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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Tillycat Advice: Do I stay or go?
  • replies: 10

I am new to posting on online forums but not new to depression (8 years now) and I don't feel like I have much to lose by posting on here. I am at a crossroad in my marriage and I am so unsure of what to do. We have been married for 4 years and toget... View more

I am new to posting on online forums but not new to depression (8 years now) and I don't feel like I have much to lose by posting on here. I am at a crossroad in my marriage and I am so unsure of what to do. We have been married for 4 years and together for 9. My husband and I have a similar profession but I gave it all up to allow him to pursue his career when we got together. I completed study in something else (which I don't really enjoy) to enable him to continue doing what he wants. His job was not a normal 9-5 job which means he travels and spends many nights out. I am at home alone. This year one of those jobs has fallen through, he wants to return to uni to study to become a teacher to give us a more stable financial position in order to start a family and save for a house. It is just that he has had to put the course on hold to finish of paper work to get his citizenship which he has been saying he will do for the last 6ish years. We have spoken about having a baby so many times and that we would start trying but never have. We have have spoken about buying a house but it never comes to anything. It is all just words to me now. Even trivial things like "I will wash up" or "I'l take the bins out" and it is still sitting there 2 days later waiting for me.To top it all off he has been writing inappropriate (sexual) things to female friends on Facebook. It has happened several times before when we first got together and a maybe 3 or 4 times since then. I have told him each time that it makes me feel so bad and low and is a betrayal of our relationship. He is secretive of his phone and Facebook accounts. I brought it up with him again and he says he just doesn't think he doing anything wrong at the time but can see how it would make me feel. I don't know if I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. I feel like I have given up everything for this marriage and relationship but I am not getting anything back. I am always his number one supporter. He supported me when I was at uni but not to stay true to my main life goals and dreams. I am tired of his empty words and promises. I feel like it is now or never for me. If I stay will it be like this forever? I see a psychologist and she has told me straight out to leave. We saw a marriage counsellor together but I felt like it was dealing with his issues not ours. He is trying to implement some things but a bit of me feels like it is too little too late.

Sue78 Lost & confused
  • replies: 2

Me & my ex husband had a beautiful relationship for 2.5 yrs before we got married on 16 Jan 2016.I used to get along very well with his parents & friends.3 months post wedding arguments started & his friends urged him to divorce me.His mother did not... View more

Me & my ex husband had a beautiful relationship for 2.5 yrs before we got married on 16 Jan 2016.I used to get along very well with his parents & friends.3 months post wedding arguments started & his friends urged him to divorce me.His mother did not help either.His work stress was impacting him.We started counselling & it was working.We went on a belated honeymoon in June.Came back happy & normal.But soon his stress,his mother & friends got the better of him.The same issues came back in worse form.I could not stop the rot.I went overseas in Dec to visit my mum for a month.During that month his mum told me he was screaming & shouting at his staff & his father,he was working too much,wasn't eating or coping.He did not keep up good communication with me which made me angry & anxious.He informed me he was depressed.He had earlier during our honeymoon told me he is having a midlife crisis.The day I got back he told me we have 11 months left before we go our own way.He told me to get out.It was midnight and I had just stepped into the house.I tried to calm him down & suggest we sit & talk like adults.He refused.I had noticed he had moved to the other room.We never had any intimacy issues so I was shocked.I tried to stand by him being concerned of his mental state but he spiralled.After nearly 12 months of emotional & verbal abuse & couple of attempts to discuss the separation I moved out.When I was moving out he was a raging lunatic.I had to call the cops.We were on the same page re kids & had purchased kids items together but when troubles started last April he pulled back.I had suggested he gets counselling for his stress but he did not.His mother & friends were too influential.Even though at one point I was his confidante & ally,now I am no one.His fury was tremendous & I copped the brunt of it.Anxiety attacks started & I went into depression.I was seeing a psychologist & he was supportive to some extent but he was such a mess himself.He signed up on dating & sex sites.He has been hitting on his female friends & chatting up random women. We are both 39.He owns his own businesses & I have a good job.Now it has been over a month since I left the house.He knows I don't want this separation.He has not once contacted me - neither have I contacted him.Am missing him so much.I thought by now he would have contacted me even if just with angry words.What is going on? Is it all over? Is there no hope? any insight & advise will be so appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Guest_989 No attachment to my kids
  • replies: 23

