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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Shell09 Seeking marriage advice
  • replies: 8

Hi, New to this site, but seeking advise. My husband and I met about 5 years ago. After a month we found out we were expecting a baby. When I told him, he was very excited. Just before our son was 1, he proposed and decided to try for another child. ... View more

Hi, New to this site, but seeking advise. My husband and I met about 5 years ago. After a month we found out we were expecting a baby. When I told him, he was very excited. Just before our son was 1, he proposed and decided to try for another child. We fell pregnant straight away and my husband got a job as FIFO. Things were great, and our second son was born. About a year and half later, he wanted to finish FIFO and start working locally. I explained to him he couldn't just finish work straight away as we had no savings and my wage was not enough to support all of us. He then found work but as casual and decided to finish FIFO. As months went on, work began to slow down for him and he wasn't bringing much of a wage in, while both children were in daycare full time as I was working Monday-Friday. We were really struggling as my wage wasn't covering everything and he just kept spending money we didn't have as he applied for a overdraft account through the bank. We then received eviction letter and I had to ask my mum for money. About a month later he ran into some inheritance money of approx $15,000. I kept asking if he had the money yet and he kept saying no - I knew he did as I have access to his bank account. A week later he decided to tell me he had the money, he paid up to date for rent, and all the other bills we were behind in. For about 3 months he spent all of the $15,000 plus the $10,000 of his wage - with nothing to show for now. He turned mentally abusive towards me in the past 1-2 years and I've just put up with it because it's easier to deal with. I've tried to talk to him, explain how I'm feeling, I've left with our boys a few times but have came back to him, we have tried marriage counselloring but he wasn't interested in / nor put any input. I've tried speaking with his family, and they have no advice. His mum left his dad and brother when he was 2 years old, and his dad hasn't been the best role model either. His dad constantly puts him down, no positive feedback from him, or even helps financially. His constantly seeking his dads approval but doesn't get it. His close to his dad and calls him at least 5 times a week as he lives in another state. I'm needing more support with our children as he doesn't help often and he gets cranky and makes me feel guilty when I have my own time which is not often Im needing help on how to help him communicate and overcome his past As it's effecting our marriage. We're only 25 years old

lizzie50 Hit rock bottom
  • replies: 2

I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the c... View more

I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the change but i just feel so tired and upset that i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. I cant fathom what his done to me, i lay awake at night crying and overthinking everything that happened wondering what is wrong with me to love a person that destroyed me. I want him to reassure my thoughts and tell me what i think and feel about us is the truth and his nasty words aren't. I dont understand how i can open up and be so honest with someone and them turn around and accuse me of everything I am not, everything he accused me of is actually what his done to me and how he is as a person. He has told his friends and family that I am crazy, he told me i have ruined his life and that i meant nothing to him at all and he will find someone so much better than me cause he cant think of anything good about me. I had still tried to contact him as i wanted closure, he ended it randomly and it didnt make sense. He then threatened to get a restraining order against me, he said that shows how much he hates me and how little i mean to him if his willing to do that. i had a really bad night 2 nights ago, feeling lost and worthless i went to a park him and i use to go and hangout. I messaged him and he ignored me and it made me feel heartbroken all over again that he doesnt even care for my wellbeing. I dont understand how he can do this to me, how he can one moment talk about how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever to a few hours later tell me he hates me and doesnt care if i exist or not. I wish i knew how he was truly feeling, i wish he listened to me, i wish he owned up to his mistakes. He ran away from me cause his a coward and honestly a loser. I feel so silly constantly going on about it, but i just feel like im getting worse.

Holi What to do
  • replies: 9

Hi i have twin boys 15 basically we went.through a really bad separation one of my boys has ocd and one has anxiety there father was abusive to me, and has always been on drugs, we left 5 yrs ago and i still get abused by text daily, for everything r... View more

Hi i have twin boys 15 basically we went.through a really bad separation one of my boys has ocd and one has anxiety there father was abusive to me, and has always been on drugs, we left 5 yrs ago and i still get abused by text daily, for everything regarding the boys, we have been homeless three times and now the boys grades have fallen badly, they have had huge amounts of time off school, which i couldn't help.im on depression tablets for a few years now, but i really finding it hard to cope, and there school just keeps kind of threating me that they wont pass year 10, we live along way from the school and dont really have close friends, there not social at all, and im really losing it, worried about there schooling and its my fault.

