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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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ravenm The right to be angry?
  • replies: 17

Hi, im hoping for some emotional support as im going through a bit of a rough time in my head and i do not have anybody to talk to. Im thinking to break up with my partner of 3 years and father to my youngest child. In fact I've been thinking to leav... View more

Hi, im hoping for some emotional support as im going through a bit of a rough time in my head and i do not have anybody to talk to. Im thinking to break up with my partner of 3 years and father to my youngest child. In fact I've been thinking to leave for one year, since i have moved back into his house. However I find it very difficult to actually leave because i worry about money and how i know how he gets nasty when things don't go his way. Also i do love him and do not wish to hurt him. He has hurt me alot in the past, all to do with his drug use. He was not very supportive when my youngest was newborn, he'd be out few nights per week sometimes till 6am doing whatever drugs and i dont know what else. He promised me before baby was born he "wouldn't go out at all". I relied on him to at least be consistent (i had a newborn and a young child). I suggested he choose 2 or 3 days a week to have as his days to do whatever he likes but he could not stick to the chosen days for even one week. I felt he was disrespecting me too much and did not care about me. I moved out into a rental house but after a few months i decided to give him another chance because i wanted the family to be together and he promised me a few things. Of course, after i moved back into his house, he broke the promises. Even though i made it very clear to him before, that i was putting all of my already broken trust in him again and i would be deeply hurt if he broke these promises. And when it did happen, and i expressed my sadness he groaned and told me i was making a big deal of nothing. He continues today to smoke weed everyday, some days he smokes all day. This was one of the important to me promises he made me and broke. (He promised he'd smoke weed only a couple days per week) This leaves me with a partner who is either high or cranky and easily angered because its been too long since he had his weed. I have 2 young kids and i do not like any drug use in the home. He sometimes smokes in front of the kids or drives with them after he's just had weed. Both of which i can not accept. Couples counselling we tried once but he lied a bit and that made me feel really upset. I do not wish to do that again. I suppose more than anything i wish to hear that i have a right to be angry. Because surely relationships are supposed to have mutual trust, respect, honesty and communication? I realise this is a minor problem but it has caused me alot of sadness and confusion. Thanks for reading.

Meowface Hurting my husband - inlaws
  • replies: 3

Hi there. I have been off my antidepressants for 1 month - they were making me so nauseous when I changed another medication. Anyways besides the initial withdrawals (oi not nice!!) I have been feeling pretty good physically. And had lots of positive... View more

Hi there. I have been off my antidepressants for 1 month - they were making me so nauseous when I changed another medication. Anyways besides the initial withdrawals (oi not nice!!) I have been feeling pretty good physically. And had lots of positive reactions from my counsellor when i came off meds which kind of surprised me (like whats wrong with meds?? But she wants me to FEEL my feelings). Im feeling better physically but am recognising old patterns. Feeling VERY anxious at work and home. Internal shakes. Not sleeping. Clammy sweating. A huge trigger was an annual xmas holiday with the in laws where i just felt different and useless. I slept most of the holiday away. Ive become very fearful of my husbands family again and have been avoiding them. Had a huge blue with hubby on the weekend about it with him saying “you never want to leave the house”. I dont know if these are real feelings or if this is poor mental health in action. It has been a difficult relationship with my in-laws for years but like i said im having problems at work too. Common denominator=me??

Busybee Advice/recommendations for a family therapist to help with children's difficult behaviours
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have just joined with the hope of getting some advice or recommendations. This quest to find help has lasted us 3 years, GPs, a Child Psychologist, Parenting Courses and a Family counsellor and I keep getting told the same thing...."you're doin... View more

Hi, I have just joined with the hope of getting some advice or recommendations. This quest to find help has lasted us 3 years, GPs, a Child Psychologist, Parenting Courses and a Family counsellor and I keep getting told the same thing...."you're doing fine, you're not our 'typical' clients, this will pass, your daughter is lovely - it must be the family dynamics, sorry we can't help" We are not fine. There is no mental health diagnosis, substance abuse, physical abuse, she's doing well at school, we are still married, as one professional said "you are what we aim other clients and their families to strive to" We have many children, but our issue is find effective parenting strategies for our 10 year old daughter. The hardest thing is outside the home she is a bright, happy, courteous girl who I am so proud of. But she strives for perfection and is concerned about how others perceive her. She is a people pleaser. In the home she is negative, enraged, defiant, sometimes hits her siblings and us. She has no respect for myself or my husband, doesn't care how we perceive her. She screams, hits, avoids daily chores, blames everyone else for her behaviour. She is anxious about being late for school (we are NEVER late). She tells us she sees "dead people". We've read books together, we have crystals, we have apps to divert anxiety. Basically everyone says she's a great child. And she is. Her behaviour isn't great though. All the learned techniques go out the window, we fight, yell, say things we don't mean. Cry. Lots of crying. I'm hoping someone can recommend a Family therapist who will help ALL OF US. Not just see her. I am holding on to hope by just a thread. I am spent. Busybee xx

