call any of it a fight per-se, we both tend to avoid playing the blame game. It was more us both sharing our feelings in regards to the distance, which was starting to take its toll. I always expected to have to face this bump in the road at some point, but she has since totally shut down. She did explain to me that she was experiencing a 'down swing' in her depression and anxiety, stating that she felt disconnected from her emotions. She reassured me that she loves me and doesn't mean to close me out, asking for my patience through it all. It's now been about 3 days and I haven't heard a word from her. Of course, I have nothing but patience when it comes to her and I understand that our relationship will come with hard times. I guess my question revolves around what I'm doing now in the meantime. Currently I am sending her a couple of messages a day. One in the morning, and one in the afternoon/night, 'good morning' and 'good night' messages if you will. I realise that she doesn't want to talk and it isn't my intention to try and force her into talking, which is why I cut it off at a couple per day and don't push the issue beyond that. I just want to send her positive messages, hoping that they may brighten her day even a little and also stop her from worrying about how I'm coping with it all. My question is, am I doing right by her? Or am I better off just giving her space and not contacting her at all. I'm hoping that we can overcome the distance in the short-term, because I'd love to move and start a life with her.

Ashleigh1992 Real tough time, family, drugs & judgement
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I would like advice on my family and how they behave towards me now that they know I have a drug problem, am nearly homeless and in serious debt. It seems now that I've distanced from them and am living with a partner that they do not appro... View more

Hi there, I would like advice on my family and how they behave towards me now that they know I have a drug problem, am nearly homeless and in serious debt. It seems now that I've distanced from them and am living with a partner that they do not approve of, they have changed their attitude towards me, its been very devastating how they have approached it. Im already feeling very low and shamed however I would like to know realistically if they really do care/understand what I'm going through or they are too obsessed with taking the matter into their own hands and disregarding how this affects me

Lightcherry6887 Suggestion to overcome with lots emotional and anger issues
  • replies: 12

Hi I am a newbie in here. I am going through lots of emotional and anger issues. When I spoke to a friend about our problems. When we were discussing things, she has carried on about the past arguments we had and it directly pointed at me for all thi... View more

Hi I am a newbie in here. I am going through lots of emotional and anger issues. When I spoke to a friend about our problems. When we were discussing things, she has carried on about the past arguments we had and it directly pointed at me for all this. I had tried to talk into her that I haven't looked at that because it is left in the past as I wanted to discuss the current issues. I got so emotional and angry at her because she couldn't focus on the current issues that we have. As the past issues and current issues are not relevant at all. When she got angry at me I get angry back at her because she was being so nasty towards me... how can I control that emotional and anger when she talks so nasty towards me?

Cebuana Separating but how do I cope?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I have been married for 7 years / no children. My husband has got a lot of issues that stemmed from his rough childhood. He's got a bad temper and can be abusive to me. I always gave him a pass because of his issues. Anyways, I thought we wer... View more

Hi all, I have been married for 7 years / no children. My husband has got a lot of issues that stemmed from his rough childhood. He's got a bad temper and can be abusive to me. I always gave him a pass because of his issues. Anyways, I thought we were happy. He was my rock and I'd like to think I was to to him. He have friends but no one really close. Same as me. We are best friends ans inseparable. I think we were happy for the first half of the marriage but because I was enduring the abuse from him, I let myself go. I developed depression and gained weight and I think that's when the marriage started to crumble. I've place him a pedestal but in the process I have neglected myself. I also felt very low because he would call me names. It affected my confidence and I didn't feel like myself anymore. So fast forward to now, 3 weeks ago he wants to separate. I was shocked and didnt see that coming at all. We just got back from a month holiday and there were no signs whatsoever. I gave him the space he needed where he gone out every night with people he met online. One night, while staying at a girls place, he texted me saying hes making a mistake and that it is not worth throwing a marriage away. Of course, I took him back like always. Then a few days back i found out he was back to chatting online again. I confronted him and told him that I am tired. He wants to separate and wants out of the marriage. He is not inlove with me anymore he said. A few days after that he met a girl and then a few days later posted a photo together with the girl on social media. I was so hurt and embarrassed by what he did. I am not ready to tell the world that my marriage has broke down. Now we are separating but still living together until he or I can find a place to move. At the moment, were like zombies, we see each other at home, we still cook dinner for each other too. But I can see in his eyes his hatred towards me, what did I do wrong? I fought for him and our marriage when I wanted to give up several times in the past. But for him, its so easy to just say I dont want to be married anymore much more find a replacement. I want to fix him so bad but it ended up breaking me. i need help. What do I do? I dont have my family here and all I got are a few friends. Sorry for the long post and sorry too, english is not my first language. Thank you for reading and looking forward to reading your replies.