Bluebird84 What is the right thing to do??
  • replies: 4

I am trying to figure out the short version of my problem....in a nutshell, I love my husband, he is so wonderful to me, does so much for me, very romantic and loving, pretty much everything you could want a husband to be. The problem is, he is not t... View more

I am trying to figure out the short version of my problem....in a nutshell, I love my husband, he is so wonderful to me, does so much for me, very romantic and loving, pretty much everything you could want a husband to be. The problem is, he is not the kind of step father I want for my son. In the beginning it was hard because he is very strict, we fought, we compromised and got through it. Now, i feel he is picking at my son. Saying negative unnecessary comments. Calls him names in regular conversations. Its really getting to me so I can just imagine how my son feels. Everytime the subject gets bought up my husband gets defensive and mad and then we fight and at the end of it somehow I am in tears feeling like I am the bad person. It is my job to protect my son, I know this. Am i being selfish? Should I leave?? Is it really not as bad as i think it is?? Am i just making excuses??? Help please.

Lang3 In-house Seperation
  • replies: 48

A lot has happened during our 10 yrs of marriage and 15 yrs if being together. Before our wedding there was an issue with my wife and my parents. This red never really sorted out. On our wedding night there was a huge argument and for the next ten we... View more

A lot has happened during our 10 yrs of marriage and 15 yrs if being together. Before our wedding there was an issue with my wife and my parents. This red never really sorted out. On our wedding night there was a huge argument and for the next ten we didn't see it speak to my parents this has left a huge place in our lives and has had a big effect on me we have 4 children all under 8 whilst happy in our marriage I have always found it hard to talk about my feeling towards the wedding issue let say a cloud that we never really spoke of 18 months ago i gained a promotion at work and changed jobs during this time my wife had had some health issues breaking her leg 3 weeks after the birth of number 4 and then mid last year she found a lump in her breast. Whilst the outcome was always positive this had an effect on my wife during this time out communication dropped off Unfortunately during this time I began communicating better with a collegue at first I thought I didn't think anything of it until she told me she had feelings for me (also married) which I reciprocated. We only saw each other a couple of times after but sent a lot of messages my wife discovered this after about three weeks for what ever reason I couldn't cut the communication with her and it when on for another 3 months until i finally said I need to work it out with my wife after the discovering the affair my wife wanted to work it out and make us work at the time i didn't know what I wanted after the initial discovering I opened up about missing my family etc we have since had some contact with them very strange at the moment my wife still wants nothing to do with them problem now is my wife and I are in an in-house separation and my wife doesn't know what she wants she keep taking about seeing other people and she wants to be happy I am really paranoid about her leaving me for someone else I want our marriage to work but I think it is too late we have and still are involved in marriage councilling both together and individual I know I did the wrong thing but I feel everything wrong with our marriage is my fault how do I get my wife to try again and how do we find the love for each other I am struggling with it all and find it hard to talk to friends etc due to the fact of what I did I'm embarrassed about for both my wife, kids and I support required lang3

shanethepain obsessive anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi im new to this so please forgive me if ive posted in the wrong topic . Where do i begin im 40 years old i began suffering anxiety from about 15 after my mother died .ive been masking it with alcohol for the last 25 years . I was in a relationship ... View more

Hi im new to this so please forgive me if ive posted in the wrong topic . Where do i begin im 40 years old i began suffering anxiety from about 15 after my mother died .ive been masking it with alcohol for the last 25 years . I was in a relationship for 12 mths up to 2 weeks ago. I was drinking every second night .the girl didnt like it but i would get irradiated and anxious every seond night . The anxiety in the end caused me to think differently and things werent natural with us anymore .she asked me to leave third time in as many months Its been 2 weeks but im obsessing over her everywhere i go shes in my head .all day every day ,she has told me to leave her alone ,ive sent several txts over the last 2 weeks . but for some reason i keep thinking that somehow she will come around and take me back ,its consuming my mind im struggling with everyday things and feel so alone .i sent her a txt explaining i was suffering anxiety and the alcohol was just making it worse .She didnt respond which is just compounding my obsessive thoughts i feel so hopeless i just want to be normal .i know i need to respect her decision. Im booked for docs on tues and hoping he can do a mental health plan as i cant cope with this crazy obsessive thoughts .ive never received treatment for anxiety but im hoping finally getting help will fix my messed up brain

Ahsatan Please help.. I feel so trapped
  • replies: 1

I just need someone out of this situation to talk too. It's a long story but essentially i am living with a partner that I can't emotionally give myself too anymore. He came from overseas to be with me and I feel so trapped and that I can't break up ... View more

I just need someone out of this situation to talk too. It's a long story but essentially i am living with a partner that I can't emotionally give myself too anymore. He came from overseas to be with me and I feel so trapped and that I can't break up with him, I don't want to hurt him. I can't hurt him again this will be the second time in 6 months I would have broken up with him. He has bad anxiety and depression and I constantly feel his stress, it destroys me. I just want some kind of calm place to be. Work is horrible and I can only use it as a safe haven for so long without him getting upset that im not home. I can't see a way out. This is only a quarter of the story as well. I just don't know if I should post everything here. I'm starting to feel like the only way out isn't a good one.

