Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

squeak People need to learn what not to say!!
  • replies: 2

I have been having this struggle all of my adult life and you would think that by now that I would be able to shrug off comments made by people who you thought would understand and help but turns out they don't want to help or it's too hard for them ... View more

I have been having this struggle all of my adult life and you would think that by now that I would be able to shrug off comments made by people who you thought would understand and help but turns out they don't want to help or it's too hard for them to help even thought they promised they would. No matter how long the depression has lasted and now matter how many times you relapse for various reasons you still need support and understanding and positive reinforcement. I have to live with an alcoholic husband who is abusive verbally and emotionally and can be very cruel, and I know that people will say you don't have to live with this, but I do as I have no choice and financially can't afford to leave and I feel why should I as I have contributed to the home we own and why should I be the one to walk away with nothing. But sometimes the abuse is too hard to deal with so I take my self out of the situation for a period of time so I can regroup and put my thoughts in order in a quiet place. But on a recent occasion when I had leave the house in a hurry as the situation was escalating. I left without my purse just car keys, phone and the pretty dodgy clothes I had on and drove to a nearby car park to try on quieten my mind and think what to do next. I rang a friend just to talk as we have been friends for more than 20 years and he had reasonable advise for me in the past and he had said those words "I will be here for you" and I believed him but please if you don't mean this please don't say it. So it seems since he said this, things had changed and he didn't want for his new partner to find out about our friendship (even though it is innocent) and when I told him that things at home were bad and I had no where to go, his reply was "Oh, you can go to Target or KMart they are having a sale at the moment, that would fill in your time". This one comment has since sent me into a downward spiral and the intensity of this downward slide has been monumental. Having someone make such a trivial and hurtful comment at a time when I was very vulnerable and reaching out was just so very cruel, that I am still trying to make my way back from the depths and it has been 2 weeks now and I am still no where near being well, so just make sure your support people are aware of the power they hold with regard to your wellness.

Misplaced I don't belong
  • replies: 8

I'e always felt a little different to everyone else. Always tried to do right, even done wrong, to fit in but never actually achieved it. I've never had a place where I belong. Im meant to be getting married this year but I just never feel good enoug... View more

I'e always felt a little different to everyone else. Always tried to do right, even done wrong, to fit in but never actually achieved it. I've never had a place where I belong. Im meant to be getting married this year but I just never feel good enough. I never feel like I'm doing the right things or doing them as best I could. My partner left for a walk tonight, two and a half hours later I call him to see where he is, playing poker. I had a terrible day today at work and not feeling good about myself, and he knows this. I must not be worth very much if he decides to go do that instead of help me through this. I just feel worthless! I' an embarrassment.

Mrfitz Still hurting
  • replies: 2

Hay so have had 3 other realationshipps and i no well that breakups really suck . But this girl i was with well i really thought she was the one . Now she only just broke up with me bout 2 weeks ago so yer i no its only early days . But i was to scar... View more

Hay so have had 3 other realationshipps and i no well that breakups really suck . But this girl i was with well i really thought she was the one . Now she only just broke up with me bout 2 weeks ago so yer i no its only early days . But i was to scared to get emotionally attached to some again . Abd i was eventually able to open my self up to her n told her all this, she took it all on board . The usual promises of shed never leave and i no my clinginess was part of the reason she did leave . But gooddam im soo depressed part of me hates her for leaving . Part of me would take her back in a heart beat . After she broke up with me she played mind games sayin we were completly over but talking like therr was a chance and now in last week she just ignores me i dont no wat to do . I have the constant thoughts of maybe i should just give up on life . Least i no i wouldnt have to deal with this pain . But i no i cant do that to the few people that have been there for me and were a shoulder to cry on after . How do u stop thinkin of her . Do i hold on to hope and just maybe wait n see if she makes contact . Like my minds all over the place /:

Mellyj Leaving people in your life who bring you down but what if it’s family?
  • replies: 2

