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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Jacksparrow123 Advice needed
  • replies: 2

Hi. Please don't judge I just need some advice if anyone can help. About 6 years ago I had an intense what I think was an emotional affair. Both of us were married. It lasted about a year. The First few months was friendly but it was obvious that aft... View more

Hi. Please don't judge I just need some advice if anyone can help. About 6 years ago I had an intense what I think was an emotional affair. Both of us were married. It lasted about a year. The First few months was friendly but it was obvious that after a while we had both developed feelings. I let it go on for a few more months until I realised it was wrong and I stopped it. It was hard and hurt the both of us. I bumped into him occasionally and he told me he missed me and couldn't stop Thinking about me. I was the same but told him it was nothing and never could be. It was so hard I even I quit my job and moved away put all my time into my husband and kids and tried to re find our spark again. I did Tel my husband and we worked through it all we both put so much work into our marriage and I thought we were good again. I haven't stopped thinking of this other man at all the whole time. I put it to the back of my mind done everything even talked about it in counselling but nothing can make him leave my mind. Then i found out my husband was cheating with a work friend and he blamed it on my emotional affair. I was willing to forgive and work it out but he left for the other woman and has been with her since. Roughly 3 years now. I have had no contact with the other man since I moved not even look at his social media pages then last week out of the blue he messaged me on social media and said he hasn't stopped thinking of me the whole time and wants to be with me. I haven't replied to his message at all. I'm not sure if hes still married or not and I don't think he knows I'm not as my now ex husband doesn't have social media and you can't tell anything by my page. My problem is I want to write back maybe we fell in love maybe it wasn't just an emotional affair as so much time how could feelings still be there? But I do not want to accept or write or do anything incase he is still married and also I feel I may hurt my ex if I ended up with this man because he knew who he was. I don't know what it was with him now as I had read all about emotional affairs and told myself that's what it was but I've done all they recommend to forget him and move forward I can't and it seems he can't either. But I do not want to be the reason for an ended marriage I already feel guilt that he still feels this way and i may already be a reason for a marriage ending I feel the guilt for my own marriage ending I feel I was such a selfish person and should stay alone

raineedays Struggling with separation
  • replies: 1

Hi there, My husband and I are currently going through separation and I'm really struggling. We've been together for 8 years, married for 2. In the last year, lots of things changed (jobs, living arrangements..) and in August of last year after a roc... View more

Hi there, My husband and I are currently going through separation and I'm really struggling. We've been together for 8 years, married for 2. In the last year, lots of things changed (jobs, living arrangements..) and in August of last year after a rocky few months he told me that we should separate. We were both very angry all the time and emotional in the months leading up to that point. At the time, I honestly thought it was for the best. He said there was no one else when I asked him, and that he thought it was better to end it now when we didn't want to kill each other. We decided that he would be the one to move out eventually. I told him he could stay living with me for as long as he wanted until he could find elsewhere to go. Then he handed over his computer to me about a month later and in my face (I didn't snoop), there were messages from someone else.... so I threw him out.He's still with her to this day. I've really struggled from the first day that he said we should separate. I've been seeing psychologist every few weeks, initially when it all happened I was talking to friends, I was and still am forcing myself to keep busy and try to do new things, but every day is a struggle and it all just hurts so much all the time. I force myself to go out and do things and meet new people and I always feel like such a fraud because I feel like I'm putting a front on, pretending its all ok, when I'm not even close. Some days I honestly don't think I've made any progress at all. It just hurts all the time and as much as we had our problems, I find myself wishing I did things differently, or wondering about his new life with her. I just want to delete that whole part of my life and move on, but I really don't think I can. It just hurts all the time and I don't know what else to do.

timewillheal From wedding/kids talk to being dumped within a week
  • replies: 11

Hi All, I'm currently struggling with a recent breakup where my bf of 3 years, whom i lived with for 2 years literally broke up with me out of the blue and within 20 minutes was gone. (He's 30, I'm 29). We had no issues in the relationship, only laug... View more

