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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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DANIELLE2 Lonliness
  • replies: 3

HI I suffer from depression, PTSD and anxiety which makes socializing difficult. I have no famile except for one son. I think that lonliness has made my situation worse to the extent I do not want to get up of a morning. How do other people cope with... View more

HI I suffer from depression, PTSD and anxiety which makes socializing difficult. I have no famile except for one son. I think that lonliness has made my situation worse to the extent I do not want to get up of a morning. How do other people cope with lonliness please

HopefulE can I get some help in making decisions, I feel overwhelmed , want to leave ,but too afraid of loneliness etc
  • replies: 5

I've been with my partner for 7+ years , he's a binge drinker ,(had threats & ugly things said to me.) Kind of want to move back home , but feel like a failure, afraid I'll be financially ruined & homeless as well as lonely how can i deal with these ... View more

I've been with my partner for 7+ years , he's a binge drinker ,(had threats & ugly things said to me.) Kind of want to move back home , but feel like a failure, afraid I'll be financially ruined & homeless as well as lonely how can i deal with these self-destructive thoughts?I don't feel close to him any more

Throwing_Away Bit of a struggle
  • replies: 3

Hello all. Not sure where to post. Lately I have not been able to see where life is heading I have a child with autism who is going through therapy and improving. My wife is ill. Work has been a bit of a struggle. Money is tight. A couple of years ag... View more

Hello all. Not sure where to post. Lately I have not been able to see where life is heading I have a child with autism who is going through therapy and improving. My wife is ill. Work has been a bit of a struggle. Money is tight. A couple of years ago my brother was killed and I’m coping ok with that. A few months ago my father for some reason accused my mother of cheating about 43 years ago but it was baseless and they have moved on(stil together) and lately I have been trying to find and get in contact with old friends and an old gf. I think I am trying to find them to think of happier times when life was easy and there was no stress. i can normally cope with everything but I’m just in a bit of a rough patch.

Johnthefisherman What is wrong with me
  • replies: 3

I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells in life in general .in my relationship and it’s hard to write this ,I’m nervous. I love my fiancé very much but there are elements that are hurting me a lot and affecting me seriously.she is never inti... View more

I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells in life in general .in my relationship and it’s hard to write this ,I’m nervous. I love my fiancé very much but there are elements that are hurting me a lot and affecting me seriously.she is never intimate with me anymore only if I initiate but it’s rarely received.she wants to sleep alone 99% if the time in fact I do not get to sleep in her bed unless I ask .she has two children from a previous relationship that did not go well at all and every week has to watch her children leave which is really taking its toll on her.she sedates herself in the late afternoons with alcohol and can sometimes be nasty and dismissive when under the influence.she at one stage promised to have a child with me knowing that I would have loved to be a father but then changed her mind ,for logical enough reasons but at the end of the day it really hurt.within that same year well this year,I tested positive for the Huntington gene(high CAG) .my father has Huntington’s but it did not set in till he was in his 70’s as with any other relatives on his side so it is not actually a major worry in one way ,if I make it to 70 and THEN start to lose my mind I’m think I’m doin ok ,right? Most days I want to break down and cry and open up but I can’t I just seem to smoke cigarettes like a train and I find I can’t even socially interact with people properly anymore .i sometimes start to cry when driving to work it seems to be the only time I feel I can .on top of this I live 16000kms from my family in my home country .i need love and support from my partner but most of the time I feel like an inconvenience and it’s hard to open up to her now ,reading back on this I’m not painting her in the true light she is wonderful but certain aspects of her past life are destroying her and I want to help her and myself as well ,I’m just so deeply deeply hurt by everything in my life right now it’s hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. There you have it..advice would be welcome!