So I'm borderline (BPD) and have two children 4 and 18 months...both girls. They have lived with their mother since Feb last year when she left me. Although I love my children, and support them financially I have no bond or attachment to them. I have... View more

So I'm borderline (BPD) and have two children 4 and 18 months...both girls. They have lived with their mother since Feb last year when she left me. Although I love my children, and support them financially I have no bond or attachment to them. I have no desire to see them, or be apart of their lives. I don't come from a broken home, my folks are still together and I have normal relationship with them and my older sister. When I lived with my kids, I never had an attachment to them, or bond it's not something that occurred after they left. I would avoid coming home, and when I was at home would distance myself from them. I always felt uncomfortable, nervous, anxious around them, and felt forced spending time with them. I was undiagnosed BPD, and struggling heavily at the time. But now that I'm in control of my emotions, and am quite happy in myself....I still do not want to be apart of their lives. I declined to see them today, even though I was off work I don't really think about them, nor do I miss them. Im seeing a BPD specialist psych for the first time on Wednesday, and hoping she can shed some light on this, because I know as a person this is not right, but seem to be rather carefree about the whole thing I know there is many people on here with BPD, both males and females. Is this a typical trait for borderlines? Or is there something else at play here? Confused, but not emotional.

Yando Lost for what to do in my relationship with my wife???
  • replies: 1

In the beginning of our relationship things were amazing, what I guess they call the honeymoon period. Over the first few years my second wife accepted my two children, and they did her as their step-mum. Now years later there is undue hostility trig... View more

In the beginning of our relationship things were amazing, what I guess they call the honeymoon period. Over the first few years my second wife accepted my two children, and they did her as their step-mum. Now years later there is undue hostility triggering all manner of arguments (minor ones) which now end in threats of divorce... to force a win in her favor when she knows I love her and want to be with her. On top of that she now acts like I am a useless 'participant' in our marriage when in fact I am the only one attempting to have a conversation, she likes to hear and be informed and learn everything about my day every evening, then when I ask about her day all I get is a measly three word answer that 'It was okay", then her leaving the conversation is dead in the water. I then get constant criticism that I know nothing about what is going on in her life, where I have to remind her that I continuously ask and get no communication to be informed about what is happening in her day-to-day. Of course as you can imagine this is extremely frustrating for me, I am trying my best to be supportive and loving and I am not given any information to know what is going on in her life. I now am not only expected to work full-time to support my two kids of my first marriage but also are expected that I must do the entire housework (indoor and outdoors) as my career is not as important as hers. She comes home and expects dinner prepared and laundry done so she can just relax (we both have desk jobs dealing with clients). I am starting to feel emotionally exhausted, apparently everything is my fault and I don't listen (hard when there is nothing to listen to). What advice can you give me?

Brownm My Dad making me feel down
  • replies: 1

I moved away to make myself happy and healthy. Come home to visit family feel the same feelings again

I moved away to make myself happy and healthy. Come home to visit family feel the same feelings again

Midnight6 Married for 11 years and falling for another man
  • replies: 4

Hi all, this is very difficult for me to post as it makes me very anxious to put it out there. I have been married for 11 years, together for 16 years and we 2 boys who are 8. The last 6 years i have been emotionally and mentally abused and didn't re... View more

