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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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jason600 Dealing with a Breakup
  • replies: 3

Hi my name is Jason i am a 49 year old male ,and 5 weeks ago my partner of 10 years told me that she wants to have a six month break from the relationship.I was and am devastated.I could not believe it we had been through so much with each other .We ... View more

Hi my name is Jason i am a 49 year old male ,and 5 weeks ago my partner of 10 years told me that she wants to have a six month break from the relationship.I was and am devastated.I could not believe it we had been through so much with each other .We had tried IVF 3 times and failed which did put some strain on the relationship.In previous relationships the end had always been pretty cut and dry , but my ex saying she needs 6 months to go on a spiritual journey to find out if she can rekindle the love is messing with my head , to the point where i think i am going insane.She has moved in with her mother and i have left the home to move in with friends , just need the company.Hopefully someone out there can tell me that the emotions i am feeling are normal.I have become very anxious ,will i ever meet anyone else , constantly thinking will she come back ,one minute i am happy then i will be consumed by negative thoughts ,other times i have mini panic attacks and have to be calmed down by phoning friends.I love surfing and swimming but motivate myself to go to the pool or beach.My friends tell me to ignore the six month time frame and just believe it is over for my sanity.Well i hope someone can tell me what i am going through is normal and any advice would be truly welcome. Many Thanks JASON

Whatdoilike Can no longer stand being around friends
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I've lived with depression and anxieties for my entire high school period and I am still suffering months after graduating (I decided not to attend university due to my poor mental health). Now that school is over, I really have nothing to do, I have... View more

I've lived with depression and anxieties for my entire high school period and I am still suffering months after graduating (I decided not to attend university due to my poor mental health). Now that school is over, I really have nothing to do, I have walked out on jobs on 2 separate occasions because i could not handle the stress, I am extremely nervous in public due to my extremely skinny nature (Im not anorexic, just naturally very skinny) so I don't attend any social gatherings. This however, means I am also extremely bored at home, with no money to spend. My main issue at the moment is my friends from high school. I consider myself to have 4 friends. One has had to deal with minor anxiety and depression in the past, however he is considered extroverted and is able to easily be happy in society. One is the classic stereotype of a nerd, never going outside, however he has a massive superiority complex despite him being not clever in the slightest. The next one is similar to me, however I doubt he suffers from mental illness, he is just extremely normal in a nerdy kind of way, he is like a very responsibly parent he never comes out either. The last one I have my largest issues with. He obviously suffers from depression and anxiety, however he takes it out on other people. He is selfish, rude, impulsive, unreliable, a liar and has developed a toxic personality in general over the years. He definitely shares multiple traits that a sociopath would. I think his depression may have stemmed from people disliking him due to his personality. I have tried over the years to continue being nice to him and help him, but he is seriously taking a major toll on my own mental health when I am around him, I just no longer want to be friends with him. We all tolerate him in real life and online, but I doubt the only one who actually likes him is the extroverted friend. I don't have the heart to tell him I don't like him because I am afraid he will just get worse. We can't really kick him out because he would nave no one otherwise. The dilemma is that I can either continue having social contact with these people, however I will constantly have to deal with this toxic person, or I cut all relations with this group that I am tired of, but that will result in me no longer having any social contact for a year until I start uni. Sorry for the long rant, I have never been able to express my thoughts because I am so awkward. Has anyone else had a similar issue before? Thanks.

Debs_67 My husband came from a good place but i just can't get passed what he did
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Hi everyone, ok this is really hard for me to do but here goes. On the weekend we were camping and hubby decided to have a drink (which is ok with me), with this he thought it was a good idea to push me to talk about my depression. I at the time didn... View more

Hi everyone, ok this is really hard for me to do but here goes. On the weekend we were camping and hubby decided to have a drink (which is ok with me), with this he thought it was a good idea to push me to talk about my depression. I at the time didn't want to talk about it for 2 reasons, 1 was because of the setting, knowing everyone would be able to hear us talking and 2 was because he was drinking. He seemed to be angry at the fact that i haven't been open and honest with him about how i am feeling but i find it hard to talk to him sometimes as it becomes like a tit for tat debate, meaning when i say something that i don't like he says well what about when you do ect. It is draining sometimes so i tend to not say anything to him. Don't get me wrong we both do really love each other we have been married for 31 yrs and we are both here for each other when needed. Anyway back to the weekend. He wouldn't drop it and kept pushing me to talk i was asking him to drop it but he wouldn't. He asked me why i wouldn't talk to him so i said that i would chat when we were in a more private setting but he wouldn't have it. He just wouldn't stop saying you're going to talk to me now or is it because i am not worthy for you to talk to me, is it because you don't love me it's more of a case of you are just used to me being there. I didn't bite (i would of done in the past) i just kept telling him to please stop, in the end i was pleading with him to drop it and i told him that when we get home i was going to pack a bag and leave him. He made me feel so bad that night and he just doesn't get it (well he didn't). He has sort of said sorry but i just can't get over what he did and how he made me feel. I am still at home but things are a bit strained. I really don't know how to get through this right now it keeps playing back around in my head. He actually bought me some beautiful flowers yesterday and all i could say was thank you but i felt no emotion which makes me feel even worse because i feel guilty for having no emotional feeling.

