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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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justbe Vent
  • replies: 4

I feel angry and hurt whenever someone makes a mistake which puts me in a very stressful situation, and then blames my stressed response on my anxiety. Ie rather than ackowledge they stuffed up, and anyone with or without anxiety would have a stress ... View more

I feel angry and hurt whenever someone makes a mistake which puts me in a very stressful situation, and then blames my stressed response on my anxiety. Ie rather than ackowledge they stuffed up, and anyone with or without anxiety would have a stress response, they try to paint a picture that "there's no real biggie issue....boy you get stressed easily". It is weak, dishonest, disrespectful, a true sign of their own weakness or selfishness.

Sally2325 UPDATED: My partner who is suffering from depression has told me 'I feel nothing for you but have feelings for a one time mutual friend'
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums. I have been with my husband for 20 years and I on reflection I can see several instances in that time that my husband has been suffering depression. However, in the past 12 months he has become very depressed. It... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums. I have been with my husband for 20 years and I on reflection I can see several instances in that time that my husband has been suffering depression. However, in the past 12 months he has become very depressed. It started on the lead up to him turning 40. The depression has put significant pressure on our marriage and in January he told me that he thought that we should seperate as we don't get along. My reaction surprised him I think (I was very upset and was plainly obvious that I was) - initially once I was over the surprise I recognised that it may be the depression clouding his view on our relationship. When I look back I can see "coldness" setting in and lessening intimacy as time went on. It took several months for me to be able to get through to him but I finally got him to visit the GP with me. The good news is that he is now on medication and visiting a psychologist. I've done lots of reading and recognise that the coldness and talk of splitting may be a result of the depression. However, I feel alone. I'm happy that he is getting treatment for our his and my daughters sake but I'm really missing my best friend & to be honest my lover. I'm finding that I'm feeling more anxious than normal and that I'm paranoid about comments / actions that I would normally not even thing twice about. Does it get easier? I want to provide as much support as needed with the hope we can save our marriage in the end. Thanks for listening.

Hrtonsleeve Finding a way out Sole parent in a questionable relationship
  • replies: 1

There's always a story to tell... mine seems to be waiting long and I'm tired of fighting for two when it seems it was ever only meant for one. I feel I've been toyed with right from the start I turned a blind eye but the joking around now makes me t... View more

There's always a story to tell... mine seems to be waiting long and I'm tired of fighting for two when it seems it was ever only meant for one. I feel I've been toyed with right from the start I turned a blind eye but the joking around now makes me think he's got something to hide not only that but things don't add up he's always gone even at night tells me I'm stupid if I question him says he can do what he wants and I'm to put up with it he's not doing anything wrong.... I'm hitting a brick in all ereas my life even before him another story 4 another day thing is I'm 8 months pregnant no where to go anymore one to go to I've tried women's refuge but because he hasn't hit me they just say it's a relationship breakdown it's more than that in long term it turns into something more where doing go there's no support for single mum who have nothing and no money and no way as a result of controlling and manipulative partners or xs where do I go when alarm bells are ringing and your trapped to do or say anything about it your just the crazy one HELP!!

Fifi14 Porn in marriage
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, a few months ago two days before our family vacation I accidentally stumbled upon porn sites on my husbands phone. There was a few videos in his history. When I confronted him he first denied it. The next day he blamed my teenage son for... View more

