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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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mpogret Chances of sex therapy when one of the partners has a satisfying relationship on the side
  • replies: 6

Hi! My first post here. I'm a 47-year-old man, married for 23+ years. My wife is 46. Our emotional connection is quite good, we love spending time together. I'd say we're getting along better than most couples we know. It seems like the only serious ... View more

Hi! My first post here. I'm a 47-year-old man, married for 23+ years. My wife is 46. Our emotional connection is quite good, we love spending time together. I'd say we're getting along better than most couples we know. It seems like the only serious issue we have is sex. Here’s our story. We married quite young and didn't have almost any sexual experience. At first, we both enjoyed sex, but, after a while, my wife started shutting off. For years, I wrongly interpreted this as decline in desire but, in fact, she just didn't enjoy it with me the way she was longing to. And she couldn’t find the way to tell me about this. I just accepted this and didn't pay much attention, navigating our busy lives. 7.5 years ago we moved to Australia and the move was a major shock for her. She almost didn't know any English and, for a while, had to rely on me and our daughter for day-to-day communications. She also had to go through the process of confirming her nursing qualification, which took 6 years. Shortly after the move, we hired a private English tutor for her (a handsome Aussie guy 5 years older than her) and they quickly fell in love with each other. I discovered this affair after a couple of months and, obviously was shocked. We had a rough period of time, with her explaining to me how she loved both of us and didn't want to end either of the relationships. I reluctantly agreed to accept this, and they kept seeing each other for years since then roughly once a week. I didn't have much of an insight into that relationship of hers and things seemed to continue as normal between us. I didn't know throughout all that time if sex was involved. ~4 months ago the story repeated itself. She met another guy and fell in love with him, very passionately. I discovered this new affair ~1.5 months ago. The same pattern repeated, she claimed she loved both of us (actually, the 3 of us, including the 1st guy) and didn't want to end any of the relationships. It took me a while to peel the layers of protection she built around herself to fully understand what was going all these years. She had a passionate true love with the 1st guy, which involved everything, including sex. He’s quite a character though, so she was suffering lots of ups and downs with him. He had other women from time to time, and she felt jealousy.

Bluetoo Depressed GF having doubts
  • replies: 1

This is gonna be along, and I don't expect anyone to reply...however I need to get it off my chest. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 and half years. We clicked instantly, and moved pretty quickly throughout our relationship. We moved... View more

This is gonna be along, and I don't expect anyone to reply...however I need to get it off my chest. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 3 and half years. We clicked instantly, and moved pretty quickly throughout our relationship. We moved in together after a year of being together, and 6 months ago we moved into our very own home. Everything seemed to be going well, but in late October she told me that she wasn't sure on how she was feeling about me. This came as a shock, so I was keen to uncover how this all unravelled. Over the months since we've gone from through different living arrangements. Living separately, to giving each other time and space, to living like a couple again...it's been a merry-go-round. This entire time (and in hindsight, the lead up to the event in October), she had not been herself. An entirely different person. She has a history of depression, and while she's medicated it seems as though it's now at it's worst. She's distanced herself from almost everyone, and she doesn't open up to anyone aside from me. Two nights ago, I went to her parents where she is currently staying and she said that she's sick of hurting me and isn't sure if this is right for her... We are currently on a hiatus, so to speak, but I can't help but think that her feelings are being clouded by her depression. Is it plausible to suggest that she really does want to be with me, but her depression is stopping her from loving? She says she loves me, but she doesn't know in which way that is. However she has said this a few times, but has also come running back to me a few times too saying she wants me to be hers forever. It's entirely mixed signals, but I also understand as depression is a bi*ch. Finally, I know I haven't been great as this situation has given me heightened anxiety which has also stressed her, so I know this break is good for me too... I suppose I'm just after advice on what to do in this situation. I know that the only way we can work is if she works on herself, and that means time and space...but on the other hand, I know shes struggling a lot right now and I want to show her I'm there. At the end of the day it's not the end of the world if we split up, I just want her to be okay.

Georgiegirl My 15yr old daughter won't come homehomel
  • replies: 10

Last time I saw my daughter was 6 weeks ago. Her behaviour is out of control. She is abusive physically verbally emotionally. After swearing at me one too many times I took her phone. She had me up against a wall biting me and left bruising and possi... View more

Last time I saw my daughter was 6 weeks ago. Her behaviour is out of control. She is abusive physically verbally emotionally. After swearing at me one too many times I took her phone. She had me up against a wall biting me and left bruising and possibly a torn rotor cuff. She went to her Grans. Problem is Gran rewards her for her behaviour. For example if I take the internet Gran gives it to her. I ground her from her music night and Gran takes her anyway. I am really depressed and have severe anxiety. I can't get help. Its fight flight FROZEN. I cant go out in a small town and she's told everyone I've been abusing her. The school counselor apparently told her she can get centrelink when she turns 16 and can leave. She stole jewellery I bought for Christmas presents, money, my makeup and goodness knows what else. Please, any ideas. Gran has been asked not to do this and send her home and she won't listen.