Hi All, I'm currently struggling with a recent breakup where my bf of 3 years, whom i lived with for 2 years literally broke up with me out of the blue and within 20 minutes was gone. (He's 30, I'm 29). We had no issues in the relationship, only laughs and smiles, there was a lot of love and respect (argued about 4 times max in that whole time). The breakup totally blindsided me - no explanation, no communication, no conversation, he simply just walked out. He then spent the next 6 weeks crying and struggling, contacting me telling me he's depressed and feeling low and of course me being the kind and caring person i am, i was there for him in his time of need. Looking back now, i feel used by him during this time as i was the one who was dumped and yet i was looking after him. He has now moved back into the apartment we shared, and i've moved out. He told me he was still so confused about his decision and wanted to find clarity and felt that being alone in the apartment would provide that. I bumped into him the other day and it seems he has come to a decision that this is 'the right choice right now'. Just finding it very difficult how someone can go from having a beautiful, healthy relationship where there was nothing wrong, to absolutely zero contact. We were best friends and he threw it away because he said he 'freaked out' after attending friend's weddings. I wasnt putting any pressure on him for marriage etc, in fact i told him the opposite the week before he broke up with me. His reply was bluntly "i don't feel pressure" - when, in fact, he was feeling a lot of pressure and just didnt tell me. Instead, he would talk about our wedding, kids, houses, future all the while feeling 'pressure' and not communicating with me. I understand getting over a breakup takes time, it's just very difficult at the moment because everyday is excruciatingly painful. It feels like incessant pain where i just seem to be stuck in some sort of mental pain cycle. There are days where i feel okay and days where i feel so low i just cry the whole time. I wonder whether there is a chance he will 'realise'. I feel better when i talk about it and would love to chat with someone whom is going through the same thing to support each other.

AJ2014 How do you overcome loneliness when...
  • replies: 5

How do you overcome loneliness when you feel: forgotten by all those you know / knew always the one to make "first contact" that there is no point meeting new people or caring about new people cause they will only let you down and disappoint you like... View more

How do you overcome loneliness when you feel: forgotten by all those you know / knew always the one to make "first contact" that there is no point meeting new people or caring about new people cause they will only let you down and disappoint you like everyone else has. Like your struggles, thoughts and feelings mean nothing because your a straight white middle aged male and your life must be amazing . Men can't be the targets of sexism. White people can't be targets of racism. Straight people can't be targets of bigotry. in the reverse can you be happy and on your own?

mommabear stupid wife
  • replies: 3

I feel really alone with all our marriage problems! 3 Years into our marriage and one child its barely holding together, we fight over the smallest things like cleaning, moving or sort. When he gets angry he calls my stupid, whats going on in your he... View more

I feel really alone with all our marriage problems! 3 Years into our marriage and one child its barely holding together, we fight over the smallest things like cleaning, moving or sort. When he gets angry he calls my stupid, whats going on in your head, i was more successful without you, you bring me down and i cant talk to you anymore. Its so often im starting to believe it now, my heart feels empty and i dont want to talk to him cause i dont want to hear it. I really try at home making sure everything is immaculate, child is under control when his home, bring him tea and food is ready daily. I put our child to bed, he watches TV, play games, see his friends and he goes to bed fine. A new day the problem is in the past, every time i feel happy the feeling like someone punching your guts comes around. im so tired

haylesmason My boyfriend has a sexual fantasy that's causing stress to our relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone....I've never posted before but here goes. So basically my partner who is...let's say...roughly 15 years older than me (I'm early 20's) has a sexual fantasy. I've tried it before about a year ago but after a bad experience which turned me... View more

Hi everyone....I've never posted before but here goes. So basically my partner who is...let's say...roughly 15 years older than me (I'm early 20's) has a sexual fantasy. I've tried it before about a year ago but after a bad experience which turned me off it we haven't done it since. He goes through phases of talking about it a lot, messaging me about it, asking me when I'll do it, will I ever do it again, how would I like it? Then he goes through a phase of him saying he knows it's not healthy etc etc and keeping it to himself. But the problem is.. when he keeps it to himself he gets extremely stressed and on edge. Basically not my happy man anymore. Recently he told me he's thinking of seeing a counsellor, and I suggested a sex psychologist but I don't know if this will help. Any ideas or advise would be helpful. I don't really know what answers I'm after but I just don't know how to process all this because it stresses me out. If I told him flat out no, it'll never happen again - I think he would get really depressed/sad/less sexual/more withdrawn.

DavoC Is my girlfriend hiding something bigger?
  • replies: 3

Hi, I have recently seen on my girlfriend's call logs (after she left it unlocked and I was looking for a contact time of a mutual friend) and noticed she has been masking lots of calls with an 1831 in front of the mobile number and when she is alone... View more

Hi, I have recently seen on my girlfriend's call logs (after she left it unlocked and I was looking for a contact time of a mutual friend) and noticed she has been masking lots of calls with an 1831 in front of the mobile number and when she is alone, each call might be 20-40 seconds long and all outgoing calls only. Each mobile is unique and I'm confused as to why she is doing this? I tried to confront her but she said it was just missed calls she was calling back and listened to who they are.. She might call 4-6 numbers randomly when she is alone. Is this a sign of drugs or prostituting? I'm worried and fear she is involved in something more sinister. Does anybody have any ideas of what it is and how I approach her on this?