Hi everyone, a few months ago two days before our family vacation I accidentally stumbled upon porn sites on my husbands phone. There was a few videos in his history. When I confronted him he first denied it. The next day he blamed my teenage son for viewing it on his phone. Few days later he came clean but then said he did not really watch it and was researching sexual techniques to please me. What does he take me for? How can I believe him about this or ever again. I feel like I'm losing my mind. He just wants me to forget and move on. The images plays over and over in my mind. I'm broken angry and can't seem to get past this. I felt very distant in our sex life for a while and when sibling upon this it makes me think is this why I feel our intimacy is so cold and feel as if this thinking of someone else. I am hurting so much and feel like I want to hurt him physically mentally emotionally. He was my best friend and now I've lost that faith and trust. What if he is telling the truth but then again why on websites? I just need the truth. Is there anyone going through what I am at the moment I need some advice help or someone to tell me am I crazy to act this way? Thank you

pualn Depression and relationships
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I've recently become engaged to my partner. When I first met her she was the most affectionate and loving person I'd ever met. Needless to say we really connected and hit it off... She is currently working a job she absolutely hates that invo... View more

Hi all, I've recently become engaged to my partner. When I first met her she was the most affectionate and loving person I'd ever met. Needless to say we really connected and hit it off... She is currently working a job she absolutely hates that involves extremely early morning starts (3am most days). Her workplace is not the best environment as they are not very supportive of their workers, often putting them down and very rarely is there praise or reward for a job well done. The pay is quite poor and she barely earns enough to take care of her own expenses. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety during her teenage years and was on medication which she is no longer on. In the last couple of months she has told me she is bordering on depression due to her work and her satisfaction with where she is going. She often says she feels she has no purpose to her life. She is constantly anxious and stressed about work. When shes at home alone during the day she tells me she is in bed for most of it and all she does is think about how shit her life is and how she feels stuck, without anything to look forward to. Most days when I come home I'm often faced with a very agitated, annoyed and angry partner. I would ask what is wrong and she would say it's nothing. I would ask again and again and she would say it's just the same shit.. I hate my job, I'm anxious and stressed, I have no purpose etc. These days I have trouble connecting with her as she is completely withdrawn. Very little affection and love, it's like she's completely holding back. I done so much reading into depression and how it affects/alters personal relationships but I would really like real advice from people who have been through something similar with their partner? How they managed it and got through it... how it felt while it was happening... Thank you in advance. Paul

Elizabeth CP Daughter moving overseas. will miss her & struggle with process of her leaving
  • replies: 4

My daughter has just decided to accept a job offer OS. She usually visits on weekends (she lives 3hrs away) I already have a son living OS & another one has said he will move next year if he is offered a good enough job. I am happy for my daughter & ... View more

My daughter has just decided to accept a job offer OS. She usually visits on weekends (she lives 3hrs away) I already have a son living OS & another one has said he will move next year if he is offered a good enough job. I am happy for my daughter & hoping she has a good experience but this doesn't stop me worrying about missing her. My other concern is needing to help her by storing her belongings including furniture. I don't have a lot of room & my husband is blind so I need things kept in place so he can cope. I struggle if things are too cluttered as I can't find things & feel out of control. Has anyone else dealt with this or have any suggestions to help me

purplemoon How do I walk away and move on?
  • replies: 2

Last year I fell in love with an amazing man, very shy, introverted & 'broken' after a traumatic childhood & a life of painful relationships & he admitted he sometimes feels depressed but has never been diagnosed or had treatment, & has a history of ... View more