Matchy69 I feel totally worthless
  • replies: 6

I am constantly abused with text msgs by my ex.She makes me feel like totally worthless person.She has to have my number as we kids together and if i dont reply to her msgs she just keeps sending more nasty ones and tells me she is going to do it for... View more

I am constantly abused with text msgs by my ex.She makes me feel like totally worthless person.She has to have my number as we kids together and if i dont reply to her msgs she just keeps sending more nasty ones and tells me she is going to do it for the rest of my life.I spend most of my days crying and i cant go through another year of this.

rdfreak Just wanting support and to know I'm not alone
  • replies: 3

Hi all, New here. Thanks. I feel very alone and a failure at my own life and I keep messing up everything good that comes my way. I was in a relationship for about eleven months with a man from America. We had known each other for 20 years online and... View more

Hi all, New here. Thanks. I feel very alone and a failure at my own life and I keep messing up everything good that comes my way. I was in a relationship for about eleven months with a man from America. We had known each other for 20 years online and had spoken on and off throughout the years. In jan 2017, we finally decided to take things to the nex level. When we were together in person, we felt so right and very natural. we were so much in love. . Unfortunately, I' can get a little insecure at times, and I was that way when he got a female housemate to help pay the bills. We'd have discussions over it and sort things out. Later on however, I started to ask why his family is still so close to his ex which he attempted to help me deal with, saying it's not about them, it's about us etc. but alas, my insecurities got the better of me and after a while, in fact, a month before he was due to come out here to live, he broke it off. I've beaten myself up over this since then and would write him emails trying to figure out whether we could work it out, since, distance was also starting to cause friction naturally and we both admitted, we had no doubt, things would be easier to sort out once the distance could be closed. He said he was sorry, he acknowledges the distance and he will always regret the decision. I finally began to feel angry as I realised that him pushing me away and such had him just as responsible as me. I bashed myself enough and it takes two to tango. Like me, he has depression so I'm assuming he could no longer cope though he never communicated with me to let me know what was going on in his head. If he could have waited one month, which he was once happy to do, we could have sorted this so easily. He completely gave up on me and I'll never understand why since he would always tell me how much he loved me and he would always be there. I try and surround myself with friends and I do see a Counsellor once a week to a fortnight. I'm still in shock that it's all over just like that; I thought we were meant to be, and so did he until he snapped. I can't believe I'm left alone again. I wish I said things differently and we wouldn't be in this situation. How do you move on from blaming yourself for stuffing up your happiness and hence feeling worthless and failing at life? Thanks for reading; Sorry about the Length P.S apologys for the bad formatting.

ForMeToKnow Marriage counselor advice
  • replies: 5

I went through a rough patch with wife lots of yelling at the same time developed an unwanted crush on a colleague. Nothing at all eventuated not even mild office flirting as I am the boss it would not be appropriate and would be immediately noticed.... View more

I went through a rough patch with wife lots of yelling at the same time developed an unwanted crush on a colleague. Nothing at all eventuated not even mild office flirting as I am the boss it would not be appropriate and would be immediately noticed. I was having trouble though so I wrote an SOS email to a friend about how I found it tricky to work with this person. In the meantime things got much better at home and we agreed to go to counseling but didn't book it. Two days back my wife's phone ran out of battery and she used my phone and found the SOS email So things are not so good at home now my poor wife has a broken heart and we have booked marriage counseling. Any tips on how to get the best out of marriage counseling as the guy in the wrong? FMTK

Stitch82 Empty ASD Mama
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have 3 small children, and my eldest (7.5yo) is on the autism spectrum. Most people would never know that, she appears like any other 7.5yo, but her behaviours at home are very different to those in public. I’m struggling with them. She’s c... View more

Hi all, I have 3 small children, and my eldest (7.5yo) is on the autism spectrum. Most people would never know that, she appears like any other 7.5yo, but her behaviours at home are very different to those in public. I’m struggling with them. She’s currently spending a few days with her aunt at the beach. This is the first break I’ve ever had from her and I thought it would help, but now I realise that I don’t miss her. In fact, I don’t feel anything about her. Or my other kids. Or my husband. Or anything, really. All I want to do is sit and do nothing, in silence, looking at my phone. I realise of course that this isn’t normal. You know all that talk about stress and how in ancient times we would confront a tiger and our cortisol levels would rise, and then we’d either go into fight, flight or freeze mode, but either way the stressor would go away and our cortisol levels would drop and we’d be ok?? Well what are you supposed to do when your ‘tiger’ is your daughter? There is no respite from the stress. We’re all told that ‘good’ parents don’t yell, or shame or smack or anything other than acknowledge their child’s ‘big feelings’ and foster a deep loving connection. What are you supposed to do when your child doesn’t care about connection, and just keeps on being a tiger?? All those feelings of rage and frustration and grief just get suppressed - and now here I am, not feeling anything about anything. Hating school holidays, not enjoying my family, just waiting for it all to end. So. Can anyone help me out with a next step to dig myself out of this hole? Is this something you see a GP or psych about, or is this just my life now? Thanks for getting this far. xx

