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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Matto74 Self destruct
  • replies: 3

Hi, 2 months ago my wife of 12 years told me she was leaving me. It was the day I signed a contract for our own house. I paid cash with my insurance money I received for a total permanent illness. She would not tell me why, saying only it was my faul... View more

Hi, 2 months ago my wife of 12 years told me she was leaving me. It was the day I signed a contract for our own house. I paid cash with my insurance money I received for a total permanent illness. She would not tell me why, saying only it was my fault and I should know already. She refused to listen to me and treated me like she hated me with passion. I didn't see it coming and begged her to tell me why and let me try and make things right. She would not even acknowledge me. I had never seen her like this with so much hate. When I asked why she never told me she was unhappy the response was she kept it all inside. It has devastated me. Everything I have done since has made it all worse. I am set on self destruct since. I want so bad for it to return to the way it was, but everything I do is intentionally making things worse. She wanted to stay until she saved more money, but I couldn't take it anymore. I told her if she was leaving me she could leave then. We have a 12Yo daughter who lives with me who also blames me for it all. Today I admitted to myself that I was not able to deal with this unless I get help. I am in a place doing things I know are wrong but still do them anyway. I am so grateful for every personal story told here. You have given me the courage to share my story and seek help.Looking back I realise I made mistakes but nothing I thought would deserved being treated this way. I feel better that I am not alone and in a safe place. Thank you

Clover9312 Anxiety over long term couple goals
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I’ve written here before and have received really lovely replies from people. I’ve been feeling awful after a tough conversation with a guy I have been seeing for the last few months. Dating has been a traumatic thing for me over the years. D... View more

Hi all. I’ve written here before and have received really lovely replies from people. I’ve been feeling awful after a tough conversation with a guy I have been seeing for the last few months. Dating has been a traumatic thing for me over the years. Dating apps didn’t help, I don’t look back on my time on them fondly, in fact I cringe. I have done a lot of selfwork over the years and finally recognised a “good egg” in a guy. We have been seeing each other every week since the first date months ago and it’s the healthiest and most green flag relationship I have had. He feels the same. I’m so excited to finally have someone so consistent and reliable. He flagged on our second date that he wasn’t 100% sure if he wanted kids. I still think we’re young (we are 28) so I didn’t worry too much because I have plenty of friends who are also unsure and he wasn’t a 100% “no”. We in the meantime have created a great relationship so far. Last night he mentioned that the chat about children again had been a long time coming. He has been mentioning his job instability for quite some time and he again mentioned that as his reason for not being 100% sure if he wanted kids. I’m not in a rush. I said within 5 or 6 years I’d want a child. He seemed emotional about this. He’s not opposed to children, it’s just the financial side he’s worried about. The conversation turned quite upsetting for both of us and he left the ball in my court if I wanted to break up with him or not. I don’t feel ready to give up the relationship. I know he didn’t get a job he applied for recently - I don’t know if this is playing on his mind. I’m so so upset. I finally found myself in a fulfilling relationship and we seem to be having a conflict over something so massive like this. It’s the fact that he’s not 100% a no that keeps me wondering if he’s still worth dating. I’m so gutted. My biggest dream is to have at least one child. My dating experiences have been so awful, this guy has been different and so much healthier than what I had before.

Elizabeth Louise Shocking news revealed to me today
  • replies: 4

Hello, I have been separated from my husband for 7 months now. And after going through an emotional rollercoaster in my marriage since Nov 2020, today everything made sense. I found the final missing peice to the puzzle. I have been going nuts trying... View more

Hello, I have been separated from my husband for 7 months now. And after going through an emotional rollercoaster in my marriage since Nov 2020, today everything made sense. I found the final missing peice to the puzzle. I have been going nuts trying to work out what went wrong and today It suddenly all made sense. My ex husband (I'm have been still trying and hoping to save my marriage, he wanted to leave) revealed to me today after probing him for more information. He said there was some other reason for our separation and he hadn't shared with me until today. Apparently this started end 2020.He accidentally saw a messenger message pop up on my computer while I was at work and he read he name apparently It was between me and my mum. He said he kept reading and scrolling and searched his name throughout messenger and read some history. My Facebook was automatically logged into my computer at home consistently and he was reading all my messages. He says it was the "family computer" So maybe he felt like he did nothing wrong. But no one else used it but me. I used it for my photography hobby. The only time we used it together was to do our budget. But that was together. I know he had my password (he set the password) but it never occurred to me that he was reading my messages. I guess I just trusted him to not spy on me. Apparently he was hurt from the words I said about him and also what my mum said. I may have said horrible things to my mum while we were fighting in that heat of the moment and I feel horrible for it. I also feel violated like my privacy was violated. He said he was doing this over months, years! And I had no idea.When he did it the first time, shouldn't he have told me upfront? And not continue to read my messages without me knowing? Help!! I'm struggling with this so much. I feel so hurt. I don't have a therapy session booked for a few more days. He said he's the victim as he resd horrible things about himself and he knew I would be upset so didn't share this with me, but he feels like the victim. Arnt I a victim too? EL

