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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Danni4 Affairs
  • replies: 4

My husband had sex with someone else before we got married. He also drank a lot. He became infatuated with someone younger than me and so I went and did the same thing. I became intimate with this man and then the man called it off. My husband new th... View more

My husband had sex with someone else before we got married. He also drank a lot. He became infatuated with someone younger than me and so I went and did the same thing. I became intimate with this man and then the man called it off. My husband new things weren't right and got us into counselling. We then had kids. He got drunk and held my head almost to the floor twice. He then had that same lady work for him lost interest in me and I again met someone else. That didn't work out for me. I sought counselling. He found out about the other men. He tried to kill himself. I felt I had to stay with him. I found someone new and was going to leave. That person didn't work out but my parents helped me leave. I had a breakdown. He told everyone and the kids are suffering because people don't want to be around me. I have a new relationship and am very happy. I worry a lot.

wildheart Lost
  • replies: 6

Hi Everyone, Ok deep breath, here goes... I am reaching out to someone, anyone who knows what it is like to feel stuck and lost at the same time. I am going to be very honest and say that it has been my choices that have put me in my current situatio... View more

Hi Everyone, Ok deep breath, here goes... I am reaching out to someone, anyone who knows what it is like to feel stuck and lost at the same time. I am going to be very honest and say that it has been my choices that have put me in my current situation. I have recently moved into my ex partners house after a years seperation. We got in contact again and he was not doing to well so (relationship breakdown) and I honestly thought I could help him get through his dark time, while dealing with my own darkness, I have been in the house for 2 weeks and I feel so isolated and alone. I dont have anyone to talk to, I am really hoping just to talk to someone, anyone that has been or is going through a similar situation...

Herms Lost and no one to talk to
  • replies: 2

Hi there, It's my first time asking for help online. I don't even know if it will help but here goes. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I'm from Melbourne, she lives in Spain. I've been travelling back and forth to be with her. Last... View more

Hi there, It's my first time asking for help online. I don't even know if it will help but here goes. I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I'm from Melbourne, she lives in Spain. I've been travelling back and forth to be with her. Last time I was there for a month was back in March 2017 - and we both agreed that next time i should be there for at least 90 days. I just got here (Spain) 2 weeks ago with the intention of staying for 3 months but already things are going downhill. We already had a fight yesterday and she said some really hurtful things to me. Even though we have already made peace since then, I still can't get over the things she said to me and now I feel unwelcome here. I feel like I'm interfering with her life as opposed to being part of it. Her attitude was already off for the past week before the fight - silent, moping around the place when she's usually bubbly and full of energy with everyone else. This makes me feel even more unwelcome. I have other problems to deal with (financial, mostly) and so does she. But I'm starting to wonder whether she is really someone I should pursue a relationship with. All I want is someone to settle down and start a family with. She told me the same but from what I'm seeing she's mostly interested in partying with her friends and wasting her days tanning on the beach - even though she is also going through financial troubles. I really don't know who to talk to or what to do next. I have no friends here in Spain and I don't even speak Spanish. This makes me feel even more isolated. My instincts tell me to get on the first plane out of here and never return but I don't want to make the wrong decision. Thanks for listening/reading. If anyone has any word of advice it would be greatly appreciated. Herms

101 Mum with mental illness
  • replies: 2

My mum has series mental problems that she won't agree too. She has once been in mental hospital & they told her she had bio polar, anxiety, depression. She is loosing the plot she blames & threatens my family, she lost her license & recently drank d... View more

My mum has series mental problems that she won't agree too. She has once been in mental hospital & they told her she had bio polar, anxiety, depression. She is loosing the plot she blames & threatens my family, she lost her license & recently drank drove & crashed her car. She has trashed our home she won't leave us alone: I need to get her help but the cops think she is fine but she isn't ! I have video footage of what she says to us. What can I do she needs to go back to a mental hospital but she won't admit herself

Mrslayla Difficulty moving forward
  • replies: 3

Hi, I recently found out the my husband of 6 years and my partner of 17 had an affair last year. The timing of it all coming out wasn't great as I had just had our second child. I know he loves me and that it was an error in judgement but I am strugg... View more

Hi, I recently found out the my husband of 6 years and my partner of 17 had an affair last year. The timing of it all coming out wasn't great as I had just had our second child. I know he loves me and that it was an error in judgement but I am struggling with it. The trust is of course gone and I'm left constantly feeling like I'm not good enough and wondering how he could do that to me if he loves me? Add to that my other son has been diagnosed with autism and I have found that very hard to constantly hear negative things said about him from all the specialists he is seeing. Roght now I feel like I'm not coping, crying all the time (when no one is around) and just wanting to run away. I feel so much guilt saying that because I am a mother and I love my children but I feel as if I'm not enough for anyone and just not doing anything well.

