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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Maz80 Torn love i am both struggling & confused
  • replies: 6

Hi there i am needing to chat to others who have been through simular. I am married to man (K) I have been with for 15 years have 2 kids but for that whole 15 years i crave my ex boyfriend (B). Please bare with me on this. My mind is so tired. I was ... View more

Hi there i am needing to chat to others who have been through simular. I am married to man (K) I have been with for 15 years have 2 kids but for that whole 15 years i crave my ex boyfriend (B). Please bare with me on this. My mind is so tired. I was previously married 2000-2002 to a emotionally abusice man who was also a drug addict. During this marriage i had an affair with B for a year. The affair was just not only sexual but we shared everything in common, never fought and 100% loved each other. However i could not bring enough courage to leave husband. By the time I did it was too late and B ran internationally as he was hurt and did not know where he stood in my life. In other words i broke him Now single end 2002 i met now husband K and now have 2 kids. K HAS had porn and sex addictions which led to some issues in our marriage of ill trust. Especially came to head in Sept just gone. I felt unloved and them up popped B on social media. I sent a wave to say hello. This lead to us chatting a bit. During these chats we both comfessed that we still desired our relationship back even to both of us stating we loved each other and he wanted to move from brisbane to Melbourne to be with me. Things came to a head 2 weeks ago i told husband i was unhappy and torn between them both. He begged me to go to marriage counciling to work on problems to save our marriage. Unfortunately given time of year counciler on holidays as is my physc. I have had a complete meltdown and cannot stop crying. Spoke to B and he has said that until I am single that we are to leave things he does not want to be in competition with K for me. So he told me this morning not to contact him until single and ready to commit to him. No contact at all. i feel sick i have broken B again and also K. I cannot understand why i cannot either move on from B or move on from K. has anyone else been in a similar situation ? I cannot see light at end of tunnel at moment and feel lost. Again sorry if this doesn't all male sense i am exhausted mentally and emotionally.

Shesellssanctuary My partner is so low & we are falling apart.
  • replies: 2

Hi all, this is my first post, whilst this is not primarily about me, I have suffered from clinical depression in the past. My partner was hiding alcoholism from me when we first met, and when it became apparent he was drinking himself to death, I in... View more

Hi all, this is my first post, whilst this is not primarily about me, I have suffered from clinical depression in the past. My partner was hiding alcoholism from me when we first met, and when it became apparent he was drinking himself to death, I intervened & brought him to my place & with his consent helped him access some services which led him to a medical detox in hospital. He was so grateful & I supported him unconditionally as I love him deeply. When he got back from hospital I encouraged him to utilise AA, and he was euphoric & felt a great deal of support & acknowledgement from the group. About two weeks later everything started to change, he started isolating himself & shutting down completely, not eating, showering, all the tell tale signs....he accessed the GP who put him on anti depressants. He has pushed me away so much, and while I am trying to understand & empathise with him, I am hurting too, and don't feel I am allowed to have a voice as it's all about him & his recovery.....so I ended up lashing out, and trying to be heard but it's made things even worse. I am trying to be here, as I lost a healthy relationship years ago due to a major bout of depression myself. I'm trying to leave him be, be gentle, however it's getting unbearable & I fear it will get to a stage we can't recover from this? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

mbee Lost all of my female friends and unsure how to make new 1s
  • replies: 1

I'm a 22 year old female and I work full time, as I've worked more frequently I have noticed the number of my female friends decrease (noticed both male and female but am more concerned on my female friendship group), problem is I am unsure how to ma... View more

I'm a 22 year old female and I work full time, as I've worked more frequently I have noticed the number of my female friends decrease (noticed both male and female but am more concerned on my female friendship group), problem is I am unsure how to make new female friends of the same age.. because of this I feel my depression growing and self confidence dropping.. any advice?

Jackson1994 Dad
  • replies: 42

Anyone who knows a bit about me on here may know that my dad isn't the nicest guy in the world and we have minimal contact after he left when I was pretty young Im making this post because he has been contacting me, he sent me a message not long afte... View more

