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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Dogsnsushi Family unsupportive of mental health
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I am just seeking advice about what to do when you have a family who is very unsupportive of my anxiety. Today we went shopping as a family and it was very, very busy as it was raining so everyone wanted to go to the shops as it's indoor. Any... View more

Hi all, I am just seeking advice about what to do when you have a family who is very unsupportive of my anxiety. Today we went shopping as a family and it was very, very busy as it was raining so everyone wanted to go to the shops as it's indoor. Anyway, my family was walking really slowly right in the middle of the main path of the shopping centre, and taking up a lot of room so people couldn't get around. I always walk at the back when we go shopping and because of this, people were standing on the back of my shoes and banging into me because of how slow we were going. I asked them so many times to walk faster because there were people behind us but they didn't care. After about an hour at the shops, I started to have an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was going to throw up, I was shaking and just felt really delirious and dizzy. I told my parents that I was having an anxiety attack multiple times and they just said, "calm down, you'll be right." So I started to work myself up and then I just pushed past them and speed walked to the food court, which is where we were heading. I sat down and put my earphones in because I was trying to distract myself. They eventually caught up and just sat down eating and chatting normal while I was struggling to breathe, shaking and crying. Then we went home and they all walked off ahead of me. We got into the car and they said, "take your earphones out its rude." So I told them I felt really unwell and couldn't breathe. They didn't reply but instead, started a new conversation. When we got home I slept for 2 hours because I was very tired and upset. When I woke up, I walked into the lounge room where they all were and they started teasing me saying, "oh look she can breathe now!" And were laughing as if it was the newist, funniest episode of the Big Bang theory. They still make a joke about it in every conversation about it and I just feel overall worthless and like my anxiety is pathetic and stupid. I'm too scared to talk to them about it because when I've tried to talk to them about this sort of thing in the past they've just laughed and then make jokes about what I said, still to this day. What should I do? Someone please help. I feel like my family is making my condition even worse.

Empathic My husband of 14 years is alcohol dependant
  • replies: 9

My husband of 14 years is alcohol dependant. While he doesn't hide bottles around the place he simply cannot function socially without drinking and I'm well and truly over it. Over the past 12mths it has gotten to the point where it is taking a huge ... View more

My husband of 14 years is alcohol dependant. While he doesn't hide bottles around the place he simply cannot function socially without drinking and I'm well and truly over it. Over the past 12mths it has gotten to the point where it is taking a huge toll on our marriage. He works overseas and every 7 days has a 24hr break. This break is used to drink as much as he possibly can then passing out. Every stop on his flights to and from work are spent in the terminal bars drinking and at home he typically has a few beers at night and when we go out he literally guzzles as many jack daniels as he can along with shots and anything else hes offered. If we have friends over out comes the grog and he pushes everyone to drink with him. Although he is a happy drunk, he is annoying because when drunk he repeats himself and waffles garbage. If the two of us have a night away together theres always a stop at a bottleshop to get beer which are downed as soon as we arrive at the hotel, then as many as he can fit in if we go out plus nightcaps. It has gotten to the stage where I am being neglected in favour of him going out drinking. If out he will simply forget I am there and if I tell him its time to go he always says "one more after this" which usually means 3 or 4. We live on a small farm and when he is home he does nothing but drink, eat and fall asleep at all hours of the day. Recently I became suspicious as his neglect became worse and he is getting very snappy with me. I noticed him constantly on facebook so while he was out I looked. He had been messaging a woman he knew years ago and while there was nothing sexual, a couple of his replies to her overstepped the line. For her part she said nothing untoward but it hurt. I confronted him and got a pack of rubbish. Materially I want for nothing and he is very generous financially with gifts and money, but I feel its simply to keep me in my box so he can go out drinking. Just before he went back to work we had a huge blowup and I'm left feeling angry and stressed. I really don't know what to do!