Guest_989 Brief thought of what could have been
  • replies: 6

I have BPD and it cost me my partner of 7 years, children and house Also met a lovely woman last year spent a few months with her before my borderline broke her It wasn't until after these two, I was diagnosed and started the pathway to recovery 6 mo... View more

I have BPD and it cost me my partner of 7 years, children and house Also met a lovely woman last year spent a few months with her before my borderline broke her It wasn't until after these two, I was diagnosed and started the pathway to recovery 6 months later, I'm like a new person...the guy I was 10 years ago...carefree, dedicated, calm, relaxed and focused on all the positives in life These two ladies, there is no going back too..too much damage was done What makes me have a moment of sadness occasionally is the "what could have been?" What if I was diagnosed properly years ago, started proper treatment earlier. Chances are I'd still have my partner and daughters. It's sad for me when the what if thought pops into my head I don't ruminate on it, and I let the feeling go as quickly as it comes..but it is something that continuously rears its head My BPD coping skills learnt allow me to not let the emotional response grow and manifest into a negative reaction, but none the less it's not a nice feeling Don't really have a question, just putting my thoughts to paper I guess

Nickyall Husband not dealing with me having friends
  • replies: 4

Where to start.....My husband and I have been together for over 25 years and very early in our relationship my best friend passed away. Since then I literally shut myself off from all outside friendships (this was something I did unconsciously and I'... View more

Where to start.....My husband and I have been together for over 25 years and very early in our relationship my best friend passed away. Since then I literally shut myself off from all outside friendships (this was something I did unconsciously and I've only realised quite recently when I reflected back on my life). So the past year has seen me make many new friends and form a close friendship with my now best friend. We go to the same women's gym & I go to gym 4-6 times a week. I go to gym early in the mornings before my family wake up. In short, my husband is jealous of my new friends. I know this is different for him because he is used to having me all to himself since very early in our relationship. He has made me feel guilty to go to gym in the mornings. Whenever I want to go have a coffee with my friends, I feel like a child who needs to ask permission to go. I probably do something socially with my friends once a month. I literally get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach to even mention doing anything with my friends, especially my best friend. My husband has accused me of having an emotional affair with her. Yes I love her, but in a platonic way. My husband can have a social life and come and go as he pleases, but I have to "convince" him to "allow" me to go anywhere; have to specify who I will be with; when I will be home; co-ordinate our kids for while I am out; organise their meals while I am out; then clean up the mess when I return home. Whereas at the drop of a hat, my husband can take off for lunch with his mates and not return until after midnight. I don't want a life like that, but I don't want world war 3 just because I do want to hang out with the girls. Our relationship is not balanced. I feel like I am lost. I don't know what I want from my life but I know this isn't it. I want to be happy. I want to spend time with my friends. I love my time with my family and husband but I need more. I feel like life shouldn't be this difficult. I have lost myself and my passion while I was busy giving to everyone around me (we have 6 children). I was happy with my life but as the kids grow, they don't need me like they used to and I guess I am only now seeing my life for what it really is and I'm not sure I like it. Am I making this into something bigger than it is..... I'd love some advice on how to make my husband see I need some down time with my friends......What do you make of the situation I've described?

Isol completely isolated and lonely in the city
  • replies: 8

I suffered a life changing accident 2yrs ago at the time when I was suffering from empty nest. I am on my own with my dog(long term separatedand can't move on).. I used to fill my days but now after the accident I lost most of my career and I can't d... View more

I suffered a life changing accident 2yrs ago at the time when I was suffering from empty nest. I am on my own with my dog(long term separatedand can't move on).. I used to fill my days but now after the accident I lost most of my career and I can't do much physical activity. I aged 20yrs and moves like a 90yr old. this is hard to take at the time when aging is the most confronting. I have no friends or family support, no career or colleagues, no relationship and have someone to lean on. I have blocked my situation out during my raising kids alone. Butt now I am a empty nester, lack social contact from my job , plus my injury without anayone to help me when I was temporary disabled and still struggling to walk without pain, I felt the full force of the isolation and loneliness. I feel I am dying of loneliness and my brian is slowing down and getting demented I find myself searching for reasons to live as just existing is pointless. I was a strong person and used to find strength in getting myself out of black holes somehow, but with many thing happening to me at the same time it has finally broke me! Any advise or just lend an ear would be nice. Thanks