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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Brittzx Why me?
  • replies: 2

My ex met a girl while working fifo work when our son was 2 months old he kept it a secret until the Jo. Was over and be couldn't keep it a secret anymore he kicked us out of the family home and had her move in. He left me broken alone confused with ... View more

My ex met a girl while working fifo work when our son was 2 months old he kept it a secret until the Jo. Was over and be couldn't keep it a secret anymore he kicked us out of the family home and had her move in. He left me broken alone confused with nothing of our life left. I begged for months not to leave but he had no care. A few months later when he could see I was managing he wanted us back. I really wanted my family together but to much damage was done. I sit here and wonder to myself every day and night why me? Does he ever think about how he ruined my life and my 1 shot at having a family that wasnt separated and a marriage with my sons father. Why did he want to cause that much pain for me?

MummaKez Issues with inlaws
  • replies: 6

I need some help... I have had problems with my inlaws ever since I started dating my husband. They had trouble accepting the first time we moved out on our own (they would tell my husband I would leave him after 6 months and take 1/2 of everything),... View more

I need some help... I have had problems with my inlaws ever since I started dating my husband. They had trouble accepting the first time we moved out on our own (they would tell my husband I would leave him after 6 months and take 1/2 of everything), when we got married they were so sad and did not talk to me, later I was told my FIL told my husband it was ok if he didn't want to go through with marriage, we had issues buying a house because inlaws had to be happy with the house we bought aswell, it goes on BUT now we have twins in the mix. They are 3. We have had alot of control issues with grandparents now wanting more say in how they are raised and now recently the grandparents will make plans to hangout with my kids and then cancel at the last minute resulting in me having to calm down one of my kids because they thought nana and pop didnt like them and that there is something wrong with them. I have never stood my ground until recently when my FIL canceled going to an event telling my husband that I was not keen on going (which is further from the truth). I then confronted my FIL saying that I was looking forward to us going, he pretending like he didnt say anything to my husband but that they still weren't going. I told him I had not told the kids they were coming yet so the kids would not get upset again if they cancelled. We all went as a family but grandparents didn't come. I feel like this behaviour is now effecting my whole family and need advice on how to fix it so we can all be happier again.

HayPat What do I do next?
  • replies: 1

I have been with my bf 4 years. Just under 2 years ago we built a house in the country. Everything was great! Pretty much as soon as we moved there is when the problems began. It was a long commute to work (we carpooled every day) and that, plus fina... View more

I have been with my bf 4 years. Just under 2 years ago we built a house in the country. Everything was great! Pretty much as soon as we moved there is when the problems began. It was a long commute to work (we carpooled every day) and that, plus financial, work/life, job issues got to both of us. The only time we got together was in the car, our days off never coincided. My partner started getting distant, irritable...he started sleeping in the spare room away from me each nighr. In hindsight we should have talked about it but I don't think I even realised that it was depression seeping in. And if he knew, he didn't say anything. I was just trying to survive the hard times, too. Lack of communication on both sides. Also he applied for the police force so he could earn more money, it was a long process and he had the final interview in march and passed. He should be getting a call any day now to join the academy. How will he cope there?? 3 weeks ago he said he wanted to break up and that he was going to live with his parents. Right after he said that, he shut himself in the spare room and I didn't see him the rest of the night. That is so not him. Anyway...i am now alone in the house and he is an hour away with his folks. He obviously needs space to think about things and says he'll talk soon just not yet. He is in a very dark place, I think. I think when he thinks of me and saving our relationship it all just seems too daunting for him and too hard. I think deep down he still loves me but he's scared and confused because of how the depression makes him feel. He says he needs to be alone to fix himself and he thinks breaking up is the only way to do that. I think we can do this together. I want to help him and i want to be together again, even if it means baby steps and limited contact for a while so we can both have some space. I know this is not the real him. What do i do? Should i just not contact him? Should i go to his house and offer support in person? I am so broken by this whole thing, i have done a lot of research about depression since he left, and looking back there are so many things we did wrong. Once he is ready to talk to me, how do we save our relationship?? I am trying to respect his space but it's killing me. I just want to tell him it's ok to feel like he does and that I am here for him. I have offered to go to treatment with him. Is there any chance of us saving our relationship? I don't know what to do, help please

SweetAmara Couldn't be more alone.
  • replies: 5

I don't even know how to start this but anyway... I have severe general anxiety, social anxiety and depression. I struggle to make friends and I am the person out of my friends that typically tries the hardest to catch up with people. Nobody really s... View more