Anyone who knows a bit about me on here may know that my dad isn't the nicest guy in the world and we have minimal contact after he left when I was pretty young Im making this post because he has been contacting me, he sent me a message not long after midnight saying happy new year, although I appreciated them I got a few so just ignored them all, generally people just send them to their whole contact list He messaged me again 1:05am, have a good year maybe this year things will work out for you I replied, they did this year but thanks dad By 2am I'd gotten a page long I'm sorry for not being there message let's go for a drink tomorrow night we can make things good I didn't reply I was with my partner and I wasn't ruining both our Nye getting worked up over it Now I'm upset, I see him I risk him upsetting me, I don't see him I risk him hating me and mum even more

nick006 Depression ruining relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, This is my first thread here, i use to read forums here. I am suffering from major depression disorder from last year January, thats when i was diagnosed with it. I live here by myself, i have so many finanacial responsibilities. But sin... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first thread here, i use to read forums here. I am suffering from major depression disorder from last year January, thats when i was diagnosed with it. I live here by myself, i have so many finanacial responsibilities. But since Jan last year its been really hard for me to do anything. I am not able to do even daily tasks of mylife . I stay home sometimes for weeks and dont go out. I am in aa long distance relationship with mygf but she is planning to move here in next 6 months. She is the only one who knows my situation my condition. My family doesn’t know anything about my health. She is been there always for me. She supported me every single day even she encouraged me to do things and motivates me that i can do it all. We love each other so much. I know my behaviour has been really bad after the sickness because most of the time i don’t even know how i am behaving. But in last 2 months its even got worst. I argue with her , blame her for everything. And later i realise and apologies. Because it’s happening everyday i know its getting reaaly hard for her to live like this. But i don’t know what should i do , How should i stop behaving like this . I don’t want hurt her anymore. She is the only one whose been there for me in my worst and she is still there for me. I am taling medicines for my mental health. Sometimes i feel liw its improved but them it comes back again. Please help me , i don’t want to hurt her anymore. I am so scared that my depression will ruin our relationship. I can’t that happening. Please help.

El_Yank My wife gave her ring back today...
  • replies: 7

My wife finally had enough of all my self hate, and has given me the ultimatum that if I don't get help, she's taking my daughter and leaving me... I thought I was doing ok. But, it's really just gotten worse. I'm fly off the handle over nothing. My ... View more

My wife finally had enough of all my self hate, and has given me the ultimatum that if I don't get help, she's taking my daughter and leaving me... I thought I was doing ok. But, it's really just gotten worse. I'm fly off the handle over nothing. My anxiety is worse than ever. Sometimes i just want to cover myself with sheets and never get out of bed again... the worst part is, i'm going to ruin my daughter's life... already ruining my wifes.

Paris9412 Forever Single
  • replies: 1

A little bit about me - I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I have had many sexual experiences and have dated a lot but have just never been able to commit to or be exclusive with anyone (even when I had feelings for the person). Not becaus... View more

A little bit about me - I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I have had many sexual experiences and have dated a lot but have just never been able to commit to or be exclusive with anyone (even when I had feelings for the person). Not because I haven't had the opportunity to be in a relationship, but because it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Ever since I was fifteen I've known romantic love wasn't really a thing for me. Ever since I had my first crush I've had a fear of commitment - I remember them telling me they felt the same way and I felt so uncomfortable about it, and immediately moved on. It's not a fear of vulnerability because I'm very good at doing that. It's just ingrained into me to avoid relationships and be single. I want to feel normal and like I can do normal things like commit to someone and be in love. I just feel like it's not supposed to happen to me, and I try desperately to change it by going on lots of dates hoping I'll find someone who will make me change my mind. I'm very picky and no one interests me. My friends all say that I just have to find the right person but even when I really like someone it just doesn't feel right for me not to be single. I feel like if I was in a relationship I would feel trapped and like I'm not being myself - I think it's just such a foreign thing to me, I wouldn't know how to cope. I would like to feel normal and be in a committed relationship like all my friends but I don't know if dating will ever feel right to me. I feel like it's not really normal that I've only had feelings for two people in my entire life and that everyone else finds falling in love so easy. A few of my friends went on their first date ever and now have been with the same guy for two years. I've had hundreds of dates and never find myself interested in anyone. I'm tired of hearing "I didn't meet my partner until I was ___, you'll find the right person etc" when I'm not even sure if it's true (or if I ever want to be with anyone anyway). I just feel like an outsider when everyone else is so madly in love and building their lives with their partners. Has anyone else ever felt the same or had a similar fear of commitment? How did you cope? Thanks for listening.