Von is lost Dating an old friends ex
  • replies: 3

A girl who used to be a somewhat good friend broke up with her boyfriend 7 months ago now, and we used to sometimes hang out all three of us together. I lost touch with the friend before they broke up. The boyfriend and I became friends like 2-ish mo... View more

A girl who used to be a somewhat good friend broke up with her boyfriend 7 months ago now, and we used to sometimes hang out all three of us together. I lost touch with the friend before they broke up. The boyfriend and I became friends like 2-ish months ago but it’s beginning to feel more like we want to date each other. Am i a bad person for even considering it, and should i stop it in its tracks. Or is it okay to explore? I want to be honest with the girl i used to be friends with but don’t know how to go about it

kix31 Lost
  • replies: 4

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 years now who lives overseas, where I used to live and met him originally. While it started off casual we chatted regularly for years and I went overseas to visit several times (not just for him but we always saw each oth... View more

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 years now who lives overseas, where I used to live and met him originally. While it started off casual we chatted regularly for years and I went overseas to visit several times (not just for him but we always saw each other). We never confirmed we were dating, we both were kind of open about seeing others but he never did the whole time we were having our thing. There was a language barrier but the chats became serious over the years and he used to say he loved me or strong words of similar intent. When we saw each other there was so much connection and passion. The last time I visited, he was so excited to see me, moreso than ever. He was reaching out and making plans as soon as I landed, acting way more comfortable around me than ever. We saw each other twice and chatting afterwards like normal and then he suddenly ghosted me. I knew something was up and I spent the rest of my week in another country heartbroken and lonely knowing he was just waiting for me to leave. When I got home he continued to ignore me until I asked him to delete some pictures we shared. He’s pretty respectful in that regard so he responded and confirmed he had but his tone was so cold. I asked what I’d done wrong. He replied saying nothing but he had a crush on someone and even used an emoji like it was nothing serious. I was so upset and we sort of argued (for the first time ever) then he went back to ignoring me. I left it for a little than poured my heart out saying how hurt I was about ending things like that, I couldn’t even say goodbye it felt so terrible. He replied like his former normal self saying he was sorry and he was trying to push me away to become a better person and he never meant to hurt me. We agreed to stay friends (I’ve always been friends with my exs or people I’ve casually seen I’ve never had a terrible break where I’ve not spoken to them ever again). The problem was we had such a level of intimacy and trust that when we were together we weren’t always careful. And I tested positive for pregnancy when I returned home and in that time when he wasn’t talking to me. It was honestly the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Then I had an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) - confirmed by my doctor and had to endure months of bad health, many STI tests that they made me do because of the situation all alone. To make matters worse I have health issues which really shouldn’t allow me to conceive so it messed with me a little.When I told him he was caring enough. He reached out a few times to see how I was and when he saw I’d been in hospital he was really worried about me. I recently couldn’t handle it anymore and asked him what I ever meant to him. He acted like it was nothing and he didn’t really know me well enough to answer that question and it was burdensome to answer. I admit when we started we were casual and we’d been fluid but the way it ended and the things we used to say to each other…I just don’t understand. I didn’t want him back but I at least wanted him to admit he liked me at least I just wanted closure. I’ve never felt so depressed in my life after all this it’s really destroying me…..how to get closure when it’s really not there?

E_V Trapped at 61
  • replies: 2

I’m 61 and have been married 32 years. Though my husband and I live very amicably together, the marriage has been over for years and we live as house mates. We’ve both agreed it’s ok for each of us to see other people and he’s had a 28 year old girlf... View more

I’m 61 and have been married 32 years. Though my husband and I live very amicably together, the marriage has been over for years and we live as house mates. We’ve both agreed it’s ok for each of us to see other people and he’s had a 28 year old girlfriend for 2 years who comes to our house, which I’m fine with, because I have no feelings for him at all. I’ve seen other men too off and on. My husband has cheated twice and lied throughout our earlier marriage and I should have left years ago, but fear kept me where I am. I got by. It was fine. But I want more. I want love. I want to be with a partner I can trust and love again. But I no longer work and I’m financially trapped in my marriage. My husband has poorly managed our finances ( yes I foolishly let him take control because I trusted that he would always do the best for ‘us’) but I’m now realising that he’s made no investment in our retirement and all we have in assets is our marital home and MY superannuation ( which isn’t much). I desperately want a new life, but can’t see a way out of what has become a functional but very unhappy marriage (for me). We don’t have enough assets to split and maintain a nice retirement lifestyle separately. Staying together provides security, but I’m miserable. Is there someone I can talk to and get advice from? Some days I just feel so hopeless. I wish I’d left years ago, but there’s no point in regrets at this stage.