Hi all, this is very difficult for me to post as it makes me very anxious to put it out there. I have been married for 11 years, together for 16 years and we 2 boys who are 8. The last 6 years i have been emotionally and mentally abused and didn't really realise it till i started seeing a psychologist because i knew I was changing as a person cause i could finally see what i had been putting up with and i thought their was something wrong like i was the crazy one. Eg are, him not wanting me to work or wear makeup to work, not have fb or any social media, treating our children horribly with verbal abuse and the list goes on I have depression and was on antidepressants but went off them about 4 months ago. I felt like they numbed me too much and i couldn't make a real decision. Today i live confussed and totally exhausted from life. My brain doesn't switch off. I don't know what I feel anymore and i don't know what i want. I have been talking to a guy at work and i can't stop thinking about him. We are only friends but deep down i want more. I dont even know if i love my husband anymore. I dont know if i feel sorry for him or what it is or whats still keeping me here. We have started seeing a marriage counselor but deep down i say to myself that of all things ive been through with him and all the hurt and resentment I have, it just cant be undone. We are intimate but i dread it , i cringe when he comes near me...this isn't normal is it?? I fantasize about this other man all the time. I know it's wrong but i cant help it. Im scared that if i leave my husband ill regret it or something. I have sat down and told my husband that i have lost feelings for him and i that I dont know if i can get them back or even if i want them back. I don't want to hurt my husband but i need to be truthful to myself. Im so confused. And just to add i have felt these feelings even before i started talking to this other man. I have wanted to leave for a long time but we said we would give it a shot with the marriage counselor. I just dont know who i am or what i want anymore. And i don't want to keep being in this marriage and dragging my husband along. Im just so unsure of my feelings and what to do.

Brittanyann Seeking marriage and loneliness advise
  • replies: 3

I ask this here as I feel I don't know who to turn to.. I apologise for the length. I've been with my husband since high school, 8 years in total and married for a few months now. We have only ever really known each other and both our lives revolve a... View more

I ask this here as I feel I don't know who to turn to.. I apologise for the length. I've been with my husband since high school, 8 years in total and married for a few months now. We have only ever really known each other and both our lives revolve around each other.. we moved interstate and have moved a lot over the years so we are away from family and never really made friends. We moved to our current spot about a year ago and for the first time I've started to settle and make friends. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and struggle making friends so this is great for me. But it's brought up a number of issues... over the years I've doubted our relationship, our compatibility and whether or not I'm really "happy" with him but never left because well I don't have anyone else... he was the only person who put up with me who took care of me and understands me especially as someone with BPD. So, the new friends brings issues... one I'm attracted to one of them (though not the first person over the years) in a "I can see myself with you" kind of way. Granted plenty of people do that but this... this has me concerned... over the years my husband and I have had issues in bed or opening up to each other. We don't "treat" each other and have had plenty of fights about being too comfortable around each other.. we are more like married roommates.. so for this I see myself with someone else as a romantic thing , I see that excitement that comes with being with someone again. It feels safe in a way my current relationship doesn't.. two draws me to my main point... I don't know myself without my husband.. my whole young life has revolved around him.. he has been my friend my partner and my family.. I feel as though I have no one BUT him.. I never got to go out, be young or be on my own.. so how do I give something like that up for the off chance at something better? How do I know these feelings are just phases or if it's legitimate? How do I risk "finding myself"? I feel as though if I say I'll be miserable but at least I'll have someone... and if I go I'm taking a risk that might make my life worse. Ive been really depressed last few weeks about this and I have spoken to my husband about it and bless him he respects what I want to do but the problem is I don't know what to do... I'm really lost, I feel really alone and I get these horrible gut feelings of loneliness. I'm scared to leave I'm scared to go... I'm afraid of being alone and out of control...