I don't even know how to start this but anyway... I have severe general anxiety, social anxiety and depression. I struggle to make friends and I am the person out of my friends that typically tries the hardest to catch up with people. Nobody really sees each other unless I organise something. I do understand that everybody has jobs and lives they're desperately trying to organise; but I genuinely feel forgotten. When I organise to catch up I am often left down. I organised a dinner party with a group of people I went to school with, nobody showed up, I was left sitting in a restaurant alone. I feel worthless and unwanted. I struggle to make friends in general so just starting over doesn't seem like an option. Many of the people I met during high school have ceased speaking to me, I do understand that that's normal, but at the same time it's beginning to feel like it's because nobody wants me. My boyfriend lives overseas so it makes those feelings of loneliness more acute. He does do things with me when he can but he also has a very hectic job and is studying himself. While I work all week and come home to basically sit alone all weekend. I am even in a wedding but the bride doesn't want me to contribute anything to help. No matter how I advance in my career or other factors of my life, this is always what I experience, never really belonging anywhere. I've lost all faith in it ever getting better. I spent my primary schools years isolated, my teen years and now it seems it'll continue into adulthood. It shatters me. I am a very independent, caring person, I don't need to be around people all the time, I enjoy "me" time; but at this point I don't see any valuing in trying to be who I am or make an effort when loneliness is all I get back.

Dory09 Why is there a time limit on grief?
  • replies: 26

Hi everyone not sure where to start! ok here goes on the 5th of march my daughter was unwell, thinking she had really bad gastro I took her to our local hospital, they kept her in and later that night she had 3 seizures, we ended up being flown to RC... View more

Hi everyone not sure where to start! ok here goes on the 5th of march my daughter was unwell, thinking she had really bad gastro I took her to our local hospital, they kept her in and later that night she had 3 seizures, we ended up being flown to RCH and told she had a clot and bleed on her brain, she was in a coma for 3 weeks then passed away on the 29th, she is now forever 8, I miss her so much, life isn't the same now, then I lost my mum 4 days later, i have a lot of why me days, I feel so alone, my husband is so angry with the world I feel like I can't talk to him as it only upsets him more, he has his brothers and friends to talk to, we don't talk to each other! his mother keeps telling me I need to get anti depressants, I've spoken to my gp and I don't want them, why can't I just be sad I don't need to fix that with pills, let me miss her, when does being sad and missing someone become depression? Why is there a time limit on grief, I keep hearing oh it's been 3 months why are you still sad maybe you need to get some medication!

mom26 single parent risk of homelessness
  • replies: 4

I'm 26 years old pregnant with second child and struggling to find a home for us. I have no one to talk to or vent to so emotionally drained and feel so alone. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm 26 years old pregnant with second child and struggling to find a home for us. I have no one to talk to or vent to so emotionally drained and feel so alone. I don't know what to do anymore.

Heartbrkn My partner has depression and ended our realationship
  • replies: 7

Long story ahead I hope you stay with me: My partner and I have been together for 12 years. Our realationship has been 100% honestly, trust, friendship and love. I noticed my partner was dufferent when he hit 30. He was feeling old and was questionin... View more

Long story ahead I hope you stay with me: My partner and I have been together for 12 years. Our realationship has been 100% honestly, trust, friendship and love. I noticed my partner was dufferent when he hit 30. He was feeling old and was questioning his life choices. A few weeks after he hit 30 our baby boy and 1st child arrived in this world and my partner was so in love. He was happy again he told me our lifes are complete ect. Fast forward to our son almost turning 1 my partner started sinking again and admitted he didnt feel satisfied. At this point I was a stay at home mum (his choice) and he was working night shift. I assumed he was stressed about money and he was struggling to sleep during the day so I got a job and encouraged him to change shifts. He refused and said he couldnt lose out on the pay. A few months later he starts adding people on FB that he use to know from school but mainly people he had falling outs with like his ex GF and his old bestfriend. I mentioned that he may be depressed and suggested he go see someone as at this point he was starting to go out alot and was rarely home. He was also not sleeping well and his moods towards my son and I were getting bad. On mothers day I got home from work and he completely broke down on me and told me that he doesnt want to be with me anymore. He admitted he had depression and he "didnt want to drag me down". As I tried to not show him he had broken my heart I talked it through with him and after a few hours of tears he agreed to get some help. Since then he has been to 1 counsiling session and hasnt been to one since. He has decided to continue going out and I think he is smoking weed to help him relax (ive smelt it on him). He still loves our son and says he loves me annd doesnt want things to change but doesnt want to be with me at the same time (so confusing) im trying to support him and encourage him to seek help but he gets angry at me and says im always questioning him and attacking him. He says he doesnt want to take any medication and he will sort through this stuff himself. I dont know what to do to help him and most days he acts like we are together (tries to hug and kiss me) but im stopping him cause I dont want to be caught in limbo. Also ill add he started to hang out with his ex and this has totally crushed me. I feel like leaving and never coming back. Should I stick around and help him or should I give up? I feel like im only going to hurt myself if i stay