Alyssa_Jayne Lied to by a sociopath through online chat and now depressed
  • replies: 4

I started chatting online as a way to overcome the loneliness in my life. I made what I thought was a close friend. Eventually over time it seemed we had a very close friendship. We spoke multiple times a day and we told each other a lot of personal ... View more

I started chatting online as a way to overcome the loneliness in my life. I made what I thought was a close friend. Eventually over time it seemed we had a very close friendship. We spoke multiple times a day and we told each other a lot of personal stuff in our lives (well I did). He starting to become distant about two weeks ago and being naturally insecure I kept asking what was wrong and whether he still wanted to be friends. He kept reassuring me that he was ok and that our friendship meant the world to him. He then told me a week later his computer was hacked and he had to close all his social media accounts. As he had my email he said he would contact me in a couple of days. That never happened and now I feel like a fool. The stupid thing is I miss our conversations even though I know that they are based on lies. I don't believe I was catfished but I was definitely used and now I feel hurt.

Jessplease 4 year relationship affected by 'Meth' use
  • replies: 10

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years(23-30), we are living together and building a house in 8 months. Our relationship has always had patches from the beginning but we have always gotten through. I have always had a solid job and support... View more

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years(23-30), we are living together and building a house in 8 months. Our relationship has always had patches from the beginning but we have always gotten through. I have always had a solid job and supported him through unemployment etc. He currently works as a security guard at pubs and I am so happy he is working again as this provides financial relief but .. I found out a female coworker was messaging him a lot and discussing her relationship with her partner and how she wants to leave etc now she goes out taking drugs all the time. We spoke about it and I told him I seen all the messages between them and I was uncomfortable with it. Following this the messaging reduced significantly, everything back to how it usually is. Sunday night he finds drugs at work and tells me about it, come Monday night he has used the drugs. He used to be a heavy drug user years ago but since we have been together it has been next to nothing. Monday everything is okay we have a very deep talk ( due to the drugs ), Tuesday he doesn't go out to the pub and see friends like usual - slightly moody. Now Wednesday night he is super paranoid that I am spying on him through apps on his phone, questioning every notification his phone sends etc. I am crying at this point due to him thinking it's me spying on him and I don't trust him. He then tells me he is not sure what to dowith us. *Im not spying on him- what he is questioning is the normal phone processes and permissions he has given the apps* I love him, I really do but what is going on ? What do I do ? I just feel lost and emotional

Azronz How do I pick myself up and be happy?
  • replies: 1

Most of my friends don't hang out with me anymore. I ruined it because of my anger plus my boringness and it hurts me so bad. I'm not the only one that get angry though but in the end I'm guessing I got cut out because I don't really have anything go... View more

Most of my friends don't hang out with me anymore. I ruined it because of my anger plus my boringness and it hurts me so bad. I'm not the only one that get angry though but in the end I'm guessing I got cut out because I don't really have anything good to offer except my boring company. We started off really tight and understood each other. They were my second group of friends. My first group I was the 'last guy' and I felt I deserved more so I moved away from the group to this second one. Now I have only 4 friends I hang out with sometimes. Friend 1 always ignores me because he has some issues like I do. Friend 2 makes me more upset because he always lies about small things like leaving me hanging at a place or Infront his place because we were suppose to hang out but when he find something else to do im instantly out of the picture without notice. Friend 3 is has a narcissist personality plus he wants to fight my other friends. When I tell him I'm going home he will always give negative comments like "yeah you go". He got mad before because I didn't invite him to my party. I didn't want a fight erupting at my party... The year before that at my party I caught him in the phone talking to someone and saying " Ye what you doing? I'm at my friends party. Actually there not really my friends, what you doing want to hang out?" That really cut me. When his birthday came up I said happy birthday to him on his birthday and he didn't even invite me to his. He never said happy birthday too me. Friend 4 is still Around but he get upset easily and will sometime ignore me because I don't reply to his messages. I've also ignored himself before for abt a week because I hit rock bottom and needed time alone. It's werid because now he hangs with other people but when we was upset about me, he thought I was hanging with someone else. He now hang with friend 3 very often. I have a drug addict friend from years ago (he was clean when I met him) who lies and steals thing from my other friend and me recently. Ask for money and never pays back. Last night he came over, I told him he had leave and a huge argument erupted. Even worse my mum was slight backing him up because of my attitude towards him. I don't have a gf either. Only had 1 gf but I was just a rebound. Second girl I like slept with another guy, I think I was to slow to make a move. 3rd girl I like just wanted to be friends. To sad to build relationships now. I feel better alone but the lonlienss is killing me.