What do you do when there’s a family member who has pushed you so much for 10 years to be exact to the point of believing the things they say about you my mother in law .... since me and my husband have been together she has tried to split us apart b... View more

What do you do when there’s a family member who has pushed you so much for 10 years to be exact to the point of believing the things they say about you my mother in law .... since me and my husband have been together she has tried to split us apart by talking about his ex gfs and saying that he could have gone places with footy and other sports but he met me .... and it’s my fault he didn’t have a footy career she has blamed me for multiple things she has made up lies and always plays the victim but I have had enough I cut her from my social media life so she can’t turn things around and make something out of nothing but it effects my husband because wel she’s his mum .. he knows she has hurt me and he just tells me to ignore it I believe she was the reason for my depression when I had my first baby always bringing over strangers telling me I’m doing things wrong buying cots and carriers for her house telling me when she has the baby ect ect it made me so anxious and every time I know I have to see her I panic my heart races and I physically feel sick she told her family I gave my daughter to my parents because I couldn’t cope and that I didn’t love my baby there was no truth to this that was never the case she pushed me so far I believed I was a terrible mother and a failure I pushed through my sadness and inner critic and loved my baby daughter and cared for her the best way I knew how but I feel like I have to explain who I am as a person and explain every god damn time I see his family that I am a good person a kind person but they always stare at me judging me from the stories my mother in law has made up is this going to be my life forever ? Am I always going to have to fight for myself it’s so exhausting mentally and physically just when I think all is well up pops another story she gets inside my head like no other person she can turn my happiest day upside down just like that Anyone else have to deal with a toxic family member ? What did you do ? How do you cope ?

Lisa_C Moving on...
  • replies: 2

My 6 year relationship has finally ended, I had been unhappy in it the whole time. But I got pregnant after 7 months of meeting him (at 18 years old, when you think your in love and think you know the person, you make decisions without thinking about... View more

My 6 year relationship has finally ended, I had been unhappy in it the whole time. But I got pregnant after 7 months of meeting him (at 18 years old, when you think your in love and think you know the person, you make decisions without thinking about the long term consequences). So throughout the start of our relationship and for the first couple of years I spent my energy trying to change his perspective on things and teach him how I’d like to be treated as he was very disrespectful and immature when we first met and I wouldn’t settle for that or for our baby. I was lucky that he did become better in some ways, he became more loving, affectionate and a bit more respectful towards me. However, while I was pregnant, at some stage, I felt my feelings for him were deteriorating and it was causing me anxiety because I didn’t want to feel like this, I wanted to be a happy family and for things to work. I become more and more unhappy and less and less attracted to him. Our first break up was when our son was about 14 months old, but it only lasted a week or two before we got back together, we never moved back in together after that but this cycle went on, up until recently. Every time we split up, it was me telling him I don’t love him and I need to let him go because it’s killing me. He deserves to be loved and I can’t give that to him and I can’t force my feelings anymore because it’s hurting me. It was hard letting go of each other because we had a son together and he brought us together in ways. We shared something very special. Despite of me not loving him he just would not let go. It was and still is most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. I realise now it was causing me so much distress that it had a huge impact on my anxiety and depression & I was not able to grow in life. I was so stuck. It got to the point where I would shut down around him, I couldn’t talk, I was bitter and anxious all the time when I was with him. Finally he started realising that we are not going to work & got sick tired of it. He has only just moved on with someone else. I’m glad he’s moved on because it means I can now let go too and be free... well, sort of. Now comes the part where he hates me because he’s met someone else, and must see me as a threat because I’m the full time carer of our son and wants to take over and have some more control. So lately I’m full of anxiety and stress. I just want things to work out and not to be brought down by him.