Shell09 Seeking marriage advice
  • replies: 8

Hi, New to this site, but seeking advise. My husband and I met about 5 years ago. After a month we found out we were expecting a baby. When I told him, he was very excited. Just before our son was 1, he proposed and decided to try for another child. ... View more

Hi, New to this site, but seeking advise. My husband and I met about 5 years ago. After a month we found out we were expecting a baby. When I told him, he was very excited. Just before our son was 1, he proposed and decided to try for another child. We fell pregnant straight away and my husband got a job as FIFO. Things were great, and our second son was born. About a year and half later, he wanted to finish FIFO and start working locally. I explained to him he couldn't just finish work straight away as we had no savings and my wage was not enough to support all of us. He then found work but as casual and decided to finish FIFO. As months went on, work began to slow down for him and he wasn't bringing much of a wage in, while both children were in daycare full time as I was working Monday-Friday. We were really struggling as my wage wasn't covering everything and he just kept spending money we didn't have as he applied for a overdraft account through the bank. We then received eviction letter and I had to ask my mum for money. About a month later he ran into some inheritance money of approx $15,000. I kept asking if he had the money yet and he kept saying no - I knew he did as I have access to his bank account. A week later he decided to tell me he had the money, he paid up to date for rent, and all the other bills we were behind in. For about 3 months he spent all of the $15,000 plus the $10,000 of his wage - with nothing to show for now. He turned mentally abusive towards me in the past 1-2 years and I've just put up with it because it's easier to deal with. I've tried to talk to him, explain how I'm feeling, I've left with our boys a few times but have came back to him, we have tried marriage counselloring but he wasn't interested in / nor put any input. I've tried speaking with his family, and they have no advice. His mum left his dad and brother when he was 2 years old, and his dad hasn't been the best role model either. His dad constantly puts him down, no positive feedback from him, or even helps financially. His constantly seeking his dads approval but doesn't get it. His close to his dad and calls him at least 5 times a week as he lives in another state. I'm needing more support with our children as he doesn't help often and he gets cranky and makes me feel guilty when I have my own time which is not often Im needing help on how to help him communicate and overcome his past As it's effecting our marriage. We're only 25 years old

lizzie50 Hit rock bottom
  • replies: 2

I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the c... View more

I have discussed often on here about my breakup with my narcissistic ex partner. It has been about 4 months now since and i just feel I am not getting any better, i see my counsellor once a week or fortnight however i know its all on my to make the change but i just feel so tired and upset that i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. I cant fathom what his done to me, i lay awake at night crying and overthinking everything that happened wondering what is wrong with me to love a person that destroyed me. I want him to reassure my thoughts and tell me what i think and feel about us is the truth and his nasty words aren't. I dont understand how i can open up and be so honest with someone and them turn around and accuse me of everything I am not, everything he accused me of is actually what his done to me and how he is as a person. He has told his friends and family that I am crazy, he told me i have ruined his life and that i meant nothing to him at all and he will find someone so much better than me cause he cant think of anything good about me. I had still tried to contact him as i wanted closure, he ended it randomly and it didnt make sense. He then threatened to get a restraining order against me, he said that shows how much he hates me and how little i mean to him if his willing to do that. i had a really bad night 2 nights ago, feeling lost and worthless i went to a park him and i use to go and hangout. I messaged him and he ignored me and it made me feel heartbroken all over again that he doesnt even care for my wellbeing. I dont understand how he can do this to me, how he can one moment talk about how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever to a few hours later tell me he hates me and doesnt care if i exist or not. I wish i knew how he was truly feeling, i wish he listened to me, i wish he owned up to his mistakes. He ran away from me cause his a coward and honestly a loser. I feel so silly constantly going on about it, but i just feel like im getting worse.

Holi What to do
  • replies: 9

Hi i have twin boys 15 basically we went.through a really bad separation one of my boys has ocd and one has anxiety there father was abusive to me, and has always been on drugs, we left 5 yrs ago and i still get abused by text daily, for everything r... View more

Hi i have twin boys 15 basically we went.through a really bad separation one of my boys has ocd and one has anxiety there father was abusive to me, and has always been on drugs, we left 5 yrs ago and i still get abused by text daily, for everything regarding the boys, we have been homeless three times and now the boys grades have fallen badly, they have had huge amounts of time off school, which i couldn't help.im on depression tablets for a few years now, but i really finding it hard to cope, and there school just keeps kind of threating me that they wont pass year 10, we live along way from the school and dont really have close friends, there not social at all, and im really losing it, worried about there schooling and its my fault.