Aura46784 Husband Gender Dysphoria
  • replies: 2

Hello, My husband of 20 years has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This has come as a huge shock to me.He’s saying that he doesn’t want to transition but instead wants to stay with me and our kids.I have many burning questions….- can he live a h... View more

Hello, My husband of 20 years has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This has come as a huge shock to me.He’s saying that he doesn’t want to transition but instead wants to stay with me and our kids.I have many burning questions….- can he live a happy life with me without transitioning?- is he just saying this as the safe option?- is his transition inevitable?Would love to hear from women in similar situations or from men who have decided not to transition and how it’s been for them?Still feeling quite numb about it all…..

LizzieM5 How to parent with depression
  • replies: 2

I feel so stuck! I feel like the only one who can understand the challenges of parenting my children is their father (my ex-H); and I feel like if I share with him he could use it against me whenever he feels. I am worried about the effect of my turb... View more

I feel so stuck! I feel like the only one who can understand the challenges of parenting my children is their father (my ex-H); and I feel like if I share with him he could use it against me whenever he feels. I am worried about the effect of my turbulent mental health on my kids. I’m up and down, I’m teary and short with them. I can see the effect on them; they look at each other, go quiet, sometimes cry too. I hear them say ‘I feel sorry for mummy, do you?’ Master 4 tries to make me laugh; Miss 5 cuddles me and cries; Miss 8 looks confused and teary. Trying to get them ready and out of the house in the morning takes most my energy most days. I’ve come to accept I’ll have cycles of depression on an on-going basis (used to think it was situational), and as such I am really starting to worry more and more about the effect of this on my kids. I’ve tried to find resources to help but keep getting post-natal and kids with depression info. I don’t know what to tell them; I want them to understand but I don’t want to worry them. I’m also concerned how, when and who they might relay this information to. Does anyone have any resources or advice to help me navigate this? Thanks for reading.

JayB72 Devastated
  • replies: 18

After seven years with my beautiful wife she has recently told me she wants to separate. To say I’m devastated is an understatement and I feel completely blindsided.When I said I was blindsided she appeared shocked that I didn’t see it coming. We had... View more

After seven years with my beautiful wife she has recently told me she wants to separate. To say I’m devastated is an understatement and I feel completely blindsided.When I said I was blindsided she appeared shocked that I didn’t see it coming. We had great intimacy two holidays planned and paid for and seem to be moving on nicely. I’ve asked if she wants to go see someone as a couple and she’s adamant it’s over. It’s only been a month and I’m so confused and can hardly function. I feel like such a weak man and I see my wife slowly starting to hate me and that just isn’t warranted. Can’t sleep, can’t eat and do nothing but cry (I’m not very good at crying)I have given up my whole life to be with my wife, I’ve lost my relationship with my kids (first marriage) my well paying career and any financial security that I once had. I’m soon to be a 51yo with not enough money to buy a house and don’t have the income to rent, for the first time in my life I’m terrified. My wife and I own a small business together and going to work and seeing her function as normal just makes things worse. I just don’t know what to do. J

sentinel23 Psychologist advice
  • replies: 1

I've recently separated from my wife of 20 years. I've been doing a lot of reading and have slowly come to the realization that I may have been emotionally abused during our marriage, and my mental health has been affected. I decided to see a psychol... View more

I've recently separated from my wife of 20 years. I've been doing a lot of reading and have slowly come to the realization that I may have been emotionally abused during our marriage, and my mental health has been affected. I decided to see a psychologist as I need to talk a few things through and get back to the person I used to be. I've had 2 sessions with the psychologist I was referred to and am unsure if I should continue with them. They don't appear to take any notes, and with 2 weeks between sessions we seemed to cover a lot of the same topics in each session as I'm certain they have forgotten what has already been discussed. Also, sessions have started 5 mins late and ended 5 mins early. Are my expectations too high, or should I try to find someone else?