Morpheus Marriage or Soulmate
  • replies: 10

In the collaborative spirit of honesty, I beg no judgement for I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be. I've been in a marriage of 13 years with two lovely children and a partner with whom we became best friends but drifted apart as a couple. Two ... View more

In the collaborative spirit of honesty, I beg no judgement for I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be. I've been in a marriage of 13 years with two lovely children and a partner with whom we became best friends but drifted apart as a couple. Two years ago I met a work colleague with whom I started a very quick and deep relationship. She has a boyfriend as well so at the start it seemed a fairly level field. We believe we have fallen in love with each other quite deeply. As emotions run high, we have managed to hurt each other and break each other's hearts. At times it seems out of frustration of not being able to be together. This brings a destructive behaviour within both. Despite this, we both dream of a future together but as a result of the pain, it also brings out a level of exertion of control on each other (don't go out with your partner, don't post your life all over social media type of things). At times this offering and receiving of control becomes overwhelming and it terrifies me that this is the reality of what a future together is going to be like rather than tge dreams we have. Then there's my family. The thought of leaving my children terrifies me, especially during those times where my soulmate and I are at each others' throats trying to control and lay blame for each other's actions in an attempt to prevent any further pain. It is incredibly emotional both on the highs and the lows. I am not sure at this point how to move forward but what I do know is that we both have personal mental health issues that need to be addressed such that we do not cause any further pain or destruction to the other. Despite it all, I believe I do want to be with her. On the other hand, my wife and I have no animosity, we have just drifted apart as a couple. Anyone been in a similar situation?

Lostconfusedhatemylife I'm lost, confused, tormented and just need to run away
  • replies: 3

I hate it I think I hate my life, I hate feeling like that I have three beautiful children their so difficult at times but it's not their fault its mine. It's my fault because I'm surrounded by this cloud if misery. I think I hate my partner I think ... View more

I hate it I think I hate my life, I hate feeling like that I have three beautiful children their so difficult at times but it's not their fault its mine. It's my fault because I'm surrounded by this cloud if misery. I think I hate my partner I think I want him to go away but when I decide I've had enough my heart hurts and I don't have the courage or the ability to actually go ahead with it. I realise I do want to be with him and that I love him. But I absolutely hate him and this is why, 5months ago while literally in labour with my obviously now 5 month old I gave in to my gut feeling of him cheating on me. So while laying in bed contracting I wanted a distraction gave into my gut feeling and found he was in fact using snapchat and cheating on me, he left me while I was in labour to "change his pants because they had a rip in them" which resulted in him missing the birth. A few hours after that I contacted one of the girls and she pointed out she didn't know he had a partner and things wher very flirty and that they had met on a dating site. He lied to me I tried to trust him but again my gut didn't feel right and I trusted it and of course found the dating site and him on it, which ofcourse he lied about but his lies didn't match what evidence I had. Later on I accessed this site and found that it had started in January 17 and there was endless evidence of girls he was sexually talking to. Fast forward through more lies a month and a half later I decided I didn't know everything and needed to so I accessed his emails noticed he tried to hire a prostitute while I was 2 weeks due with out second in 2016. He's now still looking at them even tho I have voiced my hurt and betrayal. This and I feel so alone angry hurt betrayed and I feel like he never respects me enough to even help around the house. I'm currently locked up in my bedroom crying my eyes out because I asked for some help around the house as I'm not coping and apparently he should be allowed one day off seeing as he works... Yet I cook, clean, wash, I'm awake day and night with screaming kids. I need help I see a psychologist but I need to understand what to do how to survive this. Am I stupid for staying and trying to work it out? Am I utterly stupid? Am I psychotic, crazy and in the wrong?