Last year I fell in love with an amazing man, very shy, introverted & 'broken' after a traumatic childhood & a life of painful relationships & he admitted he sometimes feels depressed but has never been diagnosed or had treatment, & has a history of family MI. He has a very stressful job & had a couple of melt downs I was able to sit through with him. He would withdraw the next day embarrassed I’d seen him so low & emotional but I’d reassure him then step back & give him space to ‘regroup’. He lacks selfesteem & confidence & doubts himself but kept telling me how wonderful life and a future with me is. Whenever he is down his coping strategy is to put on a mask to appear ok & go to see his teenage child so he has to stay in ok mode, but it is not dealing with the illness. Just before xmas he was contacted by his ex-partner, a woman who bullied him for years. I watched his anxiety & fear building up & everything fell apart, she reignited very distressing memories & I saw him imploding. He started to push me away saying he isn’t good enough & I should find someone better. I tried to reassure him of my love but he just kept withdrawing. My counsellor told me he’s probably overwhelmed by his feelings, afraid to let me love him. I gave him space to be with family over xmas but he stopped contacting me all together & went steadily downhill & I felt he needed to be hospitalised both for his mental state & seriously high blood pressure. He posted concerning things online & when I went to check on him he was in a very manic state but refused to talk, ran away & broke all contact. I rang a family member to let them know my concerns, they are oblivious to his severe anxiety & depression & told me to leave him alone. He was very distressed & I fear he felt confronted & exposed, yet I’m the only one who has seen how bad things & want to stick by him & help him get well. I know it’s going to be long rocky road ahead but I love him, he’s worth it. I’ve sent him a few messages over the months to let him know I’m here when he’s ready to let me in but a few weeks ago I reached out & got a very hurtful & threatening text reply & he’s demanded I never contact him again. I’m devastated, I don’t think he is ever going get treatment or be well again. but he’s pushed me out of his life & I just have to walk away. It’s heartbreaking, this is the man I wanted to grow old with & now I don’t know how to move forward. I feel I have failed him & this is a sad loss for both of us.

Jana89 Step parent support - dealing with a high conflict birth mum
  • replies: 2

Hi all, i am a step mum to a beautiful 5 yr old boy. My husband is a step dad to my 7 year old and we have 2 children together girls (1 & 3). Im dealing with a high conflict birth mum, normally when conflict arises I'm able to push through but I'm fe... View more

Hi all, i am a step mum to a beautiful 5 yr old boy. My husband is a step dad to my 7 year old and we have 2 children together girls (1 & 3). Im dealing with a high conflict birth mum, normally when conflict arises I'm able to push through but I'm feeling so down lately like I can't deal and just want to walk away from everything because it's all too much. Our sons both had a incident recently where they have discovered there "bits" they touched each other's because they thought it was funny. We have talked to my son about it and educated him on how it is private parts and taken the right steps to support him but let him know it's not okay. Birth mother has now taken our step son off us as we had 50/50 care, accusing my son of being a molester, and now my husband is struggling not seeing his son until mediation begins. Regardless of what we do, she is never happy with our parenting, the kids are well looked after, disciplined properly and are cared for how children should be. We have happy and healthy kids. I feel like I can't get through this, she wants my husband to just be alone and have his son, so I feel like it's me and my son who are holding him back from that and I can't deal. Is there anyone who has been through this before? We don't have the money to fight in court and frankly we don't even have the energy to either. It's just a never ending battle and all we want is what's best for our step son.

Wilhelmina_Spankbottom Is emotional infidelity real?
  • replies: 11

I have been married for nearly 20 years. About half that time my husband and I have not been intimate for unknown reasons to me. The past 6 months have seen my husband be-friend a family friend who has been going through a tough time. I was never inc... View more

I have been married for nearly 20 years. About half that time my husband and I have not been intimate for unknown reasons to me. The past 6 months have seen my husband be-friend a family friend who has been going through a tough time. I was never included in conversations between the two of them and she would text him at all hours of the night and day. She wanted to move in so he said yes. Asked me after the fact. She would come home each night, give a big greeting and hug to my husband and children and would barely say hello to me. It got to the stage where I would see that he was enjoying her company alot more than mine, not necessarily attracted to her though (even though it had been years since he gave me a "you look nice". It was usually "i find you ugly and unattractive". I would go to bed leaving them to watch tv, say goodnight to my husband, and he wouldn't even stop watching tv to look at me and say goodnight. She has since moved out but they still text all the time but he hides it from me because he knows i don't like it. He has now kicked me out of the house as well. He tells me it's all in my head. Am I being childish to want a married relationship like most people enjoy? Where I can have a husband who openly shows he loves me? Because for many years I have felt this "love" thing is all a big con-job! Someone, please help me. I have no-one I can talk to.