Maz80 Torn love i am both struggling & confused
  • replies: 6

Hi there i am needing to chat to others who have been through simular. I am married to man (K) I have been with for 15 years have 2 kids but for that whole 15 years i crave my ex boyfriend (B). Please bare with me on this. My mind is so tired. I was ... View more

Hi there i am needing to chat to others who have been through simular. I am married to man (K) I have been with for 15 years have 2 kids but for that whole 15 years i crave my ex boyfriend (B). Please bare with me on this. My mind is so tired. I was previously married 2000-2002 to a emotionally abusice man who was also a drug addict. During this marriage i had an affair with B for a year. The affair was just not only sexual but we shared everything in common, never fought and 100% loved each other. However i could not bring enough courage to leave husband. By the time I did it was too late and B ran internationally as he was hurt and did not know where he stood in my life. In other words i broke him Now single end 2002 i met now husband K and now have 2 kids. K HAS had porn and sex addictions which led to some issues in our marriage of ill trust. Especially came to head in Sept just gone. I felt unloved and them up popped B on social media. I sent a wave to say hello. This lead to us chatting a bit. During these chats we both comfessed that we still desired our relationship back even to both of us stating we loved each other and he wanted to move from brisbane to Melbourne to be with me. Things came to a head 2 weeks ago i told husband i was unhappy and torn between them both. He begged me to go to marriage counciling to work on problems to save our marriage. Unfortunately given time of year counciler on holidays as is my physc. I have had a complete meltdown and cannot stop crying. Spoke to B and he has said that until I am single that we are to leave things he does not want to be in competition with K for me. So he told me this morning not to contact him until single and ready to commit to him. No contact at all. i feel sick i have broken B again and also K. I cannot understand why i cannot either move on from B or move on from K. has anyone else been in a similar situation ? I cannot see light at end of tunnel at moment and feel lost. Again sorry if this doesn't all male sense i am exhausted mentally and emotionally.

Shesellssanctuary My partner is so low & we are falling apart.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, this is my first post, whilst this is not primarily about me, I have suffered from clinical depression in the past. My partner was hiding alcoholism from me when we first met, and when it became apparent he was drinking himself to death, I in... View more

Hi all, this is my first post, whilst this is not primarily about me, I have suffered from clinical depression in the past. My partner was hiding alcoholism from me when we first met, and when it became apparent he was drinking himself to death, I intervened & brought him to my place & with his consent helped him access some services which led him to a medical detox in hospital. He was so grateful & I supported him unconditionally as I love him deeply. When he got back from hospital I encouraged him to utilise AA, and he was euphoric & felt a great deal of support & acknowledgement from the group. About two weeks later everything started to change, he started isolating himself & shutting down completely, not eating, showering, all the tell tale signs....he accessed the GP who put him on anti depressants. He has pushed me away so much, and while I am trying to understand & empathise with him, I am hurting too, and don't feel I am allowed to have a voice as it's all about him & his recovery.....so I ended up lashing out, and trying to be heard but it's made things even worse. I am trying to be here, as I lost a healthy relationship years ago due to a major bout of depression myself. I'm trying to leave him be, be gentle, however it's getting unbearable & I fear it will get to a stage we can't recover from this? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

mbee Lost all of my female friends and unsure how to make new 1s
  • replies: 1

I'm a 22 year old female and I work full time, as I've worked more frequently I have noticed the number of my female friends decrease (noticed both male and female but am more concerned on my female friendship group), problem is I am unsure how to ma... View more

I'm a 22 year old female and I work full time, as I've worked more frequently I have noticed the number of my female friends decrease (noticed both male and female but am more concerned on my female friendship group), problem is I am unsure how to make new female friends of the same age.. because of this I feel my depression growing and self confidence dropping.. any advice?