AkechisPancakes Why can't i form lasting relationships with anyone?
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I apologize if i rant a little, but I'm sick of just venting to myself lmao. I'm not a shy person, mostly introverted though I have good enough social skills, and and interesting personality ( at least I'd like to think...) I prefer to a have a small... View more

I apologize if i rant a little, but I'm sick of just venting to myself lmao. I'm not a shy person, mostly introverted though I have good enough social skills, and and interesting personality ( at least I'd like to think...) I prefer to a have a small group of close friends rather than a large group of people. Last year, both my best friends left my school. It's not like I don't have other friends, it's just there few and scattered amongst different friend groups. I have tried to make new friends within groups I am somewhat familiar with, but I have such a huge fear of rejection that I try to maintain a distance so I don't come off as clingy or annoying. I don't want to be a bother on others, but I want to be friends with them at the same time. I'm not sure if this is a product of my own low self-esteem, or if no wants to pay attention to me. It feels like I'm being ignored. Why would anyone want to make new friends if they have plenty already? I have a few friends who only seem to talk to me when its convenient. They will mostly ignore me if they're around people they like better. Bu tin the same sense, aren't I doing this to? Is the only reason I cling onto this relationship is because I too rely heavily on my self-image be that of not a complete social outcast? And I kinda hate myself for that. I convince myself that the only reason i seek out relationships is my only selfish pursuit of popularity. I'm scared i'm boring and not worth anyone's time, which is why no one takes notice, or tries to pursue a relationship with me despite me trying. Sometimes I think I'm not trying enough, and that if I want friends, I have to spend more time around them. But I'm so paranoid I'll get in the way, make people uncomfortable and be a general burden. I constantly flit from group to group, person to person. It sound stereotypical, but it feels like I don't belong. What makes it worse is that I know everyone in my year group from primary school, some of which were my friends. When I moved into high school, a couple of friends started distancing themselves from me, and taking the hint, I cut it off completely. I began to focus my time of my best friends, and I felt happy for a time. I know this all wont matter in a few years when I graduate high school. But it matters now and I'm worried this anxiety and low self esteem will lead to depression. I wish I wasn't so concerned with others opinion of me.

Rzhao Finally accepting my husband has a porn addiction
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I’ve always known that he looks at porn every now and then, and we’ve had talks about it and then just tried to pretend it isn’t a thing. This worked and we would be able to live our lives as if it wasn’t a thing for periods at a time. Then the probl... View more

I’ve always known that he looks at porn every now and then, and we’ve had talks about it and then just tried to pretend it isn’t a thing. This worked and we would be able to live our lives as if it wasn’t a thing for periods at a time. Then the problem would resurface again and again. Just recently I have finally realised that it’s an actual addiction for him. He tried really hard to go without it but the longest he could go was a week, and that was a “victory” for him. I always thought he looked at it maybe once a month or less.. mainly because just after I had the baby we couldn’t have sex. But I wasn’t aware he was actually addicted and looked at it at least a few times a week all along. I’m really struggling this time, I’ve cried all night. Am I overreacting? Our baby is 6 months old too so maybe I’m just exhausted and a being irrational but I know this can’t just be in my head.. and I am not comfortable with porn in our relationship. my husband has always said he isn’t proud of it either. And he wants to stop using it. But after saying this so many times it doesn’t mean much to me.. I’m starting to just think he just says that like an addict. I’m so confused because he genuinely seems to feel so bad about it and understand that it negatively affects me and our marriage. Yet he continues or use it. Is it suggestive of how much he values us? Because he’s willing to continue harming our relationship?