Jalapeno We both have mental health issues, I love him, but I think it might be time to leave. How do I decide?
  • replies: 3

I am in my first relationship, 3 years in. I never expected to settle down so quickly, but my partner and I really entangled ourselves in one another quite quickly. We made a series of decisions that I think put a lot of pressure on our relationship,... View more

I am in my first relationship, 3 years in. I never expected to settle down so quickly, but my partner and I really entangled ourselves in one another quite quickly. We made a series of decisions that I think put a lot of pressure on our relationship, such as moving interstate without us having any friends/family there, within the first 3 months of our relationship. I have a history of anxiety and depression, and now he has started treatment for the same. At first when he was diagnosed, it was a relief because I felt validated that some of my doubts and insecurities might be justified. However as many of you would know it is really only the beginning of the journey. I am only 23 while he is 37, and I must say that I am really struggling to keep supporting him when all I want to do is live a happy, adventurous and sexual life, while he is struggling to do any of these things. Commitment means an awful lot to me, and I do love him so much, but more and more I get the feeling that if I stay in the relationship I may feel resentful down the track. I am so confused about what to do. I love him, and wish I could be all the things I said I would - a life partner, and eventually hopefully a mother to his children, but I feel so exhausted and emotional and am honestly unsure of how much longer I can do this for. But because I love him so much & we've worked really hard so far, I don't know if I'm ready to give it all up. Ive loved our lifestyles that we built up together, but I get so obsessed with all the aspects of our relationship that I feel insecure about, making it hard to stay positive. It's all just really taxing. Any advice? Do I stick it out, or cut ties? I am so afraid of the consequences of either of these options. Ialso want to add that he does care, and does go out of his way to show his love but obviously it isn't all that consistent. He is never mean, and I will concede that I am sure I am inconsistent as well. If we can work through these issues we have a lot of things to look forward to, together. If. I do see a counsellor, but I guess I don't have much immediate support around me. We have great friends but we met most of them together, so it can be hard to talk to them about these personal issues. Reading the forums on beyondblue have calmed many of my late night anxiety attacks as I no longer feel so alone. Thanks so much all.

Alexanderv New in here
  • replies: 1

Hello Everyone, I would like to introduce myself, My name is Alexander, I am 24 years old.. about to turn 25 next month. Since my boyfriend broke up with me 1 year and half ago, my life its been so awful, at least the first 6 months that I couldn't s... View more

Hello Everyone, I would like to introduce myself, My name is Alexander, I am 24 years old.. about to turn 25 next month. Since my boyfriend broke up with me 1 year and half ago, my life its been so awful, at least the first 6 months that I couldn't stop thinking about him, now after seeing a few psychologist, I feel that everything is normal now, but now I'm facing this feeling of loneliness where I think I won't be able to find that person, that now guys are only looking for sex and I have this flaw, that I get attached to people to quickly.. so after they left or stopped talking to me, I felt really bad.. I tried to have a relationship, but every time I had one, the feeling is not the same, so i'm not sure whats going on with me, I have tried to go the gym, get involved in new activities but none since to help me, I stop talking to God because I'm too embarrassed of the person I become.. it is to hard to write all of this and still trying to make sense, because everything in my life is a mess, at the office, in my house, at college, I feel trapped, I don't know where to go and I have loose fear of dying and that scares me. Not sure how to put myself together... and I cannot move to another area and a start a new life because I cannot afford to lose my current job and start a new one.

girlinmelbourne Sad and alone
  • replies: 4

I've literally had enough with my husband's behaviour. My grandfather is dying in hospital interstate and when my husband dropped me off at the airport all he had to say was for me to stop acting grumpy because everyone dies. last night we had anothe... View more

I've literally had enough with my husband's behaviour. My grandfather is dying in hospital interstate and when my husband dropped me off at the airport all he had to say was for me to stop acting grumpy because everyone dies. last night we had another small issue which I tried to help find a solution for but instead he started calling me a liar and this and that and went completely off the rails at me. He kept saying awful things on purpose to make me angry. In the end I told him I've had enough of his temper tantrums and that I'm not going to sit back and take this behaviour from him. He basically said he doesn't care and to stay away if I don't like it because he's not going to change. I'm so upset. I need my husbands support at this difficult time but he just doesn't care. I don't want to divorce him but I can't keep living like this my whole life. I don't have any other friends and I've had the most difficult year with all sorts of things happening. My psychologist once suggested to him that he needs to have anger management and marriage counselling which he says ok I will go their faces but afterwards goes angry at me because I made him look bad to them. He also has been going out with his friends for most nights the last 3 months. I tried to ask him to come home at least a couple times a week so we can at least have a meal together. He just got angry and said he's not giving up his friends and he doesn't want to be stuck with me all the time. He's currently ignoring me and I don't know what to do. I've got no one to turn to except him and he won't speak to me.