Jackson1994 Dad
  • replies: 42

Anyone who knows a bit about me on here may know that my dad isn't the nicest guy in the world and we have minimal contact after he left when I was pretty young Im making this post because he has been contacting me, he sent me a message not long afte... View more

Anyone who knows a bit about me on here may know that my dad isn't the nicest guy in the world and we have minimal contact after he left when I was pretty young Im making this post because he has been contacting me, he sent me a message not long after midnight saying happy new year, although I appreciated them I got a few so just ignored them all, generally people just send them to their whole contact list He messaged me again 1:05am, have a good year maybe this year things will work out for you I replied, they did this year but thanks dad By 2am I'd gotten a page long I'm sorry for not being there message let's go for a drink tomorrow night we can make things good I didn't reply I was with my partner and I wasn't ruining both our Nye getting worked up over it Now I'm upset, I see him I risk him upsetting me, I don't see him I risk him hating me and mum even more

nick006 Depression ruining relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, This is my first thread here, i use to read forums here. I am suffering from major depression disorder from last year January, thats when i was diagnosed with it. I live here by myself, i have so many finanacial responsibilities. But sin... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first thread here, i use to read forums here. I am suffering from major depression disorder from last year January, thats when i was diagnosed with it. I live here by myself, i have so many finanacial responsibilities. But since Jan last year its been really hard for me to do anything. I am not able to do even daily tasks of mylife . I stay home sometimes for weeks and dont go out. I am in aa long distance relationship with mygf but she is planning to move here in next 6 months. She is the only one who knows my situation my condition. My family doesn’t know anything about my health. She is been there always for me. She supported me every single day even she encouraged me to do things and motivates me that i can do it all. We love each other so much. I know my behaviour has been really bad after the sickness because most of the time i don’t even know how i am behaving. But in last 2 months its even got worst. I argue with her , blame her for everything. And later i realise and apologies. Because it’s happening everyday i know its getting reaaly hard for her to live like this. But i don’t know what should i do , How should i stop behaving like this . I don’t want hurt her anymore. She is the only one whose been there for me in my worst and she is still there for me. I am taling medicines for my mental health. Sometimes i feel liw its improved but them it comes back again. Please help me , i don’t want to hurt her anymore. I am so scared that my depression will ruin our relationship. I can’t that happening. Please help.

El_Yank My wife gave her ring back today...
  • replies: 7

My wife finally had enough of all my self hate, and has given me the ultimatum that if I don't get help, she's taking my daughter and leaving me... I thought I was doing ok. But, it's really just gotten worse. I'm fly off the handle over nothing. My ... View more

My wife finally had enough of all my self hate, and has given me the ultimatum that if I don't get help, she's taking my daughter and leaving me... I thought I was doing ok. But, it's really just gotten worse. I'm fly off the handle over nothing. My anxiety is worse than ever. Sometimes i just want to cover myself with sheets and never get out of bed again... the worst part is, i'm going to ruin my daughter's life... already ruining my wifes.

Paris9412 Forever Single
  • replies: 1

A little bit about me - I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I have had many sexual experiences and have dated a lot but have just never been able to commit to or be exclusive with anyone (even when I had feelings for the person). Not becaus... View more

A little bit about me - I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I have had many sexual experiences and have dated a lot but have just never been able to commit to or be exclusive with anyone (even when I had feelings for the person). Not because I haven't had the opportunity to be in a relationship, but because it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Ever since I was fifteen I've known romantic love wasn't really a thing for me. Ever since I had my first crush I've had a fear of commitment - I remember them telling me they felt the same way and I felt so uncomfortable about it, and immediately moved on. It's not a fear of vulnerability because I'm very good at doing that. It's just ingrained into me to avoid relationships and be single. I want to feel normal and like I can do normal things like commit to someone and be in love. I just feel like it's not supposed to happen to me, and I try desperately to change it by going on lots of dates hoping I'll find someone who will make me change my mind. I'm very picky and no one interests me. My friends all say that I just have to find the right person but even when I really like someone it just doesn't feel right for me not to be single. I feel like if I was in a relationship I would feel trapped and like I'm not being myself - I think it's just such a foreign thing to me, I wouldn't know how to cope. I would like to feel normal and be in a committed relationship like all my friends but I don't know if dating will ever feel right to me. I feel like it's not really normal that I've only had feelings for two people in my entire life and that everyone else finds falling in love so easy. A few of my friends went on their first date ever and now have been with the same guy for two years. I've had hundreds of dates and never find myself interested in anyone. I'm tired of hearing "I didn't meet my partner until I was ___, you'll find the right person etc" when I'm not even sure if it's true (or if I ever want to be with anyone anyway). I just feel like an outsider when everyone else is so madly in love and building their lives with their partners. Has anyone else ever felt the same or had a similar fear of commitment? How did you cope? Thanks for listening.