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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nellsy How could I make my family understand and see that I have mental illnesses?
  • replies: 1

Hello, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, as well as PTSD. My family struggles to believe that I am suffering from these mental illnesses which are causing me to feel even more left out and alone than I already do. I am currently going to ... View more

Hello, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, as well as PTSD. My family struggles to believe that I am suffering from these mental illnesses which are causing me to feel even more left out and alone than I already do. I am currently going to a psychologist and I am on medication as well. I want to go see a psychiatrist to get me the right medication as it is not as effective as it should be. Since I've been diagnosed about 6 months ago, I feel very exposed because my family know and think I must be weird or seeking attention, in which I am not. Since I mentioned I want to see a psychiatrist my mum commented "But there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfectly normal. It's not necessary" When in reality I've been hiding my emotions from society, crying myself to sleep, acting in secret, contemplating harm or running away, abusing substances to help me cope with all this pain, struggling to go to school and work, and even doing my normal morning routine like applying makeup. I tend to hide everything from my family because I know that if I open up to them they will think I'm crazy, or worry about me at night. How can I open up to them in a correct manner so that I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about my mental illnesses? There are many nights I wish I could call the ambulance because I wish someone else could tell them how serious this is. Thank you, any advice will be appreciated.

sad83 confused wife
  • replies: 3

I have a husband who has suffered depression, anxiety and I believe undiagonsed mental health conditions for most of his adult life. We have been married since 2011 and have one child together. I have 2 other children and he has another daughter also... View more

I have a husband who has suffered depression, anxiety and I believe undiagonsed mental health conditions for most of his adult life. We have been married since 2011 and have one child together. I have 2 other children and he has another daughter also that he doesnt see. He and his family dont talk. They had a falling out (one of many) about 5 years ago. We have had ups and downs in our relationship. But something snapped in him about 4 months ago and it has been a living hell, walking on egg shells trying to avoid doing or saying anything that will set him off. He says horrible hurtful things and then blames the person he is mad at for his actions. He got demoted at work because he just cant say things to people in a nice way, despite me me and others offering alternate ways. He never wants to do anything different. because "he should have to" everything is black and white and he cant understand why people dont do everthing the way he thinks it should be done. the same problems we have at home. He has a past history of self harm and major depression. I have tried to get him to go to see a psychologist but as yet I am not succsessful. He threatens to just end it all when he gets like this. One minute he loves me the next I am the worst most putrid thing he has ever layed eyes on. He has this view of everyone. He thinks people only blame him for the things he does because of his depression. Not because of his actions. We have just started building our first house together and jsut about every day he threatens to go to the bank and tell them he doesnt want it. because he doesnt want to do anything with me/ he hates me etc. We have sacrificed so much to get this and spent 3 years saving. I dont know what to do. My kids are scared. one scared that he willl leave, the others scared because they are always in trouble. He is always so worried that no-one is on his side. He loses it if I tell him not to call my kids names because I am on their side and not his. I ask him over and over again to not speak to the kids like he does, dont call them pigs, lazy etc and then doesnt understand why he has people telling him not to say things. "He yells Im allowed to say something" like he is the victim. If I cry Im playing the victim. If my son is scared its because I made him worried. If hes mad its my daughters fault because she always gets him in 'trouble'. He always says I abuse him but in reality I cant even have a converstaion with him because I could never 'win'. Help!

No_Grey_Areas Step daughter showed absolute disrespect
  • replies: 3

We were left with Step daughter's cat when she moved out (about two years) - this was fine and I took the cat as one of our own. He had lived in that house all his 14 year life, so it was fine. I loved him! Out of the blue, it seemed, while Step daug... View more

We were left with Step daughter's cat when she moved out (about two years) - this was fine and I took the cat as one of our own. He had lived in that house all his 14 year life, so it was fine. I loved him! Out of the blue, it seemed, while Step daughter's dad was working away, she came and took the cat. No note on the door for me. No text. Call or advice this was going to take place (I searched for the cat but did think he had gone ""walk about"" like he had previously). I found out only when her dad landed, she texted HIM to tell him she had taken the cat two nights ago. I feel this is total disrespect to us as a couple. Me for looking after the cat. Yes -the cat was hers but no advice she was or did take the cat! Just took him:( Her dad was angry and told her it was disrespectful to which she told him off and even told him off. At the time, she mentioned that she hoped when she has kids that they get to know their grandfather ....... she was NOT wrong for her actions. Well - no apology nothing. Nothing. A month or so later, she visits her dad (when I'm not there) to tell him she was pregnant (three weeks pregnant). Still no apology to him for disrespecting us/ our home. They are now back in good communcation. I am still so angry/ hurt. More so because, at the time, we agreed we would stand firm on her actions and make her see we were a couple...... I am now the person in the wrong. Any comments??