DamagedPrincess Am i doing the right thing?
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while because things were going really well, but there is obviously a reason that I'm back. Stress at work started to get on top of me, i wasn't handling change well and my anxiety and depression have come creeping back ... View more

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while because things were going really well, but there is obviously a reason that I'm back. Stress at work started to get on top of me, i wasn't handling change well and my anxiety and depression have come creeping back up. The workplace is changing a lot and i don't deal well with change and i have been able to recognise this and plan on returning to seeing my psychologist as soon as there is availability. However this is not the reason I'm on the forum. A little background first. My Mum has always had a drug problem. This affected myself and my brothers over the years and has seen our family fall apart many times, both immediate and extended. Mum has always smoked cigarettes and green. She would occasionally use something a little heavier and when she did she was normally open about it and let me know in case anything happened. About 18 months ago i found out she had something EVEN HEAVIER in the house while I was at her house for a party and i lost it at her. I couldn't believe she would bring something like that into the house after everything she's/we've been through she said it was a one time thing and i thought that was the end of it. However, over the last day or so i have found out that she is still using the drug and has been for the last 12 months or so. The drug is heavy and highly addictive and due to its popularity at the moment is cheap and easy to get, thus her habit has gradually gotten worse and worse and she is now spending $250 + a week on it. She doesn't work but my step dad does. He works his ass off for everything they have and they constantly argue about money. He doesn't know she's on the stuff and I feel incredibly bad for him because they always have no money and he doesn't know why. One day while at work he went to get money out of the bank but it said the balance was $0 and was told that 'oh a bill must have come out' - which is a go to excuse. I found this all out from family so she doesn't know that I know. I don't want to involve them so i want to find proof of what she is doing and confront her and tell her she needs to tell my step dad or i will. I want to help her but I'm so worried about the outcome. Something needs to be done and if i don't handle it who will. I have all of this weight on my shoulders and I'm so sick of this stuff happening. If my Mum doesn't pull her head in i'm worried she wont be there for her future grandchildren or around much longer at all. Am i doing the right thing?

Loststriver Damaged by an alcoholic father - Am I crazy or sane?
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Hello all, and thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'll start off by saying that I am a young adult of an alcoholic father. From the age of 21 on wards, I have lived with a mentally and emotionally abusive alcoholic father. The type of fat... View more

Hello all, and thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'll start off by saying that I am a young adult of an alcoholic father. From the age of 21 on wards, I have lived with a mentally and emotionally abusive alcoholic father. The type of father that would torture you and play on your emotions and thoughts constantly. In the past, I remember coming home from work one day, to find him intoxicated and violent against my mother and brother. I remember seeing him try to kill my mother and my brother was there trying to fend him off. He would often try and do these things as well as trying to drive his car whilst under the influence. My father has even tried to commit suicide at one point, as a desperate plea to gain, what I think to be, a form of attention. Seeing him was the darkest sight I've ever seen in my life. I feel as if all the abuse I have tolerated from him over the years has carried over into my adulthood (I am 26 at the time of posting this) and has damaged me beyond repair. I feel a lot of resentment and hatred towards him. My emotions are basically non-existent, in most aspects of my life. My brain feels like it was been rewired to that of a non normal person. I have noticed some traits that have developed in me that were never there, such as perfectionism, difficulties with intimacy, trouble with starting something and finishing it, fear of losing control, the list goes on. I've even begun to think disgusting thoughts such as "maybe my father would be better off dead." I have even begun to not trust my own thoughts about everything in my life, such as my studies at the moment, my friends, my future, whether what I'm doing or thinking is right or wrong. I feel like I can't distinguish from what is normal thoughts to those that evil. I just feel like a damaged, lost, confused, tormented soul that's roaming the earth, trying to make the best for himself and my future in any way possible. I have a constant need to improve myself in everything, all the time, and it's driving me insane. I have tried services such as eheadspace online chat as well as beyond blue chat and everything points to me going to see a Psychologist or perhaps even Psychotherapy. Would seeing a Psychologist be the right step for me? Any guidance would be great. Thank you.