frazzled25 Daughter of 15 is suffering because of Boyfriend's mother
  • replies: 15

Hi i am new to this site and would love some advice from any people out there who may have experienced the following: Our daughter of 15 ( turning 16 ) is dating a lovely young man ( 17 turning 18 ) and has been for six months now. The issue is the b... View more

Hi i am new to this site and would love some advice from any people out there who may have experienced the following: Our daughter of 15 ( turning 16 ) is dating a lovely young man ( 17 turning 18 ) and has been for six months now. The issue is the boy's mother who repeatedly loves to change plans, tell her son he can not attend functions etc. The boys mother is verbally and physically abusive towards him ( attacked him with a coat hanger recently in a rage ) . We have all tried to get him out of the situation as he can stay with us but the boy is absolutely terrified of his mother. Our entire family does not communicate with his mother as she see's us as the evil intruders. The level of control this woman has is unbelievable, this young man works full time, is only allowed to see our daughter 2 or 3 times a week, with a maximum of 3-4 hrs. I need help to get this young man the help he needs, as next time i fear it might not be a coat hanger but a knife the mother picks up in her rage. We are educating him on BPD ( as we all believe this is what the mother has, too many symptoms not to be ) Our daughter has tried many times to get him to leave but he is frightened to leave but also just as frightened to stay. PLEASE HELP!! This boy's mother is an emotional vampire and every day that goes by she is destroying this young man's life. This woman has no boundaries also, requests his phone and reads our daughters messages etc. I am after

Jane2 plate full - divorce, teenage depression, binge eating, weight gain, facing ex after many years.
  • replies: 3

I have so much on my plate. Divorced a few years ago, I don't trust relationships with males. I only have one real female friend as relationships seem so hard to sustain and I don't expect people to like me. I am not lonely but would like someone to ... View more

I have so much on my plate. Divorced a few years ago, I don't trust relationships with males. I only have one real female friend as relationships seem so hard to sustain and I don't expect people to like me. I am not lonely but would like someone to do things with. I'm a binge eater for last 30 years, but I'm now binge eating daily. I do work in a stressful, busy job but I do enjoy my work. I'm striving to achieve a new level in my career, but I also worry that I won't achieve my goal and will be disappointed in myself. My ex is not a trustworthy person and we haven't spoken in years. One child talks to dad regularly, one child occasionally and one not at all. I don't want him having contact with the third as she visited him 5 times then yelled that she hated him and would not visit. Now, she is going thru total teenage depression and only leaves her room for school and netball. She has no friends to go out with. I think her depression is making me feel depressed as I'm feeling more helpless. It hurts that I don't know how to help her and don't know what to say. Lastly, my son wants to get married, which means I have to face my ex and I don't know if I could cope, which upsets my son as he wants us both at the wedding. I also don't want my daughter having contact with dad as he does not put her wellbeing first. I don't want to put clothes on and go out as I feel so self conscious about being overweight and ugly. I want to go out and have a life, but it seems like hard work, i have no motivation, I have no one to go out with and I feel guilty leaving my daughter home in her room. I can't get my 2 kids to help with housework so that is overwhelming too. I have put everything into being mum and dad to my kids, but I feel like I'm failing.