TheHumanSeed I cant stand my brother and mum's enabling
  • replies: 1

I currently live at mums with her, a family friend, and my younger brother, while im at uni. Im here because my younger brother is 14yrs old and still pisses the bed. He doesnt clean it until everyone starts screaming at him (because it smells like h... View more

I currently live at mums with her, a family friend, and my younger brother, while im at uni. Im here because my younger brother is 14yrs old and still pisses the bed. He doesnt clean it until everyone starts screaming at him (because it smells like homeless people). Even then he still doesnt clean it up fully. The house stinks of piss, and I cant even have friends/family, let alone a GF or 'friend' over, because its that embarrassing. Mum does nothing to enforce anything and it just enables him to continue the behaviour time and time again. Futhermore, he abuses my cats (smothers them [hugging] even after they start crying out and clawing). Every time I take them off him he looses it and takes a swing at me, sometimes even has pulled a weapon on me. I know mim tries her best to deal with the situtaion but its not enough. I dont know how much longer I can take this s#!¥. If I didnt have to deal with crippling finances (a $ 5000 loan and centerlink payments of only 270/fn), I would have moved out ages ago. I dont know what to do and its driving me insane, i need advice/help.

Guest_1584 Sisters going behind brothers back and seeing his kids,
  • replies: 2

My brother split with his ex gf 10yrs ago. lt was a very rocky relationship and he also got into a few drugs and into a bit of trouble, couldn't hols a job. They had two kids about 10ish at the time and he hasn't been able to see them since, 10yrs ag... View more

My brother split with his ex gf 10yrs ago. lt was a very rocky relationship and he also got into a few drugs and into a bit of trouble, couldn't hols a job. They had two kids about 10ish at the time and he hasn't been able to see them since, 10yrs ago.it's a very sad sitch but he's been deeply depressed for years not seeing them but this last few yrs has been trying to get his life on track. l think him and the ex just fight and she won't let him near them and he hasn't been together enough to go to courts or anything. They must be in their 20s now. l have 6 sisters , l'm 3hrs away and don't have much to do with them but 12mths ago one of them went over to WA behind his back and spent a wk with his kids. They didn't tell him and when he found out he was in tears and suicidal for 6mths. Now l find out they've just had his daughter over to Melbourne behind his back, he only lives an hour out of Melbourne and they didn't tell him or help them meet, She hasn't seen her dad in over 10yrs. l talked about this with a friend of mine who is a shrink and also a canceller and she said as l thought, that was absolutely despicable , that was her word ,of them to do all this and not tell him or get them together. l thought the same thing. Well , now they've done it again and had his daughter over and only an hour away , behind his back. Which again l thought was just a sickening thing to do and l think he should know.He missed her whole childhood . l'm thinking about telling him , what do you think ?. On one hand though l'm worried about of course what it will do for him but on the other l think he should know.

loouuiiee the queen of clingy -_-
  • replies: 4

i am currently seeing an ex from my past who I had broken it off with a few years back because I didn't feel I could trust him back them ... & I was right. He admits he wasn't a good bf to me back then & he says he wants to make it up to me now ... b... View more

i am currently seeing an ex from my past who I had broken it off with a few years back because I didn't feel I could trust him back them ... & I was right. He admits he wasn't a good bf to me back then & he says he wants to make it up to me now ... but actions speak louder than words.he is a lot better ... were working on it :)My issue is I ALWAYS crave affection!!! he says I am waaaaayyy too clingy :/i live alone and struggle with it so bad! I always crave hugs and having someone else around me. I never feel safe when I'm on my own. I'm scared to be by myself and miserable when I'm home alone. Having never received affection a single a child some of the psychologists I've seen believe I seek out that affectionate relationship in my romantic partners I feel like I've never experienced affection comfort & security ... is this tainting my ideals of what a good/healthy relaionship should look and feel like.i feel like maybe I'm expecting too much but don't think I can really help it ... my boyfriend at the moment also had a traumatic childhood and didn't be recieve a lot ignore attention or affection when he was young. He says that's what makes him crave 'alone time' ... he doesn't really enjoy being around people & has always been very quiet. I've known him since we were both 15. We know each other's ups and downs and basically whole life story! but we are opposites in this way and I'm always left wanting affection and he is always irritated by my 'childish' behavior

Eiendbdhd Pregnant and feeling miserable
  • replies: 15

I'm sorry - this seems so petty in comparison to some other people's experiences. I just feel like I don't know where else to go. My partner and I have been experiencing challenges since I fell pregnant to our daughter 2 years ago. I guess my life ch... View more

