Relationship and family issues

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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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hathi At a loss - husband suffering from depression and anxiety - no support
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I will try to keep this as short and simple as possible, however please forgive me if I don't manage this too well as my issues are quite consuming and difficult for me to process. I have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 7. ... View more

Hi everyone, I will try to keep this as short and simple as possible, however please forgive me if I don't manage this too well as my issues are quite consuming and difficult for me to process. I have been with my husband for 9 years, married for 7. We have one son and a second baby due any day now. This year in January, after years of ignoring his pain, he sought help and was diagnosed with depression and GAD. I have tried my best to support him whilst managing 95% of the household responsibilities as well as working full time just as he does. My struggle now is that it feels as though the relationship is very one-sided. I am expected to support him unconditionally and forgive/forget whenever I am in pain or when he has hurt me at the risk of overwhelming him. I am not a person who likes to internalise my emotions, but am being forced to because I feel bad for burdening him and he does not respond well when we 'talk', nor does it seem like he cares if I am feeling okay or not. He says that he cannot manage a lot of things (hasn't been for a long time) because the depression prevents him from being motivated, yet he is able to play video games, watch whatever show he wants, spend time on social media and manage organising things for himself but it's too hard to do anything for our family, me or the house in general. Please also bear in mind that whilst he was diagnosed this year, he has been a sufferer for much longer. He now is on medication and sees a Pyschologist, but has not stuck to most of her suggestions. I feel like he is taking me for granted and abusing our relationship because he thinks I will always be around. I am now at the point where I do not see that happening and have actively been looking at separation as the only solution. I am due to be a mother of 2 soon. I have felt like a single parent many a times and it is difficult to cope. I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards my husband now and whilst I acknowledge they are not healthy feelings, I can't help but feel them. I feel drained emotionally and physically and regularly have to fight him to get support for myself or what seems like just acknowledgement that I too am a person with feelings and emotions; someone who will also need support, particularly now as I'm a week shy of giving birth. How do I approach this? What do I do? He is difficult to talk with and doesn't engage when I try. I feel cornered and suffocated in this relationship.

avara89 in love with two people (who are best friends with each-other)
  • replies: 15

Not really sure where to start... 10 years ago I was in a relationship that lasted about 3 years. He was my world, was my everything, and he loved me with such intense passion. I've never been with anyone since that has treated me so amazingly and le... View more

Not really sure where to start... 10 years ago I was in a relationship that lasted about 3 years. He was my world, was my everything, and he loved me with such intense passion. I've never been with anyone since that has treated me so amazingly and left my whole heart burning for them. Towards the end of the relationship we became restless and fought lots...we were young...and I ended up spending more time with his best friend than him. His friend would always support and be there for me after fights with the bf. During the 8 years that followed, I was in a different long term relationship which ended due to severe emotional and sometimes physical DV. I had kept in loose contact with the above mentioned best friend of the first ex. After my second relationship ended, two years ago, the best friend of bf1, struck up an intimate relationship with me. We moved in together very quickly and now have a baby. We are fairly happy and he is a very good provider for our little family. Here's my problem...the only reason why I followed into an intimate relationship with my current partner (best friend of bf1) was because he reminded me *so much* of my first bf. Like little mannerisms, facial expressions and such, that he had picked up from bf1 because they had lived together for so long. At the time, I was lonely and bf1 was living overseas, so I never thought I would see him again. Fast forward to now. Bf1 is living in the same city and working with my current partner (his best friend). I see him almost everyday and it's killing me. I know I can't pursue anything, I flat out don't even talk to bf1 when I see him. I've gotten myself into this massive mess and now there's a baby involved. I thought I would be over bf1 by now. But I just can't stop thinking about him. It's consuming me. I think my partner suspects that I still love his friend and has recently grown a little distant. I'm not sure if I should continue our relationship or what? I definitely want my baby to grow up in a stable home. If I stayed in this relationship I feel like it could definitely work and we would be happy, but do not believe I would ever love him the way I love bf1. Is it better to be with someone because your brain knows it's a good decision? Or do you go with your heart? Sorry for long post...please no judgment. I do love my current partner...it's just a different, less intense, type of love.