Anythinggoes Mother with manipulative husband
  • replies: 5

So, about 4 months ago my girlfriend came from out of state to live with me. Somethings happened which lead to me having a falling out with my mother. In text messages I explained to her reasons why i didn't wish to stay at her home. Which were that ... View more

So, about 4 months ago my girlfriend came from out of state to live with me. Somethings happened which lead to me having a falling out with my mother. In text messages I explained to her reasons why i didn't wish to stay at her home. Which were that I didnt feel comfortable at her home due to things always going missing and his disrespect to her over the years, entering prison mulitple times, fathering a child a relationship outside of theirs. And the apparent controlling of her trying to isolate her from friends making things her fault. So i repaired things with my mother, but, she insisted i repair things with him too.. I see him and he trys to tell me that I purposely constructed this falling out so him and my mother couldnt meet my girlfriend, thus isolating her. He told me that he believe i have all the hallmarks of a controlling and isolating person. Now i personally dont believe that keeping her away from him is isolating, as i dont control who she sees at all. Infact I encouage new people as shes new to where i live and id like her to have other people to talk to other than my family. Now he said that he would like to talk over all this in stages. But after the first meeting im reluctant to continue, I know it will damage my relationship with my mother but I dont want to be told that this is all my fault when, they dont see how events of my childhood affect me. Police raids, prison visits every weekend, mum always being preoccupied with shit happening surrounding him. Is it wrong that i dont want to patch things up with him? And any suggestions on a course of action.

Rosalena77 Possibly a marriage breakdown- When to leave ?, When to stay ? How to navigate this situation?
  • replies: 2

Firstly much respect to your organisation for offering an online forum available to individuals who live remote & do not have access to assistance. Secondly & straight to the point, I think my husband of 22 yrs wants to leave, I am not sure if I am o... View more

Firstly much respect to your organisation for offering an online forum available to individuals who live remote & do not have access to assistance. Secondly & straight to the point, I think my husband of 22 yrs wants to leave, I am not sure if I am ok with this. Part of me wants this rollercoaster relationship to end, part of me is uncertain of whether to keep working at it. We have 3 beautiful children & still care for each other. Our jobs in the last 3 years have become increasingly demanding/ stressful as we work with disadvantaged youth in crises. We have discussed the possibility of burn out & have made progress to minimise work related stress, making an extra effort to have more quality time at home doing things that interest us & our children. We have also discussed an exit plan from this employment. Family time feels strained, results in us organising something & him being there but letting everyone know that he would rather be elsewhere, In the last 6 mths somedays I feel sad, like someone has placed an incredibly heavy blanket over me. On these days, I am reluctant to do normal activities. I recognise that this can be the early onset of depression, I have sought medical advice & have been managing it with increased physical activity & peer support. (Though I do not feel comfortable to talk to close friends about the details of our relationship hence why I am here) . Recently our petty arguments have become frequent & I find myself wanting peace just be and gather my thoughts and ground myself but I feel torn between my needs, my children's needs, his needs and work needs. I feel that I am at my limit with his behaviour which includes hurtful name calling,public outbursts and over spending of our shared finances. This situation is incredibly hectic. At times I feel overwhelmed and deeply sad that, someone whom I love very much is intentionally trying to hurt me, acting selfishly, not really being present in our life. When we discuss parting, he says he loves me and wants to grow old together but his actions say otherwise. I feel that I dont have the energy to effectively deal with healing myself & repairing our marital breakdown at the same time. I am confused and seek genuine solutions to improve our current lives. Our children are aware of the tension and growing distance between my husband and I . I am very worried of this fact. The last thing we both want is to cause them distress. Has anyone navigated this type of situation before ?

J3 My husband says that his depression is my fault
  • replies: 3

3 Years ago I had to have a serious operation with 2 months of recuperation. I had lost my job of 12 years and thought this was the best time to have it. But finding a job wasn't easy as I live in a small town and lost count of the many that I applie... View more

3 Years ago I had to have a serious operation with 2 months of recuperation. I had lost my job of 12 years and thought this was the best time to have it. But finding a job wasn't easy as I live in a small town and lost count of the many that I applied for. My husband started to resent me and accused me of just being slack. ( I have now been studying to retrain for the past year) I felt bad as he was working really hard to pay the bills and our mortgage and I could see he was getting depressed and was cranky all the time. He wanted to travel to the the UK to see his family for xmas but without me working he couldn't afford (his words). I have a casual job at the moment but he just seems more and more distant from me. On weekends he likes to spend all his time with his mates at the local club and have been told I am not welcome. He is now withdrawing himself from my family and refuses to attend any family functions, he has always had a very good relationship with them all. I finally decided to have "the conversation" with him. He knows he's depressed but the problem is he's a mans man and I can't see him asking for help. He has also become impotent which I'm sure is making things worse and he is drinking way too much. I'm desperate to get him some help. We have been married nearly 30 years and love him more that ever. He thinks I should just leave him to become a lonely only man but I never will. I am now suffering anxiety and feel sick with worry until he is home each day wondering if he is going to leave me.Help

