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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_128 This is where you can talk about your kids.
  • replies: 7

Hey everyone I thought I would start this thread for people that need to talk/ask and get support from fellow members. It doesn't matter how small or big the issues might be,there are a lot of parents here that have either dealt with similar issues o... View more

Hey everyone I thought I would start this thread for people that need to talk/ask and get support from fellow members. It doesn't matter how small or big the issues might be,there are a lot of parents here that have either dealt with similar issues or are sure to in the future. So my 19yr old I told to move out of home two nights ago, I have decided that after all these years of me giving all I can,nurturing,holidays,private school (cause I can't help there)canteen,different birthday with whole class every year,trips to Italy,Gallipoli,Bali,cruise ship,multiple camping holidays,good clothes,redoes of bedroom,welcoming bf,bla bla bla. She has told me she remembers none of it except me being pissed. That Dad will go garentor for a house, I do nothing,and don't work. Bla bla bla Hubby doesn't want conflict and neither do I,I am sick of it ,I have been a mum for 28years of my 45yrs. I have totally f up. They are all 3 spoiled rotten. I don't want her to go on bad terms,but I am sick of cleaning up after her,3 towels a day,all lids,draws doors are left open. They just think I'm crap cause I have mental issues. Later

Paullus When things couldn't get much worse!
  • replies: 3

As if coping with depression and anxiety isn't enough, I go and get myself involved with a bloody sociopath over three years and finally get the courage to end it. Why the hell does low self worth throw you into the arms of a manipulating abuser. I'm... View more

As if coping with depression and anxiety isn't enough, I go and get myself involved with a bloody sociopath over three years and finally get the courage to end it. Why the hell does low self worth throw you into the arms of a manipulating abuser. I'm so bloody angry at myself for being so weak minded. Sorry, just venting and a little distraugut.

melbbear Not coping with break up
  • replies: 3

Really struggling here. Boyfriend of two years left for a month’s overseas holiday 2 weeks ago. Four days into the holiday, he sends a message saying he’s not sure if the relationship is what he wants. I lost it and we had a massive blow out which en... View more

Really struggling here. Boyfriend of two years left for a month’s overseas holiday 2 weeks ago. Four days into the holiday, he sends a message saying he’s not sure if the relationship is what he wants. I lost it and we had a massive blow out which ended with him blocking me on all social media. Two days later we talked via one of the hook up apps and said we'd discuss shit when he got back. The day after that a friend sent me a link to an Instagram account that featured pictures of my BF all loved up with some other dude . This wasn’t my bf’s account, it was the other dudes and the comments he’d attached to the pics made it sound like it was a new relationship – my bf and I hadn’t actually broken up at this point. I went crazy at this and called the Bf some not very nice names but I couldn’t belive what I was seeing and hearing. Basically he had met this dude who was also on holiday at the same place, hooked up and spent 5 days together before they moved on to different parts of their respective holidays. They were going to meet up once more just before my ex Bf was due to return to Aus because they were now seriously in love and wanted to be together. My ex is now planning to return to Aus to sort out some stuff before trying relocate back overseas to be with this other guy. I don’t know how to deal with this. The worst thing is that my last ex did EXACTLY the same thing to me. Ended our relationship while away and then me finding out via social media the reason why he was ending it was another guy. I don’t know how to deal with this. I feel worthless at the moment and that the relationships were just something to fill in time till something better came along. Just so easy to dispose of. Not important enough to break up with me in person.

Leo2017 Making it worse, but just want to help
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm new to posting in the forum, but a long term reader of all the post and advice, it has helped in so many ways. I'm reaching out to the BB community to hopefully get some support and perspective on my situation. I'm a partner of someone who su... View more

Hi, I'm new to posting in the forum, but a long term reader of all the post and advice, it has helped in so many ways. I'm reaching out to the BB community to hopefully get some support and perspective on my situation. I'm a partner of someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, we've been together for 9 years, for which he has had un-diagnosed depression for all of it. This year he was medicated and diagnosed with depressions, however, over the last few weeks he has really spiralled, he stopped seeing his psychologist around 6 weeks ago (he thought he was on the road to recovery) and the medication he's on does not seem to be taking effect. After a number of bad GP visits (unfortunately it seems there are a number of GP's out there who did not seem to understand his condition) we have finally found one that is caring, compassionate and wants to help. However, due to my partners work, he is often interstate so the appointment have been delayed time and time again. More recently he has told me that he finds it hard to be around me, because I am the only person who knows the real him. He has told me he can't be at home with our family because when he's at home he can't pretend to be someone else and can't cope with the anxiety and depression that overwhelms him. He told me that when he's with other people he can pretend to be someone else which eases the pain. He has been interstate a lot over the past few weeks, and when he is here he's being staying with friends and family as a distraction (his words, not mine!). I am finding it hard to cope myself, I worry about him a lot and just want to help. I am the type of personality that just wants to fix things, but understand that depression and anxiety cannot be fixed by another person. It's almost like I'm walking on egg-shells around him because I don't want to upset him, but more than anything I want him to come home so that I can be there by his side while he fights this battle - but am I making things worse? It's hard to not think that I am just adding to the issues. I am trying to be supportive, loving and giving him the space he needs - but I'm also human, and I'm starting to struggle with my own emotions and feel the cracks showing. I've read a lot of articles about depression but will never understand what sufferers of depression and anxiety go through, so it's so hard for me to understand where he is coming from. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

