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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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DinosaurDad Disappointed in myself
  • replies: 2

Hi all,I’m not sure what I would like to get out of sharing this. Maybe just to get it out of my chest or to get my thoughts down in words so I can process it, or to find wisdom or advice from others wiser than myself. I am diagnosed with Generalised... View more

Hi all,I’m not sure what I would like to get out of sharing this. Maybe just to get it out of my chest or to get my thoughts down in words so I can process it, or to find wisdom or advice from others wiser than myself. I am diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and OCD. I may also have depression but wasn’t diagnosed when I last went to therapy. I could have shared in those forums but I think at this moment, my young family is more important to me than anything else. Like many people, we had very rough years during Covid financially and also from the stress of raising our firstborn child with a disability, without family support. That took a toll on my mental health and I don’t think I have ever recovered from that. Rebuilding our lives after Covid wasn’t all as smooth sailing either as we continued to grapple with family issues exacerbated during the last couple of years, putting ourselves back together while also learning the ropes of being a parent of a child with disability. I found myself in a constant state of exhaustion, stress and anxiety. I felt that my wife was hyper focused on our child and rebuilding her career, which is a completely reasonable thing to do. But I often found myself thinking I was abandoned by everyone, everyone in our families wanted to be around the baby and take pretty pictures but no one was there for us meaningfully when the going get tough. And I felt thay as my wife focused on rebuilding her career, our moments together became fewer and fewer and I felt that even my wife had focussed on herself rather than us. I thought about how alone I was if even my wife abandoned me. I had a lot of childhood trauma from bullying and being ostracised so that hit me really hard. I tried to talk to my wife several times to hopefully help us communicate better. These conversations brought small successes but they were also very hard to have as my wife also had issues she was and is dealing with. As I kept pushing on with life and either ignore or continue dealing with life problems, I felt like I was back to where I was years ago. So I hated myself, I hated everything and everyone that left me there while I needed them the most. I experienced episodes where I acted recklessly. I would do things that rationally I would never have done or would otherwise consider very carefully before acting. I had suicidal thoughts but never proceeded to physically planning or actioning on them. I thought about our child and how that would affect him. But I still hated myself and how I was feeling. People would call me a good and fair person. So I destroyed myself. In a moment when I lost myself, I went to a ‘happy ending’ massage place. I did not do that for emotional or sexual gratification. I wanted to destroy that good and fair persona. When my senses came back to me, I felt ashamed of myself, and I felt a lot of anxiety about what’s going to happen next. What if my wife decide to leave me when she learns of what I have done? I have reached out to support services, including couple therapy to help us rebuild our communication and trust. And eventually I will be honest with her about what I did and own up to my mistake. But what if she leave me? I will be alone again, just like I was years ago. What if I caught an STI that will harm my family? Despite having called two helplines staffed by department of health staff, who said that I had no risk and there’s no worry, the anxiety continue gnawing at me. Imagining my child asking me or his mom where mom or dad was if we separated breaks my heart into a million pieces. I did what I should never have, and in no way am I blaming my wife for my state of mind. I wouldn’t have had the things and moments we cherished if I had married anyone other than her. I wish I could be given a second chance, but I don’t know if there’s a second chance for me. I got myself into a mess that I don’t know where to even begin to fix. I again am not even sure what I’m looking for when sharing this, nor am I sure I have conveyed the states of mind that I was and am in. But I guess it’s better to talk about it rather than imagining situations in my head.

Felicity_C Nobody loves me
  • replies: 5

There is nobody in my life who loves me. I'm in my 40's and my Sister won't talk to me at all and I don't know why. She has dragged my brother along for the ride and we used to get along well. My parents are emotional cripples and won't talk about an... View more

There is nobody in my life who loves me. I'm in my 40's and my Sister won't talk to me at all and I don't know why. She has dragged my brother along for the ride and we used to get along well. My parents are emotional cripples and won't talk about anything. I'm single and don't have kids. I had a falling out with a close friend about 2 years ago and lost most of my social circle through this. It was because she didn't understand the emotional impact of my near-death experience and she only ever wanted to get drunk and was mad at me because I didn't want to drink or go to concerts. I don't have anyone in my life who truly cares about me. I have a few friends, but not close ones. I just want to figure out what is so wrong with me that everyone hates me. It's like a monkey on my back that I can't shake off even though I try to tell myself it's their problem and not mine. I don't have any motivation to do anything and my house is so messy but I can't seem to clean it up. I don't have a question, but just needed to get this out a bit. Has anyone had similar and managed to overcome the bad feelings?

