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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Maitai008 Let down by friends
  • replies: 2

Hi there, this is my first ever post... I'm feeling very let down by my friends. I'm 33, I have a 3 year old daughter and am 32 weeks pregnant with the next one. I'm an American who's lived in OZ for 6.5 years now. My family and "close" college frien... View more

Hi there, this is my first ever post... I'm feeling very let down by my friends. I'm 33, I have a 3 year old daughter and am 32 weeks pregnant with the next one. I'm an American who's lived in OZ for 6.5 years now. My family and "close" college friends all live back home. I have a couple of close friends in oz, but my closest ones have moved away for 3 months and the other has just moved back to the US. I think I'm starting to show signs of antenatal depression again, so I'm aware of that, but I'm feeling such a lack of support from friends and family, that it terrifies me that no one is going to be there for me when I need them (I also hate that I "need" someone to be there for me... but there it is, I do). I'm always the one to try to organise catch ups or calls and half the time I'm just blown off with no reply. I'm so tired of being the one trying to keep in touch and caring. I feel like no one cares about how I'm doing. I've tried to reach out to new people to strengthen new friendships, but are met with the same dead ends. No responses, lack of interest. I know you can't force people to care about you and I know I shouldn't "keep tabs", but I try my best to be a friend that I'd like to have and I just get nothing back. I'm a social, caring, fun, kind person to be around... but I'm wondering if there is something about me that keeps my friends at bay? Am I being too negative when I talk to them about my depression and worries (i try to keep it in check)? But... isn't that what friends are for? Because I've felt so neglected, when I'm feeling very down and would like someone to talk to, I hesitate to call anyone for fear that I will put them off and that they don't want the burden of my problems. They probably won't pick up the phone anyway. I suffer alone or to my husband, who can only take so much of the burden. I am so sad when I think about how my close friends seem fine with our friendship drifting apart and don't care to check in and see how I am doing in my pregnancy (which isn't great, I have limited mobility from pelvic girdle pain, and obviously depression/anxiety) or return any of the phone calls I've made. I feel so alone. I feel like writing everyone off... but feel grief over losing friendships that are dear to me. I do not know how to get the support that I crave or any responses from my friends (cause deep down I know I can't make anyone feel or do anything).

Silverbelle Trying to hold it together for all my family. Maybe reached my teather
  • replies: 3

Im a stay at home mum. With an energetic, creative loving 3 year old. Just had a newborn baby. Husband struggling with anxiety and confidence issues whos struggling to get work and not coping. sister inlaws brother died unexpectedly who my brother wa... View more

Im a stay at home mum. With an energetic, creative loving 3 year old. Just had a newborn baby. Husband struggling with anxiety and confidence issues whos struggling to get work and not coping. sister inlaws brother died unexpectedly who my brother was very close to aswell. Father in law in hospital with ptsd. Mother in law not coping. Just a jist of things going on. I feel I am giving all my time and energy to all my loved ones (who all need it) I just am so tired and have nothing left and I feel I have no one who is there for me. No energy. Tears flowing.

FriesGuy90 Problems with having relationships / need perspective
  • replies: 2

To set this up, I have recently had to drop out of university due to not having enough money & have had 0 luck finding employment. Right before I dropped out, I started seeing/sleeping with this guy who was really wonderful to be around. I'm 27, but ... View more

To set this up, I have recently had to drop out of university due to not having enough money & have had 0 luck finding employment. Right before I dropped out, I started seeing/sleeping with this guy who was really wonderful to be around. I'm 27, but I've never been able to have a real relationship before so I wasn't aware that I was putting forward the idea that it was just sex/friends kinda thing. Eventually I clued on and tried to tell him (about 4 months of spending time together, sporadically) and he told me that he had started seeing someone. We talked about it which was helpful, but it still made me feel completely terrible. Having never been this intimate with someone before, I don't know if my reaction to the end is typical or if a buildup of past failures (like uni and other relationships) is starting to take its toll. For two weeks I have been really emotional & randomly crying (I rarely cry otherwise) and on other days have been positive that everything is going to be fine. I started seeing a therapist this week to talk things over but it was mostly an introductory session so I still have a lot of questions and confusion. I also don't have a lot of people I can talk about this with as they usually either were unaware of what was happening & I'd have to explain it all over or they do know and they don't think its something that needs discussing.