Allonme Husband and father suffering under weight of obligations
  • replies: 8

My wife was diagnosed as bipolar in her thirties after various family traumas as a young g girl, akin to PTSD. I don't see any mania or happy-times in her so think it's really just depression. She's on meds and manages well, but no libido and has fal... View more

My wife was diagnosed as bipolar in her thirties after various family traumas as a young g girl, akin to PTSD. I don't see any mania or happy-times in her so think it's really just depression. She's on meds and manages well, but no libido and has fallen out with her entire family. My son didn't finish year 12 as didn't cope with school/social pressures and borderline suicidal. Later diagnosed with high functioning autism - super high IQ, but terrible anxiety and quirky OCD traits. His younger brother doesn't understand and will not give him a break. I see my son's traits in myself and believe I am also on the spectrum, but find myself overwhelmed with the responsibility of keeping it all together for them all. Just lost my job, with no assets, and huge debts - and panicking about the immediate future. I feel like like my life is a facade and just want to curl up in the foetal position in the corner and scream.

OneSyllableJ Unfair on my partner
  • replies: 4

My anxiety has been bad of late and it's having an affect on my partner. I sometimes get easily worked up or over-emotional about comments that shouldn't matter, and if I don't know how to quickly process a situation/disagreement then I tend to get a... View more

My anxiety has been bad of late and it's having an affect on my partner. I sometimes get easily worked up or over-emotional about comments that shouldn't matter, and if I don't know how to quickly process a situation/disagreement then I tend to get anxious. My partner needs me to be strong and I feel like I am the opposite of strong at the moment.

Heather_Moon Lost
  • replies: 3

I have so much to say, but no one to say it to. I have no support what so ever that is anything from a professional talking and prescribing me pills. And this I can't do any more. I spend each day going forward, but always thinking of ending my own l... View more

I have so much to say, but no one to say it to. I have no support what so ever that is anything from a professional talking and prescribing me pills. And this I can't do any more. I spend each day going forward, but always thinking of ending my own life. I think about the positives and the responsibilities I have and that seems to keep me here. But I have no out for making my own life more than that. My soul is safe and secure but my body is weak and feels like dying. I talk to no one about any of what's going on and I don't have anyone to do so with. I feel like I'm living a lie and can't find the truth of my own existence anymore. Trauma and hurt have been coming at me since I was very, very young and no amount of thought or thinking its not my fault seems to truly help. Lately I've begun a path that may not be who I truly am but it keeps me here. And I guess now if I write these words or anything it can only help and maybe others with thoughts like this can help me at least see an easier way to cope. Thank you for reading.

I_am_LAA Sick, Alone and taken for granted
  • replies: 6

Unfortunately I have a bad immune system which means a slight cold for 1 person can turn to bronchitis for me and in this case Glandular Fever with Pneumonia - 8wks sick and counting These long periods of illness causes depression for me i separated ... View more

Unfortunately I have a bad immune system which means a slight cold for 1 person can turn to bronchitis for me and in this case Glandular Fever with Pneumonia - 8wks sick and counting These long periods of illness causes depression for me i separated from my husband (who emotionally wasn't the nicest) 2yrs ago. And my family is over east I am in WA so I have no support When I am well I work my ass off and bend over to help my family (3 teenagers). But when I am sick I get no support, not even from my kids I have just been told that I am not suppose to reply on them for support in anyway In doing so I am causing undue stress and depression to them. I will admit that it has been hard dealing with the emotional overflow from a bad marriage, and I did vent at my oldest daughter mostly in the first 6mths after the separation i just feel so lost, confused and alone

Sunbather Maintaining a relationship when I'm constantly anxious
  • replies: 2

Hey all, first post here and I already feel better just typing it out haha. I'm 25 and I've suffered from anxiety and depression for the better part of 10 years. I've had quite a few relationships and dated a lot, sometimes successfully, sometimes no... View more

Hey all, first post here and I already feel better just typing it out haha. I'm 25 and I've suffered from anxiety and depression for the better part of 10 years. I've had quite a few relationships and dated a lot, sometimes successfully, sometimes not. But I'm currently seeing someone whom I care for and love deeply. The first 3 months of our relationship were full of happiness and were so easy. Recently though, I feel my anxiety re-emerging and it taking an effect on the relationship. She has troubles dealing with it and doesn't communicate much about these things where as I'm an open book. The more anxious I get, the more anxious I get that it will affect the relationship. I really want it to work and I'm hoping to find some people who've dealt with similar situations who can maybe share some anecdotes or tips from their personal lives. Thanks in advance for listening to me ramble on! Jeremy