JayWu Difficult period in my life
  • replies: 2

Hello there, my name is Jay and I am 19. Currently i am going through a difficult period in my life where i just don't know what to do and i come to this section of the forum to seek some advice. So for the past two years i have been suffering from d... View more

Hello there, my name is Jay and I am 19. Currently i am going through a difficult period in my life where i just don't know what to do and i come to this section of the forum to seek some advice. So for the past two years i have been suffering from depression, a by product of this is loneliness of course. But i feel my situation is particularly frustrating. Basically i have great social skills, i can talk with anyone about anything as long as they are as engaging as me. i go to uni and work and have no issues, most people i meet i can really engage with, however, despite this, i have no 'true friends'. i mean i have people who i consider friends, but i feel like were not really since we chat sometimes however we never hang out or anything like that. i have been on uni break for the past two months and have only really gone out once. Because of this, i get these occasional attacks of loneliness which eat me inside out and i don't know why or what to do. For example, today was a great day, it was my colleagues birthday and i gave her a great surprise which made her day, it honestly made me so happy to see her smile because i am so fond of her. However, despite having an overall great day, i am hit with this extreme feeling of loneliness which is just unbearable. I mean why is this happening to me and what do i do? The feeling just makes me want to run away all by myself and disappear and just forget about the world and all its rules and constraints. Im at this point where the loneliness is taking over my life and i try to compensate it but it just doesnt work. i work 5 days a week in retail and go to the gym 4 days a week to try and remedy my depression but it just does nothing. I honestly feel like im living the same cycle of a meaningless and loveless life. Anyway there is so much more i want to say but i wont yet. if you read this thank you for taking the time to do so. please leave your thoughts below, anything helps. i cant bear this anymore.

S2018 Feeling unloved in a loving relationship
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I are in our 20s and have been friends for years, but only recently decided to become a couple. It has been absolutely amazing; he's caring, considerate, funny and honestly the most generous person I've ever met. I was drawn to him t... View more

My boyfriend and I are in our 20s and have been friends for years, but only recently decided to become a couple. It has been absolutely amazing; he's caring, considerate, funny and honestly the most generous person I've ever met. I was drawn to him the moment I met him and when he told me he felt the same way about me since the beginning of our friendship, it was probably one of the happiest moments of my life. We've been dating for a few months now and both love each other very much, but for some reason I can't shake the feeling that I love him more than he loves me. He is wonderful and showers me with adoration, compliments and support and we are overall so, so happy together. Even still, I sometimes I get upset because I feel lonely or jealous, like he doesn't really love me or that he's going to leave me for someone better. I know this is 100% in my head due to my insecurities and I've talked through my feelings with him on multiple occasions (he's always understanding and listens patiently), but even after we talk and I feel better, this feeling always seems to come back. I've never had this issue with any other relationship I've been in, and I really really like this one so I don't want it to implode due to my internal problems! I'm usually a very secure and laid back person, but for some reason I can't seem to just be the normal me - I've turned into some paranoid and emotional version of myself that I don't particularly care for. I guess I'm here partly to vent about my frustrations around feeling this way and partly to ask for some advice - how can I get over my insecurities and just let him love me without doubting him? I know that my insecurity around him leaving me is probably eventually going to push him away, so it's just a vicious cycle! I really want to stop it and just let myself be happy. Thank you to any kind strangers who take the time to read this.

Omega285 How do I get through my breakup
  • replies: 2

I'm normally pretty secretive about how I feel when it's not awesome. And things right now aren't so awesome. I'm not okay. I had been in a tough relationship for a few years and it ended recently. And while I've started tentatively dating again I'm ... View more

I'm normally pretty secretive about how I feel when it's not awesome. And things right now aren't so awesome. I'm not okay. I had been in a tough relationship for a few years and it ended recently. And while I've started tentatively dating again I'm still in love with my ex. I ended the relationship because it wasn't happy. For either of us. And because I don't know how to have made it work. We broke up once before and things just never got better. But I still can't get over it. And I can't move on. I fell in love with who she was in the honeymoon phase not who she was in the rest of the relationship. But I still can't get past it. I'm rambling but hopefully this is enough to start a discussion. So. Please. I'm happy to hear any advice or comments and feedback.