LC80 Fear of abandonment
  • replies: 5

As the title says I have had a lifelong fear of abandonment. My parents divorced when I was quite young, about seven I think, and my brother and I lived with a single working mother in a housing commission home in the mid to late 1960's so times were... View more

As the title says I have had a lifelong fear of abandonment. My parents divorced when I was quite young, about seven I think, and my brother and I lived with a single working mother in a housing commission home in the mid to late 1960's so times were very hard. I was the last grandchild to sit with my grandmother just before she passed away. Mum later remarried and life was easier but when I was eighteen my brother drowned and when I was twenty three my stepdad, who was a true father to us, died from cancer. Not long after my wife left me and took my two daughters. Mum remarried again and I was not accepted into her husbands family. The single thing in life that scares me is being abandoned. Due to mental health issues my second wife has been on the threshold of leaving a few times, but we are still together as she has come to understand why I acted as I did in the past. She is now nearing retirement, I am retired, and the future looks brighter. Early retirement is the up side of a public service career devoted to serving Australia. We still fight a bit but after thirty years together I think we have made a good go of marriage, despite all the pressure that my issues have caused. That's my story anyway. I would be interested in hearing yours if you feel you can share.

Gigi1981 Husband chats with female colleague on facebook
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I am not sure whether I am just creating a storm in a teacup or whether I am allowed to have concerns. My husband started talking to a female colleague a few months ago. She has just left the company (yesterday) but still lives in our city. S... View more

Hi All, I am not sure whether I am just creating a storm in a teacup or whether I am allowed to have concerns. My husband started talking to a female colleague a few months ago. She has just left the company (yesterday) but still lives in our city. She has a young toddler and I am not sure she has the best relationship. A few weeks ago, she added my husband on facebook and then he told me how she told him she had a funny conversation at work. When he asked her what it was about, she said it was about being fingered at work. He thought it was pretty odd but nothing else. When he told me, I got angry (at her) because I found that sort of conversation very inappropriate to have with a male colleague, especially if he is married. He did not understand why I would get so offended. This has been an ongoing thing since because he still talks to her on facebook and obviously, before she left, also at work. How much, I do not know and I am hating myself for being so suspicious because I never had reasons to distrust my husband. However, since he is currently in another depressive phase, he has told me things, e.g. that he dislikes how society puts rules on you, for example that when you are married, you cannot have other partners. We talked about that a few times and he always professed his love for me and I trusted him enough, however, it has been more difficult for me because it makes me feel second rate. He does tell me that he finds me very attractive, both physically and mentally but the damage has been done. This morning, I saw that he was online and I could see how he had little smirks on his face when he was typing. I asked him whether he was talking to her and then added that it is perfectly fine, I just want him to be open with me. He told me several times that he was not talking to her and that he was just looking for books. I then got insight into his facebook conversation as it accidentally opened up on my laptop under his profile. In the conversation, he told her that he was thinking of her when she woke up. She answered with that she wouldn't have minded waking up next to him. He did not react to that. When I confronted him about that, he said that he finds it a bit weird and she would sometimes say such things but that he would just overlook it. He said, the reason why he thought of her was because he is currently struggling with whether he wants kids or not and he knew that last weekend, she took her son to a show. He doesn't get that I'm upset.

Justadad Overall fail in marriage but Current bedroom issues
  • replies: 2

I've read a number of threads now about simalar issues but none really come near mine so hear we go... I've never posted a thread so forgive if it's confusing. Haha Me and my wife are basicly together for our child we are completely opposite in almos... View more

I've read a number of threads now about simalar issues but none really come near mine so hear we go... I've never posted a thread so forgive if it's confusing. Haha Me and my wife are basicly together for our child we are completely opposite in almost every way but our situation keeps us together. It's just to hard to split. We just live life and move forward day by day. She Is a very sexual person so we still have sex regularly but I have a ongoing issue that keeps coming up. Sometimes well most times lately i am unable to get or if I do maintain an erection. (Only when it comes to sex) I would like to say this is because of our relastionship breakdown but I've had this issue with previous girlfriends. I don't have a medical issue I'm sure it's in my head but as its been on and off for years so I'm no longer sure what to do. i have previously tried Viagra but sometimes Id get to anxious and even that doesn't work. My wife just expects me to function, so that doesn't help. where do I go from here forget my marriage how do to get past this issue??