NikkieB How to mend a broken relationship
  • replies: 2

Me and my husband are going through a very rough patch . Started with his family interefering and deciding who should come and stay at our house . When we used to fight , it almost Always ended with a physical fight , initiated by him mostly . We sor... View more

Me and my husband are going through a very rough patch . Started with his family interefering and deciding who should come and stay at our house . When we used to fight , it almost Always ended with a physical fight , initiated by him mostly . We sorted out the issues and things were fine for a while . But now , even trivial things make him violent . Although sometimes I exaggerate the arguement by getting rude and like , snatch his phone or turn off the tv or iPad To make him look at me . Usually the fight involves the topic of his family . I am reluctant to go to a marriage counsellor as I am scared if I mention about physical violence and the information gets out , he might loose his job as his job requires mental stability . He is fine and lovely and very supportive in rest of the aspects of a relationship and does everything for me and loves me unconditionally but only the family issues which are unresolved . What complicates the matter is that I might be having depression/anxiety and feeling of worthlessness and hence a situation like this makes me incapable of doing anything for few weeks. I want to continue the relation as I feel that relationships are meant to be worked upon and they need constant attention and resolving of issues i was wondering if anyone has any suggestion on how to start mending this relation ? Do counsellors have a rule of mandatory reporting about physical violence against women ?

Nervybella Doubting self after meeting someone new
  • replies: 5

Hey guys, I haven't posted in a while. This post isn't so much about mental health but I really wanted a place to talk to like minded and understanding people. Ok so here goes: I have recently met a guy, we were in a situation where we spent a lot of... View more

Hey guys, I haven't posted in a while. This post isn't so much about mental health but I really wanted a place to talk to like minded and understanding people. Ok so here goes: I have recently met a guy, we were in a situation where we spent a lot of time together for a week. During this time we got very close, we were flirting and I got the strong feeling that he liked me. I also started to develop a crush on him. We have since parted ways, he lives in another city. We are friends on social media and talk regularly. I have since seen on social media that he has been in a relationship with a man. I guess I am just feeling a bit confused, and a bit silly for developing feelings. Because of this I am having some of my anxious/self loathing thoughts. I am trying hard to forget my feelings or be more objective, but struggling a bit. I don't know what I will get out of this post, other than some opinions etc? Thanks for reading, Bella

EmmyK Break up after over 5 years
  • replies: 3

Hello. im very new to this, but I need help because I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up yesterday morning. I knew things had been strained with us for the past few months, on occasion, but I didn’t realise it was this bad.... View more

Hello. im very new to this, but I need help because I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up yesterday morning. I knew things had been strained with us for the past few months, on occasion, but I didn’t realise it was this bad. We had plans to leave for Europe for a holiday tomorrow. He broke up with me. And I guess part of me, deep deep down knew it would happen one day, but definitely not now. When I say things were strained, they still were reasonably normal. He still would tell me he loved me and would always try and make me happy, but I guess it wasn’t all sincere. I just really need help. He’s been my rock for so long, was even a pull bearer for my mums funeral. I don’t know if I can live without him, because I love him so much. Even before him, I had always had someone in my life and had never been single for more than a couple of months since Highschool. Has anyone else been through something like this? I need advice on how to cope. Also we are meeting up today to discuss everything. I’m terrified.

Loving_wife1 My Husband has walked out suffering from depression
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After many years, he finally got help with his illness, and after being on medication for 10 months, has said he has no feelings and feels vague about everything. He left the kids and myself to stay at his sisters about 5 weeks ago. After 2 weeks I n... View more

After many years, he finally got help with his illness, and after being on medication for 10 months, has said he has no feelings and feels vague about everything. He left the kids and myself to stay at his sisters about 5 weeks ago. After 2 weeks I noticed he been in contact with his ex from 20 years ago. He found out I knew and said he wanted a separation and nothing was happing between them both. He is come off his meds in the last few weeks and doesn't seem the man that I knew. Feeling so lost, but will always be there for him no matter what happens. I have to be strong for our young children, and are seeking help from Relationships Sa for myself, as he does not want to see doctors or anyone. What can I do to help????

SeekingSolace83 The Revolving Door
  • replies: 1

Struggling daily and conflicted within myself about how to break the cycle. I have been in my relationship for 12yrs and feeling disconnected from my other half and socially cannot find where my piece of my puzzle fits with this desire to belong and ... View more

Struggling daily and conflicted within myself about how to break the cycle. I have been in my relationship for 12yrs and feeling disconnected from my other half and socially cannot find where my piece of my puzzle fits with this desire to belong and be accepted as I am. Arguing daily, and feeling belittled as there is always something that I may have said or done that is not acceptable. Questioning where I went wrong and how could have managed myself and the situation differently. Having an opinion and challenging him always ends in disaster where I am at fault and to blame and never takes accountability where I play the victim and paint a picture of him to others that he deems is untrue. I am incapable of nurturing friendships as I have nothing to contribute other then how miserable I am and find it hard to find joy in my daily life. I am a mother to 2 of the most amazing kids but still anxious on the daily about their future, the mental anguish is exhausting. I can't turn off that little voice in my head, my voice of reason. When does it end.

