Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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mezzaduck97 The End of a Relationship: How Do I Cope?
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone. This is a first for me, so thank you for taking the time to read this x My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago in a really cruel way and it is really affecting. I moved back to uni about 5 weeks ago, after having seen him ... View more

Hi everyone. This is a first for me, so thank you for taking the time to read this x My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago in a really cruel way and it is really affecting. I moved back to uni about 5 weeks ago, after having seen him that weekend. Everything was fine and we were so happy. Then he started working more and talking to me less, which was understandable. Then he just cut off all contact with me. Ignored all my calls and messages. I was so worried that maybe I had done something wrong, or that something bad might have happened to him. So after 3 weeks of no communication, he sends me a message saying he is no longer 100% committed to me anymore and never wanted a relationship with me. I was heartbroken. I made him call me so we could talk about it, and we both cried. He said he was sorry and that he didn't want to cut me out of his life. I was way too upset to say anything, so he promised we would meet up at the end of the week when I came back home for holidays. After that he never spoke to me again. Unlike his word, he had completely cut me out of his life. I am so heartbroken and I have never felt this way in all my life. I am so hopelessly in love with him and am unable to comprehend what happened between us. I have no closure which makes everything worse. My personal life is also suffering. I haven't slept properly in weeks, my mind racing about him whenever I close my eyes. I can;t stand being in large groups of people now, and I don't to spend time with friends, but at the same time I don't want to be alone. I think about him every second of the day, and I feel numb to the rest of my life. I have cried more in the last couple weeks than I have since I was an infant. So what I want to know is how do I move on? How can I stop myself sinking into this deep dark hole of sadness all the time? I am concerned that this may affect my relationships and schooling. Please help if you can x

kdr country couple
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone. I am new to this. My wife and I have moved from the country to Perth and are finding it hard to make friends. But aside from that, I am in a darts team and have my work to keep me busy. My wife is my main concern. She is very quiet and s... View more

Hi everyone. I am new to this. My wife and I have moved from the country to Perth and are finding it hard to make friends. But aside from that, I am in a darts team and have my work to keep me busy. My wife is my main concern. She is very quiet and suffers from depression and anxiety. All I want in life is for her to have a female buddy or 2. We live in the Swan Valley area. any ideas? Any other lonely females in the area. Trying to google lonely brings up dating and singles websites. Nothing for simply lonely people. We are in our 50's, healthy and friendly.

Kates17 Hi, this is my first post! Newbie!
  • replies: 2

Hi! im not really sure where to start my story. I was in a relationship for a few years, and although it seemed happy from the outsiders looking in I was very unhappy and my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive (even if he didn't think so)... View more

Hi! im not really sure where to start my story. I was in a relationship for a few years, and although it seemed happy from the outsiders looking in I was very unhappy and my ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive (even if he didn't think so). It was very hard to remove myself from that relationship but when I did he seemed to be ok with it... until I met someone else. And then i went through I rough time with constant harassment via mobile, ringing me all day and leaving voicemails. Sending threats to my new partner, posting nasty things about me on social media and then even sending explicit photos of myself to his mates and my new partner. I reported all of this to the police, although he then forced his way into my home, and threatened my life and my daughters. Once I was given an intervention order I stopped hearing from him. I was happy that it was over, although it wasn't really. I get scared being at home alone, I worry I will run into him in public, I panic every time my phone rings. And I sit up at night crying. I think maybe it affected me more than I first thought. its hard to talk to friends and family about this as I feel embarrassed and feel I am over reacting. any advice or support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

JKBXGF My boyfriend is pushing me away- what can I do??
  • replies: 1

So I'm new here- but have seen some posts online and it seems really helpful. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We've had a great relationship- despite a few ups and downs. He has been open since the beginning with the fact... View more