Little_Orange Relationships with colleagues
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. I'm posting because I feel like I'm making my work colleagues miserable even though I don't want to. I am really sensitive to things my colleagues say, I get angry too easily, I and I am constantly asking my supervisor for reassurance ev... View more

Hi everyone. I'm posting because I feel like I'm making my work colleagues miserable even though I don't want to. I am really sensitive to things my colleagues say, I get angry too easily, I and I am constantly asking my supervisor for reassurance even though I know it must be super annoying. I'm also attracted to her and I feel jealous when she gets on better with others in the team rather than me, even though I totally understand why she would. I know I'm exhausting. She tries to be patient with me but I'm expecting that inevitably it will get too much for her and she'll give up on me and I'll be devastated and not able to cope. Which I know is not a normal response because she's just a colleague. Today she said my behavior was immature which is true and now I'm ashamed to go into work tomorrow. I see a psychologist who thinks I have GAD but I wonder if maybe I might have a personality disorder. I know I can't keep behaving childishly but I don't like myself and I feel miserable and disconnected and lonely and I want others to understand that I'm hurting and sometimes it feels like the only way people will notice is if I make a scene, but then I feel even worse because of the shame. I apologize but it starts to feel empty after a while even though I am genuinely sorry. I have had several dysfunctional friendships over the years and several close friends gave up on me because I was exhausting. Now I assume it's inevitable so am always paranoid about when it will be the last straw. I have a lot of trouble sleeping which makes things worse and on top of the relationship issues I'm worried about losing my job or having to quit. Thanks for listening.

Revtrev I feel I’m being emotionally manipulated
  • replies: 6

A friend of my recently passed away and the funeral is next week it’s at a local church . I hate funerals but decided to go to this one . Last year my wife’s grandmother passed away and I didn’t go with here to the funeral which was a 10 hour drive s... View more

A friend of my recently passed away and the funeral is next week it’s at a local church . I hate funerals but decided to go to this one . Last year my wife’s grandmother passed away and I didn’t go with here to the funeral which was a 10 hour drive so we decided she would go on her own and fly up there and spend the week .this was decided through lengthy discussions . Today she said to me “ now I’m gunna say something and I don’t want you to get mad “ then she says “ I feel you care more about Jim than you do about my family “ my quick response was to say I understand why You would say this . But this situation stewed in my brain and I was wondering why she would say this to me. I was angry at here because she already knew I felt guilty for not going to her grandmothers funeral and we made that choice together . Why was she saying this?

elephantdance Dating someone with depression when I have my own mental health issues - please help.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. At the time had just come out of a 5 year relationship, so we took things slow but were still having a great time together, going on regular dates and having a lot of fun. Over time it became apparent... View more

Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. At the time had just come out of a 5 year relationship, so we took things slow but were still having a great time together, going on regular dates and having a lot of fun. Over time it became apparent there were other reasons we were taking it slow. He explained he just wasn't happy in his life, job, etc. and felt numb. More recently, he has opened up to me further. Until he was able to work on that, he explained he would struggle to treat me how I deserve and come to love me. He's scared to hurt me, because he's been hurt himself and didn't quite recover from the pain his ex went through. He said he doesn't know 'when or if' he will come to love me in his current condition, but he thinks we're perfect together otherwise and he sees himself settling down with me and having a family. We've decided to stay together, but give him a couple of months alone with his depression so he can work on himself. I've struggled with depression, eating disorders and insecurity in the past, so of course this has been very triggering to me and made me feel like I'm not good enough. I keep thinking to cliches, like 'if he liked me, surely we could just work through this' and 'if he can't guarantee everything's going to be okay or that he will love me one day, what am I waiting around for?'. I keep fretting that he must not feel that spark with me, and he's just avoiding the hard decision of breaking up. I'd love your help - - How do I get through this period, especially over Christmas, with a lack of certainty and security? - How can I support him through his depression and meet his needs? I only truly realised it was depression recently, and realised I've been tough on him saying things in weak moments like, 'if you like me so much, why can't you just commit to me?'. - At the same time, how can I meet his needs? I feel like the current arrangement is meeting his needs and not mine - it doesn't feel like there's a compromise. Really just any compassionate words and advice would be appreciated. Thank you and happy holidays.