Guest_77258096 Concern about my girlfriend and finances
  • replies: 1

I have had this celibate girlfriend for 35 years. I cant get around to marrying her for many reasons. She is an alcoholic now after not confronting mental health issues and she has wasted two inheritances and is about to receive another. I basically ... View more

I have had this celibate girlfriend for 35 years. I cant get around to marrying her for many reasons. She is an alcoholic now after not confronting mental health issues and she has wasted two inheritances and is about to receive another. I basically help her manage her finances but she gets very distant when she has a a windfall. How can I learn to deal with my situation?

Andrew Anger issues
  • replies: 5

I’m an older dad of 9 year old twin boys with a wonderful younger wife. My father was an angry man and I was determined not to emulate that. It seems I’ve failed plus it appears I’m worse. I’m on a lot of meds: depression, blood pressure, epilepsy an... View more

I’m an older dad of 9 year old twin boys with a wonderful younger wife. My father was an angry man and I was determined not to emulate that. It seems I’ve failed plus it appears I’m worse. I’m on a lot of meds: depression, blood pressure, epilepsy and arthritis. My wife and I are not in the best place emotionally and physically which also doesn’t help. To be honest I think the anger issue really kicked in when the boys were born, which is so not fair on anyone. I’ve tried to set up online counseling but the organisations never get back to me. Help!

Hepa4300 Grieving the loss of a relationship
  • replies: 1

I don’t know what I need if anything I just need to share my heartbreak.My partner of 10 years tonight has told me she wants me to leave. She had an affair which has caused me mental health issues for the last 2 years, during this time, as I struggle... View more

I don’t know what I need if anything I just need to share my heartbreak.My partner of 10 years tonight has told me she wants me to leave. She had an affair which has caused me mental health issues for the last 2 years, during this time, as I struggled, I found she had messaged men online with explicit content causing me to deteriorate further. I love her deeply and know what she had done was due to grooming when she was younger.My only comfort from the panic attacks and anxiety was her presence, her touch, her voice. 2 nights ago I drove myself to hospital, I put my plan in motion, if it wasn’t for a close friend I’m unsure what would have happened but I’d said my goodbyes, I was so tired of existence with this over me.But tonight she has told me she can’t help me anymore to cope with my mental health. She doesn’t want me anymore. In my current mental state I am terrified of being alone, I can’t be in the dark alone, it feels like doom. An empty room feels like a tomb, if I woke in the night and she was gone I would have terrible panic attacks. Now I am alone in a strange house, I am panicking about what my kids will be like when dads not there in the morning to dress them and make breakfast and pack lunches and take them to school, all the things I would do every day so their mum could have a career. I grieve that they bare the brunt of this decision that their lives will forever be changed, that every day forward is unknown territory for them. I am scared that I now have to exist with a hole beside me that only one person in the world could fill, but she doesn’t want me because of my mental state. I can’t breath, I can’t sleep, I’ve lost my home, I’ve lost my family.

MidnightThinker No one ever asks how I am
  • replies: 5

Hi this is my first time posting. I felt like venting a bit where there was no chance of anyone knowing who I am, or having anyone I do know find it.I have pretty bad depression and anxiety but I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good with managing it... View more

Hi this is my first time posting. I felt like venting a bit where there was no chance of anyone knowing who I am, or having anyone I do know find it.I have pretty bad depression and anxiety but I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good with managing it most of the time but there’s one thing that constantly weighs on me and that’s the fact that no one seems to be very interested in me at any capacity. I live with my partner and we have these family dinners and every single time no one who comes over ever asks how I’m doing or about anything new in my life. It’s like I’m just sitting there in the background. I try to involve myself by having a laugh as everyone jokes about and I try to contribute to conversations as best as I can but no one really ever acknowledges what I’ve said. Typically the subject will change as soon as I’ve spoken and I just glance at my phone to hide the fact that I’m hurt. I was hoping that after making some big accomplishments (for me) that maybe someone would ask about them. For example I just got a new job after 6 months of unemployment and no one even acknowledged it, let alone asked about it. I know it‘s probably stupid but I can’t help but feel like I just don’t mean anything to people at all. Not even enough to have a pretty surface level conversation because no one has ever cared to bother uttering the words “how are you?” Or “what’s new?”I ask everyone how they are of course and they’re more than happy to answer but I never get that same courtesy. Maybe it’s stupid if me to be upset by it but you’d think after almost 10 years that people would start to care at least a little, but clearly they don’t. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you get through it without feeling kinda worthless in the world? I’m really struggling with this because I don’t really have any friends that I can see somewhat regularly, and I’m not super close with my own family either. I just wish someone would care but it honestly feels like there must be something fundamentally wrong with me to have not a single soul beyond my partner give a flying turd about me and my existence.