So I'm new here- but have seen some posts online and it seems really helpful. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We've had a great relationship- despite a few ups and downs. He has been open since the beginning with the fact he suffers from depression and anxiety. I've grown up with family members who've also had depression, so I think I do ok with handling this and talking to him. A while ago he realised that things were getting bad again and he decided it was best for him to go back on medication. it was really hard to see him like that but I wanted to support him and get thru it all. As an athlete he is always pretty tired and exhausted so it makes it sometimes hard to tell what's going on. Recently tho he has suffered an injury which has made him unable to do anything too physical- which means no training. That alone was heartbreaking for him and since then I feel it's only got worse. Spending so much time at home alone and not being able to be active he's been getting more depressed. He's not sleeping right or eating well. The medication he's been on has also had an impact on our personal life and affected his libido. Hes been wanting to be alone and secluding himself a lot, which as resulted in him pushing me away. He has messaged me and told me he's not happy and wants to be alone- isn't happy in a relationship. I just don't know what to do- because he says he does love me (still) and we have talked about marriage and a future together. I really feel like it's the depression talking and not what he really wants. I know he's not himself right now and I feel like letting him push me away is the wrong thing to do. But also don't want to make him feel pressured by being around and like I'm forcing him into something he doesn't feel like he wants right now? i feel like he's doing this because he knows he's hurt me- like he's doing the right thing by me by taking himself out of the picture. That's the kind of person he is- I feel like he feels like he's a burden on me. I worry that he's throwing our relationship away- and that he's going to throw his career away too. I want to be there for him and help him but I don't know how or what to do right now. His medication clearly just isn't helping. How do I be there and support him and show him I love him and I'm not going anywhere when he is trying to push me away and break up with me?? Many suggestions or experiences with something like this would be really helpful.

Recoverywoman Maybe relationship therapy was a mistake and made things worse?
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone, I am seeing a therapist about friendship issues. I wanted a relationship but he wanted to be friends. Sometimes I feel like he's not being true and I can tell that he's hurting too for the way he is acting after going no contact. The the... View more

Hi Everyone, I am seeing a therapist about friendship issues. I wanted a relationship but he wanted to be friends. Sometimes I feel like he's not being true and I can tell that he's hurting too for the way he is acting after going no contact. The therapist said we are not right for each other. I went along with the advice at first but now my heart is pointing back to him. Am I in denial? I miss him so much

tux43 I've had enough
  • replies: 1

I'm not sure what to do. My wife expects me to constantly work, look after the kids and she spends all the time socialising with friends. I love my kids so much and value the time spent with them and all she can do is whinge. She took my son shopping... View more

I'm not sure what to do. My wife expects me to constantly work, look after the kids and she spends all the time socialising with friends. I love my kids so much and value the time spent with them and all she can do is whinge. She took my son shopping tonight, which would be something I would cherish. The first thing she did was complain when she came in the door. We have an ok relationship but I can't handle that everything is negative. Our son is 15, headstrong and fairly independent hence will have about 5 more years with us before he leaves. Why can't she see we will never get this time again. I've had enough of working for nothing and negativity ruling life. I'm at my wits end!!

PBelle Friends forever?
  • replies: 5

So I would like to ask my fellow anxiety sufferers for some advice. I have a long time friend and used to chat everyday. This year, he went through some stuff and needed privacy, but me and my anxiety took over and I constantly asked him if he was ok... View more

So I would like to ask my fellow anxiety sufferers for some advice. I have a long time friend and used to chat everyday. This year, he went through some stuff and needed privacy, but me and my anxiety took over and I constantly asked him if he was ok and to contact me just to let me know that he was ok. This went on for months cause I was so worried. He never responded, but I kept going cause I was so stubborn, thinking that he would finally tell me. I joined Facebook and sent him a friend request and he declined. That was when it hit me that he didn't want to talk to me. I started no contact and went a couple of weeks before contacting him. Then a month. Still nothing. This friendship is worth fighting for, so I'm not giving up. I'm trying 3 weeks and are at day 5. I'm planning to call him and do small talk, not mentioning asking for forgiveness cause i have so many times. Any advice? This person means so much to me and I have always confided my troubles to him. So he knows I had issues, but have I gone to far this time? Can I fix the friendship with time and patience?

Theupsidedown My Husband had and emotional affair
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am new to this... I found out a few months back that my husband was having an emotional affair via the internet and Skype with a women on the other side of the world. I’m we have been together for 16 years and married for just shy of 8 years wi... View more

Hi, I am new to this... I found out a few months back that my husband was having an emotional affair via the internet and Skype with a women on the other side of the world. I’m we have been together for 16 years and married for just shy of 8 years with 2 children. We have been together since I was 14 and he was 15 so we we have never been with anyone else and have been in a relationship for more than half of our lives. I found out that the affair had been going on for 9 years. We have been seeing a counselor pretty much since I found out the truth. At first I felt like I was dealing with it pretty well. I did have empathy for him as I knew we weren’t communicating or connecting like we should. Now 4 and half months later the hurt is really getting to me and not too sure how to deal with it. I love him with all my heart and can’t imagine my future without him, despite what has happened we really do have an amazing relationship. Anyone else out there been in a similar situation?