highlysensitivepersonhsp Love as a conscious choice
  • replies: 9

Hello dear readers. A bit about me. I have spent my entire adulthood working on myself, trying to find healing and happiness. I am now 54 years old. I started my journey in my mid twenties. Along the way I have suffered all kinds of abuses and seriou... View more

Hello dear readers. A bit about me. I have spent my entire adulthood working on myself, trying to find healing and happiness. I am now 54 years old. I started my journey in my mid twenties. Along the way I have suffered all kinds of abuses and serious psychological trauma. I am like many in that regard. I have been without support or guidance save for resources in the community like books of healing. I am at the stage where I am asking myself, what is it all for? I think I now have an answer. All I have experienced has prepared me to make the conscious choice to love myself and others. I am ready. I am learning how. I believe that love is the pinnacle of relationships, but that my life so far has been about readying me for such an awesome responsibility. How does a healthy adult behave in accordance with a conscious choice to balance love for herself and for others? How can I be mindful of being loving? I throw open this question to the reader. I guess I am asking, what is love between adults? Have you given any thought to this question? I would love to hear your replies. To start the ball rolling, I might suggest that there needs to be judgement in order to protect oneself and to assert self love. Self love comes first unless you are consciously acting out of sacrifice or selfless altruism. Comments? Lovingly, Sandra.

Styxx Lost Again.
  • replies: 3

I am feeling lost and hurt right now, yet again. Having moved back into our home with my teenage daughter late last year after my wife told us to leave for 12 months following a long period of chaos in our family caused by our daughter, the relations... View more

I am feeling lost and hurt right now, yet again. Having moved back into our home with my teenage daughter late last year after my wife told us to leave for 12 months following a long period of chaos in our family caused by our daughter, the relationship between my wife and I has taken another dive. Our daughter who has mental health issues, was suspended from school 3 weeks ago for verbally abusing a teacher. Shortly after I picked her up from school she hit me several times,. I told her to get out of the car and not come home. She has been couch surfing, staying with friends we think since then. The trouble now is that my wife once again does not want her back in our home. I understand my wife's concerns because she has been on the receiving end of much of my daughters behaviour for many years. My wife wants us to cut ties completely and let her go with no more contact. I am concerned for my daughters safety and education if we do that as she is still at school and under 18. My wife sees this as me aligning with my daughter and not her again. She has told me that she is moving out as I will never change and that she is done with our marriage. I love my wife but I don't know which way I should go. I know my wife and I have dealt with so many issues where our daughter is concerned it has worn us down. But also I feel a responsibility toward my daughters safety and well being as well as hoping one day as she gets older things will settle and we can be a close family again. We have arranged so much support for her but she refuses any help. It is so difficult living with someone with her mental health condition, it has destroyed our family. I guess I feel a sense of anger toward my daughter for having put us through all this but I also feel hurt by my wife because she is making me choose a path to go without us helping each other through this. I don't know which way to go.

Lost88888 Im lost on how to act
  • replies: 5

Becouse of events that happend in my life thru my mother cheating and when my ex fiance sat with me on a hoilday and told me that she "never wanted to get engaged and only said yes to keep me happy" i have lost trust Not only trust in faith in women ... View more

Becouse of events that happend in my life thru my mother cheating and when my ex fiance sat with me on a hoilday and told me that she "never wanted to get engaged and only said yes to keep me happy" i have lost trust Not only trust in faith in women but also trust in when someone says they love me i now have a gf whom i have fully fallen in love, but i keep going thru phases where my trust in her goes up and down i want to check her phone or spy on her i know shes not but if i get a .05% chance she could ill take it as absoulte. The other day out of no where her ex tryies calling her after a year of no contact with him so she tells me. she didnt answer and she said that she wont call him back and def not see him. after i asked of course i got upset over the fact he tried to call at all to be honest. i just cant stop these feelings and i feel like this is toxic and is going to ruin a good relationship over my own insercreties Im only asking on this becouse i use to talk to my grandfather but he passed some time ago n i have no one to talk about this stuff