Miss_Rhi_Rhi Why do i feel so lonely....
  • replies: 3

hi everybody, this is the first time im posting so sorry if i haven done it right. i feel so lonley and everyday is a struggle to get up, my partner loves me but it doesnt feel like he wants me he is more interested in gaming than me. my family say t... View more

hi everybody, this is the first time im posting so sorry if i haven done it right. i feel so lonley and everyday is a struggle to get up, my partner loves me but it doesnt feel like he wants me he is more interested in gaming than me. my family say they support me but they dont try to help me or talk to me. i have no friends at all only my parnter and family and it just feels like there not here. i just wish i had friends that i could hang out with and not feel so alone everyday, all i do is sit in bed and watch tv no one talks to me i have no one... when i try to make friends they think im weird and i dont know what i do to make them think that way, i know i have severe anxiety and depression but i put on a happy face everyday so how can i not have friends by now... i just want someone who will listen and want to hang out with me but i cant even do that right. i cant keep anyone in my life i loose everyone i care about... i just dont know what to do anymore to get through a day?? or just life in general??

Topher1 What to do? She said it's over.
  • replies: 2

Hi All, This year would mark 8yrs of marriage to my beautiful wife. We have 2 gorgeous girls that just make your heart melt. We have been having a few problems but nothing I thought couldn't be resolved as I thought we loved each other. For the past ... View more

Hi All, This year would mark 8yrs of marriage to my beautiful wife. We have 2 gorgeous girls that just make your heart melt. We have been having a few problems but nothing I thought couldn't be resolved as I thought we loved each other. For the past 2yrs she has been very blunt with me, she works afternoon's and evenings so I pick the girl's up from daycare. So weekend's I want to spend time as a family and evenings with my wife, but she always choices to go out. We have only ever been out with out the kids 6times in almost 5yrs. I hardly ever get go out so when I do I may come home a little jolly. She says I drink to much, and I'm always angry. I have been seeing doctor's on and off for a few year's and a counselor last year that didn't tell me to much. Just that we need time together. Last week she told me it was over. She wanted more kids but didn't want them with me. My whole world fell apart. On the same day my doctor told me that I had an irregular heartbeat that should have been picked up year's ago when he looked at my old test results, this caused anxiety. He gave me some pills and for the first time I felt normal again. I've tried to explain this to the wife but she just doesn't want to listen. She feels that I took her for granted. I just want to be able to try again. I wrote her an apology letter, I'm not using anxiety as an excuse, but the things I use to worry about and the not sleeping, didn't do me any favours. I never knew I had anxiety I just thought it was normal. I love my family and just don't know what to do. She doesn't want to try.

Erin323 Divorced but my ex is still sucking the life out of me
  • replies: 2

Hi. My name is Erin and I'm new here. I am 45 years old and alone. I feel as if I don't at least write these thoughts down, I'm going to burst. I have a knot in my chest the size of Jupiter. I can't concentrate and am relying on sleeping pills to sle... View more

Hi. My name is Erin and I'm new here. I am 45 years old and alone. I feel as if I don't at least write these thoughts down, I'm going to burst. I have a knot in my chest the size of Jupiter. I can't concentrate and am relying on sleeping pills to sleep. My story: I came to Australia 14 years ago with work. I married an Australian and had a beautiful daughter. 7 years ago my husband and I divorced after eight years of isolation, physical and emotional abuse and many (finding out afterwards) affairs. I have since been left to live in Australia without any extended family or support, in order to keep my daughter, whom I have 72% of the time. As if TWO years of financial and emotional bankruptcy fighting in the courts for the right to keep my daughter wasn't enough, with little to zero child support, and constantly fighting to keep my head above water, my ex has now convinced my daughter that she's old enough to make the decision to move in with him full time. If I thought he as sincere, and if I thought he was a healthy individual, and if I thought he wouldn't hurt our daughter the way he's hurt me (if not now...eventually), I would say it's her choice and allow her an opportunity to trial living with him. But, sadly it's not about my daughter at all. It's about hurting me....which he goes out of his way to do all of the time!! It's actually quite torturous. He's re-married. He has all of his family around him to help and support him. He has a good job and is very well off. I don't understand why he won't leave me alone and why, as a Father, is he using our daughter as his next leverage to hurt?? My heart is broken. I'm tired. I'm alone. I want out, but not sure if I mean this figuratively or literally. Some days I just want to quit. As a matter of fact, I recently put my house on the market just to free myself in case I get an opportunity to move....which in reality I can't or I risk losing my daughter altogether....and there in lies my dilemma. Anybody who has a similar situation, male or female, please please tell me how you survive these years. Thank you.