GetCarter Lost the Spark
  • replies: 1

Hi All, I am new to the forums and am seeking some support/help. I am almost 40, married 9 years with two kids. My marriage is in crisis and I don't know what to do. For the past 3-4 years I have felt disconnected from almost everything in my life. I... View more

Hi All, I am new to the forums and am seeking some support/help. I am almost 40, married 9 years with two kids. My marriage is in crisis and I don't know what to do. For the past 3-4 years I have felt disconnected from almost everything in my life. I have left friendships, my health, my relationship with my wife on cruise control and everything has deteriorated. To all outward appearances everything seems great. I'm outgoing, employed, involved in the kids activities etc but the reality is very different. Apart from my kids, I don't really care about anything. I am doing the bare minimum at work and am afraid that I will get caught out and lose my job. My wife is not getting the love and support she needs from me and when she presses me I withdraw and resort to shitty tactics like stonewalling and gas-lighting. We have had some pretty horrible arguments and I have said some pretty horrible stuff to her, which she is having great difficulty in getting past. She has lost faith and trust in our relationship, she says she feels very alone and just barely keeping it together. I am just sitting back watching my life burn not feeling much of anything. There is a lot of resentment built up between us and the rift seems insurmountable. My wife says she wants me and us, that she loves me and wants us both to be happy. I don't hate her, I respect a lot about her, but I'm numb. I am terrified of leaving the kids, the effect it will have on them, I know it would destroy my wife to not see them everyday - but the thought of starting over on my own is appealing. Lately I have just been focusing on gratifying behaviors - eating too much junk food, watching shows/movies/ playing video games etc - basically avoiding doing anything positive or proactive in my life - and fear that if I leave it is just me taking the easy option out at the expense of so much. I am 40 soon and in the worst physical and mental shape of my life. I have many friends, but no close friends and no one that I feel comfortable talking to. I am uncomfortable talking to family or friends, I like keeping things private and putting on a brave face. If anyone has experienced anything like this and has some advice it will be gratefully received.

CLT3 At a cross road, with very small amount of people to talk too.
  • replies: 3

Ahh, where to start. last year my ex and I split up. It was a messy break up at that too. She left me for someone else. When her and new partner were together she fell pregnant after 4 weeks. They were together for 5 months. 4 of those months he was ... View more

Ahh, where to start. last year my ex and I split up. It was a messy break up at that too. She left me for someone else. When her and new partner were together she fell pregnant after 4 weeks. They were together for 5 months. 4 of those months he was cheating on her with multiple females, he was on drugs like weed and ice. The day after they broke up, she went to his sisters house to pick up belongings. She walked into his room to find him in bed with another person. An altercation happened and the ex girlfriend got hit in the face and kneed in the belly (still pregnant at the time as well). She called me up and I went straight there, the police were called and the ambos came as well. As we were waiting for them to come, he was denying the whole thing then contradicted himself saying it was a natural reflex. After awhile her and I got back together, went to every hospital, baby shopping, buying things she needed for the hospital. After 3 months I asked her to marry me (we were together 6 years before we split). I asked for her fathers permission first, then at Christmas time in front of her family popped the question. She said yes. February our daughter was born (she's not mine but she got treated as such) my bond with her is unbreakable. given her actual fathers past, I asked the ex to give it at least six months before he could see her. Even his mother thought that it was a fair call. I asked for a few of reasons,1) was so we could get settled in this new life, as it is we have 2 boys as well. 2) I thought I was protecting them both. 3) was a selfish reason and that was I didn't want him near them at all. 10 months back together, but in that time she went behind my back seen him, had him under a different name in her phone. When that happened we were looking into buying our first family car. I was fuming I didn't want to get into dept to be stuffed over. Eventually at her own discretion she told him to piss off anyways. Got the car after that. we always had some fights mainly because I wanted to start saving for a house. Something to call home. I work longish hours at work doing 2pm too 11pm, I let myself go abit wouldn't have a shower all the time because I was stuffed from work 25-30 minute drive home and I had to be awake early for school drops offs and for our daughter while the ex slept. Well now we've split again, she's been talking to him again even slept with him while I was at work, making a living for us. I love her but what do I do?

danijo Superfluous
  • replies: 1

Hi. I am new and it is with some reservation that I am reaching out and posting here. Not sure if it will help me, but right now I feel so weightless and small that I need something to pin me down. I am struggling right now with these overwhelming fe... View more