Guest_829 letting other people be
  • replies: 4

recently ive started respecting peoples right to be an individual whatever that means to them.and i've been telling myself for a while to resist judging them based on their looks and dont even start thinking in that kind of way.i try not to make assu... View more

recently ive started respecting peoples right to be an individual whatever that means to them.and i've been telling myself for a while to resist judging them based on their looks and dont even start thinking in that kind of way.i try not to make assumptions or huge generalisations because you cant really tell too much about anyone based on what you see in front of you. so im going to let people be as wrong as they want to be and im going to be more respectful of peoples rights to live their life their way.i'm going to stand back and let them make mistakes,speak their minds,talk about all kinds of things and be as loud as they want and im going to stand back and let them go..i've lived long enough and been around enough to know were all differant and brilliant and flawed and im not going to make anyone feel bad for doing the things that make them happy.im stepping back and letting go

Irish_Lady Cheating
  • replies: 4

Is going to brothels cheating? I have just found out that my partner has been going to brothels for the last two years. When I confronted him about it he said he only goes there because we don't have sex. In the last two years I have had two sons so ... View more

Is going to brothels cheating? I have just found out that my partner has been going to brothels for the last two years. When I confronted him about it he said he only goes there because we don't have sex. In the last two years I have had two sons so between the tiredness, stress and been overwhelmed with having my first son and then feeling pregnant for a second time so soon after my first I haven't wAnted to have sex and now half of me feels like it's my fault and the other half is like no I didn't do anything wrong. What do I do now?

Mephistopheles Guilt and reconciliation
  • replies: 4

I have been told that my chronic depression and anxiety has made me act entirely selfish in relationships or my behavior is construed as selfish. And that I blame my illness for my shortcomings. I never did anything destructive or severe although Im ... View more

I have been told that my chronic depression and anxiety has made me act entirely selfish in relationships or my behavior is construed as selfish. And that I blame my illness for my shortcomings. I never did anything destructive or severe although Im often on the receiving end of verbal abuse in the instances that come to mind. Selfishness as being dependant upon someone financially. As well as being emotionally neglectful and introverted with my partner. I go into a survival mode either out of habit or to attain respite. This has got me questioning my own ethics. I had feedback from one such ex and I had a breakdown as a result accompanied by overwhelming guilt and selfloathing. Im not a narcissist nor do I wish to inflict any injustice on others but I fear that I might be what I detest.

Deyana At a dead end
  • replies: 6

I asked my husband to seek medication for his increasingly extreme mood swings as he was causing unacceptable emotional damage to me and our two young children and I believe his behaviour was being exacerbated by his heavy drinking and unresolved chi... View more

I asked my husband to seek medication for his increasingly extreme mood swings as he was causing unacceptable emotional damage to me and our two young children and I believe his behaviour was being exacerbated by his heavy drinking and unresolved childhood trauma. The medication has stabilised his moods a little at the heavy expense of him becoming an unfeeling monster. I rarely cry as I am always acting out in defence, but I did break down in tears one day in sheer frustration under one of his emotional attacks and he told me to kill myself. This is just one horrible ugly incident among many and he doesn't even feel any remorse or apologise. I cannot reach him on any any level. He will not accept any communication or connection from me. His decent human self is dissolving before my very eyes. And I heavily mourn the loss of the person he once was. He has lost all awareness of how poorly he is behaving and any feeling/ concern for others. He despises being in our home and in our company, constantly finds fault with us, resents us and we are always walking on eggshells. For the first time ever, I hear him saying I have put him through hell in the past decade and that I am the one that has mental health issues. This is a completely new revelation from him that I have never heard before and it is completely absurd! I only want him to be free of the darkness that has engulfed him so that we can be a happy family. This is all I wish for. I recently sought a few sessions of counselling for the first time in my life because I am at a loss and do not know how to deal with his poor mental health. He continues to drink regularly on this medication. He will not allow me to provide feedback and attend appointments with him. I would like to see him change his medication, but he disagrees. He believes this current medication is a success as it has changed who he is. He feels good/strong because it has numbed any real perception/awareness and all feeling. My husband reluctantly turned to medication a short while ago because he loved/cared about his family and now he is on medication and is happy to throw us all away. How is this a good outcome? I really didn't think our situation could get any worse and I have tragically come to the point of giving up on him and any hope of our family surviving this. Our home is truly breaking and will not survive this course of treatment the psyciatrist has prescribed. I am devastated.

Gelatobear Keep making the same mistakes
  • replies: 4

I left a long term partner of 10 years 8 months ago. For the last 6 years there was no intimacy, no sex, we were essentially just close friends. 10 months ago I sort help from a therapist and medication to help with anxiety after a breakdown with a c... View more

I left a long term partner of 10 years 8 months ago. For the last 6 years there was no intimacy, no sex, we were essentially just close friends. 10 months ago I sort help from a therapist and medication to help with anxiety after a breakdown with a colloeague at work, and this started me thinking about the issues in my relationship. Once I made the decision to split up and move out on my own, I have felt incredibly lonely, as we no longer have the friendship. This is especially hard when my fiends and family are in another state. I have turned to online dating, but this has been an endless round of having my heart broken. After having had no intimacy for so long, I sleep with someone far too soon, and have them skip out / ghost me. Im just so over feeling used, judged and disposed of, and alone, but I never learn.