SweetAmara Long distance, extreme emotions and insecurity!
  • replies: 13

Hi, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years. Over that time we have been through a lot together and up until recently everything had been mostly positive. In recent weeks, the strain of the "what-ifs" has gotten to ... View more

Hi, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years. Over that time we have been through a lot together and up until recently everything had been mostly positive. In recent weeks, the strain of the "what-ifs" has gotten to me, which as a result my boyfriend has distanced himself from me. This is because he is the one planning to me and with very little physical evidence (as wrong as it is) I just don't know how/when it will work. Despite being told it'll happen in February. He and I have also recently started new jobs, so our window of time together has closed drastically, since he's in a Florida time zone and I am in SA. Before it was quite easy for us to talk. With this distance, he's been working security really late, then going and hanging out with friends so regularly that I haven't really been factored in. This really bothered me a few days ago when he was out with his friends for 12 hrs on my day off and I waited at home patiently to spend time with him. The joy of social media was seeing it all pop up on my news feed and feeling incredibly isolated. We later solved this issue and attributed it to bad communication and I explained that I felt insecure because it felt like he had "moved on" with his life. It also brought up a lot of old issues for me as well. We've since reconciled and I feel like we're on the road to recovery. We're texting and calling etc. But my anxiety (as much as I trust him and have for the past 2 years)

Andrew23 Burying things inside
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have always tried to bury things inside to make it seem that things are ok. This has often come out to lying to partner about what has actual happen. It also gives me great anxiety and makes me feel depressed. Im wondering how i can break the h... View more

Hi, I have always tried to bury things inside to make it seem that things are ok. This has often come out to lying to partner about what has actual happen. It also gives me great anxiety and makes me feel depressed. Im wondering how i can break the habit of keeping things hidden inside and feeling as though iam alone in the world?. I have grown up as an only child and come from a family that has always wanted me to do things their way. I try m hardest to make a stance and do i what i think will make me and my partner happy. Sometimes i feel as though what i do will have a bad outcome and rather than face up to a possible bad ending, i try to keep everything inside and make it as though life is normal. Trying to make things better in my eyes, often misleads other into thinking that someone is fine when it is not. How do i break this habit? THanks

gloria10 Family difficulties
  • replies: 4

For a while now I've been noticing problems with my family, particularly with my relationship with my mother. I used to think we were quite close but now I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me. What I mean is she has been mocking me and ... View more

For a while now I've been noticing problems with my family, particularly with my relationship with my mother. I used to think we were quite close but now I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me. What I mean is she has been mocking me and making me feel stupid. She has this laugh like what ever I said was so ridiculous. I feel there are times she has been trying to get into a fight because she's picking sensitive issues. I think the reason she does this is because she wants to bring up something thats bothering her and doesnt know how to so this way I bring it up. I won't though because I know I'm not responsible for her. I know this probably doesn't make much sense. I guess whats most upsetting is that I feel like I have tried everything to change the relationship; I've tried talking to either parent about what has bothered me, I've tried organising to spend time with her (something always gets in the way) and now she's putting me down thats all I can take. I feel like the only option is to reduce contact with my family, even though I shouldn't have to. I'm just wondering if anyone else has reduced time with their family and if that helped at all? Have you been happier doing your own thing? I am looking at trying some new things so I know it's not all bad, just a bit of a tough time. Thanks for reading though.

SNDGRDNqueenie How to respond to my Ignorant Brother?
  • replies: 5

Ive suffered panic disorder, anxiety & PTSD since my hubby passed 6yrs ago. After having what began as a normal conversation about helping my mum prepare for selling her house, my brother turned on me. Started about money and I said im sorry i cant h... View more

Ive suffered panic disorder, anxiety & PTSD since my hubby passed 6yrs ago. After having what began as a normal conversation about helping my mum prepare for selling her house, my brother turned on me. Started about money and I said im sorry i cant help her more but i work minimal hours for my health. His response was "Dont even get me started on your phantom health issues ffs, shit happens, it sucks sometimes, move on. No time for that. Move back to earth" Obviously he was already frustrated but i got so upset that my own brother referred to my mental health like that and ceased the conversation (after saying he was ignorant)