dee_1 My dad's destructive behavior is ruining the family...
  • replies: 11

Hi guys I need someone to talk to because I'm so lost at the moment. This is going to be a lengthy post. My dad has some serious anger and control issues and currently it's escalated to the point where my poor mum is considering divorce because he ha... View more

Hi guys I need someone to talk to because I'm so lost at the moment. This is going to be a lengthy post. My dad has some serious anger and control issues and currently it's escalated to the point where my poor mum is considering divorce because he has completely lost it. From memory dad was always harsh with his punishments towards me and my 2 sisters. We would get the occasional smack across the bum with a wooden spoon or we were told to kneel down onto the bathroom tiles as punishment for being naughty. I dont really remember being so naughty that severe punishment was appropriate for the things we did wrong. Anyway, when I as 15/16 years old and in high school everyone around me...my friends I mean got their youth allowance money except me. So one day when the 5 of us (mum, dad and two sisters), were traveling in the car going home and I asked dad why I wasn't getting my youth allowance money...he actually got quite ugly with me and told me that when he was growing up in Hungary, any money he earned from his job went to the family so his mother could support him and their family and he only saw a small portion of that money. I said that the fact that my friends got their youth allowance money and I didn't was completely unfair. To which he responded to that with - if I didn't like what was going on in the family I could take my youth allowance money and I can go leave the family and live on my own. He said I wouldn't survive because it was not much money. From this day forward I saw my dad from a different light. He was always so aggressive when he was in a bad mood. My middle sister, coped it so badly when she was a kid. She was punished severely for not being able to understand how to read and write and do basic mathematics. At one point my middle sister pissed my mum off so bad when she couldn't write a sentence that she clasped onto my sister's writing hand so aggressively my sister's wrist couldn't move from the pain. I remember her crying in pain from not being able to move her wrist. My middle sister starting pinching stuff from children's school lunch boxes and dad tried to punish my sister over and over again for stealing but nothing was working so my dad...i remember everything vivdly... grabbed my sister's little hand and put a lighter to her hand. My sister screamed and screamed her lungs out of fear and shock I was so worried for her. Dad said he was just trying to scare her...it worked and she never stole again.

Parallel No Friends In Highschool, Never Seem To Fit In, Looking For Advice!
  • replies: 2

Hi, im 15 and currently in YR9 at Highschool A year ago i moved school due to bullying. The school i moved is where all my primary friends are so when i came here i had people to sit with however..... 2 Months ago i had a breakup with this girl and s... View more

Hi, im 15 and currently in YR9 at Highschool A year ago i moved school due to bullying. The school i moved is where all my primary friends are so when i came here i had people to sit with however..... 2 Months ago i had a breakup with this girl and she spread rumors about me to everyone, people come up to me and say rude things to me regularly, my friends have basically told me to piss off and never respond to my messages and my grades have fallen from an A to C. TLDR; knowone likes me,knowone cares what i say and i just get shunned away, what should i do?

MissMc Friend Issues
  • replies: 4

Hi I have a female friend which I work with and DID class her as a sister cause we became very close due to both being born on the same day in the same hospital etc .... I have now deleted her off Facebook and blocked her from messenger ... we both c... View more

Hi I have a female friend which I work with and DID class her as a sister cause we became very close due to both being born on the same day in the same hospital etc .... I have now deleted her off Facebook and blocked her from messenger ... we both communicate on messenger about work issues etc .... but cause I didn't reply to one of her messages she thought it was her right to rip through me over it and this has happened on a number of occasions with me having lunch with fellow work collegues and she found out and again I receive a message saying HOW WAS LUNCH .... I get that this is jealousy on her part but why personally attack me over it?..... I replyed to her message the other day saying to her BACK DOWN AND STOP GETTING UPSET OVER MINNOR THINGS!!!# ..... well did she loose her shit!..... can not believe this is all over a message I didn't reply to.... as this friend tends to be selfish and self centred and all about her, I accepted that as part of her friendship, she also threatened me not to message me again and I thoughts fine and that didn't upset me at all, but her behaviour? and she has breakfast with a fellow workmate every sat, do I get upset over that? NO zero care factor as its between her and her!.... I have not spoken to her @work and I will continue not to as I thinks she is TOXIC? & she always playes the victim as before I deleted her off FB she put in one of her post about " why do so called friends make her fell bad about herself" ????????.... I have confided to her abouts my Depression and now I'm regreting it!..... not sure if she will repeat it to others @work or not?..... the reason why I don't talk to her anymore is I'm protecting myself as I don't need people like her in my life! Just don't understand her behaviour at all?????