Belsamuel After a year
  • replies: 1

Hi all. Not sure how to start all this. I decided to join here just to try and get some stuff off my chest. I've been thinking of Beyond Blue for a bit now, just every now and again when I feel at my lowest, but I don't think up to talking to a disem... View more

Hi all. Not sure how to start all this. I decided to join here just to try and get some stuff off my chest. I've been thinking of Beyond Blue for a bit now, just every now and again when I feel at my lowest, but I don't think up to talking to a disembodied voice over the phone yet. Just over a year ago my fiance left me, 6 weeks before our wedding. In a 2 week period we went from happily laughing, paying the last payment on the dress, planning the arrangements at the venue.... to her coming home from her hens night, telling me she didn't love me anymore, didn't want to get married but wanted to stay together because 'it's easier than breaking up', she then left for her ex-boyfriend's house and I didn't see her again for 8 days. When she got home I asked her to leave. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Here standing in front of me was the woman I wanted nothing more in the world than to grow old with and I was asking her to go. It was the first time in 10 years I got drunk. But I am the single father of a beautiful little 12 y/o girl who had a terrible upbringing with her mother and I could not put her through the uncertainty of my relationship with my ex. In a way I thank my daughter for that because without her to make me take that step I probably would have put myself through hell to keep Daniela around. In 48 minutes it would have been our one year anniversary. I've tried my best to stay strong and most of the time I've succeeded. There are some days late at night where I will feel it hit me and I'll curl up and cry silently, listening to 'say something' on repeat with headphones trying not to wake my daughter. I have tried twice to talk to people about it. My best mate went silent for a bit, made a joke and changed the subject. My mother said "Still? Aren't you over her yet?" and then tried to remind me of all the things she hated about her.... not helpful. Even on my best days I can feel it inside me. Even the little things affect me more. I mean, I'll still be the same me but the tiniest things can make me cry now. My daughter laughs and calls me a wuss and I joke it off and call her the human granite while I have tears streaming down my face when a comedy includes even just a sad song. And I just read where it says 2500 character limit, so to cut it short (yes, short) the worst times are those nights where I sit and all I can think is "She stole my happy ending from me! She stole my life when she left!" Should I seek help?

HermanV I am a Narcissic man, husband, father, son
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am living on a marriage count down at the moment. A cruel awareness trial that I see unfolding before my eyes. After 10 years of marriage, 2 kids, I am now willingly engaging myself in an excise to record deprivation/provision of love through o... View more

Hi, I am living on a marriage count down at the moment. A cruel awareness trial that I see unfolding before my eyes. After 10 years of marriage, 2 kids, I am now willingly engaging myself in an excise to record deprivation/provision of love through our action for each family members. Similar to a reward board or scoreboard that a company would use to encourage certain behavior and discontinue others, each family member is free to grant a "+1" or "-1" on a democratic fashion to ensure the reward/punishment is fair. Now before you start empatizing with me. Please beware that I may be suggesting you this feeling through the way i write. Please consider that you don't know me. This said, the scroeboard has been up for 2 weeks now and I am losing the race. One more thing i haven't said is that we decided that we all would start with 50 points of family love credit. Now, in a normal situation, one would put himself to the attempt to do his best to earn points. But here I am facing the reality of my interaction in my family, which have successfully been ignored and denied for at least 10 years now, and even more. Now someone could not be blamed or lose a point for not doing a thing. One would simply stagnate with it's 50 points. But here I am, losing points for causing trauma in my family. Its time now that I tell you about me. I am not a loving, or caring, or empathic father and husband. I am better known as a Lesser Victim Narcissist as per a definition proposed by H G Tudor. It is with a very strange emotion (fear?) that I try to grasp the full meaning of this caractheristic of mine. The picture is pretty bleak at the moment from what I understand. What am I and how should the charming, maipulative, unempathic father and husband should do to retain a sense of doing the right thing for my children and my wife that I promissed to be responsible for? I have read and heard that little can be done for those Narcissist, even those who "pretend" to want to heal... "how to run from a narcissist" seems to be the prefered topic on youtube. I am lost at this point, devastated. What should i do? Consult? I am afraid of being able to charm my way around, to promiss to get better as I did to my wife so many time, but unable to foccus on making the effort to look into it. I feel deficient. Are you a man that found himself at that point of self realisation of the evil that pervades your life? Did you make it to change before to loose everything?