nixxyboo I don’t know what to think anymore (relationship)
  • replies: 3

Long story short my partner and I have been together 3 years but have been friends for about 6. I genuinely love with with all I have but lately he’s been distant. We spent most of our relationship long distance but together now. But in the 4 months ... View more

Long story short my partner and I have been together 3 years but have been friends for about 6. I genuinely love with with all I have but lately he’s been distant. We spent most of our relationship long distance but together now. But in the 4 months he’s been here he hasn’t really hugs or kissed me in any way and it’s usually me to him. He’s back visiting family and I have hardly heard from him since he’s been back (it’s the second time in 4 months he’s been back). I found out from my sisters today that he’s made a few comments in the past that they weren’t to please with. But now I just don’t know how to feel or think

Nesta adult son is depressed and drinking heavily
  • replies: 3

My adult son (33) is separated from his wife and he has a 2 yr old daughter. He is suffering from severe stress and as a result of this stress , it has caused him to become legally blind! (well documented, stress and blindness) He cannot drive nor wo... View more

My adult son (33) is separated from his wife and he has a 2 yr old daughter. He is suffering from severe stress and as a result of this stress , it has caused him to become legally blind! (well documented, stress and blindness) He cannot drive nor work because of this. On top of this, his ex wife is withholding his daughter. This is where his problem is ....He cannot see his daughter and it's causing him severe anxiety . He dearly loves his daughter and misses her so much, ( it's been 18 weeks since he has seen her) . he is in discussion with lawyers etc, but it all takes time. I feel sooooooo sorry for him . He drinks to ease the pain of not seeing his little girl. He is now living with us as he cannot see to get about and we drive him to appts. etc. I just dont know what to do. He says things like......He wants to 'unlive' He doesn't want to be here anymore..Hes in pain, he misses his little girl...its all a vicious circle... Advice please

Mrs Chloe Newly single
  • replies: 7

Hi,I’ve been separated from my ex husband a year ago, but not divorced yet.A mutual church friend of ours from 20 years ago found out about what happened and messaged me. He said he was sorry for what happened but, we found ourselves engrossed with e... View more

Hi,I’ve been separated from my ex husband a year ago, but not divorced yet.A mutual church friend of ours from 20 years ago found out about what happened and messaged me. He said he was sorry for what happened but, we found ourselves engrossed with each other. We couldn’t stop messaging each other until we eventually succumbed to our feelings.Now we’ve been dating in secret for a month. There are many reasons why we agreed to keep it a secret for 2 years before we go public. One is that we need to both get divorced first. Our preference. Now I can’t help but think about him 24/7. There aren’t enough “I love you’s” and “I miss you’s” that can get my mind off him. Sex of course is amazing. But because we’re both busy single parents, seeing each other needs a lot of planning.I’m used to my old relationships where I can see my bf anytime I wanted to. This situation might be infatuation but it makes me not function at times. That “Crazy in Love” song by Beyoncé is exactly me. 🤪 Happy to discuss what you think is happening to me. Help!

Bailey13 Wanting to hear from survivors of infidelity
  • replies: 24

Hi, I have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband (married 10 years, 2 kids). I know the majority will say reconciling will never work but I'm not ready to write it all off. I'd love to hear from anyone who has stayed in their relationship a... View more

Hi, I have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband (married 10 years, 2 kids). I know the majority will say reconciling will never work but I'm not ready to write it all off. I'd love to hear from anyone who has stayed in their relationship after being cheated on and how they are coping or managed to find peace, if that's even possible. My husband is very determined to rebuild or marriage. I sway day to day from feeling positive to not comprehending how it could possibly work. I'm feeling really stuck and scared of making everything worse either which way I turn. I don't want to fully invest myself back into our relationship unless i can cope with the lies and infidelity creeping up on me all the time. I trust that he loves me and would never do it again, but i don't trust myself to be able to get over it enough to not allow my hurt and sadness to interfere with our marriage. Anyone been or in a similar situation with some advice for me?