Hi. I am new and it is with some reservation that I am reaching out and posting here. Not sure if it will help me, but right now I feel so weightless and small that I need something to pin me down. I am struggling right now with these overwhelming feeling of loss and being alone. It doesn’t feel like I will ever keep a relationship. My partner has just left me and the thought that I will be alone again is unbearable. I recognise that these feelings will pass but I have been single for a very long time and do not want to experience it again. I am a quiet, introverted gal who is not the most outgoing person at the best of times. There isn’t that friendship or support network available to reach out to. I have friends, but the type that are all busy with their own relationships and kids and stuff that it is all a bit, not superficial, but one dimensional. I am 45, single and have no kids. I am scared that I will be alone forever.

tiger55 Separated after 30 yrs of marriage and struggling to cope
  • replies: 1

I am male, aged 62 and have now been separated for 1 year and still struggling to cope. I believed I had a very good marriage so it came as a huge surprise when my wife decided to split and start a new life doing things she wanted to do for which i w... View more

I am male, aged 62 and have now been separated for 1 year and still struggling to cope. I believed I had a very good marriage so it came as a huge surprise when my wife decided to split and start a new life doing things she wanted to do for which i would not fit in her new lifestyle. There is no new man in her life. I am still trying to analyse my future on my own and would love to travel and explore Australia doing house sitting but i am struggling with lonliness. Making new acquaintances is a bit tough in my present state of mind and given my age it is a bit daunting. Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated.

highlysensitivepersonhsp The five a's of love
  • replies: 2

Have you ever wondered, what am I doing wrong, why don't I feel loved? David Richo writes about what we can do to promote mindful loving via five skills. It will help if you can create a pact with your partner to learn these skills and practise them ... View more

Have you ever wondered, what am I doing wrong, why don't I feel loved? David Richo writes about what we can do to promote mindful loving via five skills. It will help if you can create a pact with your partner to learn these skills and practise them with each other. Isn't that what a partnership is all about? The first skill is giving and receiving loving attention. Attention can arise from making thoughtful observations, from active listening, from acknowledging another's presence. It means giving focus to another and taking an interest in them. It means being attuned to their ways of being like their mood, feelings, activities, etc. The second skill is to accept one another. This means not trying to change them, but accepting that each of us is on a journey in life that involves our own growth and development. It is useful if each of you takes responsibility for your own growth. That you act as partners in support of each other's development. Of course, feedback is important, but judgemental criticism, contempt, and abuse are not going to promote mindful loving. The third skill is appreciation for each other. Talk to each other about what each of you brings to the relationship. What you are grateful for. Show your appreciation with your words and deeds. Celebrate together. Acknowledge strengths. The fourth skill is affection for each other. This is about showing that you like each other, that you find things to admire in them. Warm feelings of love need to be expressed so that you know how each of you feels. The fifth skill is allowing the other their needs, wants, and values. Again, the key is partnership to work towards goals. To communicate effectively. To work together to achieve what you want from life. It is saying yes, rather than no, but with respect for each other. In summary, the five a's of love are attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. They are skills that need to be learned, developed and mastered. Practicing each with mindful awareness leads to a more loving relationship. Sandra

white knight Relationship conflict
  • replies: 1

With mental health we sometimes find difficulty in separating blame for relationship conflict. We can attend our professional medical consultant and vent about how bad our mood has been. That bad mood if confined only to our partner and not spread to... View more

With mental health we sometimes find difficulty in separating blame for relationship conflict. We can attend our professional medical consultant and vent about how bad our mood has been. That bad mood if confined only to our partner and not spread to other relatives and friends, can set off an alarm bell if you have sufficient awareness. How do we know if its our illness or the relationship under stress? Could we be venting to our psych when it should be a family counselor? Is your partner blaming your mental illness on your battles when he/she is mainly to blame? I had a defacto once. She loved the pokies and was a closet drinker. When we finally argued about her high level of wine consumption she claimed it was my bipolar moods that "drove me to drink....and thats why I use the pokies to escape your depression". When us fragile sensitive and low self esteem types are told these things we can end up believing it when the claims come from a stronger personality. In effect our insight of knowing we have "problems" combined with our deep feelings leaves us vulnerable. Some of this topic was covered in the thread (google) Topic: so what are their mental illnesses?- beyondblue Although that dealt with bullying we should remind ourselves that there is a significant number of undiagnosed people carrying mental illnesses in society. There is also those of us with mental disorders that have narcissistic partners or partners that are unreasonable, stubborn, abusive, cunning etc that dont quite fall under the banner of mentally unwell by medical standards or because they arent ever assessed you'll never find out anyway. But often you'll be the one to blame because "it isnt me, its you" syndrome. How do you defend that situation and defend it you must, to enable you to be treated fairly? Acceptance! Your illness is a part of you like your limbs are and your organs. Your partner for the reason of love should accept that your disabilities are not your fault, you didnt shop for them. Everyone has faults. Faults should not be used as a lever to gain convenient dominance. Caring for ourselves is a task we already find difficult to master. Finding conflict with the closest person to us should be balanced with love and care and of course returned to them as a partnership should be. Then there is the other possibility. That their claims are correct. In such cases work close with your doctors. Do your best...and your best should always be good enough. Tony WK