I'm sorry - this seems so petty in comparison to some other people's experiences. I just feel like I don't know where else to go. My partner and I have been experiencing challenges since I fell pregnant to our daughter 2 years ago. I guess my life changed immediately and his didn't. He has developed a more family friendly balance but I feel resentful and hurt that I'm sacrificing my body, sleep, time, finances, social life etc. I've been home recovering from a tummy bug. He came home for lunch (as he does every day) briefly but I felt he was just just being especially nice because he wanted to more money (usually he's frustrated at me taking days off because I don't get paid leave) for his colleagues going away drinks. He goes out from 4pm and I made a request that he please be home by midnight. I thought 8 hours was reasonable and since i haven't been well it's nice having someone you love in bed with you after being alone all day and feeling crappy. So after going to an appointment for baby #2 alone, picking up our daughter and doing dinner and bedtime alone...He came in at 1.30am after I had sent some emotion fueled messages saying I was disappointed and felt let down. He was angry because he felt he did nothing wrong. I tried to explain I didn't think he did anything wrong, I just wanted him to understand and how I was feeling-he just kept talking and couldn't understand so I ended up apologizing for making him feel guilty for going out. I noticed his phone open and found he had been messaging another woman with obvious sexual intentions but he had fallen asleep. It's not the first time he has sent messages like this but I had always dismissed it because I figured we all secretly fantasize sometimes, we just don't get caught. I confronted him and he made it out to be no big deal, it was just like looking at porn. I guess I feel inadequate because I'm fat and pregnant and I don't have the time or money for superficial things and he doesn't have much interested in me lately and I wish that I felt like an important and valuable person to him. I understand that my life has been consumed by our babies and he probably isn't recognised much so I have been trying to show appreciation by commenting positively and surprising him with a baby free date (he didn't really care about the effort) but I think I was just hoping that maybe my actions would encourage some appreciation or affection was shown in return.

A103 Is it us... or just me?
  • replies: 7

Today is not a good day for me... I'm 25, married for 17 months and together with my partner for 8 years. In the last 2 years I have felt that I'm not getting what I need from my partner in all aspects of our relationship. He is a kind hearted guy an... View more

Today is not a good day for me... I'm 25, married for 17 months and together with my partner for 8 years. In the last 2 years I have felt that I'm not getting what I need from my partner in all aspects of our relationship. He is a kind hearted guy and I know he loves me dearly but he tends to bring a lot of stress and anger into our relationship and puts me on the back burner. Over the years I've found myself online chatting to other men, even starting online sexual relationships with a number of them. Am I just seeking intention or something more?? The question I face is that do I try and work out our problems knowing very well that we are not compatible or do I walk away? Im feeling very alone & uncared for at this point...

Mike17 Choices with my life relationship wise
  • replies: 6

Ive gone to post of here too many times to count, but deleted my answer while feeling my issues are silly compared to many worse struggles others go through. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 9 months ago now and have generally been struggling since. ... View more

Ive gone to post of here too many times to count, but deleted my answer while feeling my issues are silly compared to many worse struggles others go through. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 9 months ago now and have generally been struggling since. I broke up after 5 months due to lost feelings, I suffered from bad anxiety due to my lost feelings, constantly thinking of how I would need to break up with her. The relationship wasn't healthy in many ways, on both ends, and I felt like I had more to experience in life. We tried to maintain being friends and maintained a sexual relationship for months and months (Not a good idea), throughout the whole time my self doubt of the right choice ate at me every single day, and unfortunately experienced many ups and downs. She still had feelings, but I didn't think I did, but always had myself questioning if I was giving up something I wouldn't find again, and something that was really good. Now she's come to a stage of moving on, and i've really come to a panic stage of thinking ill never find something like that again. Despite my lost feelings during the relationship, and the relationship being unhealthy, she's a girl that has a lot of love to give and loved me a whole lot through my flaws, she has a great family and is incredibly gorgeous. When I try to think of moving on it makes me sick. Its the first thing I think about in the morning and it really stays with me for most of the day, I'm sick of the anxiety and constant thinking, I've lost motivation for many parts of my life and cant remember what genuine happiness feels like, I've got my HSC in 4 weeks and I can't even gather any motivation to study. I don't know what to do. Its been almost double the time apart compared to being together, and no matter how silly I think it is I can shake thinking about it. I understand a lot of it won't make sense, sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me, but maybe some advice or past experiences could help. Thanks in advance.

running_girl My relationship is over and I am struggling to deal with it
  • replies: 53

I have been romantically involved with someone who has mental health issues for the last several months. After spending some time with him during the last few weeks I could see that while he meant what he said when he said it (e.g., that he loved me,... View more

I have been romantically involved with someone who has mental health issues for the last several months. After spending some time with him during the last few weeks I could see that while he meant what he said when he said it (e.g., that he loved me, that I was ‘the one’, that he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together, that we would get married someday…), he would simultaneously act in ways that kept me at a distance and would occasionally let slip that he didn’t really know if he wanted to be with me in the long-term. Because of this incongruence, I finally faced up to reality and told him that the timing was clearly not right for us to be together as a couple and we agreed to keep our friendship intact. We then spent the next couple of days together in a kind of in-between state – not exactly a couple but certainly not platonic. It’s now been a week since he flew back home (he lives interstate) and I’ve left two messages for him, neither of which he has returned. I am heartbroken, depressed (at times severely) and at a loss at what to do. I guess I don’t really have to do anything but keep reminding myself that it’s not my fault that things didn’t work out. And because he’s so clearly unwell, I know it’s not his fault either. My psych warned me against getting involved with him in the first place but I put her good logic aside and let myself fall completely in love. I am so sad. I know there is nothing to do but ride it out and I don’t expect anyone in the BB community to know of a miracle cure that will make things better. I guess I just wanted to say out loud (or in type on this message board) how I felt. A form of cartharsis maybe…?