Jade_94 Resentment towards my partner after 2nd child
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Hello, I was looking around on google trying to find answers as to why I was feeling angry all the time and I found myself coming back to the question "what triggers these emotions" My Partner. We have just had our 2nd child together he is currently ... View more

Hello, I was looking around on google trying to find answers as to why I was feeling angry all the time and I found myself coming back to the question "what triggers these emotions" My Partner. We have just had our 2nd child together he is currently 6 months and out eldest is 3 in a month. My partner works full time and I work nights 3 days a week.. My partner works so bloody hard for us. I find Staying home with the kids is HARD 80% of the time. And I notice my self getting more and more short tempered . and it scares me. I find my self always waiting for my partner to get home. But when he does? Its not enough for me, I'm disappointed ? Why ? He likes to relax after work by playing games on the computer, he puts on his head set and talks to his mates nearly all night. He does help when I ask him to do things. But sometimes he complains. He says he has been working ALL day, so I should do what's needed for the kids. Like I'm sorry you had kids. They still apply even after you finish work. Most times I'm fine with this. But lately its PISSING me off. I just find my self so angry at him. All the time. Is it because he has a hobby? something to escape to when he comes home? Whyyyyy

Tigerlilly1 Cant understand and not dealing too well
  • replies: 6

I have just broken up with my fiancee. We were together 12 years. We have had ups and downs over the years but all couples do. The reason it started from what i am aware of is was checking my bank online and noticed he had used my card for a few more... View more

I have just broken up with my fiancee. We were together 12 years. We have had ups and downs over the years but all couples do. The reason it started from what i am aware of is was checking my bank online and noticed he had used my card for a few more things than he had told me so asked what he had spent my money on. All of a sudden he was yelling at me that i was always at him and i did nothing around the house to help him as i was always at computer doing cricket stuff. (I am a secretary of an association) then he grabbed me and pinned me to floor although he claims i tripped. But he still had me by the shirt and had fist raised at me. When he let go i just went outside in shock and would not talk to him as was waiting for an apology. He moved downstairs to sleep that night and then for 5 weeks we didnt speak. For 3 weeks after that he slept elsewhere. Didnt have a clue where and only come home to shower and change. Then when i messged him and said that was he moving out or i trying to get a response or apology. He wasnt moving anywhere that i was the one going. The day i moved is the day a so called friend of mine posted on FB that she and him were in a relationship. I am not dealing with him not wantung to talk to me to fix things that day and prior and that he and a friend are in a relationship. I asked to meet with him to find out what the go was to help me through this and was told we had nothing in common i was nasty and boring. I dont undertand how all this has come to being all of a sudden without my partner and when they started this relationship as he cant remember a certain date. He claims the last two years were hard for him. We even went on a cruise shortly before all this paid for by my kids as a 50th birthday present. I am crying at a drop of a hat at anything and just want to be swallowed up in a big black hole. My heart is in a million pieces over this as prior to this we were fine so i thought. I just dont understand says he still wants to be friends and have a bond but not the bond we thought we would have.

ShaneB91 Feeling incredibly lonely
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Hey there. I'm Shane. I've gone through a pretty big break-up and although we're working things out, we're keeping our distance so as to not rush things. During the break up, my 'friends' (I use that term pretty loosely due to their words and actions... View more

Hey there. I'm Shane. I've gone through a pretty big break-up and although we're working things out, we're keeping our distance so as to not rush things. During the break up, my 'friends' (I use that term pretty loosely due to their words and actions) have essentially abandoned me. I think it's part to me somewhat maturing quite a bit over the past 6 months and their stagnant lives, but also their ragging on my ex (whom I still love to Gallifrey and back) even though I asked them not to didn't help the friendship. My best mate of almost 20 years all of sudden removed me from his life. I think it has something to do with my atheistic world view and his further movement into the Jehovah Witness church, which I never had an issue with (his beliefs) and I never questioned them, however I think he may have felt 'threatened' by things I've said in passing to others in conversation/debate. The loss of his friendship struck quite a blow, but I've come to accept that it's his life and his choice to not be in my life anymore. Aside from those people, I don't really have any other friends. I have a couple fellas I play Xbox Live with occasionally but those times are few and far between. I guess being a Sunday night in a dead-end town has me feeling lost. So I'm just wondering if anyone would like to chat at all? I could add you on facebook or even if you're a gamer (Xbox One and PC here), we could game together. I guess I'm saying I'm looking for a friend and with the power of the internet at my fingertips, things could be easy. I'm an introvert, however I do like to explore new places when given the opportunity. I'm a big Doctor Who fan (New Who only; haven't had a chance to watch the older stuff), I love new music, I enjoy a good comedy and my top 3 favourite tv shows are 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia', 'The Office (US)' and 'Doctor Who'. I'm a 26 year old lonely fella looking to keep my mind from turning into the beehive that my anxiety turns it into. Men or women, it doesn't matter. Just looking for friendship (PS, I apologise if this is the wrong place to post this. I sort of jumped straight into the first forum that had 'loneliness' in the description.)