MegGriffin Zero sex drive in an otherwise good relationship
  • replies: 8

Hi all! First post on a public forum. I'm having a massive internal struggle (for about the 20th time). I am 29 and have been with my current partner for a year and a bit. Although we have very different hobbies and are different personalities - I'm ... View more

Hi all! First post on a public forum. I'm having a massive internal struggle (for about the 20th time). I am 29 and have been with my current partner for a year and a bit. Although we have very different hobbies and are different personalities - I'm outspoken, tough exterior and a bit sassy, he's soft, sweet, gentle and a part time nerd - I love him very much. However, I have very little desire to have sex. Like, no desire. If I didn't have it for another 3 months I'd be fine with that. My problem is, I don't know if it's because I'm not passionately attracted to him, or if it's the medications I am on, or if it's because I have a very emotional tense job! I have spoke to my GP about it and have changed 1 of the medications (the oral contraceptive) and have lowered the dose of my other meds. ...no change and that was at least a month and a half ago. My job is very emotional and I deal with animal cruelty, euthanasias, neglect and the likes on a daily basis for over 8hrs a day. I feel like 'home' with my partner and we are both happy; we go out and do things on weekends, he is fully supportive of me, we communicate well, and we both love each other's company. But I'd be much happier having a cuddle and a glass of wine on the couch with him, than having anything sexual happen! We've discussed it a few times and he's very understanding and says "We'll just keep trying" but I feel pressure, a lot of pressure, and like it's my fault. And then when he tries to instigate I feel bad saying no. It's always on my mind and I feel like I 'owe' him it which is sh!t for me but I don't know what else to do. Any advice would be much appreciated!!

SubduedBlues Go away December... hurry up January!
  • replies: 7

Today is the 28th of November, and January can't get here soon enough. I really do dislike December. For many people, December means social gatherings with colleagues, friends and family, to celebrate the spirit of giving. And with NYE and the firewo... View more

Today is the 28th of November, and January can't get here soon enough. I really do dislike December. For many people, December means social gatherings with colleagues, friends and family, to celebrate the spirit of giving. And with NYE and the fireworks, the hope of a new year and a better tomorrow. Where externally I put on a good show, for the benefits of family and friends, internally it is the painful prequel leading up to a time of disappointment and loneliness. As far back as I can recall, I have always been the outsider, the castaway, and the excluded. At first, Christmas was the day spent sitting in the chair, quietly facing the wall, whilst siblings and cousins played with the new games and toys. Later it became that day quietly sitting in the other room, whilst they shared eggnog, merrily conversed and shared a pleasant meal. Now days, it's pretending to be happy so my kids don't have to experience that hollow absence that always visited me. My hope is that my kids will never learn of my holiday misery, that they will instead pass on holiday joy to their families (when that time comes), and that they will never feel the loneliness of Christmas. On the positive side, my kids are flying down on Christmas day to see their mother. (they should be gone by the time I feel blue)

UnsureAndTired MIL and Partner issues....
  • replies: 1

Hi All, This is the first time i have posted anything about this, so i am sorry if it is rather long. I am a 33 y/o mother of three beautiful children, and i am in management in the Mental Health sector (i am hoping that you realize that i am not stu... View more

Hi All, This is the first time i have posted anything about this, so i am sorry if it is rather long. I am a 33 y/o mother of three beautiful children, and i am in management in the Mental Health sector (i am hoping that you realize that i am not stupid, and have a brain!)Basically, i have been with the Mr. for 13 years, and it has been a real struggle. I love him, so much, i have split from him several times, but the last time (the worst) i realized that he is my person, and that i want to be in this with him. After 7 years of trying to get him help, he got diagnosed with severe and chronic depression and anxiety, and was given a treatment plan to help him with this. He started taking the medications, and started doing the work involved, and after just under two months, i saw him again. The man i love. He started working, he was spending time with our two children then, was exercising and eating right, and had no more nightmares- and our relationship was thriving. The issue is, his mother decided to intervene, and convince him that his only issue was me. And that he was fine, he didn't need medications, or any help, and that just because i worked in Mental Health, i was "bringing my work home" and making him a case study. Needless to say, he stopped all treatment, cold turkey. Within 2 months, it was back to him not working, and verbally and emotionally abusing myself, and at times, the children. I told him, we are over. He invited his mother over, to talk to me. She said to me, in front of him, that i was being stupid, and that i am just looking for a fight. That i should just do what a "good partner and mother" does, and shut up. We split for a few weeks, and i took him back. He did try. He worked, he focused on the kids, and we hardly ever fought. Then, we got pregnant again, and his mother decided to tell me once again i am an idiot and that i should just abort the "thing". And when i tried to tell him, he believed his mother of course. Whole lot has happened since then, but at the moment i am not talking to her, it has been three months. This is because, she goaded him and lied to him to the point that he and i had a massive fight, and i called the police- and i now have an AVO on him.She of course, blames me for this. I have so much that has happened between us in the last few months, and now she is wriggling her way back into our lives, and it has been amazing without her in it... what do i do? I know he is to blame, but she also makes it worse.